Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Why would my wife threaten to leave me over my porn use?
Q. My wife says she will leave me if I keep watching porn. What is wrong with her? I have no idea why she thinks watching porn is bad. This is something I like to do and do it privately. I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess wh...
A. 20 October 2016: OP you said "I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess why."
Why is because you knew it was not acceptable to her.
I always knew my husband watched porn and it does not bother me but I am a pretty secure and rare woman.
I... (read in full...)
Should I follow my therapists advice?
Q. Most recently I had dated a man for 8 months; we were introduced by friends and hit it off right away. He asked me to be exclusive right away which my therapist back then said it was weird since he didn't know anyone thing about me or had never be...
A. 19 October 2016: I agree that if you are working with a therapist then you should either heed their advice or question it with them.
I also wonder why you have not blocked him on social media. If you had you would not know of this new GF.
It sounds to me l... (read in full...)
My husband expects me to work full time and perform all of the household chores
Q. My husband gets angry at me for stupid things. He wants me to be the traditional 50's wife, to cook, to clean, to do laundry and all that. I'm okay with most of that to a point; I would be more than willing to do it every day if I didn't work. My ...
A. 17 October 2016: OP thank you so much for the update! Congrats on getting out of that mess!
I will say my hubby and I have a similar marriage in that I do the bulk of the housework. But I have a maid for the heavy lifting and when he whined about how I did his ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to tidy up down there?
Q. Im worried i have too much hair down there that when my boyfriend sees it hes going to be put off. Im quite young but im getting to that stage in my relationship, i dont care for your judgement about my age, where my boyfriend is touching me. But ...
A. 17 October 2016: I would not suggest shaving. If you cut yourself there it's really uncomfortable in addition, the growing back itches.
There is always waxing but that's expensive.
I would not use chemical hair removers either.
How about if you shave yo... (read in full...)
What do younger guys see in older women?
Q. Older woman, younger man... I am in my mid 40s. I met this guy 3 years ago when i was travelling in South East Asia. We flirted during one tour, and ended up having sex in his hotel later that day. He was really sweet and caring in bed, and then was...
A. 16 October 2016: My husband is 13 years younger than I am. He was in his 30 when we met and age is not a big deal.
what he sees in me, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm caring. I take care of him.
what I see in him... he's smart, he loves me, he takes care of... (read in full...)
Why should we wait when we want to married now?
Q. I met my girlfriend when we were both in grade 3. We have been. Friends every since and started dating when we were 16. I recently proposed to her and she said yes but we have gotten many mixed responses from family and friends. I did ask her ...
A. 12 October 2016: I got married at 21.
I got divorced at 29
What you want at 21 is NOT what you want at 25 and what you want at 25 is not what you want at 30.
Sure it can work My mom was 19 when she married my dad. He was 21 they were together until ... (read in full...)
Am I out of line for asking my b/f to change around his child support situation with his ex?
Q. hello ive been dating my bf for a year now. He is 51 I am 47. He has an ex and three children. I have two children . We live seperatly. He and his ex do not follow the child support schedule its been now 6 years that they have not been together ...
A. 12 October 2016: CHILD SUPPORT to me means the payments he makes to his ex for his children. Is that being followed?
Do you mean child visitation? IF there is NO scheduled visitation and the children are young then a schedule is better for the children... (read in full...)
Is he into the occult? Are black rings significant?
Q. Dear Aunts I made friends with a guy through facebook. We started chatting , all friendly tho , then I was going through his Facebook likes and things. I saw he liked a lot of Facebook pages such as Free masonry , Mystic Order, Wiccan rit...
A. 11 October 2016: I was a swinger and we never wore anything to denote our lifestyle.
My current husband wears a black ring. It means HE LIKES IT. Nothing more nothing less.
Wicca is a recognized religion.
Free Masons are a respected group (many US... (read in full...)
I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in 2 months! Is he trying to end things?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year. In the last two months he has said to me he's been really busy and needs some time and space. He hasn't contacted me for 2 months everytime I message him on what's app he says well chat next week ...
