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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...
A. 16 July 2018: I have to agree that the OP is just discounting most things that are being said.
There’s 2 options here it’s really simple, you put up with the situation or you leave the guy. He will NOT change what’s going on. You’ve let it happen for 5 years so... (read in full...)
He’s ignoring me all of a sudden! How do I react?
Q. I’m 27 from UK and recently reconnected with my ex from 7 years ago who I broke up with. We had an amazing couple of days together rekindling and we’ve been very romantic since. Awkward part - he lives in America right now for work. He has men...
A. 7 July 2018: I think the main question here is why are you revisiting an ex? You broke up for a reason. Something about you both didn’t work for you to break up so what’s different this time?
The whole situation just sounds like too much hard work. Leave ex... (read in full...)
She only wants to be friends but acts like we are more?
Q. This is a complicated issue that has really affected me mentally. I've been friends with this girl since secondary school and we have always been pretty close, we got closer as we moved up to college and since becoming close friends and spen...
A. 6 July 2018: You’re wondering when it’s going to develop into more.
The answer is: It’s not. She’s told you where you stand, if she wanted more something would of happened by now. She would of kissed you, or you would of slept together. Something sexual w... (read in full...)
I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...
A. 6 July 2018: If he truly wanted a serious future with you, this woman would be gone. No man who loves someone would put them through uncertainty of this magnitude. He’s hiding something and only he knows what. ... (read in full...)
I cheated and want to fix my relationship, but how?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, since I was 23. He is a wonderful person. I love him, he loves me, and we've always worked so well together. We've never had any problems beyond whose turn it is to do the dishes. ...
A. 5 July 2018: Suggestions moving forward?
It’s simple, don’t cheat again. I’d say that the situation could happen again due to the fact that you’ve been shown no consequence from your BF. He sounds like a pushover if he just accepts being cheated on and want... (read in full...)
I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...
A. 4 July 2018: I have to agree with anon.
You are in denial here big time. It’s nothing to do with her ‘winning’. The question here is why is your BF valuing a lodger above your relationship? There’s a reason he won’t get rid of her and I’d be very surprise... (read in full...)
I cheated and want to fix my relationship, but how?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, since I was 23. He is a wonderful person. I love him, he loves me, and we've always worked so well together. We've never had any problems beyond whose turn it is to do the dishes. ...
A. 4 July 2018: Get real here.
I’ve said this so many times on this site that I’ve lost count. You CANNOT cheat on someone that you love. There is absolutely no way. It simply is not possible.
You had multiple times to stop what you were doing and you never wh... (read in full...)
I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...
A. 3 July 2018: It’s hard to believe he respects his GFs wishes less than a woman that he lets lounge around his home. I don’t see there being a future here unless you want there to be another woman there for the rest of your life. I’d be very surprised if there’s ... (read in full...)
What if they award the golf match to him?
Q. It never ceases to amaze me how rude and arrogant some people can be... I have to play a match in a golf tournament.The match has to be played by July 29th (4 weeks time). I had agreed to play it on July 1st, but 2 days prior I had a personal s...
A. 3 July 2018: You scheduled the match and then dropped out.
It doesn’t matter what arose, YOU cancelled it. It’s rightly so that he should get the win. Although he went about it in a rude way, you shouldn’t have any right to reschedule the match after agreeing... (read in full...)
How do I ask for a sex toy?
Q. I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...
A. 27 June 2018: I don’t think your dad would be overly impressed if you asked him to purchase this for you. If you feel like you’re ready for something like this then surely you’re old enough to buy it yourself? ... (read in full...)
Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?
Q. I plan to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to let him know until I delete all our photos together from his phone. Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone? I never wanted to take pictures with him in the first place because I ...
A. 26 June 2018: Just break up with him.
You have absolutely no right to go through his phone or decide what pictures or memories he keeps of you. Whether you’re on good terms or not, that’s not your decision to make.
Break up and move on. ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong not to thank the ex who agreed we would go “no contact” for the flowers?
Q. So, my ex fiancé sent me flowers Monday, about a year ago he left me for his ex that he was stuck on. I knew something was wrong but he never admitted it. When she rejected him when he went back home he tired to get back with me. I flat out ignor...
A. 22 June 2018: Nope. You agreed no contact.
He’s a manipulating slimeball. Don’t forget that he left you for another woman and tried to come back to you when she didn’t want him. He’s not worth a single breath. ... (read in full...)
My ex best friend is confusing me and I don’t know what to do!
Q. Me and my best friend have been on a roller coaster ride this past year. It’s a long story so I’m going to try to keep my sentences to the point. We had a falling out almost 8 months ago. He didn’t say why he was mad and didn’t want to talk to me. ...
