| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while?
Q. Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while? Maybe this Isn't the case with all women, but it seems to be like a continuously notorious pattern in my relationships. Women lose interest in sex but I still want it....
A. 26 February 2014: One thing I've noticed in a long term relationship that what also tends to happen is that as sex gets more familiar, the guys all seem to stop trying so hard. Foreplay kind of goes away and seduction turns into basically the guy saying/showing "hey ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to give him a second chance? And I'm wrong for not holding our past over his head?
Q. I've been a single mom since my daughter was 8 months old. My ex and I got along and then i found out that he cheated on ( he fooled around with a girl at a party) we decided that we would break up but We have been co parenting my daughter and ...
A. 25 February 2014: I don't think it's stupid to forgive a single indiscretion. Mistakes happen, especially since you're both young. This decision isn't up to your friends, it's between you and him. He doesn't sound like a serial cheater or a deceptive manipulator. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the employer that I can only start the week after I finish the course?
Q. Should I finish this training course to get a job, or should I get a job when the course is finished?. I am on a training course that the jobcentre have put me on at the moment. I started last week, and finish on the 14th March. However, I have been ...
A. 25 February 2014: March 14th isn't that far off, only tell them your start date if they ask or give you an offer. Sometimes in an interview, especially in retail, they will ask when you can start and you should just be honest.... (read in full...)
I would love for us to make a step forward in living together but he is not prepared to talk about any future plans!
Q. Hi , would love an answer to a complexed dilemma . My boyfriend lives in London . I live in Scotland , we have been seeing each other for three years . I would love to see a step forward towards us living together . I was told by my boyfrien...
A. 25 February 2014: If he can't move to Scotland, have you thought about moving to London?... (read in full...)
One of his fantasies makes me really uncomfortable
Q. Ok hoping this doesn't sound completely lame but I need opinions. Having a really wonderful connection and long distance relationship with great guy . We share a lot and talk about fantasies which is really nice and we seem to really get one another ...
A. 22 February 2014: I agree with just saying, "that's not something I am into, but thank you for sharing." This is a really, really common fantasy and is nothing to worry about. You CERTAINLY don't have to do it just because it's a fantasy of his.
Before you talk to ... (read in full...)
After a year this is what our sex life has become?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We used to have sex alot! But this month we've only had sex once he's 21 and im 20. The last time two times we've started having sex he just stops and says he's to tired, or his legs or whatever is ...
A. 22 February 2014: He needs to masturbate less. He's desensitizing himself to sex because his hand has a totally different feel.... (read in full...)
I don't think my boyfriend finds me attractive - help?
Q. We have been dating for about 5 months but we were good friends first. I really do believe he loves me and he tells me I'm pretty all the time but I just don't believe him when he say that. I feel like he says it just to make me happy, but he ...
A. 22 February 2014: Do you think he might not be being honest with you about the reason for his having trouble having sex? It's sort of an occam's razor situation. When a young, otherwise healthy guy is using porn instead of having sex and having trouble with sex, that ... (read in full...)
I have an uneasy feeling about my husband's use of Cialis and his locked cell phone!
Q. My husband has been secretly taking cialis for some time now. At first my brother in law would give them to him, but as of July last year he has a prescription. Problem is, he uses them even when we are not having sex. I found one in his pocket, he ...
A. 19 February 2014: While Cialis is often taken daily as opposed to as needed, your husband's behavior is highly suspicious. Your gut is usually right and the hiding who's calling and texting is a pretty major red flag. I think you need to gather evidence and confront ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a man and love his personality but the spark is not there. I don't know how to proceed.
Q. Hi aunts, I've got a big dilemma! I've been seeing a guy that is not my type and I'm not really attracted to for the last 2 months. I was attracted to something about him initially when I first met him and wanted him to take me out. He did ask ...
A. 16 February 2014: You do know what to do, it's just not always easy. A nice personality is great for friendship, but you need more than that for a relationship. Time to break it off before he gets too attached. And it's best not to try to be friends, because he ... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 11 February 2014: Serpico not all women were treated poorly in their marriage, but that doesn't change that women had few options and violence was common. Many women felt incredibly dissatisfied with the gender roles of being expected to be in a supporting role at ... (read in full...)
Has anyone had experience of a lump in the breast and found out later that it was not cancer? Just need some calming and reassuring please?
Q. Just wanted to say first, I have already been to the doctor and I am having tests run. Has anyone had any experience with finding a lump or something abnormal in their breast? I have found a lump recently and I am waiting on some test results ...
