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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How do I tell my LDR guy and get him to understand that this level of contact is not enough?
Q. Hi everyone, thanks for reading! Im not sure how to approach this - i basically need to talk to my boyfriend about being more in contact. We are doing a long distance relationship at the moment and everything was fine (we were skyping a few t...
A. 21 June 2016: LDRS are hard.
they need time
they need money (on both ends not just one partner)
they need commitment
they need communication
and most importantly they need an END in SIGHT.
I met my now husband in 2009
WE decided to start an ... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend tell me to be a good girl while he is overseas on a trip?
Q. My boyfriend is travelling overseas to visit his family. He just texted me before boarding the plane saying he will miss me and that he'd see me in a few weeks. Then he told me to be a good girl for him while he is gone. That he will be a go...
A. 21 June 2016: I'm of the "it's a cute way to say goodbye" school but then I don't know him..is he controlling or jealous in any way?... (read in full...)
High Libido and still a virgin. Am I weird or is it somewhat normal for my age to use masturbation to relieve my sexual tension?
Q. Hi agony aunts. So I'll be 17 soon and am not yet sexually active. Problem is my hormones have been driving me crazy since I turned 11/12 (when I hit puberty). That is the time when I started masturbating (please don't tell me its a sin or anything...
A. 21 June 2016: When I was your age it was at least twice a day for me to wake up and then to go to sleep. sometimes even more in between.
you are perfectly normal.
... (read in full...)
I want to marry my g/f but she won't do oral sex and its important to me
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years and she wont blow me. I go down on her and tell her alot how much id like one. She says she might one day but thinks itsgross and awkward. I want to marry her one day but this is important to me. What ...
A. 21 June 2016: I love a good BJ and I love his reaction to one.
Personally for me, I prefer to finish him off and swallow so let's talk about it.
Let's talk about how I give them but my current husband won't/can't perform oral on me. I miss it. There... (read in full...)
Why did she contact her ex? I sent him a "no contact" email from her account 2 years ago!
Q. Hi, I have been living with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I'm English living in Costa Rica and she's Costa Rican. When we first met I found her text an American man she used to work with. I found out they were having sex,skyping and sending rude ...
A. 20 June 2016: YOU fall to your knees and beg forgiveness and pray she accepts you back.
YOU betrayed her.
YOU lied to her
YOU invaded her privacy and her trust.
IF you don't trust her then do her a favor and leave her now.
'I have told her..." u... (read in full...)
I'm a middle aged married man with a young attractive girl under my skin. What should I do?
Q. Help Aunts and Uncles! I dislike speaking about how I feel but I am going to burst if I don't get this out somehow. I am a married man in my late 40s and I do love my wife and we have a 9 year old together. The last few months I can't get anot...
A. 20 June 2016: Seriously, old man do you think this girl with her child gives you one red hot thought?
do you think she is "doing this" TO YOU?
You are suffering from the middle aged "I'm still hot so she must want me"
and she probably looks at you an... (read in full...)
Overwhelming depression has descended on me knowing my Bf will be away with his family until July. How can I stop this depression? What do I need to do about this?
Q. My boyfriend is away on a trip with his family. He hasn't even been gone two days and won't be back until the first week of July. I am not sure if this is normal but I am severely depressed. I have been crying a lot and have isolated myse...
A. 19 June 2016: I fully expected this poster to be 13-15.
Do you want to be a fat unemployed woman when he comes home or the same woman he loved when he left.
It's less than 3 weeks.
You need to get up and go to work and go shopping and use thi... (read in full...)
His kiss has upset my calm
Q. I have a bf of over a year however recently something happened with a work colleague. The guy from work kissed me after a night out but now has said we can't talk outside of work anymore as his gf thinks there is something between us. I'm feeli...
A. 19 June 2016: You seem to be missing option 3... ignore the taken man from work and break up with the guy that's overly critical and go it alone for a bit then meet someone who's better than Mr Critical and more appropriate than taken man from work.
why does ... (read in full...)