A. 20 June 2018: This isn’t a friendship, plain and simple.
You told us you are in love with the guy. No one is in love with their friends. I’d echo the advice WiseOwlE gave. In that this dude is intrigued with bisexual thoughts but doesn’t want a gay relation... (read in full...)
I'm waiting for a girl to come and sweep me off my feet.
Q. Please bare with me and sorry for the long post. Im in a bit of a slump the past year. Essentially I once again broke up with a girl I'm madly in love with because circumstances prevents us from being together, that being a long distance relatio...
A. 19 June 2018: Of course the end goal is to get married, have kids and live happily ever after, but it’s not a race. Why the rush? You’re 25 tops going off your listed age. I’m 26 years old, I’m currently with my first GF, we’ve been together roughly 8 months. I ... (read in full...)
I don't want a boyfriend, I'm not interested in sex and I just want to be left alone!
Q. I have absolutely no interest in sex and while I've had it before, I'm honestly disgusted by it. The whole thing: having people in my bubble, having a face too close to mine, random unnecessary touches, kissing is just gross to me. I don't like the ...
A. 19 June 2018: What are you expecting to happen here?
Most people want sexual relationships. If they’re getting to know someone, more often that not it’s going to lead to dating, sex, relationships, marriage. If you don’t want any of that, then you need to find ... (read in full...)
I'm waiting for a girl to come and sweep me off my feet.
Q. Please bare with me and sorry for the long post. Im in a bit of a slump the past year. Essentially I once again broke up with a girl I'm madly in love with because circumstances prevents us from being together, that being a long distance relatio...
A. 19 June 2018: You’re definitely right that you’ve put this girl on a pedestal. That is one of the worst things you can do when it comes to a relationship where you think the sun shines out of someone’s ass to the extent that no other person on the planet will ... (read in full...)
Me and my dad's friend want to take it to the next level
Q. Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's ...
A. 19 June 2018: To the anon.
The age difference has no relevance here for me. It’s two perfectly legal age consenting adults. It’s the fact that a man is having one of his friends trying to charm his daughter. If there’s no issue with it then why is the OP keepi... (read in full...)
He said we were moving too fast, and that he had bigger plans.
Q. I met this guy about a month ago and everything was going great. We were so genuinely happy with each other, always laughing and having fun. I met his friends and family. It felt like we were moving towards a relationship. We would see each other ...
A. 18 June 2018: Forget about it.
He’s right, everything was moving WAY too quickly. Whether he initiated it or not, it doesn’t matter. This sounds like a whirlwind romance that’s fizzled out as quickly as it began.
Talking about marriage after one month ... (read in full...)
I worry so much about my baby, I just need a balanced view.
Q. Hi All, I've posted a number of times before and you've always provided me with great advice. My child's dad and I split before he was born ( 16weeks pregnant). Our son was planned - tried for a year to conceive him..split after ten yea...
A. 18 June 2018: I think you should stop trying so hard.
It’s not YOUR job to make his dad see him. If he wants to, he will do. Stop messaging him. If he doesn’t want to make the effort then that is on HIM. Let him go live his life, you live yours and give you... (read in full...)
He is blowing hot and cold, I don't know what to think.
Q. So a guy I work with initially showed some interest in me, which if you know me is quite rare. At first I was a little uncertain, he wasn't my usual type but we did make eachother laugh and it's been a while so I thought why not. We gradually g...
A. 18 June 2018: You’re wasting your time.
If he wanted to spend time with you he would do, it’s quite simple.
Don’t forget that you’re in a workplace, you’re not there to find a relationship. Keep Work and your love life separate, be professional at ... (read in full...)
I'm talking all the time to my ex girlfriend who is crying about her life. What can I do?
Q. Well guys m confused how to think about something , i had a relationship with a girl for almost 5 years everything was great but we had to break up because she left the countery to study far away but we keept contact as good freind few months later ...
A. 18 June 2018: How is she the love of your life? You broke up with each other. That means for whatever reason you two did NOT work and are NOT a good match.
You need to cut contact. She has a BF So It is not your duty to be there for her, she can’t keep lea... (read in full...)
Who is the weird one, me or him?
Q. I have this guy friend that I’ve been knowing for almost a year now, we’ve been involved intimately at one point, pretty much on and off. We both have feelings for each other. We recently started conversing again and hung out. We’re both still ...
A. 18 June 2018: What are you even trying to say here?
This couldn’t be any more confusing. You have feeling for each other, but you’re both single. Then a few sentences later you say you’re with someone but don’t want a relationship.
So what is it? Are you s... (read in full...)
Should I reach out to him again after a long time away?
Q. Hi everyone! While working a contract gig, I developed a huge crush on someone in our building. We chatted a little bit, kind of had lunch once, but our schedules were never consistent. On my last day, he left early. I planned to ask him out for ...
