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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?
Q. Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...
A. 9 May 2016: "He said I SET UP....to MAKE HIM"
do you see how he is trying to make HIS BAD behavior YOUR fault?
he can't even own up to the fact that he was wrong.... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?
Q. Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...
A. 9 May 2016: I'm an outrageous flirt. My husband has seen me do it and he finds it amusing. What your (hopefully soon to be ex) oafish boyfriend did was HIT on a woman in front of you.
He disrespected you and then tried to NOT own his BAD behavior by blami... (read in full...)
Should I choose a University in London to give our relationship a chance?
Q. I really love this guy, we haven't gotten into a serious long term relationship yet but he continues to tell me he loves me and wants me in his life for a very long time however we have never directly talked about marriage as it is too soon and i ...
A. 9 May 2016: Go to the BEST Uni for YOU. do not make your choices based on a relationship. Not even if it's the BEST relationship ever (unless you are already married)... (read in full...)
Is he faking his love for me?
Q. I've been talking to this guy for 3 months now, he had always been a very nice guy and treats me with respect. He spends hours talking to me non stop. He always flirt with me and always opens up to me and shows me how deep and how sensitiv...
A. 9 May 2016: IF all you have done is talk to him... no dates, no intimate time, then his " I love you" seems pretty hollow to me.
If a man says "I love you" that easily I would accept that he may very well be a player and I would proceed VERY cautiously i... (read in full...)
Of those who chose to remain married, though unhappy, I ask, did you regret doing so?
Q. Just want to do a survey to married/divorced folks: Which of you have stayed married despite being unhappy? Do you regret it? How long have you been married? Why were you unhappy? Which of you decided to divorce because you were unhappy? Are...
A. 8 May 2016: i have been divorced three times and married 4.
my current husband is not pulling his weight and i am very unhappy.
I am not leaving him.
IF I had known what I know now I would have worked harder to stay with the first husband who is the... (read in full...)
My boyfriend likes meeting new girls and gets very flirty with them! Is this messed up or what?
Q. I have an issue regarding my boyfriend. I don't know if it's a serious issue or I'm just over reacting. Basically to put it in a nutshell, my boyfriend likes meeting new girls and getting to know them. My boyfriend is a very nice guy, but is also...
A. 6 May 2016: I am a huge flirt. My husband when asked about it says "you flirt like you breathe I could never ask you to stop flirting"
Guess what.. I do not get a single phone number from any of my "flirtees" I flirt, I smile, I get an ego stroke, and ... (read in full...)
She’s annoyed that my parents won’t allow us to spend the night in the same bed! What should I say to her?
Q. Hello, I've been seeing this girl for around 1 month and a half. We are both 19 and Last week i stayed over at hers and everything is fine and we stayed in her room in her bed. She is due to come over and stay at mine but she will be sleeping...
A. 6 May 2016: When I was 19 I brought my then boyfriend home from college...
my mother's rules were simple "as long as when I wake up everyone is in their own beds I'm happy" so we knew to keep it discreet. Mom knew but she did not want it thrown in her f... (read in full...)
Has anyone here fallen in love with a married man?
Q. Has anyone in this group never fallen in love with a married man and decided to stay on the side in case he leaves his wife? If yes did he ever leave his wife? Is it a possibility that he may leave his wife?...
A. 5 May 2016: My aunt did. She waited 25 years for him to leave his wife. He didn't. He died. The wife was comforted and permitted to grieve as a widow.
My aunt was not. she mourned her loss alone in her apartment with her shame of being a mistress... (read in full...)
What do women think of very hairy guys?
Q. What do women think of very hairy guys? Is it a turn off and a major deal breaker when a guy is very hairy on his body? Be honest....
A. 4 May 2016: It depends on the locale of the hair...and the color.
hair on the back... NO...just NO. I would have that crap waxed off.
my husband is hairy...but his body hair is RED...
I love his furry tush....
and his arms and legs and chest are ... (read in full...)
