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| | *oonridge McPhalify's profile:i've done a psychology degree but can see how a lot of the established ways are usefull but open to abuse by agents of social control (doctors/thought police).
i have been diagnosed as manic depressive but at the moment am not in any state that would be classed as serious. i appear to have things balanced by consuming omega three, b vitamins and dairy food, and have insight into irrational thought patterns because for a long time they came to dominate my thinking.
i like to see things from a logical point of view, see myself as quick to analyse and tend to back away from situations to view them objectively.
i love drugs and have for years but have more control over myself now than i ever did in the past. being bipolar i came to rely on mood controlling agents as i had great difficulty with wild mood swings. i am no longer experiencing problems with my mood and as such my drug use has calmed down (or matured).
i am single but am making an effort and hopefully something good will come along. i'm very picky though and dont want to be in a relationship for the sake of it
i am gay and while this is an issue (as it would be to anyone in a society where it is tolerated rather than accepted), i dont consider it to be a defining feature of myself. i prefer to associate with people because i find them interesting rather than because of labels.
i love agony aunt columns and friends say i give good advice (though they would wouldn't they). either way this is a hobby and a fun one at that. it also satiates my nosiness without having to impose it on people that could cause me to be known as nosy/interfering.
i am actively making an effort to find love but am wary of people. the risk has to be worth it as love tends to send me (literally) crazy. |
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I think I am gay but I don't want to be! What can I do?
Q. Hello, I'm 18 years old. As question title says, I think I am gay. What can do I about this, if I don't want to be gay? I want to be straight, have a wife, family, kids. What makes me think that I am gay, is the fact, that I do not want sex with any...
A. 30 April 2011: it does sound like you are gay sexuality can change over your life for SOME people but with most it stays relatively stable. this may be hard to accept. unfortunately some places are not good to live in as an open homosexual. have you got an... (read in full...)
It started as something casual, now it's awfully complicated
Q. Backstory, Gay man, 21... studying at Uni. Decided before I started that I would NOT be getting into a relationship while at uni (previous experience of stress + exams = not good!). So I meet this guy 7 months back... was meant to be casual fun, a...
A. 27 April 2011: this is a mess
either he wants to be with you, OR with someone who he doesn't have sex with. is his partner supporting him financially or in some way is he dependent on him for security?
why is he with someone who isn't meeting his need... (read in full...)
I always bleed after anal sex
Q. I am a gay male and I have anal sex with my boyfiend and with anal toys. The problem is that if I go to long with out anal sex like maybe 2 days my butt get real tight and then I have anal sex and after the anal sex my anus bleeds a little bit. Is ...
A. 27 April 2011: myabe you two need to be less rough when having sex/ramming toys up there. if your bleeding then your obviously causing some kind of wound however minor and this is a sign you are damaging yourself.... (read in full...)
What did this message mean?
Q. My new Bf and I started dating a few days ago and then I got this message from him over facebook: (slightly edited so names aren't shown) "hey babe, you know the same day that you asked me out that my best friend did the same but after we started...
A. 21 April 2011: the grammar doesn't make much sense but from what i can gather his "best friend" (some girl) asked him out on the same day you two hooked up together. now he isn't sure if he wants to be with you so thats why he didn't kiss you.
sounds to me li... (read in full...)
We were getting close even though he has not come out as gay, and now he is chasing after a girl! Why is he doing this?
Q. I am a gay guy who has just started to accept my fate as a gay guy this year. My life has been a lot better this year, because i am more open to try getting close to people i like (although i still haven't revealed to anyone that i am a gay). I have ...
A. 21 April 2011: i dont think he is romantically interested in you. as you are not openly gay it will be difficult for other people to know how you feel. none of his behaviours to me sound like he is interested in you as anything more than a friend. i dont know many ... (read in full...)
I admitted my feelings for my friend while he was getting over a break up
Q. I've told my best friend that I was gay and that I have feelings for him. At that time, he had just broken up with his gf and was working to get back with her. His reactions were positive but sounded like he was confused. He told me that he was 95% ...
A. 19 April 2011: he's messing you about and will do you more harm than good, if you can, avoid him for now and try and find other people to spend your time with. i'm speaking from experience here. unrequited love is bad for your soul and doesn't get you anywhere...... (read in full...)