Why is porn condemned by women?
Q. I am curious about this. It seems that to some women the worst sin a man can commit is looking at porn and I don't get it. They are just images on a screen of women he most likely will never meet or ever have a chance with. The chances of him a...
A. 17 June 2016: For some women I think it makes them insecure.
For me, if porn is being used to replace being a lover and partner to a woman (ie being a lover is hard work and they would rather just masturbate because it's faster and easier) then it's wrong. ... (read in full...)
My married man was upset I broke up with him! Was I unreasonable?
Q. I have been involved with a married man for 10 years, I waited until his children were grown up so I could make demands in my lover leaning his wife, they are 17 and 19 so not kids anymore....I asked him last night for us to be a proper couple now, ...
A. 17 June 2016: Leaving a woman is not the same as leaving your children.
A man can leave a marriage or a woman and still be a good father to his children.
do not assume that a man will stay JUST for the kids. I've seen too many men use children as an e... (read in full...)
My married man was upset I broke up with him! Was I unreasonable?
Q. I have been involved with a married man for 10 years, I waited until his children were grown up so I could make demands in my lover leaning his wife, they are 17 and 19 so not kids anymore....I asked him last night for us to be a proper couple now, ...
A. 17 June 2016: Basically you called him on his bluff. He's been bluffing you for 10 years...
He is never going to leave his wife for you. IF he was going to he would have done it 9 years and 6 months ago or sooner.
and yes MEN do leave their wife and fam... (read in full...)
Cannot stomach this toxic dynamic any more. How can I deal with my toxic mother?
Q. My parents are in their 70s. My mother has a very difficult personality and I feel really negative around her. She splits people up within our family, picks fault with everyone (me, my sister, my neice and nephew, my auntie - you name it) and ...
A. 17 June 2016: You have my permission to not visit them or have them in your life.
Just because we share blood with people does not mean we HAVE to have relationships with them.
Create your Family from your friends... do not assume that because she is a... (read in full...)
Is it wrong or right to send flowers to a co worker you like?
Q. I have a question I wanted to ask and ive been debating it. If there is a co worker a male likes and he's into her. Let's say the special day was valentines day. Is it wrong or right to send flowers to a co worker you like? not that I'm intendi...
A. 17 June 2016: Are you sending this card anonymously or as a way to let her know you are interested in her?
I don't like the idea of anonymously sent cards, in this day and age it's creepy in 1916 it would have been fine but then she probably would not ha... (read in full...)
Is it wrong or right to send flowers to a co worker you like?
Q. I have a question I wanted to ask and ive been debating it. If there is a co worker a male likes and he's into her. Let's say the special day was valentines day. Is it wrong or right to send flowers to a co worker you like? not that I'm intendi...
A. 16 June 2016: if a man not my romantic partner sent ME flowers I would be uncomfortable.
... (read in full...)
Is she out of my league? Should I ask her out?
Q. I'm a single male and work, there's a female at work whose caught my eye and she is attractive. She always looks at me, smiles and gives me hugs and chats to me. I'd like to ask her out but the problem is, I'm not sure if im her type or not or w...
A. 16 June 2016: She's smiling at you and giving you hugs etc.
have you ever asked her to get lunch with you? I'd go for that to start. "Hey wanna grab lunch together on Tuesday"
make it specific don't use the "some day" or "some time"
pick a date tha... (read in full...)
Drunk boyfriend troubles. What to do?
Q. I accused my partner of lying the other night as he was coming back from a party and fell asleep on the bus. He then took a taxi from one town drove straight through the town that he was meant to meet me in and onto the next town. He told me this...
A. 15 June 2016: You don't get past it you leave him.
My husband is a recovering alcoholic. I told him if he didn't get sober the marriage was over. He got sober because I was the most important thing in the world to him. Therefore I am willing to work with his... (read in full...)
