A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend 2 years, living together 1 year. I recently for the first time, checked his phone out of curiosity because I know he watches porn and was getting upset by the lack of sex we were having so decided to check it out... I came across gay porn, initially I was shocked and very upset. I expected to maybe find girl-guy porn... I spoke to a gay friend who mentioned he may be bi sexual or just curious. I asked friends pretending it was another friend I was asking for. All of them said no straight guy would watch gay porn but maybe it was just a link that had come up on his phone. I have checked his phone every other day since, there has been girl-guy porn for awhile - which calmed me down but a few days ago I came across the gay porn again. Now I am deeply concerned. I do not want to confront him as he will be very upset that I broke into his phone. I also keep trying to reassure myself that he talks about marrying me and tells me he loves me all the time. Two red flags - he once mentioned his father would disown him if he was gay and when we do have sex, which is rare, its only every 1 position - spooning. Any advice would help!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 September 2015):
 My advice is to not worry about if he is gay or not but rather worry about the lack of sex. Even if he is NOT gay his sex drive is VERY low FOR YOU. He is using porn but NOT having sex with you...
you have considered marrying him... why? will you be sexually satisfied with this current arrangement?
My husband when he was watching porn (which was fine because we had an active sex life) watched shemale porn. He has NO interest in being with a guy or a shemale but he finds the porn interesting and arousing.
IF my husband was watching porn and NOT having sex with me, I'd be heartbroken and angry.
When I was your age an active sex life with my partner was mandatory.
Now at my current age of 55 I would like it but he is not interested due to medical issues so I deal with it.
Think long and hard about whether or not settling for a lousy sex life is worth being with a guy you don't trust enough to talk to about something like this.
You broke into his phone. You betrayed him.
Are you sure this is the life you want to live?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 September 2015):
 So, you would marry a guy whom you think could be gay? Why? Because you love him and he wants to marry you? Does he make you happy? Can you accept that he will continue watching gay porn after the wedding too? And that MIGHT be his true preference, not you?
Yes, you should not have invaded his privacy, and broken into his phone, but you did. So you can pretend you never did and it will fester in you - or you can be honest and see if HE is honest too. Or you will end up feeling a need to snoop hoping to catch him with more gay porn. Or you will snoop in hopes there will be some straight porn too. Or that you, by snooping, can somehow control what he watches. But it's not realistic.
I'd say that it's more likely that he is bi-sexual than straight, but he could be straight or gay as well. Porn is usually more of a fantasy, than a true indication of their sexual preference. Some straight women likes lesbian porn, my guess is, because the focus is on female pleasure not male. So maybe the same could be said for gay porn?
Again, if you are thinking marriage, are you OK with the little sex you get? And only in one position? If not, SPEAK up. It's "your" sex-life too.
As for the statement that his father would disown him, it doesn't mean that HE is gay - only that he dad is a homophobic.
I really think you should talk to him. You are HALF the relationship. Don't you think you deserve to be with a guy who wants to BE with you because he loves you, not because he needs to hide his true feelings?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2015): Really some guys date women for respectability but they secretly crave gay sex..some get offered blow jbs by gay mates and take up the offer while others want to be a bottom for someone else.There is no real reason why they need a woman but i guess thats what theyre told they need. If you have no bisexual inklings and dont want to get caught between two men then i suggest you break it off without explanation, just telling him its over and youve been thinking a lot and decided he's not the guy for you.He may be relieved to see you go.Straight men are generally not into gay porn but you dont have to explain this ,you just have to set yourself free to find the correct person for your life and future harmony.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2015): I know you may love your boyfriend and I'm sure he love you but there's a good chance he's bi or curious. straight men don't watch gay porn and if gay porn turns him on ...most likely men also turn him on.And the fact you guys aren't having sex is a HUGE FLAG. I think you should ask him if he is attracted to men without saying you went in his phone. But I also think you should consider ending the relationship. Good luck be strong.
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