A. 10 February 2014: Yes many women have. It's great you are getting it checked. It's most likely a cyst or calcification, as you're so young. My mom (who is significantly older than you) had a "possible tumor" from her mammogram and had to have a biopsy found out it ... (read in full...)
Should I work it out with the father?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we now have two children together. Our emotional situation has been constantly insecure. I learned early on he had been lying to me about a porn addiction and we tried hard to work through ...
A. 10 February 2014: Your children are MUCH better off in a stable single parent family than in a family with an abusive unpredictable father. If he became aggressive and violent with you, do you want to risk him being aggressive and violent to your children? There's no ... (read in full...)
Could my ex have undetected HIV if he received a blood transfusion years ago, before blood testing was standard procedure?
Q. I have a concern, not mentioned on the site before to my knowledge. It involves HIV from blood transfusions. I've noticed that in the years where a potential partner would be born was when they didn't test for HIV in the blood. So basically is it ...
A. 9 February 2014: We can't answer if someone might have received infected blood or that their drug addict mother might have had HIV. If you are concerned the only way to know is to be tested.... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 9 February 2014: The rise in divorce since the 50's is a totally different issue. Back then women were essentially slaves to their husband and he was legally able to rape or hit her, and those things happened. A lot more than people want to admit. So yes from the ... (read in full...)
Is the "hidden menu" on his phone a sign that he's hiding porn use?
Q. I have noticed my mans phone has this sprint hidden menue. what exactly is that? is it a way to hide things from me like porn? we have had serious issues in the past. he is trying to over come an addiction....
A. 9 February 2014: Hidden menu usually refers to ways to "hack" an android phone, like do resets or mess with the programming on the phone.... (read in full...)
I feel he prefers porn to me
Q. Been married for three years have a two year old girl just caught my husband looking at pornographers behind my back and lying to me for a year or more.he has already been caught a year ago and promised not to.he knows how bad it hurts me in the ...
A. 8 February 2014: Take a look at this site for solutions:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com... (read in full...)
Will a fwb relationship help me gain confidence?
Q. Hi Cupids, I was wondering if you could help me out. This is the age old Friends with Benefits question. I'm 18 and me and this lad like each other but neither willing to commit to a relationship. We've hung out and messed around a bit and ...
A. 8 February 2014: I think this is probably not a great idea. If you two like each other but aren't ready to be official yet, you should date first. It's a lot less pressure. Even if you're good friends, the trust you have for someone as a friend is a bit different ... (read in full...)
How will I be able to learn sailing if I am not supposed to get my hearing aid wet? How will I communicate with instructor if I cannot wear my hearing aid?
Q. Not sure this is quite the right place but I wondered if anyone out there is partly deaf/wears hearing aids and has any experience of learning to sail? I really, really want to go to sailing club/sailing lessons but I have to wear one,some...
A. 8 February 2014: You can buy waterproof hearing aids now, quick google search turns up a bunch.... (read in full...)
Calling all girls in long term relationships for opinions...
Q. Hi. Please do not make any judgements or assumptions. I simply want opinions from girls in LT relationships. How would you feel if your boyfriend went travelling with a boy mate without inviting you for one month to six months? ...
A. 4 February 2014: If my boyfriend was going to disappear with no end date (maybe a month, but maybe 6) I'd say that relationship is probably not important to that guy in the slightest. One month is one thing, but just 'maybe" disappearing for 6 months, but maybe not? ... (read in full...)
I suffer from premature climaxing, any advice?
Q. I am a married women in my 30's and I suffer from premature climaxing... My husband and I don't have sex that often (once a week) due to family commitments and work and because of this I'm all pent up with desire, as soon as my husband enters ...
A. 4 February 2014: Why don't you masturbate often so you aren't quite so horny/chomping at the bit when you do have sex?... (read in full...)
I ruined my boyfriend's life because I didn't lose my virginity to him
Q. Hello all, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3years 3months, just recently he found out the guy I lost my virginity to was 20yr old and I was only 16, I regret it completely and know it was a huge mistake when I was immature young and drunk. ...
A. 3 February 2014: Your partner needs SERIOUS help. You did nothing wrong here, you have not "ruined his life." He needs professional help. It sounds like he has a VERY severe case of retrograde jealousy. It can be overcome by counseling and medication, but he needs ... (read in full...)
I can't figure out my sexuality!
