A
female
age
30-35,
*mykennedy
writes:My ex and I broke up a few months back due to him accepting a job offer in a different state. He hasn’t moved yet but we had decided to break it off at that time because there’s no point in prolonging the heartbreak. He reached out a week after the breakup saying this is hard and he still wants me in his life and doesn’t want to lose me as a friend but I told him I needed space to move on at that point. We haven’t talked since but we run into each other every now and then on the streets since we live close at the moment, and I politely say hi but that’s it. Fast forward to now, and he’s been texting me randomly here and there and even said he misses me but finally said he’ll leave me alone (because I haven’t responded to any of his texts) is it just me or is that selfish? If he still plans to move what is his intentions with reaching out? It seems pointless.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (5 May 2018):
 I have to wonder about the timing of your question. Interesting that you didn't ask it until he said he would STOP contacting you.
I would say he is probably being a bit selfish, a bit weak in contacting you. After doing "the right thing" and splitting up, he suddenly has regrets, like a lot of people in the initial period after ending a relationship. He is wanting to remain in contact, remain friends. That could be down to many things, like:
- Uncertainty about his future (Is the job a permanent one? Is the long term plan that he returns home?)
- Uncertainty that he is doing the right thing (Was your relationship quite serious up to him accepting the new job? Did he think you shared a future up to that point?)
- Loneliness (He had a girlfriend, then he suddenly didn't. He is still no home ground. It is obviously not worth starting a new relationship so he reaches out to you.)
I could go on but I think you get the general idea.
You need to decide what is right for you at this point and MAKE IT HAPPEN. You KNOW you can block his contact. Interesting that you chose not to.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 May 2018):
 Yeah it’s very selfish.
He knows you will be hurting and still tries to contact you. My guess would he wants to meet up with you until he leaves, more than likely for sex. It’s over though, you’re trying to move on and he needs to do the same.
Blocking contact would be the best course of action to move forwards here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2018): It's selfish. He's also trying to keep you from moving-on before he can adjust his own emotions to the situation.
Don't try to be friends fresh after a breakup. It only prolongs the agony. Maybe someday down the way. Personally, I don't believe in post-breakup friendships.
I'd rather start a new chapter and move on. Like you, I'd say polite hellos if or when our paths might cross. I've got only one ex in my life; and I haven't seen nor heard from him in nearly five years. I've got me a hot, rich, lovable new boyfriend, and I'm good to go! I recovered just fine after I got blindsided and dumped by my ex! I've already got friends; and I don't need to add an ex to my social-circle!
Post-breakup drama usually entails a lot of withdrawal symptoms and regret. You second-guess whether you've made the right decision; all the while disrupting the healing-process for your ex-partner, if you attempt contact. It's best to leave each other alone.
Continue to remain no-contact, it's best for both of you. It's excruciating; but he hasn't changed his mind about moving. Block his number. You're going through your withdrawal too, and contact from him is too tempting. You need your peace for healing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 May 2018):
 He IS being a bit selfish here. I think he was hoping you would "entertain" him up until he leaves. As in sorta be his GF but not really. But give him attention and affection and perhaps sex.
I think it's also because he likes you. Giving you up might not have been as easy as he thought.
The things is.. you two ARE NOT friends. So the "let's keep each other around as friends" is such a bogus thing to say because what he is TEXTING you is not what a friend would text. It's what an EX would text. He also have NOT respected what you said. When you said I rather need space to move on - he STILL contacted you. So yes, HE is being selfish here. This is all about HIS needs.
My advice? Just block his number.
I know you like him and he likes you, but this is going nowhere so it's time to set him AND yourself free.
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