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*oonridge McPhalify agony aunt

*oonridge McPhalify

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*oonridge McPhalify's profile:

i've done a psychology degree but can see how a lot of the established ways are usefull but open to abuse by agents of social control (doctors/thought police).

i have been diagnosed as manic depressive but at the moment am not in any state that would be classed as serious. i appear to have things balanced by consuming omega three, b vitamins and dairy food, and have insight into irrational thought patterns because for a long time they came to dominate my thinking.

i like to see things from a logical point of view, see myself as quick to analyse and tend to back away from situations to view them objectively.

i love drugs and have for years but have more control over myself now than i ever did in the past. being bipolar i came to rely on mood controlling agents as i had great difficulty with wild mood swings. i am no longer experiencing problems with my mood and as such my drug use has calmed down (or matured).

i am single but am making an effort and hopefully something good will come along. i'm very picky though and dont want to be in a relationship for the sake of it

i am gay and while this is an issue (as it would be to anyone in a society where it is tolerated rather than accepted), i dont consider it to be a defining feature of myself. i prefer to associate with people because i find them interesting rather than because of labels.

i love agony aunt columns and friends say i give good advice (though they would wouldn't they). either way this is a hobby and a fun one at that. it also satiates my nosiness without having to impose it on people that could cause me to be known as nosy/interfering.

i am actively making an effort to find love but am wary of people. the risk has to be worth it as love tends to send me (literally) crazy.

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I've developed a strong hate for gay men because of a failed legal dispute, how do I change this?

Q.   Ive been involved in a legal dispute with a major airline the last two years over a discrimination claim. Ive now lost the case and the man I accused of discriminating me is gay. Since the incident (and a few bar happenings), Ive overall developed a ...

A.   1 March 2012: explain what happened? are you saudi arabia? is homosexuality even allowed in saudi? i sure as hell wouldn't go there as a gay man but thats besides the point. its easy to have a bad experience with a person and take a label you use to categori... (read in full...)

Is he just scared of being gay or is he just messing with my emotions for fun?

Q.   Hi, im not sure if im just going nuts or what but i swear my best friend is screwing with my head. he knows im gay and he knows im in love with him, but he has a girlfriend who he is on and off with constantly. when we're just chilling out o...

A.   29 February 2012: selfish behaviour on his part. he probably does find you attractive but he's not available for you to have a relationship. i've been on the receiving end of "straight" mens curiosity and it never goes anywhere and ends up with me feeling shit eve... (read in full...)

Should a married woman accept a drink from a man at a bar?

Q.   Do y'all think it's OK for a married woman to accept a purchased drink from a man at a bar? My wife often goes out with her girlfriends. Sometimes they sit around a table like a bunch of hens cackling for hours - men run for the hills. But other ...

A.   29 February 2012: people can buy you drinks. you dont have drink them...... (read in full...)

I was trying to be friends with my ex, then he started yelling at me!

Q.   So i was dating this guy and we dated for about 3 months then we broke up and we agreed to be "friends" as almost every couple do and then about 2 weeks ago he text-ed me saying shut up because i said hey sup then we went on and he just kept ...

A.   29 February 2012: ignore him, anyone that gets abusive isn't what you need in your life and we dont HAVE to remain friends with anyone. weather we do or not should be dependent on their behaviour towards us and how beneficial they are to our lives.... (read in full...)

Is he gay? Bi? Straight? Or just not interested?

Q.   Dear cupid funs, I have a situation that i really need help with. Here it is (sorry if it is long): I am 22 years old, closeted and straight-acting gay (its not really an act, as it is how I seem to be and i like to be, i really dont like femine...

A.   25 February 2012: sounds like he's not giving you any response negative OR positive. is men friends touching normal in your culture? it has to be asked... sounds like he is letting you invade his personal space and he's happy with it but what i'm NOT hearing ... (read in full...)

How can I learn to overcome homosexuality?

Q.   Hi cupid, quick question. I think I might be gay but I don't want to be. Nowadays when people say they are gay everybody jumps up saying its ok and that you're born that way and we don't have a choice and stuff like that but I don't think I believe ...

A.   12 February 2012: sexuality isn't the same as addictive behaviour. you chose to have gay sex or to not have gay sex but you dont chose the feelings you have and they are not something you can control whereas you can train yourself to avoid smoking and drinking... (read in full...)