He puts his family above all else. Am I wrong to be feeling concerned about our future together, considering his actions?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man for awhile now. There was that immediate spark and we being with him felt great and easy. He treated me better than anyone I had previously been with and made me happy. Gradually we started realizin...
A. 14 June 2016: The biggest problem is NOT your religious differences. BTW those of us who are not religious are often still very moral and ethical. Religion is not required for those traits.
Your blaming his choices on his lack of religion when in all hones... (read in full...)
Am I entitle to feel the pain of loss and grief over my parents' breakup? Including my loss of connection to the family home?
Q. Hi there, I am 23 years old and live with my boyfriend of the same age. We've been together 3 years, lived together for 1. Recently my parents decided to divorce. They have sold the family home I grew up in and moved quite far away from me (...
A. 13 June 2016: of course you are allowed to feel sad about the divorce. I was married and expecting my first child when my parents separated briefly and I was destroyed.
and yes you are allowed to feel sad about losing the home (and angry about your stuff be... (read in full...)
Is another woman the cause?
Q. ok so my partner and i are have hit a really bad spot. He left my apartment in a mood with now reason a few days ago i don't even know why the night before we had a really great night and so much fun together then at 6am he was leaving saying he ...
A. 13 June 2016: let him go. He's not stable and he's looking for a way out.
let him go.... (read in full...)
Are there people who just break up and feel happy and relieved and never think twice about their ex again?
Q. After being together for 2.5 years, I've finally beoken up with him yesterday. He called me last night thinking that I was just 'acting up'. As soon as I heard that he was still out, supposedly driving home at 1am, I didn't want to talk and ...
A. 13 June 2016: you told him not to contact you...was that CODE For "contact me anyway"
he's doing what you said
why would you think he would contact you?
are you playing games or do you need your ego stroked?
i have broken up with folks or been b... (read in full...)
He says he's not attracted to her but only one quality of hers; should I be worried?
Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend has been drifting emotionally because the thrill of the chase is gone for him. I then found out that to compensate for the thrill being gone, he had started being attracted to someone else (someone he hasn't ...
A. 13 June 2016: if your BF is drifting because "the thrill is gone" I'd let him drift right away over to her and her ONE quality.
while the 'thrill of the chase" is fun... it has no bearing on a life together.
if you want a serious relationship the... (read in full...)
Do I wait for the new guy to make up his mind? or go back to Mr Wrong?
Q. So, my (verbally abusive) boyfriend of 2 years and I finally called it off. A few months later, I reconnect with and re-fall for this brilliant, kind, handsome guy who I used to be *very friendly* with in high school. Happy ending? Nope! He decides ...
A. 13 June 2016: third option...NONE OF THE ABOVE.
what's wrong with being single and free for a bit.
if the choice is a guy who's still with someone or a guy who abuses you why is it even a choice? do you hate yourself that much?... (read in full...)
Do I risk losing her for good if I tell her, ''no we can't do this right now'' ?
Q. In our final year of university, a girl I have grown close with from my friendship group confessed that she liked me, just a few weeks after splitting up with her boyfriend of 2 years, who is also a pretty good friend of mine. I immediat...
A. 13 June 2016: I think it can work if everyone is above board and honest.
It happens.
what i wonder is why you have not contacted your friend her ex and asked his stance on it?
why wait till vacation? what are you putting off?... (read in full...)
Do relationships that start as affairs go the distance, or do they fail?
Q. My dad left my mum (who his disabled with MS) for the 'other woman' - do these relationships that start as an affair (lies, deception) typically last? How can his new parter trust him? She must be insecure that if he can do it with her, he will DO ...
A. 13 June 2016: I know of a few affairs that started with married partners leaving their respective spouses and being together forever until one of them died.
Human nature is such that sometimes it works sometimes it does not.
... (read in full...)
What were his true intentions? Did I do something wrong? Should I try to contact him again?
Q. I met a guy online who seemed pretty nice. He was very handsome, polite, and a complete gentleman. I didn't want to seem desperate so I would wait for him to contact me first, plus I was taught that if a man is interested, he should make the firs...
