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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He's abusive and then buys me presents. Mixed signals? What should I do?
Q. Hi all! Back here again to seek your kind and generous advice. I have been married for 3 years and have a two year old kid. During the past three years I've had a lot of ups and downs with my husband because we have totally different personal...
A. 19 July 2016: Do your parents know he's abusive?
tell them and see what they say about coming home.
then get a restraining order.... (read in full...)
My alcoholic boyfriend is making me feel left out and lonely.
Q. My alcoholic boyfriend is making me feel left out and lonely. He can be very lovey dovey and attentive when he's not drinking and sticking to his job. There are then times he goes on these binges for days or weeks, and he ignoring me and making m...
A. 18 July 2016: My advice is to get yourself to some Al-anon meetings.
http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/
You are with an alcoholic. His first love is alcohol. YOU will always come second until he's in recovery. Al-Anon will teach you how to take care of ... (read in full...)
He's abusive and then buys me presents. Mixed signals? What should I do?
Q. Hi all! Back here again to seek your kind and generous advice. I have been married for 3 years and have a two year old kid. During the past three years I've had a lot of ups and downs with my husband because we have totally different personal...
A. 18 July 2016: If you stay you teach your son that it's ok to verbally abuse women is that what you want for him?
He's not sending you mixed signals at all he's an abuser and the gifts are part of the cycle.
This has nothing to do with an age gap he would abu... (read in full...)
I found out he's still married, but separated, he lied about his son and he's a borderline hoarder!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been dating a guy for 2 1/2 years. He is older than me (I am 35 and he is 53), and when we started seeing each other he said he had been single for awhile. He has a house that is in disrepair, and approaching hoarder status. ...
A. 16 July 2016: so the lying is not a deal breaker?
the lack of trust is not a deal breaker?
i can tell you that he will never want a child and he's not going to divorce his wife
you are wasting your time with this man if you want marriage and childre... (read in full...)
Ending friendships when the friendship is going no where. Does this happen to others? Is this normal?
Q. Would it be weird if a 20 year old starts feeling the need to end most of her friendships? I feel like i wont achieve anything big with the friends that i have now. I would like to know if there is any of you who ever felt this way and how did ...
A. 14 July 2016: I've ended friendships over the years... but most of the time we just tend to fade away... it's not a big huge fight or anything mostly we just find that as we grow and change the friends we have had no longer fit our needs.
I had one friend w... (read in full...)
O reply from potential date with friend do I block them
Q. Hi , i recently asked on here for advice about asking a friend on a date he said he would think about it and the advice was to let him have 3-4 days to get back to me . well its been 8 days he hasnt made any effort to contact me at all , i have ...
A. 12 July 2016: OP you do realize that the plan to "tell him I'm too good for him" is rather childish don't you?... (read in full...)
I can't rely on friends. Should I accept the offer of a work colleague to take me home from hospital after my surgery?
Q. I have to have surgery soon, and will be going home that day, im told i need someone to take me home but i have noone? Its day surgery and i must be driven home Im all alone with no family or reliable friends, friends are busy and wont care ...
A. 12 July 2016: Yes you take her up on it.
I have a work friend like that... over the years we have become actual "go to brunch on Sunday" friends..but it started with her offering to transport me from a day procedure when my husband was not available.
I now c... (read in full...)
I thought I stonewalled my wife from saving up for breast surgery but she's raised money on a website!
Q. Angry at wife for finding her on a free breast implant website. How should I make her stop? I've been married to my wife for 10 years and we have two children together. Six months back, she said to me how unsatisfied she's been with how her bre...
A. 12 July 2016: I am betting your wife does not need implants as much as she needs a mastopexy. A mastopexy is a breast lift. I had one after a massive amount of weight loss and two pregnancies. I did not have implants.
As for WHY she wants it, I totally ge... (read in full...)
