A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Please do not make any judgements or assumptions. I simply want opinions from girls in LT relationships. How would you feel if your boyfriend went travelling with a boy mate without inviting you for one month to six months? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 It depends. One month is a vacation , -fine, no problem. 6 months is sort of a life plan, and one that does not include you. And, if it were for work or study , Ok- but just for fun and adventure ? why does it have to be right now, why can't he wait for you to be ready to join him, and to put together the time and the money for sharing this adventure with him ? ...
I would not put up a fight, though, I would not give him a hard time. If that is his heart's desire, your attempts to thwart his programs would surely not endear you to him anyway , and that would taint the relationship even if you could convince him to stay. But, I would draw my consclusions, i.e. that a guy that CHOOSES , rather than tolerate, or adapt to- (because some times you HAVE to adapt to distance ) stay without me for 6 months probably is not what we'd call crazily in love. Theerefore, I would not be sitting there anxiously waiting for him to be back. I'd go on with my life and life pursuits and probably date other people, and if and when he comes back, I'll play it by ear, I'll see how I feel atm, if I am still interested or not ( but probably not. Life goes on , and it has an inevitable forward motion, unless we make conscious decisions and actions to KEEP things the way they are, which, in your case, it would not be wise to do ).
Also because the plan sounds so vague , ( one month to 6 months is a big difference for a traveller ! that, who tells you it would only be 6 months ? If he is such a " a day at the time " kind of person, who tells you he won't decide to , say, visit Mexico and marry a local senorita ?... or become a shaman and live with the indios ?:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): Also, maybe his friend came up with the idea. So obviously it would be a guys trip - It would be weird for you to be a third wheel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): It depends! I attend college in the US and my boyfriend works in Europe. If he took a couple months (or more) to travel Europe with a friend then I wouldn't feel bad at all. It would make sense to go with his friend. I couldn't take time off college anyway (nor do I have the funds). I would be happy for him. Not to mention, it doesn't make a difference for me where he is in Europe since we're in a LDR.I would ask - Do you have the ability to go with him? The time and money? Would it not interfere with your life if you went with him? If you answered Yes then I would understand if you felt left out and unimportant.Assuming your relationship is not LDR, it's not a good sign that he doesn't know when he'll come back from vacation. Because seeing you is less important. Regardless, I would not tell him not to go. Travel is an amazing thing - a once in a lifetime experience and I believe that most people with the ability to travel would love to do so. However, if he does go then I would reevaluate your relationship. You might not be that important to him. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 February 2014):
 open ended traveling for fun? I would not be happy.
I would take it as a sign that our relationship was not as important to him as I want it to be.
I can see not inviting you. Did he discuss it with you before he said he would go?
Is it 1 month or 6 months? One month I would not mind
6 months of fun and games without returning to me or wanting to be with me... possible deal breaker. I would for sure tell him that I would NOT be sitting around waiting for him to get it out of his system but I would let him know that if he has not been replaced when he returns I might consider dating him again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014): The problem that I see here is not the length of the trip but the uncertainty . How is it he doesn't now how long he'll be away? If he is your age, how can he afford it? Even backpacking, you need place to sleep, eat, and see sights. I understand if he would go for a month, but 6 months its basically living there. At one point of his planning for the trip, he must of thought about money. And to say I am travelling for 6 months MAY BE, is strange for me. That's why when he said to you from one to six months it would make me worry. Honestly,if my boyfriend gave me this version of his trip, I would be upset. First, with this uncertainty, second with length of the trip. To leave someone you love for 6 months is too much. Did he ever even mention that may be you might want to come and join them for a couple of week wherever they are travelling?