How do I tell my parents I'm going to date the boy who used to bully me?

Q.   hey, i like this guy, and i am going to try it out with him. except a month ago this boy was bullying me only because he was with this new girl who did not like me, he was only doing it cause he was under peer pressure. he has loved me for lik...

A.   30 January 2012: anyone who treats you badly is not someone to have a relationship with. simple. what makes you think that his behaviour isn't some kind of trick? how do you know he has loved you for a year? is this in your head- or has he told you this? be ... (read in full...)

My little brother has aspergers and hurts me when he gets mad. How do I get my parents to believe me?

Q.   my younger brothr is 9 years old and he makes me want to stab myself or him!!! the reason for this is that he has a type of autism called aspergers. all the time i have to hear "just ignore what hes saying" or "its only the aspergers" and even ...

A.   30 January 2012: just because you have aspergers doesn't mean you behave violently. sounds like your parents make excuses for his bad behaviour. try talking to someone in your extended family. besides that maybe talk to a counsellor at school. the fact he can behave ... (read in full...)

What's wrong with sexting someone else while in a committed relationship?

Q.   why is sexting (sending racy/sexually suggestive texts and FB messages) wrong? I can't see a problem with it and have been sexting an ex-colleague who i have no intention of seeing in reality. My gf of 6 months (who i love and am serious about) ...

A.   25 January 2012: i dont think its cheating BUT it is very insulting and disrespectful to your girlfriend and shows you to be either selfish/naive/stupid when it comes to others feelings. back down and apologise or risk losing your girlfriend... (read in full...)

I am bi-sexual, but worried my family won't accept me for who I am

Q.   Okay my question is what should I do about this? I am bisexual and I have told my good/ close friends and they accept me for who i am. I want to come out to my parents but my dad sometimes makes gay jokes he doesn't do it anymore so that's good. ...

A.   19 January 2012: too young for an average situation like this. wait until you have a job and career and come out to your peers later on. you need to be able to support yourself financially if they react badly. be logical and find someone you can talk to that you... (read in full...)

How do I get things back to the way they were with him?

Q.   I am 16 of age, and Gay. I have not come out to any one ever. I had a crush on a guy in my school. People always assumed that he was gay, and so did I. I started chatting with him last vacations over facebook. It turns out that we were similar in ...

A.   19 January 2012: his priorities are his education, not love at at this stage it seems like the window of opportunity is faded for the foreseeable future. people move one as do life circumstances and you have to go with the flow... many more options that jus... (read in full...)

I'm ashamed of my actions!

Q.   Hi everyone I am asking for advice here as I can´t discuss this problem with anyone. I am so shocked and ashamed by my actions that I have no words for it. I was at a party recently with my husband and some of our mutual friends. We were havi...

A.   4 January 2012: if you want to save your marriage i wouldn't confess. your guilt is the punishment for your bad behaviour but telling him about a one night drunken stand after 15 years of marriage risks jeopardising everything you have for no obvious gain. to al... (read in full...)

I've liked him for two years but he is dating my friend

Q.   well i have really liked this guy for more then 2 years and then i just found out like 3 mouths ago that my bestfriend likes him to, and now i dont know what to do because they are together... i have told him i liked him and he didnt want to screw ...

A.   4 January 2012: well if he didn't want to screw up a friendship with you but picked your best friend for a relationship then i'd say he was never interested in you because picking your friend would piss you off and create tension damaging the friendship you had ... (read in full...)

My friend made a move on me. I pushed him away. How can I still be friends but still be clear that his move on me was not ok?

Q.   My best friend made a move on me a while back and i sort of freaked out at the time and pushed him away. I regret my actions at the time but he did sort of scare me. We have been friends for years but since that incident he avoids me. I still want ...

A.   29 December 2011: truthfully you're better having a discussion and getting it over with. all i can say is i had a friend who i was in love with for years and finally he said he wasn't interested but it had built up a wasted investment of feelings. now we dont talk ... (read in full...)

After doing sexual acts with a guy I feel guilty

Q.   Im a guy and im bi. I have a boyfriend. We kiss and and perform acts of intemacy. But after we do all that I feel,so much guilt. I know I should not,be doing what,i am doing because thats how I was raised. ...