Should I say anything to my sister? I don't want to appear judgemental
Q. I have an older sister who I feel is making bad decisions but I don't know if it's my place to say anything. Growing up I admired her drive and work ethic but since she got with her child's father she has changed. They are no longer together...
A. 4 May 2016: Do you have full time care of a disabled child? that's very tiring (My 32 yr old is on the Autistic Spectrum and lives now in a group home)
Also if a younger man is paying for an older woman..he's getting something out of it and HOW or WHY t... (read in full...)
After our marathon 8 hour fight, what can I say to my LD guy?
Q. Before knowing my current boyfriend (lets call him S) I went to a party and kissed a guy who was way older than me, I was 16 he was 20. It was nothing else apart from a kiss, caused by being tipsy and 'lovin the single life' so yeah.. In my opinion, ...
A. 4 May 2016: Oh sweetie...this LDR Is so NOT worth your time or effort.
A. you are both too young to make an LDR work long term. (which one of you is moving and when would be my next question but if you are 18 and he's 17 then it's years away and college/... (read in full...)
Why would he be messaging his ex in the first place? And why ask her for pictures? If he misses her, is that a bad sign?
Q. I found out and saw that my boyfriend was texting back and forth was his ex girlfriend. He asked her to send him a picture of her (not sexual just normal) and then he told her how gorgeous she was and that he missed her. I asked him about it and...
A. 4 May 2016: He just misses her?
oh well then my response would have been "I'm so sorry why not try to get back with her let me get out of your way...we are DONE"
honey you are in the picture till he can manage to get her back into his good graces...y... (read in full...)
He has a short temper. How can I handle him when he reacts this way?
Q. I had fallen for a guy who is staying beside my home. He is a kind of short tempered person. But the time whenever he is getting angry he doesn't even know that what he is doing. Whenever his expectations are not meeting he is showing anger th...
A. 4 May 2016: The only think you can do it take care of yourself. You can't and won't change him. He has a short temper and that's that. He also seems a bit childish and immature which may or may not change.
When my husband starts a temper tantrum I le... (read in full...)
How does a teen get over a celebrity crush?
Q. I have a celebrity crush. I understand that at my age, this is completely normal, but I think that I have crossed the line. I won't explain how (I'll leave that to your imagination) but I know that I've gone too far. I've tried to find obtainable ...
A. 4 May 2016: Oh it's healthy and Normal.
Time alone will heal this.
My celebrity crushes numbered many at 13-15. I survived.
some days I didn't think I would.... my heart was breaking because Bobby, David or Donny didn't know who I was and didn't... (read in full...)
Hookups where the women only get oral?
Q. Hookups where the women only get oral? I've seen some women mention that they do this online and that it's a mini-trend now, but I wanted to see some stories. What did the guys do or how did they react when you made it clear you only wanted them to ...
A. 4 May 2016: While i have never done it on craig's list or as a hook up
I have had two sexual relationships where all I got was oral and the man did not want anything back.
It's very unsatisfying for me.
good luck OP.... (read in full...)
He's drunk and abusive. How do you reason with someone like this, for the sake of your kids?
Q. I've been with my partner, "Bill", for 12 years and we have a family together. Tonight he told me for the umpteenth time that he was sick of my bad attitude and that I need to "know my place". Then he told me it's over and to expect all my thing...
A. 2 May 2016: You don't reason with them.
He is an alcoholic.
My husband is an alcoholic
January 5 2015 he got drunk and tried to kill me.
I let the cops take him (he was so drunk he called 911 on himself to be honest0
I let him sit in jail for t... (read in full...)
Is it better to just ignore his text or pretend I never received it?
Q. I went out on Friday night with some friends and their friends (whom I had never met). One of the guys asked me for my phone number before I left. He knows I don't have a boyfriend. I gave it to him but I'm not interested at all romantic...
A. 2 May 2016: Neither is acceptable.
you gave him your number what did you think would happen?