Q. Okay, I'm 16 years old and very unsure of my sexuality. Most people say I'm just going through the time where I'm exploring 'different paths' however I've been unsure of this since I was about 11 years old. I've had a couple of boyfriends, howe...
A. 3 February 2014: If you only are aroused by women, that definitely points more to being a lesbian. I think for a young person it's very hard to imagine a normal family life with someone of the same sex, but it's certainly possible. For now, everyone else is right ... (read in full...)
I feel that his actions disrespect our relationship
Q. My boyfriend has been talking to another girl recently and I'm wondering if I should be worried? This is what my boyfriend says happened: she is friends with my boyfriends friends and they met while they were all hanging out one night. Her and m...
A. 2 February 2014: He isn't talking to her as friends because she wants more than that. There's already sexual tension, she is actively pursuing him and he knows that. Yes it's extremely disrespectful for him to keep her around to fluff up his ego. ... (read in full...)
When is the time to stop lending money to a boyfriend?
Q. When is the time to stop lending money to a boyfriend? My bf and I have been together for 4 years, not living together. He pays maintenance for 2 children, I don't have kids. Over the past 3 years he has borrowed money almost every 2 to 3 months ...
A. 2 February 2014: "My general rule is to never lend money to a friend that you can't afford to just give them."
This. It's one thing when your boyfriend forgets his wallet and you pick up lunch. It's quite another to pay his bills. Yes financial struggles are hard... (read in full...)
I find I am propping up my boyfriend financially. What should I do?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have being dating for 8 months now. What do I do? I can't afford to give him anymore money:( So my boyfriend is having finical problems at the moment and I've helped him. He works but he doesn't save for a rainy day. He...
A. 2 February 2014: Stop giving him money! He is in debt and mooching off his gf and now he wants you to help him pay for his VACATION? Are you kidding me?! This guy is taking you for all he can. You are not obligated to help him. He got himself into this mess, he ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and stopped smoking. How do I help my partner quit the habit as well, without nagging?
Q. I could do with some advice on how to encourage my partner to quit smoking. We both used to smoke but when I fell pregnant 4 months ago I quit immediately and haven't touched one since, nor do I desire too as quite frankly the smell of them makes ...
A. 2 February 2014: Breaking an addiction is not about willpower. Some people can just stop cold turkey, but the majority find that hard or impossible. If he keeps relapsing it's time for him to go see a doctor and think about getting on a medication that can help him ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to check out other women in front of the one they are with?
Q. Whenever an attractive girl walks by does your boyfriend/date secretly-but-noticeably "looks" at her? Is this a crappy boyfriend/date or is this normal?! ...
A. 2 February 2014: How secretly? It's normal to look discretely every so often. Normal for YOU to do it too! it's not normal to be blatantly checking out every female person who walks past so hard his eyes might fall out. ... (read in full...)
Would it bother you if your partner was a nude model for Art Classes?
Q. Hi Everyone, I'm 23 years-old, and I'll be graduating with my Masters degree in May. I've generally kept to the "straight and narrow," so to speak--I almost always follow the rules, I've only had sex with one person (an ex bf), I do don't drugs, ...
A. 2 February 2014: I wouldn't care at all, I think it's way cool. I nude modeled in college and had a positive experience, a lot of my friends (male, female, all shapes and sizes) have done it too. Seems a bit jealous and possessive to say no one else can see your ... (read in full...)
10 days and I haven't heard from him. Will I hear from him again?
Q. So I started talking to this guy on an app called Tinder and he was super cute and sweet and we talked for about 2 weeks and were talking about maybe dating and how much we liked each other already without even meeting. And then we went on two dates ...
A. 30 January 2014: You should definitely go with your gut on this!... (read in full...)
10 days and I haven't heard from him. Will I hear from him again?
Q. So I started talking to this guy on an app called Tinder and he was super cute and sweet and we talked for about 2 weeks and were talking about maybe dating and how much we liked each other already without even meeting. And then we went on two dates ...
A. 30 January 2014: Red flag 1: You're getting bad vibes
Red flag 2: Long distance right off the bat
Red flag 3: Telling you you're "pissing him off"
Red flag 4: Promising you a relationship with no actual intention of commitment.
It's time to cut your losses and ... (read in full...)
I think I have a phobia against vomit?
Q. This weekend me and my boyfriend went to a party and stayed in a hotel. He had quite a bit to drink and as a result of this, threw it all back up when we got back to our room. ( I know this information isn't lovely but there is a point ) I think I ...