A.   26 December 2011: you need to explain in more detail what the problem is- if you have a value system which is rigid and you are breaking it then it will make you feel guilty. at some point you need to think for yourself and make your own mind up on what constitutes... (read in full...)

My Bf doesn't want me to wear revealing clothes in public

Q.   i was on my facebook and my boyfriend and me were messaging. we just turn 1month together~! (: and well im going to see him today but i told him im going to be wearing my favorite black skinny jeans with my tight pink shirt. (have to admit the shirt ...

A.   26 December 2011: controlling- red flag awareness... (read in full...)

I love her baby like its my own, but recently she has been acting weird and the good times are few and far between. What should I do?

Q.   Ok my girlfriend had a baby about 7 months ago. I've been with her for almost 9 months. The first couple months were great and when she had her baby it still was amazing to be with her. Even though it's not my baby I do love him like my own and only ...

A.   23 December 2011: maybe she doesn't want you watching him all night and messing up your grades... she's probably frustrated at the real implications of her situation and that although you are with her she maybe feels insecure in a way that might not be the case if ... (read in full...)

What are my teacher's feelings towards me?

Q.   Hi I know very well that I am having a crush on my school teacher... It's strange because I only sit and chat with him. (he's very fat and looks like a panda, but he's quite welcomed by students) However, ever since I turned 15, he loves rufflin...

A.   22 December 2011: creepy, is this "i'm leaving next year..." a ruse to make you more interested. you're way too young and he's overstepping the boundaries. very fat and looks like a panda- hmm the sort of thing you look back on with regret. stay away from ... (read in full...)

I love her baby like its my own, but recently she has been acting weird and the good times are few and far between. What should I do?

Q.   Ok my girlfriend had a baby about 7 months ago. I've been with her for almost 9 months. The first couple months were great and when she had her baby it still was amazing to be with her. Even though it's not my baby I do love him like my own and only ...

A.   22 December 2011: sounds like the reality of being a parent is making her grow up fast. you have to think is this relationship what you want? is it possible she has post natal depression cos she sounds moody... what can i say- its not your kid but you say you are ... (read in full...)

Has anyone ever spent New Year's Eve alone?

Q.   Hey aunts! So, I'm going through a pretty rocky phase in my life (my mom passed away last spring, I recently broke up with my 5year bf and I'm very heartbroken). Looks like I'm gonna be spending New Years Eve alone. I know it's a super loser thing ...

A.   21 December 2011: have you got any friends you could meet up with if it means that much to you? the thing is that new years eve is an expensive night out and lots of people meet up with friends at home for a couple of drinks. if there is no-one to hang out with you... (read in full...)

Was this coincidence? Or did my ex really put a curse on me? She said she did and then after I had a vehicle accident. Is she that powerful?

Q.   I was just involved in a vehicle collision tonight. I'm okay but my car had to be towed away for repairs. The other driver was okay and only had a few scratches to the car. Last night my lesbian girlfriend wished evil on me after we broke up. She...

A.   18 December 2011: yeah its coincidence (although creepy). when you believe in witchcraft your giving the power of your belief to something negative that you hold over yourself. dont do it! believe in yourself and a positive future. thats the kind of belief that will ... (read in full...)

One thing led to another, and I'd like to talk to him about it

Q.   Me and my mate "charlie" were at his house one night and i got up in the morning went to have a shower however he did not realize and walk in on me in the shower, we were were both naked and both got erections. After this we went to his room and ...

A.   13 December 2011: how long do you normally go without speaking to each other? is five days pretty normal. it may take time for him to process this situation and to recongnise what his true feelings are. can you go round to his house and see if he is in then pl... (read in full...)

Someone sent my girlfriend flowers at her office on her birthday.

Q.   So my girlfriends bday was this pat friday and someone had delivered her over to her job a basket of Yellow roses with red tip, purple roses, yellow daisys and other flowers and a plush version of her favorite character. She initially thought that I ...

A.   13 December 2011: basically theres a scene in clueless where cher wants a man to fancy her so she sends herself chocolate and candy. i just thought i'd clarify as otherwise you might think i was being insulting... (read in full...)

Someone sent my girlfriend flowers at her office on her birthday.

Q.   So my girlfriends bday was this pat friday and someone had delivered her over to her job a basket of Yellow roses with red tip, purple roses, yellow daisys and other flowers and a plush version of her favorite character. She initially thought that I ...

