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*o_Very_Confused agony aunt

*o_Very_Confused

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*o_Very_Confused's profile:

I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....

Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.

My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery

and Long distance relationships...

I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...

NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.

Rules:

IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice

NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.

IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.

We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.

IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.

IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....

Old cliches:

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place

Do as I say not as I do

Latest articles:

How to get many answers to your question.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...

Am I Co-Dependent?

No replies yet...

24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...

Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...

How you can tell someone loves you

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...

Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?

This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...

< Prev23456789101112Next > [370 pages, 14749 answers]

Would anyone see a problem with a partner offering to pick up an ex from work in his car ? Why is he offering?

Q.   My ex boyfriend and i of 6 and a half years broke up around 2 years ago. Recently he has been offering to pick me up from work instead of dropping our little girl off later on when im in. Hes now married and im wondering if his wife knows about...

A.   6 June 2016: chi girl is correct as always...why not ask him or his wife if she's ok with it. FWIW I would be fine with my husband giving an ex a ride. I trust him. ... (read in full...)

We have a child yet he won't commit

Q.   Hi everyone I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now we have a 1 yr old daughter the problem is that as far as our relationship is going to go he wants no more children and marriage he won't even discuss he says he scared I've asked him about ...

A.   6 June 2016: A very old expression "why buy the cow when the milk is free" may come to mind but the truth is... he is never going to marry or commit to you. IF you want it and have expressed it and after all this time and a child he puts you off.. he will NEV... (read in full...)

Enough is enough. Is walking away a solution? my adult son has mental health issues and my ex-husband does help with our son.

Q.   Hi, I was married for many years and my ex-husband, although he does not live with me, spends a lot of time at my home to help me with our son, 24, who has always had a number of mental health issues and now drinks heavily. I am so depressed with...

A.   6 June 2016: Your son drinks. YOu are therefore welcome to attend Al-anon meetings and should do so. Al-anon will teach you that taking care of yourself is your job not fixing broken adults even if you gave birth to them. ... (read in full...)

Can I trust this man's motives?

Q.   It's been a while since I have post. I went on a few times with this guy. He tried to kiss me but I shy away. As he has a girlfriend. We held off going out for a while. We started talking again and we are going to the movies next weekend. I am in ...

A.   6 June 2016: a. he has a girlfriend and b. he asked about FWB...which means he does not see you as serious relationship material but only as a little something something on the side till someone he wants to be with comes along if you sleep with him... (read in full...)

Mother's opinion is confusing my life

Q.   In my early 20s I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. My doctor told me it was quite bad and I should be aware that my chances of conceiving are very slim. I made my peace with it and although I know there are options such as IVF and ...

A.   6 June 2016: oh sweetie HUGS. as women even in the 21st century there are people that think our ONLY reason for being here is to procreate. I have a friend who did conceive without trying after 10 years who has PCOS but she had weight loss surgery ... (read in full...)

I'm frustrated in a sexless marriage

Q.   I am currently in the most wonderful marriage... Married my best friend and we share a beautiful Family and a very blessed life... Every day I thank my stars that he's In my life and we are enjoying this journey we are on together... So what's the ...

A.   6 June 2016: I have not had sex since October 2014. I miss it. My husband is just not interested. I am 56 and in fairly good shape and we are only married 4 years. I have men hit on me all the time so I know it's not me. I flash my hubby and tease him and ... (read in full...)

I'm no longer sexually attracted to my husband

Q.   I am no longer sexually attracted to my husband. He does not know this and I don't know if I should break the news to him or keep it to myself. I know the reasons I am no longer attracted. He was unfaithful and I haven't been able to forgive ...

A.   6 June 2016: My father cheated. My mother forgave him. there is hope if you want there to be. IT will involve forgiveness on your part. I agree that 6 months is not a long time to process this especially without guidance. I suggest you find a th... (read in full...)

Is it normal for fathers to not want to deal with their baby?

