A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been talking to another girl recently and I'm wondering if I should be worried?This is what my boyfriend says happened: she is friends with my boyfriends friends and they met while they were all hanging out one night. Her and my boyfriend were talking about stuff and after a while she started coming onto him and saying she thought he was sexy.The next day, she added him on facebook and again was flirting with him and coming onto him and my boyfriend says he nicely told her he had a girlfriend. But before that happened, she ended up getting his cell number off of his facebook and texted him. My boyfriend says he wants to continue talking to her just as friends and that I should trust him. What he doesn't understand is I'm not worried about him cheating and this is not a trust issue, I just feel like this whole thing is a disrespect to our relationship and what he's doing is wrong. That is why I've been worried. It does really upset me that he's still talking to her. What should I do?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 February 2014):
 You've posted on here before a handful of times. The answer still remains the same. it's wrong. Either you will say something to him about it and put and end to it, or move on from him. But sitting there and doing nothing about it will not help. You've got to actually do something about it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Her coming onto him disqualifies her from being allowed into his friend zone. It's not about trust - it's about loyalty. If a guy you knew was coming onto you, friending you, texting you, and telling you how sexy you are and how much he'd love to have his lips all over your body, would your boyfriend accept you letting the guy be close you you with nothing more than a "trust me" from you? No way!
His ego loves both this other girl coming on to him, AND his ego loves that you're upset about it. He should have told her he wasn't interested, that he has a girlfriend, AND then proceeded to NOT accept her friend request. That would have been the proper response.
If it were me, I'd calmly tell him that you have no interest in a guy who is so insecure that he needs to start emotional affairs with other women. Tell him that unless she is deleted and blocked off of his phone and his Facebook, then you'll block and delete him, because life is too short to waste time on a guy who would disdain his relationship that much as to dismiss his girlfriend so that he can play around with some other woman online.
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A
female
reader, catcher00 +, writes (2 February 2014):
I agree with you 100%. "You should trust me" is a weak excuse for him to do what he wants. Next he'll be using shaming tactics like telling you that you're crazy and irrationally jealous. When he tells you that YOU should trust him he's doing two things. 1. He's flipping the script so the focus is now on YOU and your short comings and not on him and the wrongness of him wanting to text another girl who thinks he's sexy. 2. He's justifying his disloyalty by pointing out a perceived flaw in your current rlsp. "She never trusted me." Minimizing ties with opposite sex friends after one enters a monogamous rlsh isn't about trust. It's about respect. He is being disrespectful to you and your rlshp. Stand your ground. Don't roll over and tell him he's right. I'm immediately suspicious of someone who TELLS me I should trust them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 February 2014):
 I agree it IS disrespectful - sure he told her he has a GF, but THAT didn't make her back off, now she is texting too. And the BAD part... HE is enjoying the fire out of the attention.
While he might "think" he isn't going to cheat, I can see why you feel uncomfortable.
I would tell him WHY I feel it's disrespectful and I would ASK him if the shoe was on the other foot and YOU were talking to a guy like they are talking if he would be totally OK with it. If he says sure, he's lying.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Beware ! Slippery slope if you want my opinion...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 February 2014):
 He isn't talking to her as friends because she wants more than that. There's already sexual tension, she is actively pursuing him and he knows that. Yes it's extremely disrespectful for him to keep her around to fluff up his ego.
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