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My husband wants me to give his friend a hand job!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2017) 20 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *onna35 writes:

my husband has been trying to talk me into giving his best friend a mercy hand job , Because his wife has some kind of a medical problem ? His friend has been so sad ever since his wife has cut him off . I am seriously considering doing it for him . What am mostly concerened about is how long will i be expected to satifie his friends needs . my husband said that her medical problem should be corrected if four or five months ? My husband had originally asked me to have sex with his friend ? The hand job was my idea . I am still a little confused about the whole thing ? Donna

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (17 February 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThat's nice Donna, but there is no reason why your husband cant give the friend a hand job or the friend give himself a hand job or even go buy one .... if you prefer to think giving sexual favours to somebody who isn't your husband or partner is a charitable act that's your choice .... just one questions, are you going to be choosy who you are charitable towards or will it be come one come all, I am sure there are any number of men down at the local probably haven't had the touch of a woman for years, and is it okay if your husband gives any lonely women in the neighbourhood a bit of sex as well as a charitable act or would that be classed as something different?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2017):

I think YOU want to do this, and you want us here to convince you to go ahead with it, so you can feel more justified about it. Is that perhaps true?

If you have always enjoyed doing "physical therapy" on men by doing them sexual favours, and you feel that doing it in this case is "being kind and considerate" - then I guess I don't see what your question is.

I think that being someone's physical "savior" through sexual favours seems like it has been a longstanding fantasy of yours given your update, and it is pretty evident that the idea is turning you on. After all, the handjob part was your idea.

I think you have a fetish for this, and I think your husband does too. I would wonder if he is maybe bi-curious or bi-sexual if he wants to see you do this with another man. Or just has a fetish for seeing you with others.

....About your quote: "I think we have been put on this earth to help one another"....through sexual favours?! Lol if that is truly what you think is helping this world then I am at a bit of a loss...maybe you chose the wrong career and should have been a volunteer stripper. Wouldn't a better way to be "placed on this earth to help others" might be through volunteering bringing food to the needy, or helping the less fortunate? Not giving a horny guy a handjob?

That wasn't to judge you, because I don't think there is anything wrong with giving sexual favours (if that's what you're into), but I don't think you can go around saying that it is the same thing as charity! That is a little bit delusional.

Well the good news is that it seems you and your husband both have the same fantasy/ fetish. So if this really is what you want, then go for it. No one here can tell you not to do it.

One question I have for you: would you be willing to phone up his wife and tell her that this is the arrangement? Because if this is truly as fair and charitable as you make it out to be, there is absolutely no reason that the wife shouldn't know. Surely she is at least entitled to that.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (17 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou can do it if you want, but teaching someone to kiss is massively different to giving someone hand jobs and potentially sex for a few months.

OP, this idea is highly unnecessary, inappropriate and you are not a prostitute to be pimped out. Your husband has persuaded you that it's the kind, caring, physical therapist thing to do, but that's a pile of crap and I'm hoping you're not naive enough to ignore what we're all saying.

Do it, if *you* want to, but I think you'll feel worse and it could easily backfire on you, ruining your marriage. You didn't want to do this until your husband brought it up, but you still don't want to do it deep down or you wouldn't be here.

You do this once and it becomes expected of you in the future. It also encourages them to use you for sexual favours. It won't just be this guy you get pressured into being sexual with.

I really think you should leave your husband because a decent guy does not try to persuade his wife to give his friend any sexual favours by lying to her about it being like physical therapy and necessary for his friend's well-being.

His friend can get his own, unmarried hook-up, if he's desperate, but he can also survive happily using his own two hands. Next, you'll be expected to do more than you agreed to.

Please don't do it. Tell your husband no and leave him if he gets angry or continues to try to persuade you do it. If you say no and he gets angry or doesn't stop talking about it, he doesn't love or respect you.