A. 17 June 2018: You took the plunge, it didn’t work out, you’ve seen it’s not the end of the world.
Hopefully this has given you more confidence for the future and has shown you that rejection isn’t all that bad!
Best of luck. ... (read in full...)
Should I give both of us another chance? Or not bother?
Q. Hi everyone. I have this ex who i was with 2 years ago. We met and everything was great so much that we moved together in 3 months so we could be closer, he lived in another city. From that moment on he gradually changed and was becoming cold, ...
A. 16 June 2018: You have just told us he’s not changed.
Why would you go back? I don’t understand what you could miss about someone that didn’t value or seemingly care about you. Exes are named that for a reason, to go back would be stupid and you know it. ... (read in full...)
I asked for help and he lied about why he couldn't.
Q. I am not sure if what I am feeling right now is normal or I am being unjust? I asked for help from my boyfriend of 4 years. what I need is a room/place to stay for 1 year while I am doing the last part of my studies. We do not live together...
A. 15 June 2018: I would call your BF out on it.
I’d make him feel very uncomfortable and inform him that his roommate asked when the big moving in date is and that he’s happy that they could both help you out in this tough spot and then watch him squirm trying t... (read in full...)
Me and my dad's friend want to take it to the next level
Q. Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's ...
A. 14 June 2018: Terrible idea.
What will your dad say? I’d hazard a guess he would want to let his fists do the talking. Where is this guys respect for your father? Someone he calls a friend. Where is your respect for your dad?
This has trainwreck writt... (read in full...)
The guy I'm seeing used to have a huge crush on one of my friends
Q. Hello. I would like some advice. I have been dating this guy for about three months now. So far he's one of the nicest people I've dated. When we were first getting to know each other he mentioned he knew a group of my friends and that he briefly ...
A. 14 June 2018: Why would your friend bring it up? That was pretty tasteless to be quite honest. It’s in the past so leave it there.
I really don’t even think it’s an issue, the only way it will be is if you make it one. You’re right, he might not be with you... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend has a way of messing with my head
Q. Hi all, Long story cut short. I was in a lesbian relationship with my gf for two years. She kissed a guy during our relationship (even lied to my face and was secretly sending messages to him). This pushed me to pursue my dreams in working a...
A. 14 June 2018: Explain her actions?
It’s very clear that she thinks of you as nothing more than easy sex. She openly tells you that it’s not going to develop further and isn’t really hiding the fact.
You mention you ‘gave her your heart and soul’. Okay, so ... (read in full...)
The relationship started off terribly and it’s still rocky, but we really love each other! Do I leave or stay?
Q. I’m in this relationship with a guy for a year and a half now. The relationship started off terribly because he started ghosting me after a month. We hardly met and he never replied to me. He used to ignore me for most of the time. I made a fake ...
A. 13 June 2018: What exactly makes you think his reaction is normal? What do YOU do for him to react the way he does? Sounds like a textbook case of him trying to manipulate you and lower your self confidence so you’ll never leave and it sounds like it’s working ... (read in full...)
The relationship started off terribly and it’s still rocky, but we really love each other! Do I leave or stay?
Q. I’m in this relationship with a guy for a year and a half now. The relationship started off terribly because he started ghosting me after a month. We hardly met and he never replied to me. He used to ignore me for most of the time. I made a fake ...
A. 12 June 2018: Seriously?
You need advice for this? Would you recommend one of your friends stay in this situation if they came to you for help? What could possibly be making you want to stay here?
Get a grip and leave him.
Also, don’t trick people into ... (read in full...)
Where is the panty liner, will he think me disgusting if he finds it?
Q. Before me and this guy had sex I went to use the bathroom and I removed my pantyliner. The pantyliner was clean as I recently put it on but his trash was overflowing so I decided to just wrap it up and put it in my pocket and throw it away when i ...
A. 12 June 2018: If he finds it that disgusting he will surely tell you. Then you can simply explain what happened.
My guess he wouldn’t even think twice about it if he finds it. He will pick it up and throw it in the bin. It’s really not the end of the world is... (read in full...)
Should I bother with this communal garden? I think I’ve attracted a bully!
Q. I live in a block of eight flats. It's a period (Victorian) building, converted into separate dwellings. Surrounding this (kind of in a circle) are five houses. In the middle, is a communal garden. The two flats on the ground floor all have th...
A. 11 June 2018: You’re a 30-35 year old woman.
You can do as you damn well please, if she has something to say then let her. If you let her bully you she will do, people treat you as you let them. Who cares what she has to say? Why would you live your life wor... (read in full...)
I feel I’m being played with! Do I cut off all contact?
Q. My ex and I saw eachother for the first time after 6 months of not speaking at a house party around 2 weeks ago. I was extremely drunk He was telling me how much he missed me and didn’t leave my side the whole night. We even went home together...