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014): Im in a relationship for 4 years now. First year in the same city seeing each other 3/4 days of the week. 2nd year long distance (different countries). Living together for the last 2 years.My advice is to live and let live.If you don't live together then I don't think It's weird him wanting to go with his friend even for six months without inviting you. If he and his friend came up with the plan without you present then it was planned as a boys trip. His friend would feel like a 3rd wheel and the dynamic would just be imbalanced with him juggling a romantic relationship and bromance with his friend. That's not to say you're not important to him, It's just that it will be difficult to travel as a couple with his friend trailing along. Let him live his dreams, if he's yours, he'll come back to you. If you or he has a problem with long distance then it won't work obviously but again if you are both serious, you will keep in touch and maintain the intimacy. It takes effort and strength but I know from experience that it can work.There are 3 key things;Communication, trust and loyalty.Communicate your feelings and expectations of this relationship and life in general. Listen to his. Decide if you're compatible.Trust that he loves, respects and that he has good judgement. This trust is based on your experience of the relationship so far. Has he earned it?Be loyal to the relationship because it is then easier for you to envisage him being loyal too. If you act on attraction to other people or cheat, or cross boundaries, it will lead you to distrust him too. You will feel that since you've been disloyal without his knowledge, how can you KNOW that he is loyal to you himself. It erodes trust.One compromise would be for you to join them maybe for a month during the trip. If he doesn't like that idea then I question how serious he is about you.Otherwise, I don't see why it wouldn't work. I've learned that when you give someone freedom to choose, your relationship becomes stronger because It's voluntary. Don't guilt trip him into not going or into shorteningit. Tell him your needs, but allow him to come to his decision without pressuring him. If you stay with him, live your life. Have fun with your friends and family. Don't stop living because he's not there. You'll find it strengthening your relationship if you do it right.I'm living proof :-)Ps, there's no magic formula. Take my advice but also factor in your gut. Why do you think he's going? Why is he going without you? Why this specific friend? Do you trust this friend? Does he really see a longterm with you? These are the answers that only your gut can provide. Asking him these questions won't necessarily give you the real answers. He might not know or he may tell you what you want to hear.In any case, good luck to you :-)
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 February 2014):
 If my boyfriend was going to disappear with no end date (maybe a month, but maybe 6) I'd say that relationship is probably not important to that guy in the slightest. One month is one thing, but just 'maybe" disappearing for 6 months, but maybe not? I don't think that's really OK.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 February 2014):
 I wouldn't tell him NOT to go. But I wouldn't wait around 6 months for his return unless I felt there was a chance we would BOTH stay faithful for that 1-6 months.
The thing is too, if he is travelling/backpacking the correspondence and contact will be iffy at best, so it can be hard to feel like it's worth the wait.
Like Janniepeg said, I'd be ready to put it on the back burner, but no I wouldn't sit and pine either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): Hi. I would FEEL abandoned and sidelined. That's at my point in life, though. I'm getting a career together, in my late twenties and ready to "settle down" and think about kids. I would feel that my company isn't enough for him. I might even judge him slightly for being the type of person to think that he'll find what he feels he's missing in different countries, with no job and no responsibilities. I also might feel jealousy. Not that he might meet some other woman, but that he gets to live the carefree, trust-fundie life, while I struggle to pay bills in the same boring small town. I might feel inferior. After he's had a taste of the "good life" abroad, who would want to come back to miss never-been-out-of-the-country? I wouldn't necessarily act on any of these feelings, but that's what I would feel.
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female
reader, peteloevely  +, writes (4 February 2014):
 my ex whom i dated for 4 years went of gallivanting to Romania! for 4 weeks, it was just him and his best mate, they camped and updated me on their woodland adventures everyday. all whiles i had to endure everyone telling me, how can you let him go, Romania is well not because of its prostitutes and night life.
but i knew he wouldn't do anything like that, he was there for the culture and the rural life style, i missed him like crazy, but it helped me understand how much i loved him, i got a pair of slippers a traditional dress, candy, desert goodies pictures and booz at the end of it so not too bad.
yes you will miss him, but just let him do his thing, it sounds like you guys are quiet young, you both need this, to bring straight to our relationship.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 February 2014):
 It depends on what kind of trip it is. Although I had travelled a lot in the past for sight seeing, it is hard for me to imagine a trip that lasts longer than one month. You mention boy mate, not best friend so I don't see the importance or urgency to just go with that guy alone. I would imagine this is some kind of back packing trip, an adventure, of wanting to be free and see the world. There is no deadline and they don't know how long it's going to take. I would not stop him and wish him happiness but deep down inside I would feel that I am not as important. If I am optimistic I would hope that the relationship would pick up where it left off but I am not good at handling long distance. I wouldn't be waiting for his call and be all sad. I would be prepared to put the relationship on the back burner.
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