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A female reader, Donna35 United Kingdom +, writes (16 February 2017):

Donna35 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My husband John and i are both kind caring considerate people and we both think that we have been put in this earth to help one another . In junior high school there was a very shy and awkward boy in my class who didn't have any friends at all . So at lunch that day i sat down next to him and introduced myself . After a very short time he told that he liked this other girl . But was much to shy to approach her . His biggest fear was that he never kissed a girl before ? So i volunteered to teach him how to kiss . Shortly after the opportunity presented itself and introduced them to one another . I have help few other boys overcome their fears and shyness with girls . At the risk o being called a lose women i won't tell you how i helped them . So my giving a hand job to my husbands friend wouldn't be the first time I did that for someone .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

Physical therapists have ethics, standards, salaries, training and insurance. Good luck finding one that gives hand jobs.

Screw giving some lame old loser a hand job. What's in it for you? If your husband is all cool with extramarital sexy stuff then go out and get a guy who knows how to use his tongue on you for like days at a time. Give you so many orgasms you can't think straight.

Husbands giving you the green light for extras. What does that get him? A hall pass? Weird request from husband, no lie.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (16 February 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntDoing it with his permission .... WTF! Do it WITHOUT his permission, and as SVC says, if you do decide to have sex or give sexual favours to his friend it will be strictly between you and the friend, and not discussed with him as to when, how, where and advise you might find you like it so much it could continue beyond the specified four or five months ....

I've googled, also advise your husband you don't need him to pimp you out, in future you will be sourcing your own clients, and that you have been advised a hand job could earn you up to £180 for 45 minutes work.

Either you are deliberately ignoring the possible ramifications of complying with your husbands request to provide sexual favours to his friend or you haven't thought this through.

I'll leave it to you to decide which it is

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (16 February 2017):

So_Very_Confused agony auntDonna if you want to sleep with hubby's friend or give him a BJ or a hand job for you then do it for you. Do not do it for hubby or for the friend.

Make sure that hubby knows that you are doing it for yourself and that you will not discuss it with him or the friend. That the relationship you and the friend will establish is between you and him and is private.

see how that goes with your hubby and get back to me. I'm betting that it won't be an option.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

If that was my husband, I would be beginning divorce proceedings!!!!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (15 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntPhysical therapy?! Ha! Don't fall for it. Also, now you know what "physical therapy" means to him, so don't trust him if he ever says he needs it!

Say no and you need to leave if he continues; he could force you and hurt you.

Please don't believe that this is normal!

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (15 February 2017):

What else does your husband convince you is normal in a marriage? I do wonder as you don't seem really that put out by this request. Has he had you doing "favours" for any of his friends before? Did he just marry you to pimp you out?

Most men would be horrified at the thought of their wife doing anything sexual with another man, let alone trying to talk her into it. Has he asked yet if he can watch, "just to make sure there is no cheating going on"?

Are you in the habit of allowing men to talk you into doing things you don't particularly want to do? (I wonder with the comment you make about your past.)

Sweetheart, you are worth more than this. If your husband is so genuinely worried about his friend's lack of sex, tell him to bend over and take one for the team. Do NOT do anything you don't want to do.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntOk, I can see that your husband is VERY good with his words and making it seem like an everyday thing. But it's NOT an everyday thing for a husband to suggest that his wife becomes a "sex surrogate" for a friend who isn't getting any at home.

The only thing that matters is.. (In my opinion) DO you want to do this or not? If you DO NOT want to give a handjob or blowjob or ANY other sexual favors with this OR any other man, then you SAY no, thanks. And it REALLY doesn't matter WHAT you did in your past.

You are not a licensed sex therapist or brain surgeon, right So why on Earth should you try and do either?

IF you want to do this, then why ask us on DC for our opinions?

And again, if you think this is as OK as your husband does, WHY not ASK his WIFE what she thinks?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

What on earth has even possessed you to even consider this?

How little respect does your husband have for you to even suggest this?

Also, the friend is a fully grown man, so he can give himself the hand job. And, even though the friend's wife is ill, apparently she will be better in 4-5 months. So he can sort himself out until then. And, what does the friend's wife think of all this?

So my advice to you is stand up to your husband, tell him no and DO NOT DO IT.