Q.   My friend has a baby of 1 year. It was her boyfriend who wanted a child, and when she was pregnant he seemed so happy about it. I just visited them for 4 days, and I was shocked to see how he behaved! He didn't even want to be there, he left as s...

A.   4 June 2016: your follow up indicates that the baby was created as an anchor for her to be bound to him. he sounds abusive. abuse does not have to be physical. she will tire of this and leave him eventually which is the best thing for her and the baby. ... (read in full...)

Post baby body woes. What can I do to get my confidence back after this pregnancy?

Q.   Hi all I have been having an issue with myself. I have 2 children with my husband. My second was born about 7 months ago. 2 beautiful children who I love to bits. My issue is with my post baby body. I know that sounds juvenile. My stomach n...

A.   1 June 2016: Do you value your role as a mother? Yes, then be confident in that. Do you value your role as a human? Yes then be confident in that. What is it about a woman's BODY that makes her less valuable than a man? Do not compare yourself... (read in full...)

What should I do? He lied to me. I feel so bad, knowing that his Gf is probably not going to find out

Q.   I had a one night stand the other night with a guy who I have met a few times before. When I saw him recently he tried it on with me in a bar but I turned him down because I knew he had a girlfriend. He then told me that he was on a break with ...

A.   1 June 2016: I just thought of something else... are you mad at yourself for not trusting your judgement, or for ignoring it because you wanted this... still no need to beat yourself up... live and learn and let it go.... (read in full...)

What should I do? He lied to me. I feel so bad, knowing that his Gf is probably not going to find out

Q.   I had a one night stand the other night with a guy who I have met a few times before. When I saw him recently he tried it on with me in a bar but I turned him down because I knew he had a girlfriend. He then told me that he was on a break with ...

A.   1 June 2016: You did not do anything with intent so forgive yourself. But Honeypie is right, next time, if you don't believe them, go with your gut. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend cheated and I have all the proof but he keeps denying it

Q.   This is probably a no brainer but I'm asking anyway, found out my boyfriend has been texting and chatting with his ex, I confronted him and he promised to stop because he didn't want to lose me the problem is he hasn't I checked his phone and have ...

A.   1 June 2016: what will sending him the proof do? it will just ramp up his lies that it's not what it seems. you broke up now block him and move along.... (read in full...)

Did he return these insignificant things of mine because he is asking for whatever I might have of his back?

Q.   I just received a box in the mail from my ex (we broke up almost four months ago now), with some of my things in it. I didn't even know I'd left these things at his place, it's basically junk (a decorative christmas pine cone and a string of chris...

A.   1 June 2016: Unless he asked for particular things back I would just chalk it up to him being a good guy or just clearing his place of your stuff and move along. no need to contact him.... (read in full...)

I'm turned on by a fantasy I'm sure my wife's interest in would be zero!

Q.   Hi All. I am a very happily married man and my sex life with my wife is fantastic. However, I am hugely turned on by the thought of a threesome between my wife and a shemale. I am almost certain that my wife's interest in this is pretty much zero. ...

A.   31 May 2016: you keep it a hot fantasy and never mention it. this is the sort of thing that can ruin a relationship... (read in full...)

I (F) upset my boyfriend and he's now being so cold with me. What do I do?

Q.   I need advice on what to do about my boyfriend. Whenever we have an argument and I am slightly to blame, he gives me the silent treatment the next day and sometimes for a few days. He has mental health problems and I will admit that he is very ...

A.   31 May 2016: YOU can't snap him out of it. You should not have thrown a chair in frustration. AT all. EVEN away from him. IT was wrong. BUT his behavior is wrong and his treatment of you is indefensible. He is emotionally abusing you. IF he wont' ... (read in full...)

How can we come to some agreement? We have different views about my past sexual history.

Q.   Hey everyone, I'm hoping you can help! I'm in a relationship with this new lovely guy, but there is one main problem; we have very different ideas about sex and relationships etc. Basically he's very traditional and believes that sex is only wh...

