A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Let me start off by saying that I've never liked the idea of taking a break in a relationship, but I don't really know what to do in my situation. I'm in a long distance relationship, going on my 3rd year with my boyfriend. In our relationship, he's disappointed me a lot through many actions, mostly repeated offenses of being too distracted during whenever we get the chance to talk (by browsing or chatting online and pretending to listen to me but not really talking to me). There have also been several large grievances caused but most recently, he got caught lying to me in an attempt to make himself not look bad for something he said to me. Him admitting to lying made me think back on situations where my gut feeling told me he was lying to look better during previous, more serious situations. This got me frustrated all over again, but mainly still upset about him lying. I'm still appalled that he could lie so easy to me without hesitation for such a reason and can only imagine how easily a lie could "slip out" if the situation was more serious. Of course, it wasn't minor in this instance but still... I've been doing a lot of crying and suffering from being upset by his actions recently, like at least once a week (before someone says it, I know that I'm not overreacting and just being irritable because it's usually not the first offense). What makes it worse is that if I'm not feeling peachy after just one day, as if nothing happened, he tends to get upset at me for not getting over being upset quick enough for him, telling me that I'm making things hard for him by still being upset. Of course that just upsets me even more. At this point I don't know what else to do but I don't know how I would handle a break, how long "breaks" normally are, etc. I don't want to break up with him because I do love him, but I'm not entirely sure what a "break" would do for us. When he upsets me, he goes on as if nothing's wrong, just waiting for me to get over the fact that he's upset me, and at this point, I usually don't feel like the things he does will stop happening despite him apologizing. They always happen again.Anyway, I just need help please.
View related questions:
a break, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 April 2015):
 Personally I think that "a break" is just the prelude to the final "break up"
you are unhappy... unless you both take the break to do the necessary work to get emotionally healthy then when you get back together it's still the same old same old and you will still be miserable.
do you trust him? (he lies to you)
what will a break do to fix the broken?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): Hi
This is emotional abuse, plain and simple. Having suffered the exact same thing myself I ask you to please read 'Why Does He Do That' by Professor Lundy Bancroft. It was an absolute life saver and eye opener for me. You sound as confused and angry and disappointed as I was. This is what abusive men specialise in. Please read the book. It will explain all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): I have been in your shoes. My best advice? Break up with him NOW. Don't drag it on for longer than it should.Yes,you'd be very sad etc. but it will be only ONCE, not REPEATEDLY. Then time and the fact that he is far away will do their miracles.I've really regretted wasting my youth on an idiot, spending nights chatting to me,when I could have done so,so many things with this valuable time and most importantly of all-I could have had the TIME of my life. Literally.You'll only be this young ONCE,so don't waste your best years on somebody who makes you feel upset and doesn't even CARE that he is making you upset.It's all about HIM-how you being upset affects him etc. RATHER than asking-"How can I make this better for YOU,love?"That is my best advice. My second best advice (if you're too strong-headed or in love), would be:-break between 3/6 months AT LEAST-you're free to do what you like, he is free to do what he likesUse that time, if not necessarily to sleep with someone else, then to kiss, hug, get to know someone etc. Date, have fun, go on nights out (rather than spending hours on Skype...)After a while, you'll see that he CAN actually be replaced by someone else.Then, you come back together for one final chat where you decide IF you want to continue together (i.e you don't actually want to replace him, he actually misses you etc.) OR whether to call it quits.You'll also find out for yourself IF you miss him and IF you prefer your life drama-free or not.The first 1-2 months always suck,but... TBF, to me it looks like he wants to break up too 9by being horrible to you etc.), he just wants YOU to do it so he can play the hurt, little dove card [which also helps him!Not only can he say"Oh,my gf broke up with me and broke my heart!" (queue understanding and sympathy from his friends and other girls) BUT he also does NOT have to deal with you "being upset"...]
...............................
|