A.   13 December 2011: woa! i never thought you were a monster, i don't think anyone here does BUT even though you do have a right to know where the flowers came from, if there is insecurity in your relationship rowing will feed it and even if you get an answer from her... (read in full...)

Someone sent my girlfriend flowers at her office on her birthday.

Q.   So my girlfriends bday was this pat friday and someone had delivered her over to her job a basket of Yellow roses with red tip, purple roses, yellow daisys and other flowers and a plush version of her favorite character. She initially thought that I ...

A.   13 December 2011: seems weird to me, but rowing with your girlfriend is a surefire way to create distance in your relationship which i suspect was the intention of this present as usually if you give someone a birthday gift you want them to know it came from you. if ... (read in full...)

In love with my best friend and now so confused after he gave me my first kiss!

Q.   hi every one well my story is kinda long so plz try to bear with it and thanks in advance so i am 17 years old a guy and in love with my best guy friend who is 18 i confessed to him last year and rejected me in a very hard way he hurted me so much ...

A.   17 November 2011: he seems into you but doesn't know what he feels. its difficult to tell but even if he does decide he is attracted to you, you could be led on a wild goose chase. be prepared for him to never be in the right place for a relationship with you. eve... (read in full...)

I feel like his psychologist, not his girlfriend

Q.   Hello Aunts! Your help will be greatly appreciated :) I started dating a good friend of mine a few months ago - we met at college a year or so ago, and we really hit it off from the start. We have a lot in common, including - oddly enough - t...

A.   16 November 2011: he's very self absorbed whihc is the case in clinical depression. no one exists or has any needs only them. thing is he will make you feel worse in time and really lets look at this as though it were any other relationship. he makes you feel g... (read in full...)

My fiance told me he had sex with some girl his friends knew a month before we met. Should I be concerned?

Q.   My fiance is away for a while visiting his grandma in his hometown, and we were talking on video chat from facebook, and we started talking about when the last time we had sex with other people before we met. Before, he told me when we were dating ...

A.   14 November 2011: that's not the kind of conversation that just "pops up", let it go it was in the past. she cant have been that memorable. he was probably just trying to impress you with the year ago figure why are you so worried? are your instincts telling ... (read in full...)

The kiss was a step too far

Q.   This is a little embarrassing to talk about. Well, my roommate and I had started experimenting with each other earlier in the year, and now we do quite a bit of stuff on more of a regular basis. Anyway, recently while we were messing around, ...

A.   13 November 2011: kissing is about an emotional connection. that is what he didn't want. the behaviour you two have is bisexual BUT, that doesn't mean it has to be personal. the reason you feel bad is as old as time. one person has real emotions while the ... (read in full...)

Struggling with my sexual orientation....

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm having a little trouble coming to terms with my sexual orientation. I have always believed I was strait after having a string of girlfriends and many sexual partners. But over the last couple of years I have found myself being ...

A.   10 November 2011: go to a gay bar and don't get drunk but just chat to people. realistically its not easy to meet other gay men at the best of times but if you are still unable to be open about it its going to be difficult, you will have to put yourself out there. ... (read in full...)

How can I make my son see a civil partnership is a bad idea?

Q.   I asked a question at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-son-wants-a-civil-partnership-with-his46.html Some updates: It wasn't my son's idea originally - Steve planned it, and their girlfriends are in the dark about it. But my son felt he had t...

A.   8 November 2011: look, this will come undone if they cannot convince those people that are condoning it. sounds like a legal quagmire. unless this is some real sort of coming out. it's a possibility, but it sounds like there is poor communication on every side ... (read in full...)

My lazy, manipulative in-laws are living off my wife and I find this hard to deal with. Am I being heartless? Or am I justified in taking a tough stance?

Q.   My questions are based on how to handle supporting my wife's family financially. To give you some background, my wife and I are are married for over two and a half years now. Her family consists of her mother and sister. She lost her father t...

A.   4 November 2011: just say no- how will you and your wife afford kids and a life together with these mootchers. tell her sister to pay for the mum and let that set the cat among the pigeons. your wife needs to grow up herself emotionally and stop being manipula... (read in full...)

How do I tell my lesbian girlfriend to take it easy on me during sex without telling her I was a virgin before her?