A.   31 May 2016: I don't really think that in the long run this will work out for you. YOU did NOTHING wrong. AT ALL. HIS feelings are his to own and work with. EVEN if he says "I won't ever say anything about it" he will still THINK and feel you ar... (read in full...)

He still lives with his ex. What can I do. ?

Q.   Hi guys thanks for reading, I am open to all the advise you can give me. I have been dating this guy for a few weeks, but I barely get to spend time with him because he has a son. I haven't met his son yet I would like to but not till we are in a...

A.   31 May 2016: I'd be very concerned that he's living with his "ex" and she can't know about you... sorry I've been divorced and I call BS that she's an ex.... (read in full...)

What's the sexiest thing about your partner?

Q.   What's the sexiest thing to you about your partner whether it be past/present/future. What do you find most attractive in someone else? ...

A.   23 May 2016: confidence is the sexiest thing I can think of ... (read in full...)

Should pull her aside and ask her to refrain from further comments on my body or my weight?

Q.   Last year I lost the weight that I gained in winter time. One of my co worker congratulated me and said I look great and not to lose anymore. However, now almost every time I see her she always makes a reference to my weight and tells me that I'm ...

A.   23 May 2016: BTDT... IT takes folks a while to get used to our weight loss...in addition if you are still new to it, it's probable that you will have a bit of bounce back and that's normal too. Basically she's just not saying it right... what you can do t... (read in full...)

My husband's like a child 

Q.   Hi, hoping for advice on how to get my husband to become more mature? Handle more adult tasks? I feel like I'm his mother more than anything and I hate having to remind him or "nag" him. I was living in my own place when we got married and he m...

A.   23 May 2016: While I feel like the grown up in my marriage (I handled everything and my husband moved in to my home when we married) I get your husband's "dropping the ball" My husband gets it too... as i have severe ADHD and he has learned to preface ... (read in full...)

Anxious every Friday that boyfriend will be drunk when I get home. What therapy will help me?

Q.   Hi. Can anyone advise what type of therapy would help me. Every Friday I become so anxious wondering whether my boyfriend will be drunk when I get home I can hardly to my work. He knows I don't like it when he drinks too much and it usually ends in ...

A.   21 May 2016: Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He's been sober since January 2015 when I had to have him arrested for trying to kill me. He sat in Jail for two days and then when he called i told him he had to go to re... (read in full...)

Am I playing with fire?

Q.   I'm wondering if my male coworker is attracted to me. Here's how it is: He constantly teases me and tries to get me to smile, which isn't hard because he's funny and our job sucks. Sometimes he comes up behind me and whispers "Boo!" in m...

A.   19 May 2016: I think that YOU have feelings for this guy and therefore will read into a flirty friendly co-worker and see what you want. You don't INTEND to cheat and yet you are so excited by this guy's attention that you may not realize you are already ... (read in full...)

I'm disappointed with my girlfriend's weight and health, any suggestions?

Q.   So we've been going out for a few months with this girl and in the beginning, we promised each other that we'll make lifestyle changes. I used to drink quite a lot before her and also smoked quite a lot. She was overweight (she should lose at l...

A.   18 May 2016: 1. you smoking near her DOES affect her. I live with a smoker and his smoking has affected my breathing and since it's his home too he won't smoke outside. How is my breathing his second hand smoke not harming me? 2. IT smells. IF you do n... (read in full...)

My bf thinks I'm scared of sex because I'm still a virgin?

Q.   But the truth is...I am nervous about doing it with a real person. But I've also been using sex toys for over a year now. And some are bigger or the same size as my bf (I gave him handjobs so I know his size). To me the toys are really private so I ...

A.   18 May 2016: He's pushing you for sex. He wants sex. He's not going to stop asking and he's wrong. My suggestion is to Stop being sexual with him at all (NO hand jobs and no getting hand jobs from him) and see how long he sticks around. if after a ... (read in full...)

He only sends me a text when he's horny. Is it time to show him the door?