A. 11 October 2016: I'm sorry to say this but he is done with you.
Stop calling him. Delete his number. Delete his email. Block him on social media (so you can't see him at all)
It's over and done and he's too much of a coward and a child to let you know. He's ... (read in full...)
Should I send my ex boyfriend a Christmas card with a small gift?
Q. I have been single for about 4 months now after coming out of a 3 year relationship, I have recently been thinking of him again the relationship ended on bad terms. Its coming up to christmas and it will be weird without him should i send him a ...
A. 11 October 2016: I think you are not doing it out of kindness but more to see if it opens a door... bad breakups leave a bad feeling and we all want to feel good.
Don't send a gift or a card. Move on. Contact with ex partners is never a great idea and oft... (read in full...)
Getting back together after a break up?
Q. We broke up last week and a few days later she suddenly came to my place crying, we barely talked because she was crying a lot and we didn't make any decision that day. Two days after I told her we should talk and it was better to talk in a ...
A. 11 October 2016: The breakup was short lived. Normally a break up is permanent and I don't advise going back to an ex but if it was a week or less then it was just a really bad fight. I had this with my now husband. We broke up and about a week later we talked and ... (read in full...)
I'm married no sex with wife but am meeting men behind her back
Q. I am a married man, 2 kids and have over the last year not had sex with my wife. Instead I have joined a dating agency, gay sex site really and had numerous encounters, which I have fully enjoyed, Truth be told I feel more comfortable with mal...
A. 11 October 2016: You are cheating on your wife. You are lying to her as well.
You either leave her and pursue men or you talk to her about having an open marriage where you can see whoever you want.
Either way you have to bite the bullet and fess up to her.... (read in full...)
Am I being mistreated? Is this emotional abuse?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 2 years. I don’t know if this is emotional abuse or if there is something I can do to fix the problem. This morning I had gone to make a shake for him and when I poured the material inside ...
A. 11 October 2016: Yes this is abuse. You are so afraid of him yelling that it's causing your body to react.
This is not healthy for you.
The pattern of abusers is that after they abuse they are nice and even apologize or give you gifts and get you to drop ... (read in full...)
I was offended by the comment my personal trainer made in assuming I wanted to have an affair
Q. Some of you may recognise my story. I met a Personal Trainer who works at my gym. Was not attracted to him at first then gradually got to know a little about him and started growing an attraction. I feel the attraction was mutual as I could read ...
A. 6 October 2016: You should not feel offense. He picked up on your interest and has nipped it in the bud. Good for him.
He may be single and has invented a partner to "let you down easy" so to speak.
He did nothing wrong, therefore an apology is ... (read in full...)
How do I raise this issue with my husband? So that my husband will raise the issue with the girl's mother?
Q. Hi, id just like some advice regarding children as no matter what choice i make i fear im going to upset someone. my husband and i have a son. My husband also still sees his step daughter from his relationship before me. He sees her two Saturday...
A. 6 October 2016: I am a huge believer in the belief that children grow in our hearts not our bellies... this goes for dads as well.
Clearly your husband also defines this child as his child and he still maintains a parental relationship with her.
Blood does no... (read in full...)
My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.
Q. I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...
A. 4 October 2016: I'm in the "he's a grown man" camp.
My dad met a woman like your father's partner shortly after my mom died. It was hard for us to watch him be "bullied" to live in a certain place, and wear certain clothes, and vacation in certain places. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend diagnosed with bipolar disorder! Break up?
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and recently she found out she has bipolar disorder. Now I understand why she has always been hot and cold with me, I'm thinking about breaking up as I'm not happy anymore. She' taking BP medications but ...
A. 4 October 2016: I'm not sure the "hot and cold" is because of her bipolar disorder or just the way she interacts with the world.
IF she had been diagnosed with a physical medical condition would you use it as an excuse to break up with her? (substitute ... (read in full...)
We had our ups and downs should I go back to my ex?