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A female reader, Donna35 United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2017):

Donna35 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I want to thank each and every one for your input . My husband and I had another conversation about this again last night . He said that I should think of this as more like physical therapy than anything else ? My husband and I have always been very open with one another in regards to both our past sex lives . So he knows just about everything that I have done with other young men . He then said that it wouldn't be like I would be cheating on him or anything like that , Because i would be doing it with his permission . Donna

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (15 February 2017):

So_Very_Confused agony auntoh I haven't had sex in going on 3 years. I wish i could find a friend to service me. I actually asked my husband if I could take a lover as he's just not interested. He said "I do not want you to" so I dropped it. Not because I don't want...but to be honest i can handle my own orgasm and so can your hubby's friend.

The fact that you are even considering this leads me to question what other power plays are going on in your marriage.

It's not like he's asking you to give the guy a casserole since the wife can't cook....

THIS IS NOT NORMAL and it's not rational. Seems his friend is more important to him than his wife.

IF you want to be helpful go buy the guy a fleshlight and give it to him as a gift.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

"Darling I need you to be a sex worker for the next few months. O.k. maybe just a trial sex worker...or just hand jobs or bjs until you got your mind in

the right place!"

This request is not a normal part of married or couples life!

So say no and mean it.

Sympathy over sickness, illness or trauma do not mean you need to get on the game or do sexual favours.

Just say "I'm getting a divorce if you ask me that again because I didnt sign up for that when I married you!"

Im sure he will try to convince you that cashiers in banks over handjobs when the client is feeling out of sorts, but I wouldnt believe a word of it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntPfffst, your husband can give his friend a handjob or even better... the FRIEND has 2 hands right? So HE can take care of business himself! And IF this friend is having problems with his wife - HE NEEDS to be a GROWN ASS man and sort it out or WALK away.

Why on EARTH should you have sex with or give handjobs to other men?

How do you think his chances to sort things out with his wife would be when she HEARS that you have been "taking care" of the "problem"?

If I were you I'd tell MY husband to go suck eggs and if he bring up this anymore HE will be the one who is cut off from sex till he can GROW some common sense.

Seriously! What is WRONG with your husband?! What kind of husband asks this of his wife? Like you are some kind of blow up doll he can lend out to various sex starved men... WTF!

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom + , writes (15 February 2017):

Phil052 agony auntIt's certainly an unusual request! I wonder if your husband is turned on by the thought of you pleasuring his friend? It could be more about his desires than his friend's needs. You don't need to do anything you don't want though. Might be worth asking him why he is so keen for you to give sexual favours to his friend. Would also be interesting to know his friends view on the 'arrangement'. Does he even know? And if he does, is it something he wants?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

Wow. If it's that bad your husband could hire someone to deal with that, or better still let him deal with it himself.

Huge No.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

Your not your husbands property to share around his mates if their sexual life is on the decline. Have some backbone, lady, and stand up for yourself! If your husband told you to jump off of a cliff would you do it?

I know my husband would never even suggest such a thing, hence I married him, but if I were you with a husband like yours I wouldn't tolerate being used as some sexual object - there to satisfy a man's sexual needs.

You are your own person and make up your own mind about what you DO and DON'T want to do.

Some man your husband's friend is too - his wife is suferring with a medical problem and instead of being there for her, in sickness and in health as your wedding vows promise, he is planning on how he can get some action while she is recovering! The pig headed arse should get his arse home and look after her, not sit with his mate bitching about his lack of sex and plotting together how you can 'solve the problem' without giving you a say at all and just expecting you to be fine with it.

If I were you, I wouldn't be happy in a relationship like this.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (15 February 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHell No!

Is that your role in life, provider of sexual favours? If you husband feels his friend needs a "mercy" hand job then he can give it to him. If his friend doesn't want a hand job from your husband he can take care of it himself, as he probably has been doing.

I am flabbergasted! Are you expected to "take care of" this problem for the next four or five months? That isn't exactly a life time you know?

I'd be ropable if my husband suggested such a thing!

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