I'll make it easy for you...ask him "who else is going to be there?" if he says "just me" then you can say "I don't want you to get the wrong impress... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't have respect for my religious beliefs!
Q. Hi Dear Cupid! I have been dating this wonderful guy for about 8 months now and I am worried about one thing . . . . he doesn't respect my religious beliefs. He says he's not an atheist, but he also says he doesn't really believe in anythi...
A. 2 May 2016: If you want your children to be raised Christian and want to be married to an atheist/agnostic then you are in for a lot of issues and problems.
"mommy is daddy going to hell when he dies because he does not believe in Jesus?"
"mommy wh... (read in full...)
Do his actions suggest that he likes me?
Q. I am 13 and my crush and I room windows face each other so like everyone I look out of mine I see him looking out of his and like he'll close it when he see me looking at him and he keeps doing it My question is: does that mean he lik...
A. 2 May 2016: Since Olderthandirt was a 13 yr old boy I'd listen to him.
but NO it does not mean he likes you or has a crush on you or wants to be friends... it means nothing really.... (read in full...)
If our LDR is really over then why is he still responding to my messages?
Q. Hello, and thanks in advance for your advice you are able to offer. I was together with my partner for 16 months. It was a long distance thing, and we saw each other most weekends. Were have been apart for six weeks new, he finished it with...
A. 2 May 2016: totally agree with all the previous posters
a break up does NOT have to be mean. it can be "you are a great person but it's not working out for whatever reason and I'm not willing to make the effort to see if we can fix it, so no I don't want t... (read in full...)
If you've already had sex, then which do you think is better - Affection or Sex?
Q. I don't think I want to have sex. I thought I did and I was getting ready to lose my v card soon. But every time I think about sex...I'd say ninety percent of the reason I'd have it is because the guy wants it. I know it sounds stereotypical bu...
A. 2 May 2016: I used to say that I wanted affection only. and it is very very inportant
but I have not had sex since October of 2014 and I miss it.
I am not having it because my husband is ill and not up for it.
Oh well. I get kisses and cuddles. but... (read in full...)
Worried he just wants to use me and dump me. Which test can I give him to confirn if his love for me is real?
Q. I'm 25yrs old and my man is 32yrs old. We have been dating more than one year. He lives close to our neighbourhood before he relocated to another place. He is caring,loving,hardworking but he is a nagging type at times and complains that i'm too p...
A. 2 May 2016: I agree that if you are AFRAID to visit your "boyfriend" alone that it's NOT much of a relationship and you should consider ending it.
No one should EVER be afraid to be alone with their partner... (read in full...)
Did he just need some time for himself? Or was my Bf trying to create distance between us?
Q. Would you be upset with your long time BF if you just spent two weeks on vacation and the last two days you had together when you got back back home he did not stay at your place? Instead he went back to his for some "me" time? He could have s...
A. 2 May 2016: Yes there was a time I would have been very upset and hurt and felt unloved and unwanted if this happened.
Now, I'd be the one going "I need my down time go away"
IF it's really bugging you, say something...but keep it to ... (read in full...)
How can I get out of this abusive relationship? He has everyone fooled into thinking he is a good guy
Q. My boyfriend has been getting messages from girls he has been with and never tells me about it. Unless I look at his stuff I don't ever know. And only one of the girls has asked him if he was with anyone which he said yes he was. But the others...
A. 2 May 2016: Call your family and ask for transportation home. Leave everything you can replace and just go.
... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid about this? He keeps in touch with each ex. But now he wants to have lunch with his ex
Q. Hello everyone, Please help me out. I've been going out with my bf for 8months. He is slightly older and we met online. Before we met and started a relationship, we chatted quite a bit online. During this time he met up with his ex and they slep...
A. 2 May 2016: would you be welcome at the lunch? if so I see no issues with it.
... (read in full...)
What are the main reasons that would motivate a woman to want to break up with a guy?