O reply from potential date with friend do I block them
Q. Hi , i recently asked on here for advice about asking a friend on a date he said he would think about it and the advice was to let him have 3-4 days to get back to me . well its been 8 days he hasnt made any effort to contact me at all , i have ...
A. 12 July 2016: Agreed that blocking him is over the top
use it as a learning experience and move on.
... (read in full...)
Should I disown her for rejecting my name?
Q. This may be an inappropriate question for this site but I am furious with my daughter. She is 29 and she has recently announced that she plans to get a legal name change, and I am boiling mad. I have a mind to disown her. Even though her mom and I ...
A. 11 July 2016: oh please. you would really disown a child for being an ADULT?
I changed my name. IT'S MY NAME and MY CHOICE. I am an adult.
My father hated that i changed it but HE RESPECTED ME enough to introduce me to new people with the name I chose. ... (read in full...)
All I've met is harsh judgement. But I need advice and some support on what to do in my situation. Help, please?
Q. OK first of all please don't judge me on this but I got with my boyfriend while he was still married, he is now separated from his wife and with me. I guess he had fell out of love by the time he met me. There is 20 years difference between ...
A. 5 July 2016: OP... he will NEVER trust you...no matter what you to do "prove" to him you are trustworthy.
You will always be guilty of something with him...it's one of the ways he controls you.
have you asked your parents if you left him if you could com... (read in full...)
All I've met is harsh judgement. But I need advice and some support on what to do in my situation. Help, please?
Q. OK first of all please don't judge me on this but I got with my boyfriend while he was still married, he is now separated from his wife and with me. I guess he had fell out of love by the time he met me. There is 20 years difference between ...
A. 5 July 2016: You need to get out. You are being abused.
Keeping you isolated and without funds is his way of controlling you.
He is a cheater (he cheated on his wife) and a liar probably so he knows how it's done and doesn't want it done to him.
... (read in full...)
How do I get him to stop jumping for anything his wife wants and see that his wife is trying to control him?
Q. I am married and have been dating a married man for 3 yrs.Neither of us are having sex with our spouses. He says he doesn't love her but if she wants to do something and we have plans he just doesn't call me to let me know. He waits until after ...
A. 3 July 2016: if you want him to leave his wife for you, then you stop being available for him at his beck and call.
he calls and fits you in around her. make it so if he has no plans with you then he gets NOTHING.
and if he cancels plans at the last mi... (read in full...)
Could this man I've been chatting to for 2 weeks be telling the truth? Or is he lying to me about his dream? Why tell me?
Q. Hello iam chatting with a man of 57 years old, he actually lives in the same city, and we are planning to meet in a few days. We chat everyday, and exchange photos. Its been 2 weeks since we started chatting online. One day he told me that he dream...
A. 3 July 2016: His "dream" indicates he wants to get into your pants
Meet him if you must.in public. always.
... (read in full...)
Do I call it quits or keep trying?
Q. This seems to be one of my longer stories so here it goes. I met this girl on tinder, we chatted for a bit before I got her number. We would text back and forth, we wanted to meet but I was very busy with school while she was as busy with work. But ...
A. 3 July 2016: third vote for call it quits.... she's just playing with you.... (read in full...)
I feel like "Mr No Spine"
Q. His ladies and gents, long time no post here. The past 4 years have been great, I have met a great woman, and 1 year ago, we got married. We are living with her parents, it can get a little claustrophobic at times. Just for a small amount o...
A. 1 July 2016: My current husband is my little something on the side from my last marriage. I did it WITH permission. IT still blew up.
trust me honey..get out now. she's not going to give him up for you.... (read in full...)
Should I pursue things further with him?
Q. I have been interested in guy who works the next building from mine.He's always friendly and was giving off subtle signs of interest. I finally gave him my number and told him to call/text sometime.He said sure.Then I ran into him the next day and ...
A. 30 June 2016: Oh i think h knows your feelings. he's not interested.
YOU say "I really like this guy"
can you tell me what about this guy you really like?... (read in full...)
