A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few years back I used to work with a nice guy. We always got along great and I don't know if the feeling was mutual or not, but I was always attracted to him. At the time he was married (and I knew who is wife was, talked to her on several occasions, etc) and I had a BF... so I left him alone.Eventually we both moved to different states. Fast forward two years. Recently he begins to text me and call... each time for about two hours. By the second conversation, he drops that he and his wife were getting divorced. Also mentioned that he always admired me, began to compliment me endlessly, etc. I told him that me and my BF also split.He has not dropped anything about him being full on attracted to me, or anything about a relationship. Who knows, he may never even mention anything like that.But, I'm a bit worried. I AM absolutely attracted to him. He has always been a charmer, very attractive, intelligent, etc. I just have several concerns...We share several mutual friends (albeit, long distance at this point) and, again, I know his wife a bit and we are still connected through social media. He also keeps in touch with his wife (or ex wife to be...). If we DID begin a relationship, I imagine things would be very awkward and cause a bit of trouble. Not to mention even though we get along great, but are very different in culture and age. Not that there is anything wrong with the difference, but it would cause issues I imagine. Mostly with friends/family/drama.The second thing... is the distance. We live in two different states. I'm not sure how successful that would be.But regardless of if a relationship grows out of this, is that I am growing heavier and heavier feelings for him. And it hurts, a bit, because given my two above reasons, it just doesn't seem likely that anything real will grow from this. But my heart is already invested...Would love some advice. Should I just see this guy as a friend and nothing else because of the trouble our relationship could cause? Or should I just see where it goes?
View related questions:
crush, divorce, ex-wife, long distance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2015):
 I would stick to just being friends with this guy for several reasons.
1. he is still legally married and emotionally invested in his STBXW.
2. you have strong feelings that are getting stronger and that puts you in this particular situation in a position of weakness. The person that cares the least makes the rules.
3. Long distance when both parties are totally invested is hard enough but when one is going through a divorce it's even worse. You are basically "being used" to make him feel like he won't be alone forever and is still desirable to women other than the wife.
4. you already have stated that age and culture will be an issue.
with all the cons to this relationship do the pros really outweigh them?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 September 2015):
 I would stick to being friends.
1. he is STILL married, as far as you know. "getting" a divorce doesn't mean single. It means there is talk about divorcing. They might still work it out.
2. he might BE getting this divorce because he has a wandering eye and flirtatious nature. That isn't going to stop. He knows he is charming and attractive.
3. It may not even be realistic to have a functioning relationship that isn't LDR and those... are hard to maintain. And many people don't really want a LDR.
4. you are friendly with the wife.
5. there are PLENTY of other men out there, besides him.
6. your heart is invested in a fantasy. (for now) It might FEEL like you have all these GREAT emotions for him, but again being realistic... outside of a lot of flattery how well do you actually know him?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): You are young and plenty of life ahead of you. Why should you suddenly decide that a weight of feelings has washed over you on the basis of a couple of conversations.He thinks you are there as a handy prop to boost his self esteem.Maybe even someone to make his wife jealous but also some one who can hastily be shunted back to another state.Dont invest in him because he is just looking for a fall back.As delghtful as you are he is hoping you will drop your draws and let his manhood do the talking.He will enjoy the ensuing scandal amongst friends and you will not.Forget him and divert your tender feelings elsewhere.
...............................
|
