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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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Why does it seem like my boyfriend is stringing along his ex ?
Q. My boyfriend is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even ...
A. 21 May 2018: You don’t trust him for a start or else you wouldn’t be going through his phone. This relationship was clearly not meant to be.... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like my boyfriend is stringing along his ex ?
Q. My boyfriend is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even ...
A. 17 May 2018: I don’t think anyone mentioned anything remotely close to that. It sounds like that’s the conclusion you’ve come up with to justify his behaviour.
The guy is disrespecting YOU, whilst toying with his ex. He flirted with her in YOUR presence... (read in full...)
I don't think this party girl is girlfriend material. Should I break up?
Q. I'm 32 years old my girlfriend is22. We're dating for four months and I still have doubts about her if she is gf material to me. Bottom line is she's a party girl, to me a girl who likes to party and drink and have sex with a lot of dudes is not ...
A. 17 May 2018: Edit:
If she wants to date casually then so be it, what’s wrong with that? She’s enjoying herself and certainly doesn’t need to be judged by someone that’s self admittedly done the exact same things. ... (read in full...)
I don't think this party girl is girlfriend material. Should I break up?
Q. I'm 32 years old my girlfriend is22. We're dating for four months and I still have doubts about her if she is gf material to me. Bottom line is she's a party girl, to me a girl who likes to party and drink and have sex with a lot of dudes is not ...
A. 17 May 2018: End it.
You’re absolutely not compatible, you should be able to see that from reading your own post. You’re right about the double standards, you’ve done all the things she’s currently doing and have the cheek to say you think she’s not worthy. ... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like my boyfriend is stringing along his ex ?
Q. My boyfriend is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even ...
A. 17 May 2018: So if you think everything is fine why are you asking for advice? I’m not sure what answers you’re looking for. If you’re happy with him then continue your relationship and forget about his ex.... (read in full...)
Do I give my ex with a drinking problem a second chance?
Q. Do I give my ex with a drinking problem a second chance? I had been with my boyfriend for about 11 months now and I recently decided to end our relationship because of his drinking habit. I wasn't happy about his drinking early on but I t...
A. 16 May 2018: Nope, absolutely not.
Run a mile. He’s acknowledged he has a problem and done nothing about it and was happy enough to see you walk away rather than change his ways. Does that not show how much he values you?
He drinks until he becomes aggressi... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like my boyfriend is stringing along his ex ?
Q. My boyfriend is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even ...
A. 16 May 2018: I think the real question here is why you’re still entertaining him.
I think you can see yourself that you’re in a very odd situation but you sound like you’re getting a little defensive. You wouldn’t be asking these questions if somethin... (read in full...)
Is serial grumpiness a warning sign or just a stress reliever?
Q. This is probably going to be a long one. Past: Was with my teenage sweetheart. Dated at 15, engaged at 20, moved abroad for originally 2 years...he failed at his exams and so i said i'd stay 1 more year since he had to study alot and he was ok wi...
A. 16 May 2018: Don’t EVER excuse someone’s shitty behaviour.
He is a dick with you because he is a dick. I bet there’s tons of people out there who are in and out of hospital regularly and are undergoing treatments that don’t treat their other half and loved on... (read in full...)
Am I being used? I believe deep down that he is a good person but I am worried that I'm just there to teach him how to be in a relationship!
Q. have been seeing someone new for 4 months. When we first met, it was unlike anything I have ever experienced – I felt a real chemisty with this person and we hit it off straight away. Despite the distance (he lives in the south of the UK and me the ...
A. 15 May 2018: I think if you’re feeling this way in the ‘honeymoon period’ then it’s unlikely to improve.
I’m noticing a few red flags. Honeypie mentioned most of them such as the lying about the steroids. Why? Why not just admit it? What else could he be ly... (read in full...)
I can’t get the thoughts of her having sex with her exes out of my head!
