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*o_Very_Confused agony aunt

*o_Very_Confused

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*o_Very_Confused's profile:

I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....

Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.

My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery

and Long distance relationships...

I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...

NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.

Rules:

IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice

NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.

IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.

We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.

IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.

IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....

Old cliches:

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place

Do as I say not as I do

Latest articles:

How to get many answers to your question.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...

Am I Co-Dependent?

No replies yet...

24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...

Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...

How you can tell someone loves you

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...

Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?

This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [370 pages, 14749 answers]

My friend is taking up too much of my time. How do I tell her in a friendly way?

Q.   Hey , my propblem is about my friend . i work from home and have a child so tend to be busy but have more free time than someone going out to their work place , my friend doesnt work due to disabilities so has a lot of free time . She constantly ...

A.   31 August 2016: oh yeah I keep my phone on silent almost all the time and do miss texts.. i have a very good friend that lets her child use her phone for videos and stuff and she's only 4 so she doesn't know to give her mom the phone when I text. so if I... (read in full...)

Is it 'normal' to only have sex once a week when you live with your partner?

Q.   I'm just curious, I apologise in advance if this is TMI. I've been with my partner for 6 years, living together for one. We used to sleep together several times a day every time we saw each other... But for the past year of living together it's only ...

A.   31 August 2016: Stop worrying...he is telling the truth. My husband and I were insane before we moved in together. Then he moved in and while it was not too bad it got to be less and less... then he started gaining weight... and he does not feel sexy any more... (read in full...)

My friend is taking up too much of my time. How do I tell her in a friendly way?

Q.   Hey , my propblem is about my friend . i work from home and have a child so tend to be busy but have more free time than someone going out to their work place , my friend doesnt work due to disabilities so has a lot of free time . She constantly ...

A.   31 August 2016: When I am driving my phone automatically says "I'm driving right now I'll get back to you when it's safe" I suggest you create a standard text for her when she messages you that says "I'm working right now I'll get back to you as soon as I ca... (read in full...)

My ex and I broke up why is he doing this?

Q.   My ex and i just broke up i left he sent me pic of woman with engagement ring on why i don't know then he texts me again say hes coming to my house to get something he left he has a lot of nerve why is he doing this...

A.   30 August 2016: I totally agree with the ideas: pack up all his things and put them on the lawn text him to tell him that's where they are and that you are no longer going to have any contact with him. then block his number or change your phone number if ... (read in full...)

Wife won't have sex, how do I bring up having a 3rd person involved?

Q.   once more the issue is about threesomes,my wife and i have been married over 30 years, both in our 50's, for the last 5-6 years our sex life has become extinct, i was wondering if a 3rd person in the bedroom would revive the flame, problem is i don...

A.   30 August 2016: Bringing a third person into your bedroom will not revive her drive, nor will it fix the marriage. Have you even spoken to her about it and expressed your feelings? NICELY...not with pawing at her and begging, but over a lovely dinner, "sweethe... (read in full...)

What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.

Q.   my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...

A.   30 August 2016: Oh yes I can totally see how he tries to make himself look like the wronged party. He is a LIAR and a CHEAT... and he lies to YOU and his wife... the only person who really knows what's going on is him and he thinks he's above the rules. ... (read in full...)

What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.

Q.   my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...

A.   29 August 2016: Honey he's thinking with his little head... that's all. Why he does what he does is because he's a lying cheating SOB. And sometimes candy is sweeter when it's stolen... ... (read in full...)

Is my fiancee is ruining my chances of having a family?

Q.   I have been in a long distance relationship for three years and engaged for one year. We live an hour and a half drive away so I commute to see him every weekend. My problem is I am tired of waiting for him to set a wedding date. I am going to be...

A.   28 August 2016: Oh dear. I don't see this ending well. My husband and I were 100 miles apart when we met. He had an apartment and I owned my house. I had the flexibility so once we got serious (3 months) I was the one going up to see him most weekends. ... (read in full...)

