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Why continuously flirt if you don't mean anything by it?

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 April 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 April 2015)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

There’s this guy I used to work with, I now work for another company but in the same building and the same floor as the guy does, well, he passes by my office everyday and takes the stairs when there’s an elevator he could take that’s even closer to the door way, well I notice how he walks around like he’s the shyt…so one day he was getting on the elevator and he was like u comin I said yes, so he holds the door for me, I said thank you….I in turn ask do you have a gf, he smiles at me and says no……

I in turn say I see why..he says why….I said cus you are a cocky pompous azz who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips cuz he’s cute….dude said nothing, but put his head down and started smiling at me…but still said nothing and now ever since then he makes sure he sees me everyday in some fashion just to say hi…..he’ll tap my door to get my attention and or he’ll stick his head in the doorway with this big ol smile on his face and say HEY…..

a few weeks ago i was on my way to the bathroom and my friend passed by me and i said i already went and she laughed……its a inside joke we have…well my crush heard me and said imma say that everytime u go…and busted up laughing even as he was getting on the elevator….he told me have a nice night and vice versa……we talk whenever we see each other but its usually when we are alone…we keep it at a hi and bye when coworkers are around folks are nosey in our building…..some thing we are dating but we arent…..anyway is he crushin on me or just being very friendly? he passes by my office everyday and says hi in the morning and bye in the evening……..

well on 03/20/2015 I wrote on a piece of paper me and u lunch, with my number and I gave it too him, and he started smiling at me and then he laughed and said we’ll see…still smiling at me ….his eyes look surprised….and then I left my office to go outside and he seen me and he said u runnin away already smiling at me..i said no I have 2 run an errand….he said ok, enjoy…… and he watched me get on the elevator….

he ignored me for a whole week after that and 04/01/2015 he comes to my work door and apologizes hes been out sick and that he hasn’t forgotten about me and asks can we do lunch when he feels better

on 04/09/2015 he came up behind me while I was walking and I didn't see him, and he was like BOO!!! and started laughing ...... I said its not nice scaring women, he laughed and said I wasn't trying too scare you and smiled at me...I said u r a nerd and he laughed again...and smiled at me while walking away.... today he was like HEY THERE giving me direct eye contact and a smile..he's 35 im 31.....why continuously flirt if you don't mean anything by it

View related questions: co-worker, crush, flirt, shy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2015):

Hi

He likes the fact that you like him. Whether he wants to take it further, only time will tell. You've made your intentions clear, so the ball's in his court. Whether this 'flirting' is foreplay to asking you out, or he just enjoys winding you up, knowing that you like him, you won't know unless he ever actually makes a move.

This is why I never put it out there so definitely. In the future, if I were you I'd hang back a bit and enjoy flirting whilst being a bit more subtle about your feelings and then this type of 'power play' (if that's what it is) isn't possible.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (15 April 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWow you have it bad. You have dates and exact things written and what not. either you have a VERY good memory or you journal and keep notes on this guy.

his taking the stairs has NOTHING to do with you.

you asked "do you have a gf?" maybe he has a boyfriend????

FWIW I'm like Honeypie's hubby, I flirt like I breathe... my husband knows this. I wear a huge wedding band and engagement ring so that it's CLEAR I am married. I'm not dead. I flirt outrageously with every and every body...

men, women, young old, it's how I interface with the world.

What do YOU WANT it to mean?? see that's the thing, he may just see it as fun and flirty games, while YOU think that something may be going on that's more than just a mad office flirtation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2015):

He's playful but he stays within appropriate limits in the office. As you say, people talk! He is being careful. You get a little snippy according to the conversation you've quoted in your post. He has been playful, but he hasn't really crossed any lines. I would think he's feeling out your personality; but keeping it cool.

Go with the flow, and tone down the sarcasm just a little. See where it goes. Who says he doesn't mean anything by it?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 April 2015):

Honeypie agony auntBecause it makes him feel good? To make a woman smile and pay attention to him?

I'd say for SOME flirting is a way of getting to know someone and to "tell" them in a roundabout way that they are interested..

FOR others it's just WHO they are. They THRIVE on it.

My husband is a flirt. Little old ladies, the lady at the diner who serves him his lunch (I think she is 70?) the check out girl at the store.... you name it.. HE just is a VERY friendly person and YES, I can EASILY see someone misconstrue his behavior as flirtation. (though he avoid sexual innuendos).

I'd honestly look elsewhere if you are looking for a BF.

YOU offered him YOUR number (shows you are interested) and he DID NOT take you up on it. (shows he is NOT interested in you in THAT way).

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (15 April 2015):

janniepeg agony auntI think he really was sick and he's someone who needs to shut out from the world at that time. He only wants people to see his upbeat side. Maybe he worried you'd forgotten him already and moved on to someone else. So suggest lunch again and see what he says.

There are indeed people who flirt and didn't mean anything. It could be because he doesn't like to date coworkers and is wary of gossips. Or he was in a complicated situation and is not ready for anything serious. Lots of people flirt because it's fun and it makes the day go by fast.

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