Found Dad's history of porn on computer. Should I confront him or tell my mum?
Q. my mum and dad have been married for about 18 years and recently things have been a bit awkward. they have been arguing quite a bit and my mum even told me a few weeks ago that she was getting fed up of my dad because i was upset and said that i was ...
A. 14 April 2011: if you are going to tell your mum about your dads porn then think about what reason you are doing this for?
is it because you are annoyed at him and want him to be there for you? because showing your mum this will stir up trouble. i doubt it will ... (read in full...)
I'm confused, am I bi or gay?
Q. 3 years ago when i was 13 i discoverd i liked men and now im 15 i still like men but im not sure about girls anymore, im really confused right now so can i just have some advice please?...
A. 12 April 2011: explain yourself a bit more, as from that small amount of information its hard to figure out what you want us to help you understand.... (read in full...)
Where do I go from here?
Q. I am stuck, I do not know where to go from here. I am a 17 year old bisexual male who is in love with the cutest boy of all time, and I think he loves me to. My only problem is that I do not know how to pursue a relationship, or if I should at this ...
A. 12 April 2011: he's too young, and although you may think that as you are both below the age of consent (in america it is 18, correct me if i am wrong). young men often go through phases in puberty where their sexuality can be temporarily ambiguous.
you might fi... (read in full...)
Where do I go from here?
Q. I am stuck, I do not know where to go from here. I am a 17 year old bisexual male who is in love with the cutest boy of all time, and I think he loves me to. My only problem is that I do not know how to pursue a relationship, or if I should at this ...
A. 11 April 2011: it took until the end of your letter to find the most obvious and important information about all of this- your ages.
you are between 16-17 so how young is he?
until thats been made clear no answer on here will be able to reflect what you... (read in full...)
GF is a workalcoholic. We are to be married in 3 months. Please advise.
Q. I dont know who else to turn to. Its really getting to the point where I dont know what to do. sorry if its long, but yeah. My Fiancee and I are getting married in about 3 months. For the last year, she has been doing freelance work to save up ...
A. 11 April 2011: she's materialistic and if you are not then theres an obvious clash. if money matters more to her than spending time with you thats her perogative.
if you dont want to marry her or have kids with her then end it. you'll get less abuse and then you... (read in full...)
Do I continue trying to move on or do I call him and let him know my feelings?
Q. Hey I'm looking for some advise on what to do... heres my situation it's really long so please bare with me... I had been in a 2 year relationship with someone I thought was my soul mate. Things got complicated and I felt trapped (Had moved in to...
A. 11 April 2011: he is a slag- its true, just move on.
frist time he met you he wanted into your pants, thats not the kind of behaviour pattern that lends itself to relationships.
move on as he is a gorgeous piss taker who doesn't repect you and doesn't want... (read in full...)
Should I marry her while I still have this desire to be with men?
Q. I have a lovely girlfriend. We've been together for a few years. I want to married her and start a family soon, but there is a problem. Back when I was in my twenties, I made a very bad decision that landed me in prison for almost a decade. While I ...
A. 6 April 2011: do you enjoy sex with women or men more? if its men then you might be gay.
maybe those experiences changed you, either way if you can be faithfull to her and also be sexually satisfied within your relationship i would say get married and see a co... (read in full...)
I love her, but I cannot have the future I want with her. Any advice?
Q. I have strange sexual tastes which my girlfriend of almost 7 years fulfills. (I'm 70%-30% roughly bi to the straight side and I like to cross dress and satisfy guys sometimes). Problem is my girlfriend is married and has kids (26 and 28). She's co...
A. 6 April 2011: you like her but its going nowhere. she's done the whole parenting thing, likes her husband and doesn't want any of the life goals that you need your partner to want in order to get them.
break up, cope with not seeing her all the time, get a ho... (read in full...)
She doesn't show her feelings in public and never says "I Love You."
Q. im a lesbian and with my girlfriend a few months now who is a few years older then me. things are good she told her mum about us at last and was a bit slow at that to start with but ok now and said in time she will take me there. we have commitment ...