Q. My ex is recently single and I miss him a lot. Should I go back? Weve had ups and downs when we were together but the sex was off the charts amazing and hot and everything you can imagine. We use to laugh a lot but our relationship was...
A. 4 October 2016: IF you go back you will have amazing sex and he will leave again, maybe this time for a woman he really cares about.
I would say to protect your heart you not do anything to get back with him.
I say this because you said it's not purely... (read in full...)
Does prior promiscuity / lack of self care mean danger in a relationship?
Q. So.... a couple meets on tinder. They like each other, go for "the test". Turns out person A has an STD but makes out like they were just "unlucky" to have contracted it. Person B accepts and tries to move forward confidently. Person B had a clean ...
A. 4 October 2016: Yeah Person B is not a good choice for a partner.
I speak as a previously openly free sexual person... but I was a. always careful and concerned about STDs and more importantly I B. NEVER LIED to or cheated on a partner.
Person B is not... (read in full...)
Should I give up on this girl?
Q. Dear All, First and foremost, thanks for taking the time to read this. To preface my story, i havent dated many women. I am 31 years old and have been with a handful of women. This is the first girl that I've dated seriously in 7+ years. We'...
A. 4 October 2016: "i am slowly getting more and more fed up"
"what should I do"
I think you should consider ending it.
you argue constantly according to your words
she's not reliable
she wants you to change (not a good thing... if she can't love you wh... (read in full...)
The chatroom guy..are we just friends?
Q. There's a guy I met in a chatroom that I really like.I just want to find out if he likes me likes me.We don't flirt but he mirrors me alot in our chat. He private messaged me the other day and he always tells others in main rooms he doesn't do that ...
A. 4 October 2016: Ya know when I was an AOL chat room girl I could juggle 3-5 guys at a time and they all thought they were my only one...
You don't know him... the chats are fun and exciting to you but he may very well have 3 other open windows of PMing going on... (read in full...)
I lost the ring my wife purchased for me. She'll be very cross. What should I do?
Q. My wife left for Paris last week, and instead of going to work, coming home to a lovely empty apartment and playing video games like I been doing, my brother convinced me to hang out with him for the night. When I got there all the boys were the...
A. 3 October 2016: My husband lost his wedding ring last year. He told me right away. BFD...we got him another one.
we did not file a claim because it's not on our jewelry rider. Normally the deductible would be more that a man's ring is worth. It would fo... (read in full...)
Do you think I my married lover is tiring of me? In the beginning we talked. Now he only sends a text
Q. I've been friends with this married man for 8 months now, who doesn't have sex with his wife I guess. He is 38 and I am 22. He was my first lover. He took me to his house 3 times and we never had actual sex because I said I want to remain a virgin. ...
A. 30 September 2016: He only wants whatever physical touch you give him. On his terms.
I doubt he is not having sex with his wife (meaning he is)
I also know you think you love him but i doubt it's truly love.
and i know this will be hard to hear but yo... (read in full...)
10 years later my ex writes me to say she's sorry. Do I ignore?
Q. A random question here .. about 10 years ago with my first gf ,, we was going out for a couple of months and then she ended it and spread loads of bad things about me .. which tbf didn't help me and probably hasn't helped me to this day .One thing ...
A. 29 September 2016: if she is making amends for a program then your response does not matter. so do not feel pressure to accept it or say "all is forgiven"
i think just blocking her is ok if that's what you want to do
as for why I said what I said you gave us t... (read in full...)
Do I back off and hope he'll approach me? Or do I make a move and tell him how I feel? Eight year age difference.
Q. I have posted about this before so some of you may be familiar with my story. Just need a bit more advice. I met a guy, he is a PT at my gym. Cutting a long story short. There seems to be an attraction due to the way he looked at me. I did not li...
A. 29 September 2016: The age difference is nothing. My husband is 43 I am 56... no difference other than musical taste but that's not really an age thing all that much as I have friends in their 30s who like the same music I do.
IF he was older than you or the same... (read in full...)