What is a normal LDR communication? There are age differences and we live on different continents

Q.   We've known each other for over a month. Been together for 4 weeks. He went home 6 days ago. Since this is a honeymoon phase, I am a bit worried because I am the only one starting conversations/texting. If I ask him something he'll answer. If I sen...

A.   28 August 2016: While he was with you he was out of his regular life. He had time. He did things differently. Now that he is home and getting settled back into his regular life he finds that life getting back to normal means he does not have time or energy to ... (read in full...)

I know my ex has a new Gf, so why is he bothering to text me when he's drunk?

Q.   why do ex boyfriends send text when drunk? my ex continues to give me false hope with random contact, I know he has a new gf so why the drunk texts?? ...

A.   24 August 2016: "so why the drunk texts" because one day he may have the need for sex and he's keeping is options open with you. I suggest that you block his number. end of problem.... (read in full...)

How can I ignore her attention seeking toxic responses and move on?

Q.   I am in love with my straight best friend I have been in love with her since i met her...but by then, we were young. She partially reciprocated my love, because i have told her i love her. She however is afraid of really coming out...s...

A.   24 August 2016: Agreed...if you follow unfollow her. IF she persists...unfriend her if she still persists then it's block time. same with the phone... often we outgrow childhood friends... and that's ok... time to move on.... (read in full...)

He said he doesn't want me to spend the weekend at his place and now he's not responding to my texts! Help!

Q.   Dear Cupid I am dating a guy for past 5 months, we meet every weekend in his place. Its not perfect, but its good, he doesnt like talking in phone or texting, so i dont usually call him over the week, even if i do its rare that he picks up the cal...

A.   23 August 2016: "What should i do now?" you should a. stop texting and calling him and b. consider the relationship over and move on... he's done.... (read in full...)

Am I making this about myself?

Q.   Can someone please tell me if I am over reacting and making this about myself? My husband's adult children are always in hard times because they don't have jobs or quit their jobs and one of them just keeps having babies that she can't afford. We ...

A.   23 August 2016: If he only wants yes why even PRETEND to ask. He is out of line. I have my own money (an inheritance) but my husband is the more fiscally responsible party so when I ask him "HOW MUCH can I give my kids this year?" he has to give me an answe... (read in full...)

When I was much younger I wrote love letters to a teacher. Yes, inappropriate, at the time. Why didn't the teacher report me at that time?

Q.   I use to write love letters to my teacher, I did not know the boundaries of teacher students I obviously knew you can't have a relationship with a teacher but I had no idea you could get into trouble for writing love letters. Until a different ...

A.   22 August 2016: I will bet that EVERY girl has a crush on a teacher. I did. I'm 56. I was 17 he was only 24 at the time (not that I knew that) it was a mad crush. I looked him up a few years back and was very sad to hear he had died of cancer. Jus... (read in full...)

Am I despicable for wanting to change my name? How to handle my family's potential response?

Q.   I have a dilema. I feel like I have to choose between hurting my family and being miserable for the rest of my life. That's what it comes down to. I feel like I was born with the wrong name. There are people who are born the wrong gender, an...

A.   18 August 2016: IF you want to go for it! one caveat... your family may not use the name you choose. somewhere on here I wrote my whole name change story.. here it is: http://www.dearcupid.org... (read in full...)

Distance says no but my heart says yes

Q.   Hello, i have spoken to this guy for a few years and met him a handful of times and kissed. I speak to him everyday and his like my best friend (as well as relationship material) but we have never tried a relationship due to my travelling and living ...

A.   18 August 2016: my husand and i survived a year apart with 100 miles but we had the money and the time to get together every weekend at your age that is hard...109 miles is not a lot... it's around a 2 hour trip which around here is considered a day tri... (read in full...)

I can't think of any solutions to get him to move out. Help?

Q.   Hi. My boyfriend moved in with me 8 months ago as he was retrenched. Fortunately he now has a new job but the spell of unemployment hit him hard financially and he is still struggling to make ends meet. He also has a child with ex girlfriend. Our ...

