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Boyfriend travels constantly and has friends and family he refuses to let me meet

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Family, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 April 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, *attsmum writes:

I'm 44 years old, my boyfriend is 53. We have been dating for 4 years now. He has 2 jobs. One job has fee flying perks. So far in 4 years he has gone to Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Philippines, Thailand, Japan, he went to Las Vegas and goes to Arkansas were his parents lived ( they are both dead now without me meeting them because he doesn't want to take me). His travels he goes with co workers or school buddies whom I haven't met. His siblings I haven't met except for 1 brother whom I've met unintentionally just one time. His sister wanted to meet me but he didn't want us to... I have met is only teenage child just twice briefly in the course of our relationship. We only see each other at least 3 hours in a week because of his work schedule. We used to see each other more often than that during the first year of dating, he would make sure he visits me after work at least 3 times a week no matter how late it is and how early he has to work the next day. I pointed this out to him. And he said people change.

It's been rough for me since I want more from this relationship and he knows it. Yet I feel like he builds a wall between us so I can't demand more time from him.

I am fed up with our situation but I keep going back every time I would break up with him. It bothers me a lot that I am. It completely in his circle yet I have let him in on mine... i would threaten a breakup every time he goes out of the country with his co workers because I'm sure they'd go to bars. Mind you, they go to these countries over and over and has never offered to take me there. Just the two of us.

Am I right to feel frustrated, angry and cheated on when he is out in those countries? Am I a paranoid girlfriend?

Just last Friday he went to Thailand again. I told him I can't take it anymore. I can't deal with him going out there. Am I right to feel this way? Do we really have a relationship or is it just a casual affair for him? Right now the only thing we do together is have sex. That's it. I need more than that. Should I go back to him again?

I don't want to go and look for another love interest. I am already old. I'm tired of starting all over again. Help!

View related questions: a break, affair, co-worker

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A female reader, Mattsmum United States +, writes (22 April 2017):

Mattsmum is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all so much for your opinion. Reading all of it came in at the right time when I was so close to reaching out to him again. Everything I've read I already knew. I just refuse to acknowledge it.

Thank you all.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (20 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIt sounds to me like this guy already has a life and you are the bit on the side. I know that sounds harsh but this is not a relationship. He meets up with you when he wants sex. He tried harder the first year just to get you hooked. End things and stay clear from this man, off course you deserve to be treated better than this. Don't ever be someones dirty little secret.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2017):

He is living a double life you are the side girl.He only cares to get in your pants.He does not care about you at all. Dump him and get a man who is not a cheater and user.This is so obvious I cannot understand how you can not see this.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (18 April 2017):

So_Very_Confused agony aunthe is using you for sex. It may have been more at one time but it has evolved into friends with benefits and not very good friends.

It is not too late for you. Do not stay with him one more minute. You need this to be done.

stop having sex with him

stop doing things for him

stop initiating contact do not call him, do not text him.

stop asking to see him or asking him for anything.

he's not a boyfriend dear to him you are not a relationship you are a sex partner.

do not be afraid to leave this pain. YOU know in your heart that this is not how a man who loves you treats you. You just need to love yourself enough to not take the treatment he gives you.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 April 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat are you actually getting from this "relationship"? Your gut instinct is telling you there is something badly wrong. For crying out loud, LISTEN and dump this user.

There is no way you are his "one and only". I would bet big money he is married.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

It seems suspicious that he doesn't introduce you to anyone. You might want to check his background.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 April 2017):

N91 agony auntAlready taken*

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 April 2017):

N91 agony auntMy guess is he's always taken and you're a little secret.

I don't know many girlfriends that haven't met their bfs family and friends after 4 years. Especially when he flat out rejects letting you meet them. It can't be too soon as an excuse either so I think he's hiding something.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (18 April 2017):

Denizen agony auntDear lady I think you are being cruelly used. What kind of relationship is it where he never takes you away? You never meet his family except by accident and you only see him three hours a week?

Please don't continue with this. There seems nothing in it for you, and everything for him - a guilt-free liaison with a woman for three hours a week in anonymity with no strings.

Surely you are worth more than that?

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