Engaged to be married man after my friend at work. Is this now a competition?
Q. There's a guy at work who is jealous I'm friends with this female. The problem is he's very full of himself and tries to ruin moments I have with her, when I talk to her. To my horror, I found out he is friends with her on facebook today, I don't kn...
A. 30 June 2016: OP perhaps she changed because she picks up your agitation over her choice of friends.
or perhaps she was interested but you have dragged your feet too long in waiting to ask her out.... (read in full...)
What are we ? Last night he told me "you're not my girlfriend".
Q. I'm having the most troubling time. I'll start explaining from the beginning. (lets call him J) I met J my first year of college. At the time we both had someone we were dating, so we never bothered getting close or anything. maybe 2 months p...
A. 29 June 2016: OH Sweetie... if you are 16-17 and in college you must have graduated pretty early. Sometimes those folks with "book smarts" don't have the street smarts... that's what's going on here.
He does not love you.
he likes you.
he likes y... (read in full...)
Should I ask him why he acts all giddy around me?
Q. People tend to think i'm a teen still in high school, but i'm a grown adult woman and well the city bus driver is sexxi as ever. Two days ago he did a 360 degree turn to look me directly in my eyes just smiling his azz off and he was like “hey litt...
A. 29 June 2016: I work in a secure federal building and have to pass 3 checkpoints to get in every morning. At all three checkpoints are guards..young and old.
I see them 3 days a week. We smile we chat. one of them (an age appropriate man for me) complime... (read in full...)
I love some who I can't have. What should I do?
Q. What do you do when you've fallen for a guy who just ^^^ks with your head? Okay so one of my best friends a while ago we admitted we liked one another, but not wanting to jeopardize the friendship we agreed to keep things normal. Well that didn't ...
A. 29 June 2016: So which is it
do you wanna try to date or do you wanna know how he feels about you?
you list two different things.
He's TOLD you how he feels. He's SHOWN you how he feels.
NEITHER of which are what YOU WANT.
YOU CAN'T MAKE H... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I'm reluctant to date a girl so much younger than me? She's 19
Q. Okay so Friday night I went out with a friend of mine, and we met some girls of which one seemed to be taking a liking to me. She looked fairly young and these days girls look a lot older then they actually are. But apparently she's 19 years old. ...
A. 29 June 2016: It's 8 years which is a big gap at 19 and 27 and much less of a gap at 30 and 38.
As we age we change up until about age 28 or so and what we want at 20 is not what we want at 30.
IF you are interested in getting to know her go f... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend selfish ? He is happy to receive, but will not reciprocate following times when I pleasure him
Q. my boyfriend never goes down on me. one day i asked why don’t you do it, he said he is not comfortable..so he don’t to do it. BUT i love doing it.. i more than comfortable doing it . one time he asked me.. i thought he will reciprocate so i did it.....
A. 29 June 2016: OP what difference will "The real reason" make.
He does not want to. YOU WANT it. HE does not.
this is a basic conflict.
what if his reason is truly "i do not like to do it"
does that matter?
... (read in full...)
Is it cheating if a man, married or in a relationship, has a happy ending occur after a massage?
Q. Hi ladies (and gents), I was searching for some opinion here! Long story cut short, what do you think of a married man or your spouse getting a happy ending after a massage? Would that be considered as cheating? Would you be upset if he told you...
A. 28 June 2016: After reading the answers... I have to add that I never considered accidental as I can't imagine it happening as an accident but I guess for a very young inexperienced horny young man it could.
if it's an accident then he could mention it a... (read in full...)
Is it cheating if a man, married or in a relationship, has a happy ending occur after a massage?
Q. Hi ladies (and gents), I was searching for some opinion here! Long story cut short, what do you think of a married man or your spouse getting a happy ending after a massage? Would that be considered as cheating? Would you be upset if he told you...
A. 28 June 2016: Have not read the other replies yet so if I'm repeating something I'm sorry.
IF my husband came to me and asked to have one prior to having it, and i was permitted the same experience then I'd say go for it.