A. 11 June 2018: You broke up for a reason.
Leave it in the past.... (read in full...)
Is my long-distance husband using me?
Q. Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...
A. 10 June 2018: Yes, absolutely.
How are you even questioning this? What kind of relationship revolves around continuously sending the other partner money? If HE is supposed to provide for his family then why are YOU doing it? You’re being taken for a mug and ... (read in full...)
Love triangle--why is he good to her and pushes me away when I am the one who is always there for him?
Q. Ok here it goes. I have been seeing this guy now off and on for almost 3 yrs. But he treats me so horrible. There is another women involved. I'm the one that is always there for him no matter what. But now he is in jail and the first time I bail him ...
A. 10 June 2018: Wow, just wow.
Where is your self respect woman? You are a doormat. Why would he stop treating you this way? You allow and accept it. He is using you for all you’re worth and you cater to his every need. Can you blame him?
What are you ... (read in full...)
Why did he throw the gifts in the trash?
Q. ok my ex boyfriend of 6 years when we met we were both 45 it’s weird cause I just had a broke up wasn’t looking and he was on Facebook I didn’t wanta like him I had just lost a lot of weight cause I had my first child only child so I was very ...
A. 10 June 2018: The question is why are you bothered?
He sounds like an asshole. Is that a good enough answer? Stop wasting your life on someone that couldn’t give a shit about you. Move on. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says if I don't lose weight after our baby's birth he will dump me!
Q. I am 24 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend is constantly calling me fat. He says he is teasing. He also said that if I don't lose the weight after the baby is born he will dump me. I have taken all these things to heart. I was really skinny before I got ...
A. 10 June 2018: On what planet would this be a good idea?
Why are YOU worried about HIM breaking things off? Why the hell have YOU not dumped his sorry ass? How can you let him disrespect you like that and then contemplate letting him sleep with other women? G... (read in full...)
My boyfriend often tells me small lies, how do I get him to stop?
Q. Been tigether 2 years and the past 6 months my boyfriend has the tendancy to change his stories often and its getting to a point where Im always get upset and angry and then we end up in a big argument. Theyre usually small pointless ones, but if he ...
A. 8 June 2018: While I do agree that lying in a relationship is very bad, I have to concede that topics like this are simply not relevant. It’s when you catch him lying about actual important topics that you need to worry. Who gives a toss whether he was drunk or ... (read in full...)
Is it really a big deal that I didn't call?
Q. I’ve been dating this guy (no official relationship) for a few months. We were old friends who got really close and started a romance. He did the chasing and I finally caught feelings after a while. We would hang out all the time. He would call me ...
A. 7 June 2018: That would be a major red flag for me.
It was 5 days, I could understand if it was 5 weeks. You messaged him and sent him a video, he told you he would leave you be so I don’t really see where he’s coming from.
He sounds needy, clingy and very ... (read in full...)
How do I end this pathetic relationship without him turning it all around on me?
Q. Hi I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years we have a 3 year old daughter together the relationship is pathetic between us there’s no affection he sleeps on the sofa does everything to avoid spending time with us it’s always me doing everything for ...
A. 7 June 2018: As Honeypie said, who cares if he tries to turn it around?
Get out of there, stop wasting time.... (read in full...)
I think she thinks we are in a full-blown relationship!
Q. DearCupid, I've been good friends with this girl for 2 years. We hang out on a pretty regular basis with our group of friends. One night she told me she liked me over text messages. I told her I liked her too. We talked about setting up a dat...
A. 6 June 2018: Could you of gone about this in a worse way?
If you don’t want to date her then why tell her you like her? Don’t mess people around. Be honest, let her know where she stands.... (read in full...)
I care for her no matter what our status but I want to be with her! How do I tell her?
Q. Met a girl a few months ago; she had a boyfriend then. I did too, we started developing romantic feelings for each other, acknowledged them and tried to move on by solely being friends. There was sexual tension regardless, and we kept harping on it ...
A. 6 June 2018: The thing is, you’re not respecting the boundaries, not in the slightest.
She has a BF, whether she wants to stray or not, that’s on her, but YOU are not helping matters. She has told you that you can’t be in a relationship together and then tha... (read in full...)
Should I reach out to him again after a long time away?
Q. Hi everyone! While working a contract gig, I developed a huge crush on someone in our building. We chatted a little bit, kind of had lunch once, but our schedules were never consistent. On my last day, he left early. I planned to ask him out for ...
A. 29 May 2018: Why would he need to contact you first?
You’re the one who went travelling so I’d say it’s more on you to let him know that you’re back. Why would you be embarrassed? Every time you’ve messaged him he’s replied positively.
He’s just as human as... (read in full...)
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