Q.   me and my boyfriend have dated over 7-8 months now. Over the past 2 months it's so happening that he only texts me when he's horny.. Otherwise he never texts me nor speaks to me. so like i'm really confused. should i continue my relationship...

A.   16 May 2016: He is beyond NOT perfect. IF you need proof this is just about sex...when he texts you for sex...be busy.... see how fast he stops texting. NO sex for him.... he'll do your dirty work and disappear. he's not a boyfriend honey..,he's... (read in full...)

Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?

Q.   I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...

A.   16 May 2016: I had to think about this.... I suck at being negative with people (no you may not hug me) I do better with verbal sparing. In this case, while YOU made the bad choice to let him hug you (and yes i get why you did it) HE was wrong to tak... (read in full...)

Should I worry that he's 13 years younger than me?

Q.   I've been with the most wonderful guy for the past 4 months. He's intelligent, funny, affectionate, and romantic. He really cares about me and I care about him. He treats me like a princess and tells me that I am the sweetest woman he's ever been ...

A.   13 May 2016: my husband is 13 years younger than I am. we have different taste in music and tv but other than that we are fine together. don't rush into anything... my husband did not want children so it was fine for us (I was already the mother of ... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend tell me he was with his mom all day when he actually went out without her?

Q.   Hello. I need your help in figuring out my boyfriend's actions today. Here is what happened. I texted him this morning at around 11. I said "good morning" to him like usual. But there was no reply. Usually he replies pretty quickly. I th...

A.   12 May 2016: OP you miss the point.... this is not about game playing (which is what you are doing with the "I waited" attitude. IF he texts you and you want to reply then do so. But what I meant is YOU don't text him first with "good morning" ... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend tell me he was with his mom all day when he actually went out without her?

Q.   Hello. I need your help in figuring out my boyfriend's actions today. Here is what happened. I texted him this morning at around 11. I said "good morning" to him like usual. But there was no reply. Usually he replies pretty quickly. I th...

A.   11 May 2016: OP based on your follow up of: "He is to blame too. He never makes me feel safe. He keeps his distance a lot. He's always been this way. He does not show affection to me openly. I am always the one who grabs his hand first or rests my head on ... (read in full...)

Is my nudity, inside my own home, in front of my 44 year old stepdaughter, OK or not?

Q.   My wife and I are in our late 60's - just average people except that we like to be nude at home when it is warm enough. Now my 44 year old step daughter is living with us and strongly objects to me being naked even though it is my house. Her mo...

A.   11 May 2016: Personally I would not want to sit on a communal couch after someone has sat on it butt naked. Do you answer the front door naked? why or why not? Yes god gave you this body. he also gave you a brain and common sense and a desire to... (read in full...)

I should go at all?

Q.   So I really liked this guy, who at first liked me too, but who now has feelings for my best friend instead. My best friend isn't into him in that way because she has someone she already really likes but on my end it still kind of hurts and is weird...

A.   11 May 2016: Third aunt saying "just say no" and don't go! what an awkward situation. find something else to do so you are not home thinking about it.... (read in full...)

Should I leave my wife because of her fixation on finding “the big one”?

Q.   My wife is totally ignorant to me on occasssion. Thoughtless or worse. She cheated 4 years ago looking for 'the big one' as I caught her when she left FB open. It was a coworker and the brief fling happened after she lost her job. Turns out he w...

A.   10 May 2016: ask her how big and then buy a strap on that size and do her with the strap on. As a woman who has had men of "that size" I can tell you I would rather have an "average sized male" with good oral skills vs a man with a big cock. as Spoc... (read in full...)

Not sure if this is a crush?

Q.   Hi, so I've recently become sort of friends with this guy in one of my college classes. We make each other laugh and he's just a great guy to talk to and be around. I'm having feelings and I don't know what kind of feelings they are. Either I...

A.   10 May 2016: Can you just let go and stop worrying about how you feel or why you feel it and enjoy his company?... (read in full...)

I miss him when I can’t see him and I like being around him, but do you think this might be too toxic?