IF he came to me after the fac... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend selfish ? He is happy to receive, but will not reciprocate following times when I pleasure him
Q. my boyfriend never goes down on me. one day i asked why don’t you do it, he said he is not comfortable..so he don’t to do it. BUT i love doing it.. i more than comfortable doing it . one time he asked me.. i thought he will reciprocate so i did it.....
A. 27 June 2016: sorry but sex is not tit for tat
it's not a I do this you do that thing
my hubby won't do oral.
I love giving bjs so I give them to him. I don't expect oral in return.
ONE caveat... i'm 56 and past menopause so my drive is much lower th... (read in full...)
What does the appearance of her toothbrush at my place mean?
Q. I've got a bit of a humorous question, however, it's also a serious one. Ladies, what does it really mean when you leave some of your belongings at a guys place? The girl I've been sleeping with for a while now just left (Cue the music: "Don don ...
A. 27 June 2016: I remember my whole "what does it mean when he gives you a drawer" post years ago. (I married him btw)
maybe it's a marriage proposal???
seriously if she forgets stuff, she probably forgot that too.
why are you afraid to ask HER sin... (read in full...)
I probably shouldn't take him back. Is what I did to him worse than what he did to me?
Q. I was involved with my ex-boyfriend for many years we are friends first so I've known him a really long time. We know each other very very well. He had some substance abuse issues and during that time cheated on me multiple occasions. When I fi...
A. 24 June 2016: So is the question about taking him back (the answer is NO)
or is my bad behavior WORSE than his bad behavior?
both of you behaved badly it's not a competition. Use it to learn and grow and never behave so childishly again but mov... (read in full...)
Does he feel rejected? I'd like to know, how can this be fixed?
Q. I have a weird situation and need opinions please.. Talked to this guy online, Skype, phone for three years(I know I know "you never met him")... But it was budding pen pals to friends to romantic interest. There was a possibility of s...
A. 24 June 2016: This is way more than bad planning.
IF I had someone that i was chatting with for three MONTHS (not to mention years) and they lived very far away and I FINALLY was going to be within driving distance of them, I would be at the locale the red ... (read in full...)
What's your opinion of age gaps? Does he really like me? Or does he have a different motive?
Q. Okay so first.. What's your opinion on age gaps?? What's to big of an age gap? There is a guy at my work ( I work in a factory) who works second shift while I work first. He is 12 years older than I am. When I very first started working there he...
A. 24 June 2016: he has different motives. he wants to get in your knickers.
ignore him. he's a tool.
fwiw age gap can and do work. My husband is 13yrs younger than i am.
caveat is that both partner need to be mature and experienced. he was 37 wh... (read in full...)
Do I keep lying to her or tell her the truth? Nothing fits any more.
Q. I been with my gf for 4 years and she has put on weight since. I'm not bothered because she is really attractive with extra weight on. However if I mention it she says she doesn't like it. So I don't mention anything anyway however now all her ...
A. 24 June 2016: can you afford to buy her new clothes.. if so do so. give her the money and tell her to go buy some new things.
... (read in full...)
We agreed to remain friends but I haven't heard from him!
Q. A guy i was seeing for 5 months ended things with me a couple of months ago. From my persepctive everything was going well and had been fine between us leading up to him ending things so it really upset me as it was totally unexpected. When he ended ...
A. 23 June 2016: When I was your age (nearly 40 years ago) a boy broke up with me with the famous words "we can still be friends"
My dear wise mother said to me "we can still be friends is the kiss of death" I didn't get it.
It's a very nice way of bre... (read in full...)
I'm shocked my boyfriend broke up with me because I wanted to communicate! Your thoughts?
Q. We have been going out 6 years on and off. We are students (23) He started working a few weeks ago. He didn't reply to my msg for 3 days, I heard from him the 4th day saying how much he loves me etc...he sent me a msg saying he will take me out...
