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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is my jealousy justified?
Q. Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...
A. 4 January 2017: Wouldn't it be incumbent on Joe to ask the neighbor about the cow's history before he bought the cow?... (read in full...)
Do his comments about other women signify insecurity or a potential cheat?
Q. Hey, My boyfriend is very loving, sweet, complimentary etc but he does this thing that is really starting to grate on me... Basically when we watch films/ tv when a fit women comes on he's VERY vocal about it I.e. "id put it in her" "she's so s...
A. 4 January 2017: My husband used to do the same thing. He seems to have stopped now that he's secure with our relationship. Either that or my doing it back to him made him realize how it bothered me because it bothered him. I never for a second took it to mean ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied but if I bring it up he will make me to be the jerk!
Q. Long story short, my boyfriend was suppose to call me this morning, I was going to hang out at his house while he was at work, he never called, I called him at 2:00 no answer, he texted me at 4 said he had a long day at work, rain check, call you ...
A. 4 January 2017: could he have gone to work and watched netflix at work on his phone or computer? (yeah I've done that)
just say to him.. "hey I saw you watched blah blah blah on netflix while at work, how'd you manage that?"
yeah he will blow up and be ... (read in full...)
I'm anxious because he doesn't contact or text every day.
Q. Hi all Wanted to know if this is normal behaviour from my bf of four months... Ok he's so caring and affectionate, telling me how happy i make him above all else, he loves me compliments etc. But he isn't a big texter/ caller... Ok he plays a ...
A. 4 January 2017: It does NOT mean he does not love you. IT means he needs less contact than you did.
By bringing it up with him before you did the right thing.
I did this with my now husband. We were LDR and in the beginning he could go days and weeks w... (read in full...)
Do all middle aged men want younger women?
Q. Are there any men in there late 40s or 50s who physically desire women the same age or do they all prefer younger women? I find I am approached a fair bit by younger guys but ones my age seem to be interested in 20-30 yr olds. The most recent ...
A. 4 January 2017: I can't speak for all men but at 56 (nearly 57) my 43 yr old husband would disagree with the assumption that all men want younger women.
That being said, most of the older men with trophy wives or girlfriends have the funds to support the choi... (read in full...)
Is my jealousy justified?
Q. Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...
A. 4 January 2017: Actually Male Anon, Jealousy is an emotion rooted totally in INSECURITY. THE OP is insecure and feels that his wife may cheat on him.
OP it's totally possible that the reason she did not sleep with you earlier is that she valued you and wish... (read in full...)
Can our relationship work? we have a baby on the way but the father of the baby has an addiction. Should I break up with him and move back with family?
Q. We have a baby on the way and he is addicted to marijuana. I had my own personal addiction to it myself but after realizing I was with child, I don't need it anymore. I want my child to have the extra money instead and to use it to benefit as a fam...
A. 28 December 2016: I am all for smoking, ingesting and using pot. IF he is spending 20-40 per WEEK on pot then he's not smoking as much as we are. I know folks who spend over 200 per week on it but they can afford it. That's the key...using it is one thing...using ... (read in full...)
I like men but sometimes I want to see what it would be like to have a relationship with a woman also.
Q. I like men alot but I want to see what it would be like to date a woman since I once had a fantasy of my fourth grade teacher years ago in my mind. She had ginger hai I also would look for red haired women in the Internet and would kiss their ...
A. 28 December 2016: What are you "coming out" about.... that you have a desire to try lesbian sex? Why is your sex life any of their business?
Once you meet a woman you want to date and it' gets serious enough you can bring her home to meet the family. Just lik... (read in full...)
How can I help my autistic brother have a normal life?
Q. I would like some advice on what to do when you're autistic, aware of the way you differ from other 'normal' people, but still want to have a normal life that involves getting a job and a partner? I am asking on behalf of my brother because ...
A. 28 December 2016: My 32 year old son is in a similar situation. The best thing we did was put him in a program for adults with limitations such as his. He lives alone in a group facility with minimal supervision and works at his program's office.
He has had rela... (read in full...)
My ex fiance treats me like a best friend
Q. My ex fiancé broke up with me 4 months ago. We were together for almost four years. At first she needed space and was confused because she couldn't get over issues in our past. She wanted time and for me to back off and give her space. We have ...
A. 28 December 2016: Well she has the best of both worlds now. You to play house with and the ability to fool around with other men without consequences.
The key is how clingy she gets when you try to get interested in other women.
I agree with FA that the only... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a man to look at and flirt with women other than his significant other?