A.   18 August 2016: OH I think Male annon meant to post on this thread: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/together-for-3-years-and-we-have-2.html... (read in full...)

What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.

Q.   my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...

A.   18 August 2016: if you didn't expect these responses...what were you HOPING for...that he was going to beg for you to take him back? you broke up with him but you still love him so why did you break up with him? no one is saying he NEVER cared for you ... (read in full...)

I want my wife to teaze others - any valid opinions?

Q.   Have any of you in committed relationships ever experimented in permitting one partner to engage in some limited sexual behavior towards others, so long as the other partner is present and consenting. This might consist of very close dancing, ...

A.   18 August 2016: OP if your fear is that she will want more...that's really easily handled with rules. you and wife (and the person you find to play with) sit down prior to the event and lay out the rules a. we mustdo this b. we can do this c. we CAN... (read in full...)

I want my wife to teaze others - any valid opinions?

Q.   Have any of you in committed relationships ever experimented in permitting one partner to engage in some limited sexual behavior towards others, so long as the other partner is present and consenting. This might consist of very close dancing, ...

A.   17 August 2016: I know of a few couples that have been married over 25 years each and have been active in the swinger lifestyle and their marriages are rock solid. you need rules you need to both have incredible trust and both be very secure with yourselves a... (read in full...)

I can't think of any solutions to get him to move out. Help?

Q.   Hi. My boyfriend moved in with me 8 months ago as he was retrenched. Fortunately he now has a new job but the spell of unemployment hit him hard financially and he is still struggling to make ends meet. He also has a child with ex girlfriend. Our ...

A.   17 August 2016: he has a new job...change the locks while he's at work and put his stuff on the porch.... (read in full...)

He's seeing someone else. Will our friendship deteriorate if I tell him I'm seriously crushing for him? What can I do?

Q.   I've got a quick dilemma. Basically I think I am in love with my guy best friend. We've been best buddies for a while and hit it off straight away. We talk to each other about EVERYTHING. He's basically everything I look for in a partner but we'v...

A.   17 August 2016: you love him enough to want him to be happy even if it is not with you. that's what you tell him. and then you say I am always your friend and will always support you being happy, but I admit to hoping it might one day be with me. ... (read in full...)

Together for 3 years and we have 2 children together. Did he ever really intend to marry me? Am I interpreting this situation accurately?

Q.   I need help and i'll try and keep this as short as possible. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years almost. We have 2 children together within this time and our relationship was very full on from the beginning with me falling pregnant...

A.   17 August 2016: if he is not willing to go to the local court house with NO rings (don't need a ring or a wedding to get married) In other words you say to him: Honey, I love you and our life together and I NEED the security of that little piece of paper. ... (read in full...)

What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.

Q.   my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...

A.   17 August 2016: What are you confused about? you let a man you no longer date or love in your house and succumbed to sexual pleasure with him. after the blood went back to his brain he realized he just wanted to get laid but he wanted to keep the door ope... (read in full...)

Changes are making me feel super sexy

Q.   Here is my question and issue. Why now? I just turned 40 this year and it's like my sex drive is over the top. Is this normal? I a woman who really didn't care about sex can't seem to get enough. I'm noticing different changes in my body but didn't ...

A.   16 August 2016: It happened to me after 35... at 56 it's abated somewhat but I have a higher drive than my spouse at this point and he's only 43.... i think it's totally normal and expected. IF you are concerned contact your gyn for a yearly physical which y... (read in full...)

How best to help stubborn mother out of debt?

Q.   My mom asked me to help her manage her finances. I agreed and gathered up her bills and created a budget. She's around 8,000 in debt from online store credit, credit card, and doctor bills. After creating the budget and realizing she doesn't make ...

A.   13 August 2016: My father when he was alive bailed me out a few times. It took me a long time to learn to figure this out. taking away her radio and cable will make life very unbearable for her and all of the credit books I have ever read suggest not going to... (read in full...)

After I move should I continue the relationship as a LDR, hoping she understands? Or break up?