A. 23 June 2016: I think he is not as into you as you are into him.
... (read in full...)
I like him , how can I show him this ?
Q. Hey everyone , Theres a guy i like and want to have a relationship with him . How can i let him know this without coming across desperate ? ive messaged him last night asking how he is , no reply as yet but i dont expect him to drop everything to ...
A. 23 June 2016: OP you like him and want a relationship with him but you can't figure out why he does not message you back.
Do you know him or is this a guy you casually know and THINK you want to get to know him better?
How about "wanna grab a drink ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to quit his job after only 1 week. I told him I'd break up with him if he does so!
Q. Hello, I would like your advice on whether I am being too harsh on my boyfriend. My boyfriend was without a job for quite some months and recently landed a customer service job. He has experience working in a call center environment before so hi...
A. 23 June 2016: so did he quit?
did you leave?
... (read in full...)
Can a friend forget about you while they are away?
Q. I have a friend who is abroad at the moment, she hasn't spoken to me for three to four weeks. I've not heard from her by social media and I'm beginning to lose patience. She's helping abroad and providing water to disadvantaged people and trying t...
A. 22 June 2016: OP clearly if you stop rowing the relationship boat (friendship is still a relationship) you will see that it was a one sided friendship of location.
So how long are you going to wait to see if she contacts you and when she does not what are you... (read in full...)
Can a friend forget about you while they are away?
Q. I have a friend who is abroad at the moment, she hasn't spoken to me for three to four weeks. I've not heard from her by social media and I'm beginning to lose patience. She's helping abroad and providing water to disadvantaged people and trying t...
A. 22 June 2016: OP clearly if you stop rowing the relationship boat (friendship is still a relationship) you will see that it was a one sided friendship of location.
So how long are you going to wait to see if she contacts you and when she does not what are you... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty? I told every one he has a "needle dick" after he was playing games with me!
Q. Should I feel guilty? Hi I'm Ellie and I'm seventeen years old. In a nutshell, I had this boyfriend we had a thing since september, so about 8 months. I met him when I moved schools for sixth form and we had chemistry right away. In Febuary I fou...
A. 22 June 2016: I agree use this situation to learn and grow from it.
DO NOT bring the whole world into your relationships. Yes having ONE good close friend to talk to about it is ok but not the whole gang.
Things were said in anger and pain. Learn from i... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?
Q. I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...
A. 22 June 2016: I am an outrageous flirt. I even start it. I'm not flirting for sexual reasons I just like to flirt. It's an ego stroke.
My husband was once asked by a mutual male friend, "doesn't it bother you that she's such a flirt?" and he laughed.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?
Q. I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...
A. 21 June 2016: Nope sorry your BF is full of crap.
I am 56 and get hit on all the time. I wear a humongous engagement ring and wedding band and it does not matter.
Women who display a "I don't care about men as partners" attitude are hit on a lot more IM... (read in full...)
Help! What can I say? I'm a gay female being set up at work ! I'm scared and unsure what to do.
Q. Im a single GAY female over 40 and today at work as I walked in tea room I overheard her talking to another manager about setting me up with a 26 yr old asian guy who used to work with us and who likes me! And how I am " over 40" The other mana...
A. 21 June 2016: I agree with Honeypie.
status is "happily single"
sexual orientation is NONE of Anyone's Business
i ignore friend requests all the time...there is no law that says you have to accept them.
... (read in full...)
How do I tell my LDR guy and get him to understand that this level of contact is not enough?
Q. Hi everyone, thanks for reading! Im not sure how to approach this - i basically need to talk to my boyfriend about being more in contact. We are doing a long distance relationship at the moment and everything was fine (we were skyping a few t...
A. 21 June 2016: LDRS are hard.
they need time
they need money (on both ends not just one partner)
they need commitment
they need communication
and most importantly they need an END in SIGHT.
I met my now husband in 2009
WE decided to start an ... (read in full...)
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