Q. Hello, my girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 months now. I am 17 and she is 20, I know most people would say this is a recipe for chaos and it probably is.. In 2 months I will be going to Brazil (I am from Belgium BTW) ...
A. 15 May 2018: I’ll be honest, this has all the makings to be an absolute disaster.
Firstly, you don’t even know each other. 4 months? That’s nothing, you haven’t even seen her in person. How do you know that you will get on? It’s easy to speak to someone ... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like my boyfriend is stringing along his ex ?
Q. My boyfriend is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even ...
A. 15 May 2018: He knows her family don’t like him so I doubt he would get back with her, but he seems like he’s loving the attention. He’s probably a narcissist and loves that she’s begging for him back, that will do wonders for his ego.
You’ve been dragged ... (read in full...)
Why does it seem like my boyfriend is stringing along his ex ?
Q. My boyfriend is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even ...
A. 15 May 2018: Isn’t him getting into a relationship with you 10 days after breaking up with someone else a red flag to you?
You’re a rebound, he’s using you to get to her. He sounds extremely childish to be doing things like this at his age. I’d steer well cle... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be in love and committed to a man, whereas developing only sexual interest in others?
Q. I will turn 30 next month and my life's in a big mess. I've a good career, a loving would-be husband (getting married in early fall this year). We've been together for 11 years. You're wondering where's the messy part? Well, the sex between ...
A. 14 May 2018: What should you do?
Break up with your fiancé. Let him find a decent woman. If he won’t confront the poor sex issue then you need to break up with him, cheating isn’t acceptable no matter how poor the relationship is.
What you’re doing is ... (read in full...)
How can I get my mistress to finally trust me after 5 years together?
Q. I've been in a 5 year relationship with my mistress and she still doesn't trust me. I have done everything I can to show her I am trustworthy but she can never fully have faith in me. Her trust problem has caused a lot of tension in our relationship ...
A. 14 May 2018: This can’t be serious surely?
You’re a cheat. A lying, cheating, lowlife. Of course she can’t trust you, you lie to your wife’s face everyday, why would your piece on the side trust you? ... (read in full...)
I only hear from him when he is on leave ... I don't want to be his booty call.
Q. to start me and my ex were together for years he joined the army we were together for 2 year of the 3 year enlistment he has, and once he went on deployment, 1 month before he got back he ended it and said it was because he didn't want me waiting ...
A. 13 May 2018: Block him.
Very simple, if he can’t contact you then you can’t be a booty call. You’re well aware that’s what he’s after so why are you replying? Why allow him to contact you? Block him.... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend's confession has re-opened old wounds
Q. My girlfriend of close to 3 years split up with me a couple of months ago. It felt like a total blindside because I never saw it coming. I haven't taken it well. I've dealt with significant anxiety and depression since. I had asked extensivel...
A. 13 May 2018: She is a complete waste of time.
My guess is things went south with this guy and she’s now trying her luck at getting back involved with you. She cheated on you and walked out the first time so I doubt there’s going to be a different outcome ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he wants to get back together eventually
Q. Background story: My boyfriend and I broke up in what initially was in good terms last month. We were together for 7 years, we were fighting too much and became so busy with our own lives that maybe we drifted away. We figured maybe we needed time ...
A. 13 May 2018: Nope, it’s over.
He’s got what he wanted, he’s single now, he doesn’t get the option for you to sit and wait there until he’s decided he’s ready for a relationship. Block his contact, stop checking up on him, accept that it’s over and move on ... (read in full...)
Getting over my married boss
Q. I have a huge crush on my male boss who retires next week-what should I do? He is married, 55, with grown up children. I am 31, living with my bf but he's pretty boring and things haven't been great in terms of my emotional connect with him for ...
A. 13 May 2018: You sound like a smart, logical woman. You’ve identified that there’s some feelings there but also that it’s wrong and who would be hurt in the process if you acted upon it. Also detailing that it’s more important to look at your own relationship ... (read in full...)