A. 13 June 2016: you did nothing wrong.
he did not want intimacy he wanted SEX.
big huge difference.
let him go. he's not worth the energy.... (read in full...)
The quietest guy I have ever met! Is he elitist?
Q. Dear Aunts, I have a question about attractive reserved men. If a man had good looks,height,a good job,an IQ of 130+ and was blessed with good health; deep down,he's gotta know that he's better than most people he encounters,right? My qu...
A. 10 June 2016: VERY very few people have an IQ of 130+
Me thinks you have a thing for this guy so you see him as perfect. He's not.
Being tall, intelligent, healthy, and good looking does not make a person better than anyone else.
Just because he's not... (read in full...)
Do women feel extra sexy during their periods?
Q. Is it true that when women are on their periods they are sexually high / their sex drive is high at this point? Like few days before the periods, on periods and just after the periods gets over. Does it happens that they dress in a way that they lo...
A. 10 June 2016: DURING My period i did not feel sexy or want to be touched or bothered.
HOWEVER,
It is part of evolution that women are more sexually attuned around ovulation as a way to keep the species going.
... (read in full...)
I want to break up, but what of the presents she gave me?
Q. If you are seeing some one for let's say four months, an you don't feel the same way, so you decide to break up with them, an the night before you do this they give you a few presents, do you keep the presents or give them back, an tell them it's ...
A. 10 June 2016: Honeypie I'm glad you posted I did not see the follow up by the user.
yes I would like to see the original question so I can see if I gave the same answer which I'm pretty sure I would have.
unless the phrasing was set up to make us change o... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that my girlfriend had her phone with her in the bathroom?
Q. My girlfriend had her phone with her in the bathroom today. We were having sex and afterwards, she had to use the bathroom. I waited for her outside the bathroom because I had to go. And I saw she came out with her phone. I did not say anything and ...
A. 10 June 2016: I take my phone and kindle with me. I'm not cheating.
My hubby takes his and plays a game.
I know this how? HE leaves the door open (oy joy)
if the ONLY concern is that she took her phone with her... that's not enough...
... (read in full...)
Has anyone been in a lasting relationship where there was an age difference?
Q. When I was 28 I was in a 4.5 year relationship with a younger girl, she was only 18 when we started dating. We had a son together and when our son was 18 months old she said she made a mistake settling down with me and wanted to experience her yout...
A. 10 June 2016: My husband is 13 years younger than I am. I am 56 and he is 43. We are together 6 years and I doubt if I had met him at 18 I would have looked twice at him.
who we are at 18 is not who we are at 25 or 30
people grow mature and change. ... (read in full...)
Does this older man like me back?
Q. I can't work out if this man likes me or is just being friendly. I met this man as a client as I used his home improvement company to do up my house. He is always very flirty and friendly. Lately I have seen him pop up everywhere and I mean ...
A. 10 June 2016: I can't improve on what Cindy Cares has said.
and yes if he is fully single (are you sure he is?) then who cares about age if it' works.
but be careful he may just assume you are up for fun and games and "have needs" so to speak.
... (read in full...)
Is the guy married or not? I think yes...
Q. My sister fell for a guy who turns out to be married and wanted nothing to do with him. He wore a wedding ring, posted photos of him and his wife on FB until a month and a half ago, which is when he really started to woo her. He lives in ano...
A. 10 June 2016: oh he's married. but your sister won't believe you.
I like the idea of an independent investigator so that you can have someone else deliver the bad news.
or she could ask him where he got his divorce so that you can check the public... (read in full...)
I want my Bf back. How can I attempt to achieve that aim?
Q. I want my ex boyfriend back , when i first met my ex there was something special there and i felt so comfortable with him as tho i had known him years . But after our first meet he kept cancelling we had a break and decided to try again but agai...
A. 9 June 2016: I'm sorry OP but based on what you wrote you have NO SHOT IN HELL of getting "back" with this guy.
WHILE YOU were with HIM. HE was NEVER with YOU.
