A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem where something that happened in my personal life has spilled over into work-study (at college) and it's gotten me into trouble. I'm especially in trouble because I refuse to apologize and kiss the butt of the person I really don't want to interact with at all.I am a work-study in the Learning Center where lots of students go if they need accommodations or tutoring. I just work in the office aspect, with electronic files. I only pay as much attention as I have to to what is in the files because it's private but I do the job well. My MAJOR is electronics records so this is important to me.A few months ago, I wasn't even at work-study, I was in one of the computer labs giving myself a break from studies to look on Facebook. This guy sits down next to me and the conversation goes exactly like this:Him: Hi. How are you?Me: Fine *making it obvious by not looking at him that I don't want to talk*Him: So are you all done with homework?me: Nope, just taking a breakHim: So you have nothing to do?Me: I've got plenty to doHim: I've always wondered if it's ethical for students to be on Facebook on campus *launches into lecture*Me: You're right, I shouldn't be. Thanks for the head's up (I start to sign out but he stops me and starts to baby-step me through how to add himMe: Wait. I really don't want to add you, I only got family...Him: That's not true, I recognize some of those people...Me: I don't want to add you.Him: Did you know it's really rude not to look at someone when they're trying to talk to you?Me: *LOOKS RIGHT AT HIM* YES I AM VERY AWARE OF THAT. MOST PEOPLE GET THE IMPRESSION THAT PERSON DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU WHEN THEY DON'T LOOK AT YOU.Him: So why aren't you looking at me?Me: Sorry. That was rude. I'm just busy, that's allHim: Not really, you're on facebook. I'd like you to add me, here's I'll explain howI just got up and left and he followed me, asking over and over why I was walking away from him. Fortunately, there was a women's restroom right across the hall. I stayed there for twenty minutes and when I came out, he was STILL THERE. I had to go to class and I was late, so I told him. He was waiting outside my class and picked up the conversation right where "we" left off.I finally just said, "OK. I'll add you, just please leave me alone. I find out later in the day that Facebook is blocked (on campus) but it's just fine OFF campus. So is nearly every sight I try to visit. I check campus e-mail (so I can e-mail the problem to tech) and I have an e-mail from the guy saying he "look the liberties of" blocking certain sites for me so I wouldn't be tempted. WHO DOES THAT!?He also sent me a long letter explaining that he saw that I liked a quote from Robin Williams and that he was a little disappointed in me because I seemed so intelligent. He used to like Robin Williams, but he lost respect after he killed himself because that's a cowardly sin and it's selfish and all that. He said that depression was a choice and that if we lived Godly lives unlike people in Hollywood depression would not exist. He also said that he was diagnosed with Autism at 24 and he didn't kill himself.I told him that I was defriending him and that I didn't want to see him again because a) he's pushy b) he had no business blocking me when it wasn't his place to do that c) I have zero respect for people who have no empathy for others.Well, he took issue with that and sent me a long, rambling lecture with bible quotes and all sorts of information about Autism and his personal experiences in being ridiculed and not making friends and all that stuff. I really would feel bad but if he wasn't so pushy, annoying, rude, and assuming he wouldn't have that problem. Sorry, Autism is no excuse for poor social skills and I told him so.I didn't think about him being a student who went to the Learning Center. He complained to them and now he's "warning" me that I'm going to campus court over this and that he just wants to teach me a lesson and doesn't want this to ruin our friendship. I've literally been told I can't work in the Learning Center as long as he's a student there and basically, I'VE been shamed for my reaction.This is completely unfair but everyone seems to be on HIS side. I'M the one who's considered insensitive.What do I do?
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female
reader, CMoon  +, writes (11 May 2018):
Totally agree with honeypie.You make a record of the conversation like you have done here, you take copies of everything that has been sent via email including what you said in response to whoever is in control of access to the Learning Centre and you explain that your reaction was based on you feeling harassed by him (mention him following you around, waiting for you outside the bathroom). You explain that you understand he has autism but you have stated to him in clear terms that you don't want his friendship and he continues to chase you around. Say that your reply to him may seem unsympathetic to his condition but it was only because you felt threatened by him and you need someone higher up to explain to him that he now needs to leave you alone. Autism or not, his behaviour is out of order and you have a right to feel safe. I have a relative with autism, they do struggle socially but that does not mean they can get away with making you feel stalked, uncomfortable etc. You can block him on social media - it is your profile, your personal choice as to who you have on there.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2018):
 'Sorry, Autism is no excuse for poor social skills and I told him so.'
You do understand what Autism is don't you? It is not an excuse for poor social skills. It is probably judgmental comments like that which has made people side with the boy with special needs.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 May 2018):
 IF you still have the e-mails, keep them. Print them out if you have to. GO talk to whomever you work for at the Learning Center. Explain what happened without going into too many details. While they might WANT everyone to just get along and play nice and not "hurt" anyone's feelings YOU have every right to DECLINE interactions with anyone.
If the people at the Learning Center won't do anything, I'd take it further. YOU DID nothing wrong. You TRIED to set boundaries with a TOTAL stranger and he REFUSED to listen and then started to harass you.
While he might BE autistic (and yes, POOR social skills can VERY much be part of autism) it doesn't mean EVERYONE has to bend over backwards and befriend him. I think it's entirely up to you to CHOSE who you want to befriend.
I don't care if he has autism, this is harassment. How is he going to live in society if he can't even hand;e and respect a: "no, thanks I don't want to add you?"
So DO block him from your Facebook, de-friend him and BLOCK him from your e-mail.
Next time FOLLOW you instincts and WALK away, you don't owe ANYONE a conversation OR to add them to Facebook.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 May 2018):
 That’s incredibly odd.
I understand that people with Autism don’t have great social skills in some cases but to wait outside the bathroom for you is just plain creepy whether he has this condition or not.
I’d just ignore him from here on out, block any form of contact he has with you and ignore him in public. If he continually tries to speak to you I would report him for harassing you. It’s a shame to see people jumping to his defence because he has Autism, that’s almost enabling the behaviour as they’re probably too scared to risk offending him and having complaints against them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2018): Autism sweetie means people don't have social skills .. but being honest how you handled that situation was totally wrong. You were mega rude and hostile from the word go - if you don't wish to speak with someone look at them be polite and then move yourself from the situation . And yes autistic people can become obsessive so he will do anything to make a point .
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