I feel like I’m being jerked around and not sure what to do
Q. Dating dilemma. Met a woman online about a month ago. She lives about 100 Miles from me and we seemed to hit it off and met up for a date, and I went there and spent the weekend with her. We had a great time and she said she was very interested ...
A. 12 May 2018: Well that depends how much of your time you have to spend on her.
If you think she’s messing you around then she probably is. If she REALLY wanted to see you, I’m pretty sure she could have one weekend in the upcoming few months that she could pu... (read in full...)
Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?
Q. I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...
A. 12 May 2018: Come on, be serious now.
Special time? You’ve just told us he contacts you to have sex in his car. Is that really what you regard as a special occasion? This guy is a piece of shit. The lowest of the low, a cheating, lying scumbag and you’re r... (read in full...)
What did his messages mean? Is he interested or not?
Q. Hi all, So I recently got back on the dating scene and there's this guy a friend of a friend that I've been texting for a while, we both seem keen on each other. I met up with a few weeks ago and ended up kissing him. We then decided to go on...
A. 12 May 2018: The problem with your approach is it tends to scare people off. You’ve seen him once? From what I can see you’ve described and you’re already after jumping into how you feel about each other.
Obviously nobody wants to be messed around, that goe... (read in full...)
I initiated a threesome with a guy friend and now my wife is having an affair with him
Q. I just found out that my wife has been having an affair for the past two years with a single male friend of ours who we had a drunken threesome with two years ago..that threesome which was totally initiated by me alone wasnt so fullfilling for me, ...
A. 12 May 2018: Do you WANT to salvage this? She has been disrespecting you in the biggest way possible for years. You utimately led to this downfall for the stupid suggestion of the act, I’ve seen many of these questions at DC over the years and it usually ends up ... (read in full...)
Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?
Q. I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...
A. 12 May 2018: Because it’s not good company.
You were being used for sex, there wasn’t anything behind it. You were being fed bullshit to be kept hooked and you fell for it. This was never going to materialise into anything more, it very rarely does and if h... (read in full...)
How I can become a better partner in the future and avoid temptation to cheat?
Q. Hi everyone, I just broke up with my boyfriend because I cheated on him and had a one night stand with a guy friend. Long story short, my boyfriend was a rebound and he knew it. Before my boyfriend, my ex cheated on me and it really broke my ...
A. 11 May 2018: If you tell people you’ve cheated in the past that’s a sure fire way to get dumped before your relationship has even began.
LEARN from what you did. You know it’s wrong, so don’t make the same mistake again. How do you resist temptation? Let’s be... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my arrogant, moody colleague?
Q. How do you deal with a moody colleague? I have been with a law firm and my colleague (on my team) has an attitude. He is the possible office hunk - another girl loves to give him attention and so does another colleague - he is attractive I admit I ...
A. 11 May 2018: If he wants to act like a kid, let him.
You’re at work, not a social event. If his attitude and behaviour is affecting the teams work performance, I’d take him to one side first and tell him so. After that I’d go over his head and inform manageme... (read in full...)
He had panic attacks, couldn’t eat and lost weight when I tried to end our relationship! What do I do?
Q. I have been seeing this man for 2 years, met him online and it is a long distance relationship as we don’t see each other regularly, only twice a month which was ok with me....Anyway he started talking about having a future together... to move away ...
A. 10 May 2018: You need to end it and stick to it.
If he can’t deal with the break up then it’s on HIM to get the help he needs. If he needs therapy or councilling then that’s for him to sort out. You need to look after your own well-being and nobody else’s. ... (read in full...)
He denied using social media and then won’t show me his secret account!
Q. I will get straight to the point! I have never ever used social media like Facebook etc., It has never ever appealed to me that’s all. When I met my husband 7 years ago he did not ever use social media and told me he didn’t like those kind o...
A. 10 May 2018: Yes, I would divorce him.
You can’t trust him and from what you’ve described it sounds like he has a bit of a temper on him. Both great reasons to get out of there. I think it is extremely bizarre to actively namecall people that use social m... (read in full...)