Q. I would like the opinion of the lady's an men who write in all the time, my question is what's the main reasons for women to dump the guys? Is it they found some one new, he cheated , he treats her bad, got bored of him, he was to nice, came on ...
A. 2 May 2016: I am 56.
I have had 4 husbands
I have had triple digits worth of lovers both men and women.
I can off the top of my head think of two guys who I stopped seeing who could have would have fit the "just too nice" category. I just did not fee... (read in full...)
Why will a married man NOT leave his mistress, even when affair is in danger of being exposed?
Q. Why won't a married man give up his long time mistress EVEN when their affair is in danger of being exposed to the world and to his wife? For example: Some people in their work place are starting to become suspicious. But he still won't leave hi...
A. 2 May 2016: Why don't I stop eating bagels even though I know they are bad for me and make me fat and give me heartburn?
BECAUSE THEY TASTE GOOD.
He's getting more from her than he would without out her.
Also many wives look the other way no mat... (read in full...)
Is this normal co-worker behaviour?
Q. A male coworker, who I joke around with and vice versa, asked me if I was working the next day as he was leaving work. I told him no, and he said "oh mann!" In a disappointed way. Then he asked what day I worked next. I told him the day after ...
A. 22 April 2016: IT sounds to me like he's just trying to show that there are no hard feelings.
It's never a great idea to date someone at work.
are you asking to see if there is a romantic interest?... (read in full...)
I like this guy. But should I heed my brother's concerns about this guy?
Q. I met a guy on tinder. It turns out that my brother has known him for 7 years. My brother told me he didn't see us as a couple but said that he's a good guy. I'd like to add that my brother is a recovering alcoholic himself and has been sober for 2 ...
A. 21 April 2016: as a woman married to an angry recovering alcoholic...
LISTEN to your brother...
spend time with him... enjoy it... stick around long enough and he will blow up at you and by then it may be too hard to walk away from the train wreck he ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about his comment? Makes me worry about his bisexual side!
Q. Last August I befriended this guy. We remained friends until December, that's when we both admitted they we were attracted to each other and decided to see where things lead too. The thing he is bisexual, I have no problems with this because I am an ...
A. 21 April 2016: I am a bisexual woman. I am married to a man. I have not been with another person since we became committed. We will be married for 4 years this year.
I have not been with a woman since December 2011. I have not been with another man sinc... (read in full...)
Could a man lose interest in a sex buddy as fast as a few weeks?
Q. There's this guy who I have started having sex with. (I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. He's fine with that.) So we started to have sex and he was my first time. A couple times he has gone a two weeks without needing to see m...
A. 21 April 2016: He only cares to see you when he's horny enough to need to get laid.
YOU as a person do not matter to him. You are nothing but a handy penis holder to him.
he has more than one partner. Make him wear a condom.
and get another ... (read in full...)
Why do men hold on to memories of the ex?
Q. Many of you may think I'm rather immature and childish for doing this, but in my current relationship (and only this relationship). I like watching my boyfriend's reaction when I merely hint at a connection with his ex. You see, I perform this ...
A. 20 April 2016: I wonder why you have researched his former relationship so much and know so much about it.... and why his EX bothers you so much.
Some folks just don't want to run into former partners some don't care..
why would you TEST him? why would... (read in full...)
He’s stood me up not once, not twice, but three times! Is he just unlucky or is he married?
Q. Ok I'm in a little shock right now. I've been stood up not once not twice but three times. I know many will say why would talk to someone who did this to you. Well he was so charming. He would say how beautiful caring I was then ask me out then at ...
A. 20 April 2016: Why does it matter if he's married or not?
What he is one way or the other is NOT that into you.
he's stood you up three times.
are you going to let him stand you up a 4th?
how many times do you plan to let a man do this to you?... (read in full...)
My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...
A. 19 April 2016: if it's not on your shared calendar and it was done via a separate email address and it's being done without your being there...then I wonder HOW you know about it.