Q.   This might seem a little dumb, but I just feel like I'm not getting the attention that I really want from my significant other as of late. I always try and send her a "Good Morning" text, and all I'm really looking for is a little reciproc...

A.   11 August 2016: other than her blowing you off in the mornings while she gets ready for her life (that's sarcasm) how is she ignoring you? are you perhaps too demanding of her? my now husband and i were LDR for the first year and I wanted more contact tha... (read in full...)

My circumstances have changed a lot since yesterday. New issues - Can you help me on what to do?

Q.   Hi there, thanks for looking at my question. I actually posted yesterday (sorry) but my circumstances have changed a lot and I'm looking for help to save my relationship - and to know if it's worth saving. I've been in floods of tears and feel as t...

A.   11 August 2016: HIS LYING IS NOT YOUR FAULT! talk about Stockholm syndrome. He has you convinced that he has the right and need to lie to keep the peace. Lying to you in my opinion is cheating. I define cheating as "anything you can't, won't or don't t... (read in full...)

I'm 36, he's 72 and I am embarrassed of my fiance's age!

Q.   Hi good people! I am 36 years old, my fiance, 72years old. He is visiting me in a weeks time. I have started developing cold feet because of the age difference. I am constantly worried about the impression this will have on people who know me....

A.   10 August 2016: You are just at that age where you will figure out that not worrying about what others think is very freeing. IF you love him and you are happy then enjoy it. Opinions are a dime a dozen the only ones that matter are yours and his.... (read in full...)

My Bf says I look too young. Is he embarassed to be seen with me? I'm 22.

Q.   Hi guys, I have an issue with my boyfriend which is making me question myself. Basically, I am 22 and he is 28, I have always looked quite young but at 22 i still get mistaken for like 16 sometimes and usually people say i look young. I used to ...

A.   9 August 2016: This is totally on him. and he's being a tool! I for many years looked younger than my age. I was often assumed to be my children's baby sitter. I was carded for alcohol and cigarettes till I was nearly 30 I am currently 56 and I think... (read in full...)

Girl I am seeing had affair with a man who later became her step-father. Am I being over sensitive about this?

Q.   Hi all, I am wondering if you can provide a sounding board. I'll be brief. I met a girl on an internet site. She is from Eastern Europe. I live in US. Let's call her R. We got to talking for a few months and things seemed great. Then R. tol...

A.   9 August 2016: It's not R's fault if her mother did what she did. R knew the guy first her MOTHER made the choice to marry him. Never punish the child for the sins of the parent.... (read in full...)

He's unhappily married. Does he like me or is it all in my head??!

Q.   He's 37, I'm 24. He's married, unhappily I might add. So I would NEVER do anything. But, I have the feeling he has a thing for me. Based off of a few observations: - finds reasons to visit my department and talk to me for a long period of...

A.   9 August 2016: "he's married so I would NEVER do anything" so if you would NEVER do anything why do you need to know if he likes you? do you really need the validation from him? why does it matter to you what he feels? what do you hope to accomplish by fi... (read in full...)

Dare I tell this younger woman how I feel?

Q.   hi, my name is Roger. I am a 70 yr old man and I have become very friendly with a Romanian woman for over a year now, who is 31, and also married I can honestly say I have never got on so well with a woman in all my life we do many things together...

A.   8 August 2016: I am a HUGE age gap supporter. there is over 13 years between my hubby and myself. This is not about her age. She's MARRIED. that alone makes her off limits. IF you express your feelings she will cut your feet out from under you so fast your... (read in full...)

Is it normal for your man to check out other women's behinds?

Q.   Is it normal for your BF to check out other women's behinds? Whether you are around or not? Do all/most men check out other women's behinds even if they are in a happy, committed relationship with their wives/girlfriends? And even if their wives/g...

A.   8 August 2016: oh heck even I check out a good behind... if hubby is distracted i might even point her out... no crime in looking.... (read in full...)

I’m feeling guilty for not throwing my baby a party for her first birthday!

Q.   Has anyone here held off the idea of throwing a 1yr old birthday party for tgeir baby? My baby turns 1 next month. Myself and dad mostly dad planned to not throw her a party. For some reason i have started to feel really bad. I feel like i was ...

