A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My new boyfriend doesn't want me to wear makeup. We are very close and have been friends a while before this. I don't wear heavy makeup. Usually eyeliner, mascara, and a neutral eyeshadow as I am kind of pale. My makeup doesn't look tacky, and it makes me feel prettier. He says he loves my natural beauty though and is put off by the fairness of my makeup. He said he'll deal with it, but should I just give up putting makeup on? It almost makes me feel unattractive to him. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 January 2014):
 well obviously you were wearing makeup when he met you and fell enough for you to to want to be your boyfriend.
NOW he wants you to stop doing what you were doing when you met? Um... why would he think that changing who you are once he became your boyfriend was acceptable?
Sorry his comments reek of insecurity IMO.
FWIW my husband prefers me in full makeup with my hair done and in skirts. He gets that on date night.... I get home, I take off my makeup, put up my hair and put on my jammies... if my husband does not like it.. .too damn bad. He knew what I was like before he married me. I was doing it before we got married.
YOU were wearing your makeup before this guy was your boyfriend... do NOT stop just because he is saying he likes you better without it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 January 2014):
 I know most women don't like beard, for example. Or a 3-day beard even. Or mustaches. If he values his facial hair, the equivalent of you not wearing makeup could be for him to shave the face. Just to give you some perspective on this.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 January 2014):
 I don't understand what "the fairness of my makeup" means?
My experience with men who say they don't like make up means that they don't like heavy eyeliner and really bright or too pale lipstick, or too much eyeshadow.
Their idea of 'natural beauty' is skin that has no blemishes or bright pink spots or uneven skin tone, or naturally dark under eye circles.
Wear your makeup out during the day and when you are home alone with him, then remove it.
If he said he can 'deal with it,' then believe him.
What do you not like about his appearance that you would like to communicate to him?
Think of this as a two way street. He's brought up the make up. Maybe it's a sign that he's open to advice or opinions on his own personal appearance?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 January 2014):
If a) you wore makeup to please men, then you can stop wearing makeup. As clearly it has no further point.
But if b) you wore makeup because you liked it and you feel pretty with makeup on, then CONTINUE to wear it. It makes you feel pretty, you like it, and your boyfriend will get his "treats" occasionally.
All the boyfriends I've had have also said they prefer me without makeup. In my experience (from what other friends have said too), men tend to prefer natural looking women. Pimples and acne and pale skin and all. But, since women are NOT just here to look pretty in the eyes of men, we luckily get to decide for ourselves how we like to look. So I do my hair, even if my boyfriend likes my bed head. I put on makeup, even if he prefers me au naturel. I dress up in nice clothes, even if he prefers me to be naked ;) I do these things to make MYSELF feel great. The boyfriend gets his treats at nighttime and when we're home alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): My boyfriend dislikes make up too, thinks im prettier without it - but he also dislikes it because I am putting chemicals on my face. The chemicals in makeup can affect your hormonal balance etc.
However I wear makeup because I feel prettier with it - I have very uneven skin tone so I have decided to buy natural mineral foundation so it will be less harmful to my skin and it looks natural too!
We both win! It's your face at the end of the day, at least when you are alone with him you needn't worry about if you look "awful" without makeup on which I'm sure you don't! :-) I like the act that when I wake up in the morning - my boyfriend doesn't think I look a mess ...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 January 2014):
 The other answers have covered the do what you want for yourself stuff.
One thing, your choice of words here, the "fairness" of your makeup. Are you certain you are using the right shade of foundation? Also as a fellow EXTREMELY pale/fair skinned gal, I've found that without a bit of bronzer on the forehead and jawline, wearing just foundation can make you look a bit like you're in a Kabuki theater. This is a great tutorial:
http://www.oprah.com/style/How-to-Apply-Bronzer-Applying-Bronzer-Powder
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): I think this is a better question left for the ladies. If you don't mind my opinion. If I may, here it is.
I don't think he has any right to be critical of your beauty habits.
He likes natural, that's good for him.
What you do with your face, hair, and body are personal choices. They can be negotiated and adjusted. He is neither your father, nor your husband. Don't start giving in to guys telling you how to look, or present yourself. That's how they start controlling you; and bossing you around. First by going for your self-esteem. Then correcting your posture, your speech. On and on and on.
I just don't like the idea of people giving up simple things they like to "please" somebody else.
When you're home alone together, you can give him your natural look. If you feel more comfortable in makeup out and about, or anytime you feel like it. You do what makes YOU happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): He said he'll deal with it, so there's no issue.
I'm no fan of make up either it doesn't mean my wife is uglier with make up on at all.
OP it makes you feel prettier, you like it and it's your face. Just because he doesn't like make-up doesn't mean you're unattractive with it on.
Just compromise a little and don't be in a rush to put it on if you don't plan on leaving the house. My wife only wears it when leaving the house and even then it's only a tiny amount.
Don't worry about him, you've been friends ages and he's seen you in make up plenty of times and still you've gotten together. If really was an issue you and he wouldn't have ended up this way.
OP never, ever tolerate a man who sets conditions of you changing to be with you. Wearing make up makes you feel pretty and confident, he would surely not want to take that away from you. Don't worry about it, but do as a treat wear none just for him when you're alone.
He has basically let you know a way you can impress him easily when you plan on spending the day alone together.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (22 January 2014):
If you like wearing makeup then continue to wear it. No-one should ever begin seeing someone with the intention of trying to change them. He knew you wear makeup before you started dating and he was happy enough to start seeing you anyway, so he shouldn't now have any issues with it.
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