You feel a way HE DOES NOT and you can't make him feel what YOU WANT him to feel.
You... (read in full...)
I want to break up, but what of the presents she gave me?
Q. If you are seeing some one for let's say four months, an you don't feel the same way, so you decide to break up with them, an the night before you do this they give you a few presents, do you keep the presents or give them back, an tell them it's ...
A. 9 June 2016: "the night before"
you needed to move the breakup to that night.
you offer to return them and let the giver decide if they want them back or not.
I'm sensing you liked the gifts and want to keep them but dump the person who gave them too... (read in full...)
Exhausted ! What can I do? My Bf's video game playing wakes me up several times during the night.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living for 5 months together now, and almost a year together. Our relationship has honestly been a lot of ups an downs, and the reason why I stay with him is because I do love him and he is the only and first man to ...
A. 8 June 2016: if he has headphones and he won't move the computer and you hear him talking and that wakes you and you really REALLY want to make this work (why oh why)
then I suggest a white noise machine in the bedroom for you ON HIGH. that may help.
if... (read in full...)
Can anyone understand why I am so distressed about my husband masturbating to porn when I'm at work or when I'm asleep beside him?
Q. Hi A couple of months ago I discovered that my husband masturbates to porn while I am asleep or while I am not at home or working late. Our sex life is average, we have it at least 1-2 times per week, but I am always the one initiating i...
A. 8 June 2016: I would be more hurt that he's too lazy to be a good lover which is why he does not bother to initiate sex with you and would rather jerk off.
IF you are not orgasming during sex is he even trying to get you there or is he lazy about that too?
... (read in full...)
Why Am I unable to leave my married lover?
Q. I am seeing a married man. I don't see him often. Once a month but we keep in touch on text / email. He is my friend.. The person who gives me advice. Who is my mentor and my agony aunt. He is 10 years older than me. Married with no children. I have ...
A. 8 June 2016: Yes you can find another man but you have to be open to it. And you won't be open to it until you can detach and separate emotionally from this man. Sadly you will no longer be able to be friends with him either.
Why you don't leave him ... (read in full...)
He's younger than me by 4 years and in love, with me. How should I handle this situation?
Q. Hi, I have met this guy one year ago as his family and my family knows each other. He is 4yrs younger than me. Last year as our family met each other even we got to meet each and since then he got in touch with me. Even we have common friends s...
A. 8 June 2016: If he is legally an adult, (here that's over 18) and you like him and he likes you...for ME that's a no brainer and I'd say go for it.
My husband just turned 43. I'm 56. 13 years older.
Age after a while is but a number.
... (read in full...)
Dumped and I don't know why
Q. My bf of six months just broke up with me and I am devasted - to begin with I don't know how to deal with the fact that I am turning 30 in three months and still alone- he broke up over a text message because we don't see things eye to eye- meaning ...
A. 6 June 2016: He's not unstable, he just was NOT into you and accepted what you gave him as long as it fit his needs.
Once you got "demanding" he dumped you. It's his issue and his bad behavior not a reflection of you.... (read in full...)
Is there a bias to the answers here?
Q. I was wondering why aunts and uncles are more willing to answer questions that are related to below belly button , thresum, Fwb, F buddies, but are less likely to help on some serious questions regarding other issues? Have we gotten some preferences ...
A. 6 June 2016: We are not professionals, folks answer what they want to answer and what they feel competent to answer.... (read in full...)
Would anyone see a problem with a partner offering to pick up an ex from work in his car ? Why is he offering?
Q. My ex boyfriend and i of 6 and a half years broke up around 2 years ago. Recently he has been offering to pick me up from work instead of dropping our little girl off later on when im in. Hes now married and im wondering if his wife knows about...
A. 6 June 2016: chi girl is correct as always...why not ask him or his wife if she's ok with it.
FWIW I would be fine with my husband giving an ex a ride.
I trust him. ... (read in full...)
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