Q. Is it wrong for a man to look at and flirt with women other than his significant other? Why or why not?...
A. 28 December 2016: I agree it depends on the looking and the flirting. Is it wrong for a woman? It also depends on the place, the time, the relationship, etc. There is no one right answer.
My husband will look. He's not subtle about it. He can't flirt to save ... (read in full...)
My Bf has been talking to a younger woman. Where to now? After all I've done for him, why did he do this?
Q. Hi I have a BF for 3 years, monogamous relationship. That is what I thought. My Bf has an habit to lie. Lie about small and big things. We are on and off due this because I caught him then he apologized then I forgive then again he lies and so o...
A. 21 December 2016: In this case I don't think age has a lot to do with it. I had a husband like this. He did these things because his ego needed the stroking. It was NOT about ME. It was not what I could or could not give him. NOTHING I could have done or said ... (read in full...)
I feel her weight gain is getting out of control!
Q. I am 27 my girlfriend is 24 we live together and we have a great relationship. The problem I have got is that I feel her weight gain is getting out of hand. She was by no means thin when we got together and I am not saying she should have a model ...
A. 13 December 2016: It's hard. And I feel your pain. My husband was 138 pounds when we met.
he needed to gain 15-20 pounds. He's gained nearly 70.
He eats like crap and he gets no exercise. NO matter what I say he does nothing. I don't care about the weight... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him, he wants things I don’t!
Q. My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him. We have been together for less than a year and he is my first boyfriend. He says he is bored with what we do. He wants anal, bondage, toys, and other stuff, I don't even know... The thing is I don...
A. 13 December 2016: OP you have told him you don't want those things.
He does not want to listen.
He wants to bully you into submitting to his wishes.
NOTHING you say will change that.
I fear this will not turn out well and you need to start planning ... (read in full...)
I found out he's communicating with his ex. What now?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and I couldn't be happier. We are so compatible and i feel like i've known him for years. He treats me very well and is the gentleman of my dreams. However, i would like opinion on a dilemma i have...
A. 13 December 2016: I agree with Honeypie, while he should have been up front with you about a promise made before you were dating that was broken he really hasn't done anything all that wrong.
BTW your words are "before we started dating" did you mean "before ... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 11 December 2016: BUT OP you DO please her. She married you. You CAN and DO bring her to orgasm.
Have you asked her "am I a lousy lover" if yes what did she say?
IF NOT why not?
oh and CHI girl is right Penises mean NOTHING TO women mostly unless we ar... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 10 December 2016: OP your original post says:
"She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough [sic]intercourse."
your follow up says:
" Other men, whom haven't put anything but their big or averages penuses [sic]inside my wife have... (read in full...)
Is my sexual wish too much to ask?
Q. Dear aunts, I have a gf who i love. I'm straight but a like girls to play with my arse. I just like the sensation. I'm afraid if i ask my gf to try a dildo or a strap on on me will make me less desirable for her. What do you think?...
A. 9 December 2016: Most of my male partners have enjoyed having their ass stimulated. I even have used a strap on for them.
I see no problems with it.
You can ask
she can say yes in which case have at it
if she says NO... then you drop it
... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 9 December 2016: Deep Sigh...
my husband is the worst lover I have ever had and the ONLY man to make me "squirt" THE best orgasms I have are from ORAL and he won't do it.
You are equating penetration and female ejaculation with a good orgasm. to be hones... (read in full...)
'I have given that threesome thing a thought.'
Q. Hello. Long story short. I'm divorced and I started an affair with a colleague. She's young and energetic. She once suggested me to bring a close friend of hers -whom I know personally quite well and is like a friend to me - into our sexual relation ...
A. 7 December 2016: FOR ME... (and I stress that this was for me as it does not apply to most people) I actually found it "stimulating" to watch my then partner be active sexually. BUT I am bisexual so that may have something to do with it.
IT also has to do with ... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon to meet
Q. We are talking online, we have many common interests, even if we are aiming for different jobs etc. We live about 2 hours away from each other and have never met in person. However, we started talking about 2 months ago and speak every day, and flir...
A. 6 December 2016: I would say it's time.
IF you live two hours apart you drive an hour towards him and he drives an hour towards you, meet in the middle have brunch or something and see if it clicks. And go from there.
My husband and I met first but were L... (read in full...)
'I have given that threesome thing a thought.'
Q. Hello. Long story short. I'm divorced and I started an affair with a colleague. She's young and energetic. She once suggested me to bring a close friend of hers -whom I know personally quite well and is like a friend to me - into our sexual relation ...
A. 6 December 2016: I am a former swinger. NOTE the word FORMER.
As a person previously in the lifestyle my definition of cheating is "ANYTHING you can't, won't or don't tell your partner." So if you do this and don't tell her that you are doing it to not be viewe... (read in full...)