10 years later my ex writes me to say she's sorry. Do I ignore?
Q. A random question here .. about 10 years ago with my first gf ,, we was going out for a couple of months and then she ended it and spread loads of bad things about me .. which tbf didn't help me and probably hasn't helped me to this day .One thing ...
A. 29 September 2016: She is trying to make amends. It would be most adult to say "thank you" for the apology and move on.
I agree that after that you let it go.
I find it interesting that the only two options you came up with were romantic interest and cal... (read in full...)
I'm afraid if I get too close to this lovely man that I might cheat on my boyfriend
Q. I met a guy yesterday and he bought me lunch. I like him I find him attractive and I think he feels the same about me. We agreed yesterday that we will meet again today at some volunteering project but when he arrived I only greeted him and stayed ...
A. 23 September 2016: I agree that staying away from him is the best way to save your LDR.
I can't help but wonder if your boyfriend was not LD and you guys were in the same location if you wouldn't still find this new guy interesting enough to make you question... (read in full...)
Am I mad for wanting to be with a guy that much older than me?
Q. Hi. So as you pretty much know I'm 17. I've always had the problem of falling for older guys that I obviously can't have because of the age difference. I guess it's because I'm quite mature for my age, as I've also been told, so I'm rarely attracte...
A. 23 September 2016: You are not mad. You have a crush. The fact that he backed off when he learned your age is a sign he's mature enough to realize that the difference between 17 and 23 is huge
As you get older the age gap will not be much at all and the differen... (read in full...)
He's married and much older.... and I've a serious crush on him. what advice can you suggest for me?
Q. Hi. So i'm sure this has been discussed countless times, but i still feel the need to get my situation out there and hear your opinions on it... So i have this guy in my life, he's my trainer of sorts, and i see him a couple times a week. He's way...
A. 20 September 2016: "he's married" so sadly no matter how old he is or is not he is OFF LIMITS even if HE wants something he is MARRIED.
There was a time even in very prim and proper society that dancing with a man was nothing more than dancing, and he may be ol... (read in full...)
LDR has it cooled, he finds it boring or...???
Q. I would really appreciate some advice and your opinion. I've been in a LDR for a little over a month. We were together for a week before he had to leave and go back home (another continent!). We've been texting and talked over the phone a bit (I'...
A. 20 September 2016: The hardest thing I ever did was sit back and WAIT for my now husband (then LDR boytoy) to contact me. I waited nearly 2 weeks. Finally he emailed me.
I have to say it was hard. I spent those two weeks writing him long long letters that I never ... (read in full...)
How does this plan look to you?
Q. So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...
A. 20 September 2016: Oh yes men (and women) will TALK "relationship stuff" and not totally be into it. I really do not want to upset you but I do want you to be realistic about this.
I agree that for a bit you need to slow your row and let him do the heavy lifting.... (read in full...)
How does this plan look to you?
Q. So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...
A. 19 September 2016: I fear he is "going with the flow" and just accepting it as it comes.
I would say go and meet him.. do not have sex with him no matter what! Because to be honest he does not sound all that into you or the relationship. Guard your feelings... (read in full...)
She's no longer into sex. What to do?
Q. The problem I have is. My wife is totally uninterested in sex and lovemaking, and has been for about 3 years now. Its to hot, its to cold, I have a headache?backache/earache whatever. We have discussed it and she assures me that it is not me. I h...
A. 19 September 2016: I feel your pain. My husband is 43 and has totally lost his drive. It's been two years and we are only married for 4.
I'm 56 and past menopause but while my drive has decreased (I used to be an every day or every other day kind of girl now I th... (read in full...)
If I'm a good kisser, how likely is it that I'll also be a good lover?
Q. I've made out with 5-6 girls and I think I'm a good kisser because I know women hate men who slober over them and I try to figure out what does it for them and try to make them feel good. I honestly think I get more enjoyment thinking I'm g...
A. 19 September 2016: My husband is the best kisser around.
He is the WORST lover I have ever had.