A. 28 January 2014: You have something called emetophobia. It's a difficult one to overcome but can be done. You will have to find a good therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders and most people with that phobia also find adding in medications like Prozac or ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being too friendly with her? He says he doesn't want to be mean to her
Q. About a week ago my boyfriend met a girl through some mutual friends. My boyfriend says this girl flirted with him like crazy as soon as she was introduced to him and even told my boyfriend that he seemed like an amazing guy and that she really ...
A. 25 January 2014: Yes you are right to be worried. Right now he's probably just enjoying the ego stroke. I mean who wouldn't like having their own little fan club.
But he is absolutely encouraging her and there is NO need for him to be keeping in contact. He told ... (read in full...)
If I make him dinner do I have to include meat?
Q. This is really, I guess, a question about etiquette. I am a vegetarian and the guy that I am seeing is not. He's been doing a lot for me lately and I want to try and return the favor, so I said I would cook him dinner one night soon. My issue is, if ...
A. 25 January 2014: No I don't think you should. My bf is vegetarian and I'm not and I would never expect him to serve me meat.
Not only that, but usually when vegetarians cook meat, they tend to either cook it badly, or I've even had one give everyone food poisonin... (read in full...)
Can't sleep after giving up medication. Please help?
Q. I really need some help. For those of you who do not know last year in the summer I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Its a really difficult illness to live with and I can't say a day ...
A. 24 January 2014: You need to talk to your doctor about medication, we can't possibly even guess what the right combination of medications are for you. You will find it, but you need to talk to your shrink more and try the meds for at least 6 weeks.
Secon... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and husband is up all night playing games and not letting me get my sleep!
Q. Dear Aunties/Uncles, I'm hoping you can help me sort through my feelings and figure out what to do, I feel like he can't understand what I'm going through. My husband and I are avid gamers, it's one of the things that brought us together when we...
A. 23 January 2014: Your sleep is WAY more important than his gaming. This has to be impacting his schoolwork too. Even here you sound really really timid about putting your foot down. You have a BABY on the way for goodness sakes! What happens when the baby starts ... (read in full...)
How long is it reasonable for him to keep his profile up on the dating site?
Q. I met this guy on an online dating site. We have hit it off very well. We talk on the phone everyday and make time to hangout with each other once or twice week because of our busy schedules. He's talked about inviting to his baseball games a...
A. 22 January 2014: It's reasonable to keep it up until you two decided to become official/exclusive.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend likes natural beauty and doesn't want me wearing makeup
Q. My new boyfriend doesn't want me to wear makeup. We are very close and have been friends a while before this. I don't wear heavy makeup. Usually eyeliner, mascara, and a neutral eyeshadow as I am kind of pale. My makeup doesn't look tacky, and it ...
A. 22 January 2014: The other answers have covered the do what you want for yourself stuff.
One thing, your choice of words here, the "fairness" of your makeup. Are you certain you are using the right shade of foundation? Also as a fellow EXTREMELY pale/fair skinned ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wont let go of my past!
Q. Please, I need help with this. In the beginning of my relationship I made the treacherous mistake of telling my boyfriend about me giving oral to another guy, as I took it not very seriously and told him lots of details, it really got to him. ...
A. 21 January 2014: You are absolutely right, this type of behavior is basically OCD. Research and reasoning won't help him. It would be as though he had a dislocated shoulder and tried to set it by thinking about it hard enough. He needs to see a professional to get ... (read in full...)
Would it be unreasonable to say to him that until we start having sex again I won't consider us to be in a romantic relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have not had sex for a while, even though we have had the opportunity. He has not initiated sex for well over six weeks and although I've tried to initiate it myself, it never turns into sex. Sometimes we do literally everything ...
A. 20 January 2014: The two top reasons I can think of for young healthy guys to go completely and totally off sex are either:
1. Antidepressants. If he's taking any SSRIs or SSNIs for anxiety or depression, those can really kill his sex drive.
2. Porn use. Porn a... (read in full...)
Oral sex doesn't make him hard?
Q. why cant my man get hard even when he is down eating me ?...
A. 19 January 2014: Maybe he likes giving you oral sex but isn't THAT turned on by it. Can he get hard doing other things?... (read in full...)
I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male.
Q. I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male. Please help. ...
A. 19 January 2014: Is it children you want or the concept of a "wife?"
You can have children as a gay man, you will need to adopt or find a surrogate.
If it's the concept of a wife, you know that marrying a woman doesn't give you a free personal chef and maid as... (read in full...)
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