Facing dental work and afraid I'll have a nervous breakdown!
Q. This is going to be a very hard night for me. I have always been obsessed, literally obsessed with my teeth. Yet, cursed with bad genetics, so despite my taking care of my teeth I have had fillings and veneers since I was a teen... even earlier. I ...
A. 6 December 2016: I am going through this right now. I had a tooth pulled in August
I had to let it heal till November and got the implant part.
Now it has to heal until February and then I get the cap on it. Thankfully it's in the back so while it affects ... (read in full...)
Suspicious my boyfriend might be talking to other women
Q. I live with my boyfriend. I noticed his battery lost 10 % battery power overnight. Is this possible when you do not use the phone? I ask because it has happened twice this week. He said it just fell off the charger. It has never happened before....
A. 5 December 2016: I am sure that there are push notifications etc that are causing the battery to drain. I can go to bed with a fully charged battery and wake up with the battery at 65% even with "do not disturb" activated on my phone.
What other "clues" do you h... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 23 November 2016: Also in the NOT YOUR CALL to make camp.
No one has the right to tell someone who they can or cannot be friends with or who they can or cannot sleep with (well sleep with the only person who has a say is my spouse)
In fact, I had some friends... (read in full...)
Why does my g/f want to go to planned parenthood to get checked out if she's a virgin?
Q. My girlfriend and me are both 15. She said she got her girl thing at 12 but she wants to go to planned parenthood to get looked at. Even her East Orthodox mama said no since she's a virgin and doesn't have to. I'm Pentecostal and I agree with her ...
A. 23 November 2016: OP I apologize for not realizing you were a female also. My mistake. in that case pregnancy is not an issue but the rest still stands.
you can say ANYTHING here. it's a great site.
Planned Parenthood does provide STD testing and abor... (read in full...)
Why does my g/f want to go to planned parenthood to get checked out if she's a virgin?
Q. My girlfriend and me are both 15. She said she got her girl thing at 12 but she wants to go to planned parenthood to get looked at. Even her East Orthodox mama said no since she's a virgin and doesn't have to. I'm Pentecostal and I agree with her ...
A. 22 November 2016: I started seeing the gynecologist at age 12. I was a virgin.
Once a young lady starts her menses (her 'girl thing') then it's perfectly appropriate to see a doctor for check ups. She may have heavy periods that she is worried about or severe c... (read in full...)
Did I give this much older man the wrong signals by giving him my phone number?
Q. I made a bad mistake. I have been in the US for few years but don't know much about dating as I moved here with my ex husband.I got divorce 2 years ago and I have never dated here and no interest to do so even I get lots of attention. Here is the p...
A. 22 November 2016: If you are not interested in dating him then you say that.
"Steve, I'm very flattered that you want to take me to dinner but I need to make it very clear that I am NOT interested in anything other than a casual friendship."
Every time he ask... (read in full...)
Do I confront her about her ex?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I've been seeing this girl for about a month. We were set up through a mutual friend. I've grown to really like this girl. But when we first got together she told me she had went about with a guy who was a bit of a...
A. 22 November 2016: I (as usual) totally agree with Honeypie. You after a couple of weeks asked her not to read his letters. This after she told you she didn't want anything serious.
I'm married and I would not let my husband get away with trying to control who ... (read in full...)
The guy who meant nothing to her in her past got to live out his fantasy while I, despite being her boyfriend, don't get the same privilege. Isn't it unfair?
Q. I guess the question I have is what do I do? About 3 years ago before my girlfriend met me she had sex with a girl while a guy she occasionally hooked up with watched. They were all out at the pub and the girl was interested in her and the guys ...
A. 21 November 2016: Let's say instead of a girl on girl viewing for you it was about a food she ate.
Let's say Lobster. she ate it once before she met you and she did not like it. Would you want her to eat it again with you JUST TO MAKE YOU HAPPY?
I'm a... (read in full...)
Do I have cancer? I'm really scared!
Q. So it's been a long journey of worrying myself sick and feeling scared and alone. About a year ago I had sex for the first time. I'm not gunna go into to much detail but yes I did use a condom. Long story short.. I developed a little bump where my ...
A. 8 November 2016: No it's probably not cancer. I have had two abnormal pap smears in my life both "cells consistent with HPV" I asked the doctor then "do I have HPV" and he said "you probably had it when you were younger and it cleared up" I was told that most ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend using his health as a reason to be lazy
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. In these past three years, he has not has a job, is extremely lazy, relied on me and family to support him. I was on the verge of breaking up with him, then he went to the Doctor's and said he was ...