... (read in full...)
What can I do about my very controlling aggressive abusive husband? I want out of this abusive marriage
Q. Hello i have a very serious problem. My husband is very controlling and he has been disrespectful to my Mom and my children. He has called my daughters stupid bitches and he calls my son a dumb mf. He says thats just the way he talks but i hate it!...
A. 19 September 2016: I am so sorry you are being so abused. You are correct this will negatively affect your children.. it will teach them that abuse is ok.
I did not know what state you are in but your flag says USA so I found these links for you:
https://www.w... (read in full...)
My LDR is stressing me out. I do want to keep the relationship. What can I do?
Q. My relationship is stressing me out. To give a bit of background. I was with my ex for 7 years and he cheated. Left me for her. I was single for 9-10 months when I got with my current boyfriend. We've been together 8 months now. Everything w...
A. 19 September 2016: I agree with Honeypie. Relationships in general are hard. LDRs even harder.
In addition I am not sure you were totally healed from the last relationship.
He's trying to turn this around and blame YOU for being OH SO AWESOME that he needed a... (read in full...)
I just found out that the LDR guy I'd been dating is married and has a kid. I've blocked him but should I give him a chance to explain?
Q. Dear Cupid, I found out yesterday that the guy I’m with is married and has a child. I blocked him in wechat and whatsapp. It was such a disastrous feeling with I saw his Facebook of his wife and the child’s photos and not forgetting his we...
A. 2 September 2016: No he should not be permitted to "explain"
Blocking him was the correct thing to do.... (read in full...)
My friend is taking up too much of my time. How do I tell her in a friendly way?
Q. Hey , my propblem is about my friend . i work from home and have a child so tend to be busy but have more free time than someone going out to their work place , my friend doesnt work due to disabilities so has a lot of free time . She constantly ...
A. 31 August 2016: oh yeah I keep my phone on silent almost all the time and do miss texts..
i have a very good friend that lets her child use her phone for videos and stuff and she's only 4 so she doesn't know to give her mom the phone when I text.
so if I... (read in full...)
Our therapy dogs don't get along and my boyfriend has issued me an ultimatum. What can I do?
Q. I have PTSD and anxiety due to sex abuse. It started happening when I was in preschool. My boyfriend has Anxiety and PTSD bc of prison bc he used to be an armed robber and he accidentally murdered his ex. He became a dog handler in prison. He has ...
A. 31 August 2016: Where Pete goes is not your problem. You are not his mommy.
I had friends give me an ultimatum to pick either them or the man I was dating and later married. I picked him. Because while he did not LIKE these friends he had no issue with MY ... (read in full...)
Why do I get this burning sensation during sex?
Q. I'm a 22 years old female and partially sexually active since i am in a LDR and i get to see my boyfriend 4 times a year, when he isn't around i still masturbate and all but whenever i use a sex toy or having an intercourse with him, i get this ...
A. 31 August 2016: You need to see an GYN. ANY sexually active woman must be under a GYNs care.
They can determine what if anything is the problem.
... (read in full...)
Is it 'normal' to only have sex once a week when you live with your partner?
Q. I'm just curious, I apologise in advance if this is TMI. I've been with my partner for 6 years, living together for one. We used to sleep together several times a day every time we saw each other... But for the past year of living together it's only ...
A. 31 August 2016: Stop worrying...he is telling the truth.
My husband and I were insane before we moved in together. Then he moved in and while it was not too bad it got to be less and less... then he started gaining weight... and he does not feel sexy any more... (read in full...)
My friend is taking up too much of my time. How do I tell her in a friendly way?
Q. Hey , my propblem is about my friend . i work from home and have a child so tend to be busy but have more free time than someone going out to their work place , my friend doesnt work due to disabilities so has a lot of free time . She constantly ...
A. 31 August 2016: When I am driving my phone automatically says "I'm driving right now I'll get back to you when it's safe"
I suggest you create a standard text for her when she messages you that says "I'm working right now I'll get back to you as soon as I ca... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