A. 2 April 2011: a few months sounds like 2-4 months to me. at this stage saying i love you all the time might be overkill, as real feelings of love as opposed to infatuation take a long time to cement themselves in a person.
from what i have seen of lesbians... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong to experiment with him? As a FWB? He's not sure of his sexuality
Q. Hi :) just need some help. There is a guy in my year at college. He has told me he is unsure of his sexuality and that although he likes girls there is a guy he likes. I really think he is cute and really like him. I can't decide what to do as I wan...
A. 19 March 2011: well there are a number of possibilities of you declaring your FWB intentions
1. he is into some other guy and now feels uncomfortable around you
2. he is into you but doesn't want to be used for just sex
3. he isn't really into men at all a... (read in full...)
I've felt treated unfavorably by them, yet should I help my in laws now that they need help?
Q. My in laws have selfishly enjoyed their life, they have always put themselves first. Should i help them now that they both have some health problems? They have always treated me as an outsider, they're thoughtless towards me, my kids and my husb...
A. 19 March 2011: look if they have always been about helping themselves to what they want, then let them help themselves now. what do they expect you to do anyway? you need to explain things in much less vague language. i can undersatnd how you FEEL from your ... (read in full...)
What qualifies as casual sex?
Q. Hi everyone, maybe you can help me out with an issue I'm having. I've just began exploring casual dating but not sure whether I'm fully ready or comfortable with it. I don't even know if I fully grasp the concept. I've been in one serious ...
A. 16 March 2011: he just made pasionate love to you and for that moment was connected, then afterwards he simply detached from that mode and went back to friend/aquaintance.
some people are like that- i am one. i throw my heart and soul into sex with someone ... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in my relationship. Please help me move forward.
Q. Hi, I am gay 20 year old. I have had a partner for 3 years now. Over a year ago I found someone online and went to his house wanting a friend. He made a move on me and I pushed him away and left, 3 months later my partner found out from this other ...
A. 15 March 2011: you dont tend to find friends on the net on sites like gaydar. if people think thats what they are looking for then good luck to them but i think all they are for is sex. friendships take a lot more time and are a lot more random, than just deciding ... (read in full...)
Girlfriends drinking is causing protective services to get involved with our daughter
Q. im 24yr male my girlfriend is 23 and we have been together for 2years but 3months into our relationship she became pregnant we both love eachother it was abit of a shock but we both agreed to stick by eachother, at this time she was living with her ...
A. 14 March 2011: you just need to keep good with your parents and social services/solictor and all will go well.... (read in full...)
Girlfriends drinking is causing protective services to get involved with our daughter
Q. im 24yr male my girlfriend is 23 and we have been together for 2years but 3months into our relationship she became pregnant we both love eachother it was abit of a shock but we both agreed to stick by eachother, at this time she was living with her ...
A. 13 March 2011: your girlfriend is bad news for your daughter and you are good news for you daughter. keep things going normally and dont let doing it on your own phase you. you are just as cacapable as any single parent. yes its hard work but no-one know what... (read in full...)
Girlfriends drinking is causing protective services to get involved with our daughter
Q. im 24yr male my girlfriend is 23 and we have been together for 2years but 3months into our relationship she became pregnant we both love eachother it was abit of a shock but we both agreed to stick by eachother, at this time she was living with her ...
A. 13 March 2011: basically if you lose your child by going back with her then there is only one option. do not move in with her.
she isn't in a right fit state to be around a baby and it has come to the attention of a lot of authority figures. basically stay awa... (read in full...)
I cant get turned on by men my age!
Q. I'm a 17 year old guy, and so far it's been pretty much impossible for me to get into working relationships. Essentially, I can't get turned on by men my own age. Very occasionally I might be attracted to someone who's in their early to mid 20's, ...
A. 10 March 2011: just chill out a bit- sounds like you are looking for a father figure or at least someone you can learn from. they may be younger than you think. shallow measures may not guaranteee emotional satisfaction the way a decnt personality will. sometimes ... (read in full...)
My friend told me he likes, but I didn't realize I was gay until he got a girlfriend. What should I do?
Q. Ok so this may be a little long so please bear with me. I've known this guy (I'll call him C) for a long time. In the fall of 2009, he told me that he is bisexual. I of course didn't have any problem with that. After he told me, I began to see ...