A. 8 November 2016: Of course life goes on. And coping... well for a long time I just kind of winged it. And life was not so great.
Finally I learned a lot of good coping Techniques such as the ones listed in book "Adventures in Fast Forward"
I now always hang ... (read in full...)
If a man's intentions are sex, will holding off make him like you more?
Q. I had read an article on the Evan Marc Katz website and it mentioned that holding off on sex weeds out the guys who are only interested in getting into your pants and not really wanting to get to know you/don't like you. I also heard from a dif...
A. 7 November 2016: Just because you slept with him on the third date (which BTW was the standard for my generation) does not mean he will leave.
What I have found is the women need a reason to have sex..men need a place... that's a bit tongue in cheek but it... (read in full...)
Boyfriend using his health as a reason to be lazy
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. In these past three years, he has not has a job, is extremely lazy, relied on me and family to support him. I was on the verge of breaking up with him, then he went to the Doctor's and said he was ...
A. 7 November 2016: ADHD is not an excuse it is an explanation.
I have ADHD I was first diagnosed with it in 1969 at Johns Hopkins Hospital. They still called it Minimal Brain Dysfunction back then. It was a step up from Minimal Brain Damage.
I was one of the f... (read in full...)
Sick and tired of being the only responsible one
Q. I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...
A. 7 November 2016: Do you go to Al-Anon. You should. You are with an addict.
Al-anon is not about fixing him it's about fixing you. It was a lifesaver for me.
http://al-anon.org/home
My husband is in recovery (January will be 2 years) from alcohol. I ... (read in full...)
What do ladies think of men who shave everywhere because they are hairy?
Q. What do girls feel about guys who shave their whole body neck to toe because they are overly hairy everywhere otherwise?...
A. 6 November 2016: Boys are hairless... Men have hair. My husband was a shaver... I have finally gotten him to stop shaving and I love it. BUT he has red body hair and his back is not hairy.
He trims nicely around his privates so oral is easier but other than tha... (read in full...)
He'll only communicate with me via the dating site
Q. Help, I have been messaging a guy for 4 months on a dating site. We seem to have alot in common and message for hours maybe 2 times a week. But we have never met and i have never heard his voice. He wont share his phone number with me or txt my ...
A. 3 November 2016: I doubt he's going to meet you... he's a time waster. LET HIM GO.
Meeting online should lead to meeting in person within a few weeks if local and within a few months if LDR.
Phone calls should begin almost immediately and email and texts ... (read in full...)
High heels during sex...yay or nay?
Q. This question is for you women out there. I really want to know if high heels are a sexual turn on for you girls or not? I love them and I want my wife to wear them every time during sex. But she doesn't!! It's the single most sexual turn on for me. ...
A. 31 October 2016: Nope, not wearing shoes for sex. They don't make me wet. Not interested. There was a time I wore CFM shoes all the time. But they came off in the bedroom.... (read in full...)
What rights do I have as a grandparent?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a grandparent of a now 2 year old grandson.My grandson is constantly in and out of CPS because my daughter is involved with the child's father and he is the one abusing him.Now I am trying to get visitation rights and she told the ...
A. 30 October 2016: Here is the link for grandparent rights state by state
http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparents-rights/grandparent-rights-united-states... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to get my tubes tied and burnt not knowing what my future holds?
Q. Dear Cupid,I am 45 years old my clock is ticking fast I have been in a relationship in many years I don't have health issues very healthy but I want my tubes tied but the the doctor says no I might meet a man who want a child but I don't want No ...
A. 27 October 2016: an ablation is not a form of birth control. you can still get pregnant you just can't support the pregnancy. you must be on good birth control or have had your tubes tied to get an ablation. I had one in 2004 in lieu of a hysterectomy which is ... (read in full...)
Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion?
Q. Hi, I am a Jewish white male. Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion? And girls - if you are a different race or religion, would you date a Jewish, or white man? Thanks....
A. 22 October 2016: As a Jewish mother of a son married to a lovely shiksa goddess that I adore I will say it's not "wrong" but most Jewish boys are raised that "Shiksa's are for practice"
It's wrong if you are ortohdox.
It' difficult if you are at all observant bu... (read in full...)
Why would my wife threaten to leave me over my porn use?
Q. My wife says she will leave me if I keep watching porn. What is wrong with her? I have no idea why she thinks watching porn is bad. This is something I like to do and do it privately. I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess wh...
A. 20 October 2016: OP you said "I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess why."
Why is because you knew it was not acceptable to her.
I always knew my husband watched porn and it does not bother me but I am a pretty secure and rare woman.
I... (read in full...)
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