Why does my ex treat me this way?
Q. My ex treated me very badly and we split in new year. Anyway I got Radom texts from him saying he loved me and missed me and then last night I kept getting "accidental" texts from him which was clearly for someone eles so I texted and said you text ...
A. 10 May 2018: Whenever I see a post from someone seeing how badly their ex treated them but they always seem to say ‘I loved them so much’ I always have to wonder: How? I don’t get it. How can you love someone that treats you like crap?
The guy sounds like a m... (read in full...)
Was I doing to right thing to cut him off? Was I being not "open-minded"?
Q. I recently stopped being friends with a guy (let's called him C) for several reasons. I knew him for 5 years. He said we are friends but every time we see each other, we end up making our or sleeping with each other. I told him I don't do friends...
A. 10 May 2018: For starters, you’re having problems in your replationship? Were you sleeping with this guy whilst you had a partner? If so you need to break up with your BF and let him be with someone who respects him.
The guy is a smooth talker, it’s quite ob... (read in full...)
I love him but I'm tired of being a mistress and I'm tired of the whole situation
Q. Hi, Aunts! I've been involved in a relationship with a married man since the last two years which developed on the very basis of his lies towards me. In the beginning, he kept me telling that he was single until I found out a few months later (I'...
A. 10 May 2018: What can you love about him?
He’s a liar and a cheat of course you’ve made the right decision. Block him and move on. If he harrssses you then you may have to get the authorities involved.... (read in full...)
Insensitive, rude, pushy student is getting me in trouble for not wanting to be his friend
Q. I have a problem where something that happened in my personal life has spilled over into work-study (at college) and it's gotten me into trouble. I'm especially in trouble because I refuse to apologize and kiss the butt of the person I really don't ...
A. 9 May 2018: That’s incredibly odd.
I understand that people with Autism don’t have great social skills in some cases but to wait outside the bathroom for you is just plain creepy whether he has this condition or not.
I’d just ignore him from here on out... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend come back to me?
Q. So my boyfriend well ex dumped me around two weeks ago out of the blue and of course i broke the no contact rule and texted him like five days after but it's been a week since we last communicated, But he left due to stress and his life being a mess ...
A. 9 May 2018: If you break up, the likelihood of getting back together is very slim.
You broke up for a reason. Whether you think it’s good or bad is irrelevant, he doesn’t want to be with you. If you were meant to be you wouldn’t break up and I know that you... (read in full...)
I push people away because I'm scared that they will leave me!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been dating this really sweet guy for a little over two weeks and things are going well. I am happy but I’m scared that this happiness will only be temporary. I do not fall for people easily and I have a tendency to push...
A. 9 May 2018: I used have a big fear of commitment, but I would push because I didn’t want anyone close to me after being hurt when I was younger.
If you go on like this you will end up very lonely, you need to let your guard down and go with the flow. The whol... (read in full...)
What would a woman feel if a man cried during marriage proposal?
Q. Dear Aunts, after almost 10 years in a relationship with my girlfriend, I proposed to her this past weekend. I did not planed to cry or anything, but as soon as I was asking her to be my wife, y started crying and I couldn't stop. I really felt bad ...
A. 8 May 2018: I don’t think many people plan to cry during certain situations. Everyone deals with the emotional side of things differently.
I think the fact that you struggled to keep things together shows how much you care about her and I think she will of ... (read in full...)
Anyone else developed a conscience when they were about to start a FWB with a married person?
Q. Ok so I have been single over 6 years, I like being single, I have no one to answer too. But it's been a long time intimately just over 2 years! So I'm on a dating site, not looking for a quick bunk up but maybe friendship or fwb. I met this bloke ...
A. 8 May 2018: Why choose a married man? What’s wrong with the billions of single men?
I think it would be more bizarre to not have a second thought about getting into an affair with a married man to be quite honest. This woman may love this man deeply, she may ... (read in full...)