A. 8 March 2011: he likes playing you for attention.
this the nature of bisexuals in my experience. they take the easy road in the end unless they explicitly state otherwise that they want to be with men. there is nearly always one sex the prefer slightly ove... (read in full...)
My son's father refuses to move out and I don't want my son to grow up in an unhealthy environment...
Q. Its been 11yrs and I want to end my relationship with ny son's father. We are not married. I haved asked him repeatly asked him to leave and he is still here. I really don't want for this to get ugly because of our son. Our son sees, hears us argue ...
A. 7 March 2011: have you got a mortgage or are you renting? if you are renting just move out yourself? or if he doesn't pay the rent call the police to remove him.
its up to you, but simply asking him to leave is not going to work as it hasn't up until now, and... (read in full...)
How can I stop from losing my libido?
Q. Hi, i'm 19 and gay and have been going out with a guy for about a month and we've gotten to the oral stages of sex, and it was all good the first time, but the since then i've been unable to orgasm (he has) and the other night neither of us did, we ...
A. 6 March 2011: cut out alcohol if it is involved... (read in full...)
I'm very happy with my man, but his contribution to our sex life is insufficient...
Q. ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. im a 24yr old man and he is 26. i work 9-5 and he works and studies. we love each other immensely. unlike a number of gay men i have met, ive never been someone who puts sex before ...
A. 6 March 2011: hmm i would guess if it was me that if my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me that he didn't find me attractive. it has to be affecting your self esteem. its you're choice but to me i can be friends with anyone but my man has to be my lover by... (read in full...)
I found my teacher on a gay dating site. I'm interested in him. Should I contact him?
Q. Okay well, I'm in my final year of school and will be heading off to uni next year. Since I'm almost 18 and still a virgin (it's somewhat difficult to find other gay guys) I figured I might as well sign up to a few dating/hookup sites and see if ...
A. 6 March 2011: really you should wait a bit, if he is willing to have sex with you while you are still at a school he is working at then he is not the type of man you want to know. if he is decent he will decline and you wont be able to go anywhere with it in ... (read in full...)
He's a senior colleague of mine. But does he really like me? I'm not sure
Q. I work in a professional firm in the city in I was born outside USA and have top academic and professional credentials and am closeted gay. There is a senior colleague in our firm who is gay. I have told him I am gay and we spend a lot of time toge...
A. 5 March 2011: the presents is what is confusing you and making you think of love. get him to cut it out. dont shit where you eat as they say. in other words dont mess up your wagepacket and career with the (typically) unstable affairs of the heart. i... (read in full...)
How do I interpret his signals on our gay dates?
Q. ok, so I have gone on two dates with this guy I like a lot (which I just met like a month ago). anyways,in the last date, we went for dinner and then to the theater to watch a movie, and I noticed that he stretched his arms a lot...and later I felt ...
A. 4 March 2011: dont ask someone before you kiss them, just look into their eyes and match their behaviour when you are physically close to them, for instance sitting together at the cinema. you have to remember he wants to be with you or he wouldn't be there.... (read in full...)
I actually hate him but I feel so crazy and pathetic right now. What do I do?
Q. I just left my boyfriend of six years, living together for five years. We have a beautiful baby girl, who is the most amazing, loving person. I am 28 years old and I am a lawyer and have worked very hard in my life. I met him, fell in love and...
A. 2 March 2011: look of course you want him to understand how his callous actions have ruined your life for years now, but if he had any hope of caring he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
separate him from you financially before he can take more of your ... (read in full...)
My FWB was hitting on my friend even though she has a boyfriend!
Q. I've been with my fwb for more than two years. Recently we had our first time hanging out in public. We had been in this type of relationship as a secret so finally we were introduced. He had a little smirk going on and so did I but no one saw. W...
A. 28 February 2011: he's just after one thing, and your friend has no respect for her boyfriend. find a new social group and branch out a bit more.
there is nothing deep and meaningfull between you and this guy no matter what you may have thought. that much has been... (read in full...)
I am so beautiful. Are my friends all just jealous of me?