Q.   I'm very much into this guy i've known for several months he is sober and in a 12 step program as I am and I guess that for me is me a bit of comfort. Having a similar background not having to explain myself to him I know he likes me but he also ...

A.   10 May 2016: I think that if both of you are over a year past recovery than it's ok. Cindy Cares is correct that folks are counseled not to START new relationships for at least the first year of recovery. It sounds to me like he shows up when he's horny..... (read in full...)

He can't break her hold

Q.   Why can't a married man give up his long term mistress? Even when he has tried more than once to stop the affair due to guilt and fear of being caught? Why can he NOT let her go? Despite so many attempts? His mistress has told him she does n...

A.   10 May 2016: At 26-29 you are very young to put up with something that upsets you so. HE CAN break her "hold" HE CHOOSES NOT TO. Do not BLAME her for HIS bad behavior. this is HIS choice. your choices: stay and look the other way stay ... (read in full...)

Worried I don't care who I go with

Q.   Okay. So this might be really strange because I don't even understand this. But im confused about my sexual orientation. Ever since I was young I feel like I was more sexualy charged then my peers. Since 11 I have been masturbating 2-3 times a ...

A.   10 May 2016: Sounds to me like you are pansexual meaning you are open to any and all experiences... and that's fine. When you meet someone you care deeply about and find that you want THEM to be pleased...then you know you have a partner to work with and see... (read in full...)

How will I handle these delicate decisions about inviting and seating guests at our wedding?

Q.   I just got engaged yesterday. We had talked about it for a while before hand so I knew it was going to happen... I just didn't know when! Anyhow my fiance and I had just booked a months holiday to California so we were going to secretly elope in ...

A.   10 May 2016: We "eloped" to las vegas... we invited who we wanted and took everyone out to dinner after the wedding. We did not have a tacky wedding at all even at the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel. We made tons of introductions at the wedding as many of ... (read in full...)

Would our guests from Scandinavia be horrified to see ants in our home?

Q.   We live in the USA and are not really into using poisons. Thus we have a fair number of ants in our house. Mainly the tiny little ones that don't bite or anything LOL Anyway, we have some houseguests coming to visit from Europe (Scandinavia). D...

A.   10 May 2016: My house is built over an ant hill. A HUGE ant hill I have ants every spring and fall in the kitchen for 25 years. Ants in the spring and fall are VERY common and normal. They are both the tiny "pussy" ants and the larger black ants. ... (read in full...)

How do I tell the FWB it can’t happen anymore?

Q.   I have a friend ill call him ( a ) and we are friends with benefits but now ive met someone else call him ( b ) and we plan on having a relationship once hes back from his family holiday (no wife no kids hes single) How do i tell (a) friend with ...

A.   9 May 2016: "oh Bob I know we are such good friends that I could not wait to tell you this and I'm sure you will be so happy for me, I've met someone and it's getting serious... so while we are friends, our benefits are going to stop."... (read in full...)

I put my foot in it! What do I do?

Q.   I work in a condominium and have gotten the chance to know a lot of really lovely people. One of them is a lady "Mary" who has the absolute cutest baby daughter. She showed a mommy's day video made for her by her partner and I stupidly asked "Did ...

A.   9 May 2016: Agreed. LET it go. when you see her be nice and friendly if you want. Smile at least... You had no clue.. my husband is 13 yrs younger than I am and when we were first together he looked much younger than he is. (thankfully now he l... (read in full...)

Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?

Q.   Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...

A.   9 May 2016: "He said I SET UP....to MAKE HIM" do you see how he is trying to make HIS BAD behavior YOUR fault? he can't even own up to the fact that he was wrong.... (read in full...)

Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?

Q.   Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...

A.   9 May 2016: I'm an outrageous flirt. My husband has seen me do it and he finds it amusing. What your (hopefully soon to be ex) oafish boyfriend did was HIT on a woman in front of you. He disrespected you and then tried to NOT own his BAD behavior by blami... (read in full...)

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