It sounds like you are spying on her?
it sounds like you don't trust are and ... (read in full...)
If I don't orgasm does that mean I was used for sex?
Q. I've been struggling with this idea lately. I want to lose my vaginal virginity, but I know I probably won't get off so...How do I deal with not getting off but knowing the guy will? I could probably come from oral...But I still wouldn't be gett...
A. 19 April 2016: We say it because the men take it very personally if they can't make us orgasm via their penis.
It's stupid.
I would never fake an orgasm for a man. I would for me if the sex was going on forever and i was done being close to him and wante... (read in full...)
If I don't orgasm does that mean I was used for sex?
Q. I've been struggling with this idea lately. I want to lose my vaginal virginity, but I know I probably won't get off so...How do I deal with not getting off but knowing the guy will? I could probably come from oral...But I still wouldn't be gett...
A. 19 April 2016: It doesn't apply only to women. Mature men will understand. Boys/teens/young men may not.
who is telling you it's only about the orgasm?... (read in full...)
Is it normal for vaginal area skin to have darker pigmentation that the surrounding skin?
Q. I am a 20 yr old female who is Caucasian and my skin tone is quite pale. This is embarrassing but my outer vagina lips and also the area near my anus is a very dark brownish color. It's several shades darker than my inner thighs and the rest of ...
A. 19 April 2016: totally normal.
and once you have children then the inner thighs will darken too... it's a blood flow issue. perfectly normal and acceptable.
... (read in full...)
Should I hint to him that I want this, or should I leave in the hope that he will ask instead?
Q. I had a drunken one night stand with a guy in my first term at university and we eventually became friends with benefits. This carried on for three months, until we both developed feelings and felt the best thing to do was end things as neither ...
A. 19 April 2016: Why should he ask when he doesn't know you want that?
What good would waiting do to see if he can read your mind and know what you want?
Let him know "hey I want us to go out and do things in the world like dinner/movies/clubs/... (read in full...)
If I don't orgasm does that mean I was used for sex?
Q. I've been struggling with this idea lately. I want to lose my vaginal virginity, but I know I probably won't get off so...How do I deal with not getting off but knowing the guy will? I could probably come from oral...But I still wouldn't be gett...
A. 19 April 2016: Your question tells me that you are so not ready for sex.
SEX is not about the orgasms. If it was most women would not have sex as about 80% of us do not orgasm from penetration.
Of course "sex" is more than just putting a penis in a vag... (read in full...)
Should I accept? Ex bf has a gf, but wants to start over with me as friends and see where things go
Q. I need to start off by saying I am emotionally in a bad place these last few days, and I may be all over the place with this. I severely need help from unbiased views. I feel uncomfortable talking with friends about this. An ex bf of mine (was ...
A. 19 April 2016: I totally agree that he wants his cake and eat it too.
I would just to toy with him before I kick him to the curb ask him what his GF thinks about you two being friends "she doesn't know" is going to come out of his mouth.
He probably think... (read in full...)
He cuts me off in middle of me speaking. He said people do it all the time. Is this true?
Q. My boyfriend and I were working in the office yesterday. After a while he had to take over from what I was doing and I sat waiting for him. We were talking a little,but every time I was telling him a story he either wouldn't answer me or he would...
A. 19 April 2016: I sadly do this to my husband and it drives him nuts. In MY defense it's part of my ADHD...doesn't mean it's right.
I'm working on learning to listen better. it's hard. it sometimes involves notes or i forget stuff..
... (read in full...)
My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...
A. 18 April 2016: if her behavior is new or worrisome...ask her
maybe she feels bad because she's getting an "extra" massage between appointments with her regular guy...
you are worried about something an probably don't need to be...but you won't know until... (read in full...)
My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...
A. 18 April 2016: Should you be worried about what?
that she's becoming more independent and able to make choices and decisions without your input?
or is your implication being that she's cheating on you?
why can't you ask her why she did what she did... (read in full...)
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