Q.   Girlfriend is on a quest to sexually open me up. She doesn't like to use lube although she can be real rough during sex. I really really love her and she says she loves me....we've been together two years n being intimate for a yr and a half. We ...

A.   4 November 2011: sounds like you're being abused. move on. anyone who makes sex painfull for you isn't in it for you. sounds like a bad situation that you keep tolerating. move on and find somewhere else/someone else... (read in full...)

How do I tell my lesbian girlfriend to take it easy on me during sex without telling her I was a virgin before her?

Q.   Girlfriend is on a quest to sexually open me up. She doesn't like to use lube although she can be real rough during sex. I really really love her and she says she loves me....we've been together two years n being intimate for a yr and a half. We ...

A.   4 November 2011: sounds like you're being abused. move on. anyone who makes sex painfull for you isn't in it for you. sounds like a bad situation that you keep tolerating. move on and find somewhere else/someone else... (read in full...)

Ridiculous crush on a co-worker!

Q.   I have developed a ridiculous crush on a male coworker. We've been friends for over 3 years. We've hung out sometimes outside of work and one time even slept in the same bed (fully clothed). The night that happened, we went out together to see ...

A.   3 November 2011: dont tell via text or through other people, as both those methods lack authenticity. you have to tell him in person but its much better to tell him that you like him rather than you've built up a big crush. mention that night and say that since then ... (read in full...)

B/f could give me a little more security by texting me but he doesn't!

Q.   He says he loves me. He told me to ask him for anything I needed in this relationship. The ONE thing I have asked of him is to text me throughout the day/night (we work different shifts), just so that I know he thinks about me. I didn't ask for ...

A.   3 November 2011: the problem is twofold- you're being too needy, but this is because he originally was being needy and you want the relationship to have balance. and if your feeding his neediness he should be also feeding yours. which is reasonable. although... (read in full...)

He has told me he is bi and he knows I'm gay. Should I tell him how I feel?

Q.   I'm in love with my best friend. We have been friends since second grade and I've liked him since sixth. I think he likes me too but he already has two people he is interested in, both girls. I don't want to lose the friendship if my observation is ...

A.   25 October 2011: if he really is bi then besides him telling you have there been any other signs? its impossible for us to tell if he is interested in you AS you haven't given us a description of his behaviour towards you that would suggest attraction on his part... (read in full...)

Even though I love my new boyfriend to bits is it possible I still love my ex?

Q.   Hello, just a short question. Even tho i have another boyfriend after my ex i think i still love him. I love my new boyfriend, but we have had some arguments. My ex hasnt spoke to me much since the break up he siad he still wanted to be friends, and ...

A.   25 October 2011: its not that easy to get over someone but one very simple technique is to cut all contact with them. if you are trying to alleviate feelings of love for someone, every time you get a text from them its going to bring it all back and you will be ... (read in full...)

He's completely avoiding me because he thinks he is the character in my book!

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts, I am an engineering student and also a writer, living in Germany and I am bisexual. I had a very close straight friend who knows that I am bisexual and because of my false action, he is now avoiding from me. Last week I se...

A.   5 October 2011: i remember you! yeah i think he probably had some kind of inkling but feels that the book is about him and that you have misrepresented him and portrayed him in a fashion which he doesn't appreciate. give him some time, but realise that gay or s... (read in full...)

Are people with borderline personality problems looked upon as monsters?

Q.   Hi guys! This is more of a general question than a relationship question but I do hope you will give some of your time even to read over it. I was diagnosed some time ago with borderline personality disorder. Since then I have done some extens...

A.   2 October 2011: my friend has BPD and she is lovely. but she is also explosive and violent but i love her all the same. its a form of brain pattern with over activation in the amygdala or (emotional/threat, processing centre). basically emotional response... (read in full...)

Should I tell my parents I'm gay?

Q.   hi i am a 15 year old teen boy i dont know if im gay i think i am because i find teen boys and models very attractive my mother send my to a doctor a social worker because im very introvent dont talk much with people. when i am home im just indoors ...

A.   22 September 2011: wait till you're a bit older. if you are as it states on here between 13-15 then i think there is a higher chance of things going wrong and you not being able to deal with it for any number of reasons. even though i am gay i do realise that ... (read in full...)

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