A.   2 August 2016: IF the family is ok not having one then do not bend to the pressure of friends. Family you are stuck with... friends come and go.... (read in full...)

How long to wait for a declaration of love?

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 8 months and as I'm no spring chicken I've got to be economical with time. I've wasted too much in the past with an emotionally unavailable man. This one looked promising as we get on well and enjoy each other's ...

A.   21 July 2016: OMG this sounds just like my relationship with my now husband. we met and lived 90 miles apart. early on he told me that he would never say "I love you" even if he felt it as he had never said it. but we spent every weekend together. ... (read in full...)

My partner lives in the old days!

Q.   both me and my partner both work my partner thinks he lives in the old days thinks its down to the woman to do all the chores and dinner and gardening i feel this is very unfair he wants to get married and im undecided with way our relationship is ...

A.   21 July 2016: I personally would deal with it by saying "well if you want a traditional home, hen I'll quit my job and take care of you but you must support me in the lifestyle I'm accustomed to with both salaries" Then stop. When he starts to WHINE about ... (read in full...)

He's abusive and then buys me presents. Mixed signals? What should I do?

Q.   Hi all! Back here again to seek your kind and generous advice. I have been married for 3 years and have a two year old kid. During the past three years I've had a lot of ups and downs with my husband because we have totally different personal...

A.   19 July 2016: Do your parents know he's abusive? tell them and see what they say about coming home. then get a restraining order.... (read in full...)

FWB but getting emotionally attached

Q.   Hi, i have a male best friend of 12 years who iv recently started sleeping with. We both don't want a relationship but i have found myself getting upset at the thought of him getting a girlfriend. I can't be with him because i know it wouldn't work ...

A.   19 July 2016: IF you want to keep him as a friend you must cut out the "with benefits" part. otherwise once he cuts you off from sex you will be destroyed and he will not be there to comfort you as he will be with his new love. ... (read in full...)

This girl keeps texting and ringing my boyfriend, what should we do?

Q.   There's this girl who keeps ringing and texting my boyfriend. She rings him like 5 times a day no joke! But my boyfriend doesn't answer, she sent him a message the other day saying how they are meant to be friends and how friends don't ignore each ...

A.   19 July 2016: Ivyblue is correct. It's up to HIM to control her. IF he does not block her then he's getting something from her attention even if it's just his ego being stroked. ... (read in full...)

A girl is flirting with my boyfriend. Should I ask him about this girl? Or go see the girl myself?

Q.   Hello I have been with my boyfriend for almost 12 months now, and I have been really happy. Everything has been fine until this year, when he was told he had to attend a computer course at a technical college once a week. Since going to col...

A.   18 July 2016: Oh dear OP I'm sorry to say that this is not very good at all. This is not about the girl at all but rather about the boyfriend. He's NOT a very GOOD boyfriend. He's lying to you. He's sneaking around on you...if he's NOT cheating then he... (read in full...)

My alcoholic boyfriend is making me feel left out and lonely.

Q.   My alcoholic boyfriend is making me feel left out and lonely. He can be very lovey dovey and attentive when he's not drinking and sticking to his job. There are then times he goes on these binges for days or weeks, and he ignoring me and making m...

A.   18 July 2016: My advice is to get yourself to some Al-anon meetings. http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/ You are with an alcoholic. His first love is alcohol. YOU will always come second until he's in recovery. Al-Anon will teach you how to take care of ... (read in full...)

He's abusive and then buys me presents. Mixed signals? What should I do?

Q.   Hi all! Back here again to seek your kind and generous advice. I have been married for 3 years and have a two year old kid. During the past three years I've had a lot of ups and downs with my husband because we have totally different personal...

A.   18 July 2016: If you stay you teach your son that it's ok to verbally abuse women is that what you want for him? He's not sending you mixed signals at all he's an abuser and the gifts are part of the cycle. This has nothing to do with an age gap he would abu... (read in full...)

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