Q. I am so beautiful. I have a really nice body and i have double D's. Flirting comes naturally to me. I can honestly say that a lot of people like me and just want to be me. I'm really popular and i have a lot of experience. All my close friends are ...
A. 27 February 2011: it might be because they are jealous, BUT if people tell you that you are very flirty and you dress provocatively and that men like you because you are seen as easy then maybe they are on to something.
men DO like girls who are easy, and just bec... (read in full...)
He liked me until he met my sister. Is my reaction of feeling hurt and betrayed justified?
Q. I like this guy and i was sure he liked me back... until he met my sister! We are complete opposite she is skinny and beautiful and i'm like the ugly duckling next to her. I had a birthday party and it was a very special to me because he was going ...
A. 27 February 2011: you're not over reacting- if he really liked you though he would not have been so quick to fancy your sister. maybe he was just being friendly.
if she knew you liked him then that was a mean spirited thing of her to do. unfortunately when it comes... (read in full...)
I don't want to be gay!!
Q. I am a Baptist Christian guy. I know the Bible prohibits homosexuality, or bisexuality etc. But I feel attracted to mens bodies. It's not like I love men. It's lust. And with girls I'm not attracted to their bodies as much but I love them for who ...
A. 25 February 2011: christianity is not fact- its a religion with a book written by people who existed years ago. you might not accept that but it didn't float down from the sky. it was written by people for people and has a spiritual dimension, but if you believe ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be gay!!
Q. I am a Baptist Christian guy. I know the Bible prohibits homosexuality, or bisexuality etc. But I feel attracted to mens bodies. It's not like I love men. It's lust. And with girls I'm not attracted to their bodies as much but I love them for who ...
A. 24 February 2011: nobody WANTS to be gay, but some people are. from a statistical point of view you will have more opportunities for love as a heterosexual, plus having kids comes naturally.
BUT if you are homosexual then you have to grow up and accept yourself... (read in full...)
He's not ready for a relationship but he's sending mixed signals!
Q. The question is: "Does It Sound Serious?" I've written to you before and asked for advice on if I should stick it out and wait. You and one other told me to wait. Another told me to dump him. I've decided to wait and so far I'm glad I did. My guy ...
A. 21 February 2011: you have to let people go if they cannot give you what you want. no-one is so amazing that even if they mess you around you should tolerate it. thats just letting someone take advantage of you and this shows them you dont have a huge amount of ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend taking advantage of me being jealous!
Q. i am 13 and my bf is 14. im a very jealous person but my bf seems to be taking advantage of this, one day he came out of lesson telling me how big this other girls breasts are and her bra size. he has done this to me with many girls on many dif...
A. 19 February 2011: if someone goes out of their way to make you feel jealous and insecure you dump them, its that simple. maybe the more he makes you feel terrible the less you value yourself and the more attractive an option he seems-think of yourself and remember ... (read in full...)
Why do this if she had a boyfriend?
Q. My best girl friend and I walk home from school almost every day and about 3 weeks ago we started holding hand and arms round waist when walking. Then she told me she had a bf so what was the point of all of the holding hands and being close?...
A. 18 February 2011: to be honest it sounds like she was satisfying her need to be desired. if this kind of touching is what friends do why was it necessary to inform you she has a boyfriend? because she knows what she has been doing could mislead you.
some people w... (read in full...)
Is he being hot and cold?
Q. Dear all, I ruined valentines day for me and my man by not wanting to come to his place because i felt tired and i didn't know he had a surprise for me. I went to his place anyway and gave him his gift but he felt terrible because his surprise was...
A. 16 February 2011: hmmm from what you say it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants- you have to think about wether this relationship is working. if i was pregnant and the father told me to abort it i would see no future with him. thats just me.
does he make you... (read in full...)
Do I go to a bar and act like a bar fly? Or just let him go?
Q. My problem is I want to get even with my ex lover who dumped me for a younger transvestite. It is not that I am all that old, 45 today. He is 50 and his new thing is 25. It is not that I am unattractive or out of shape. I still wear size 8 jeans and ...
A. 15 February 2011: move on- he has and he sounds like a shallow waste of time. it sounds as though you are into making something of your life. someone who is out every night of the week is not living in the real world. the party scene is pretty empty when you look in ... (read in full...)
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