He love-bombed me but now has cut ties! Should I hold out hope?
Q. I have recently started seeing a guy, who suffers with depression, which ive supported as much as i can. Our relationship has been moving very quickly and he recently dropped the love bomb, involved me deeply with his friends and family but He has ...
A. 7 May 2018: Complete waste of time.
There’s no way you can be in love with someone then decide you’re not ready for commitment and dump them off. He was telling you what you wanted to hear to get you hooked before sloping off.
Whether he has depression o... (read in full...)
Why did our date not work out?
Q. A few weeks ago I went on a date with this guy. He wanted to take me out for about 3-4 years and I was always so uninterested. He grew up to be a nice gentleman. During our date he was super funny, and sweet. We had a lot in common and we talked ...
A. 6 May 2018: You contradict yourself.
Your original post says you talked the day after and then fell out a week later, suggesting a week of communication.
Your update says you didn’t hear from him again. Which is it?
If it’s the former then I stand by m... (read in full...)
I'm tired of my ex's manipulative behavior
Q. What should I do? I was in a long term relationship and got dumped the other month, I got lots of abusive texts saying disgusting things about me and then the next I was getting texts saying miss you and love you, I replied and got ignored for days ...
A. 5 May 2018: You don’t need answers.
You need to block him. That’s your closure, it’s over. Treat the situation as such. He keeps contacting you because you’re enabling him to. If he’s blocked then he can’t message you, simple. ... (read in full...)
Why did our date not work out?
Q. A few weeks ago I went on a date with this guy. He wanted to take me out for about 3-4 years and I was always so uninterested. He grew up to be a nice gentleman. During our date he was super funny, and sweet. We had a lot in common and we talked ...
A. 5 May 2018: I think you’ve answered your own question.
You told us you fell out. I don’t think the date was an issue here.... (read in full...)
If he still plans to move then what is his intentions with reaching out?
Q. My ex and I broke up a few months back due to him accepting a job offer in a different state. He hasn’t moved yet but we had decided to break it off at that time because there’s no point in prolonging the heartbreak. He reached out a week after the ...
A. 5 May 2018: Yeah it’s very selfish.
He knows you will be hurting and still tries to contact you. My guess would he wants to meet up with you until he leaves, more than likely for sex. It’s over though, you’re trying to move on and he needs to do the same.
... (read in full...)
I don't want to throw 5 years down the pan but I don't know what else to do. Can you offer any advice?
Q. Hi, I'm facing a bit of a crossroads in my life and I'm hoping you guys can help me as you've helped me so many times before. I've been with my BF for 5 and a half years. On our 5 year anniversary he proposed and I said yes. We've talked abo...
A. 4 May 2018: Tell us why you want to marry this guy again?
He’s constantly disrespected you for 5 years. You’ve been cheated on in the past and you’re ignoring lots of tell tale signs of another cheat and going along for the ride. What are you expectin... (read in full...)
Any advice on dealing with my ex’s odd texts? It’s messing me up!
Q. Was dumped by my boyfriend end of jan. I kept getting texts of him and then they started dwindling , the longest with no text was nearly 2 weeks and he said he loved me and no more taking sleepers with prefabs anyway as he felt horrid. Anyway fast ...
A. 4 May 2018: Block, delete and move on.
It’s quite simple. He broke up with you, so he needs to accept it’s over just as much as you do. He doesn’t want you to move on and his plan is working perfectly because it’s making you think there’s still somethin... (read in full...)
Break up - No contact method or turn up at his house to get him back?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for 4 months and officially been his girlfriend for 2 of those months. In a moment of stupidity and because I let my overthinking get the best of me I tweeted "I'm single". I would have never acted on those words and I even ...
A. 3 May 2018: He isn’t being stubborn at all.
YOU told the world you were single. Who cares if you didn’t mean it? You tweeted it for everyone to see and that’s how you BF found out he was ‘single’ also. I would of reacted in the exact same manner if my GF us... (read in full...)
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