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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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My boyfriend spends all day on a dating app.
Q. I don't know what to do as my b I yfriend is on a dating app day and night there's no photo of him and details just it shows his location home and work. I don't know what to do I just don't get if he's looking for me on there OE someone else. I see ...
A. 13 November 2018: I’m sorry but you sound pretty naive if you’re buying that excuse.
If he doesn’t trust you when you haven’t given him a reason not to then it’s not looking too good for the future. ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my best friend now I want to be his girlfriend!
Q. So I have been best friends with an American man for about 12.5 years now, we met online and started as penpals , we have emailed nearly every day for 12 years and always ring each other and there for each other if we were going through a tough ...
A. 11 November 2018: What other way could there be than just saying it to him? You don’t want to play games? Well that’s exactly what you are doing. He told you how he felt then you lied to his face. Why would you tell him you only see him as a friend if you don’t?
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spends all day on a dating app.
Q. I don't know what to do as my b I yfriend is on a dating app day and night there's no photo of him and details just it shows his location home and work. I don't know what to do I just don't get if he's looking for me on there OE someone else. I see ...
A. 11 November 2018: Why would you want to fix things with someone who’s trying to find your replacement? What planet are you living on?
HE doesn’t trust you?? How certain are you that these profiles are his without a picture? If you know it’s him yet you’re sticking... (read in full...)
I feel pathetic, its seven years and I am still not over him!
Q. Hi all, I’m going to keep this short and sweet and any help and advice is greatly appreciated. I was in a long distance relationship that ended in 2011 because my partner got depressed due to me always leaving to go back home. I’m Scottish and he’...
A. 10 November 2018: Everyone goes though a pain at this point in their life where they feel like they’ve missed out on ‘the one’. If that was the case and you were meant to be, you would be. Nothing would have stopped the situation, there would have been an ending in ... (read in full...)
Should I apologize before the concert or just leave it alone?
Q. When we were dating, I had given my ex a Louis Vuitton necklace. After we broke up, I knew he would just throw it away, so I asked for it back and he said he would mail it. A week later, it hadn’t come in the mail, so I texted him and asked if he ...
A. 10 November 2018: Leave him alone.
You gave him the necklace as a gift, you technically have no right whatsoever to take that back no matter how annoying it is. Right now you are harassing this guy, if the roles were flipped all hell would break loose.
Just ac... (read in full...)
We are on a break but working on our relationship ... he doesn't understand how his actions affected me.
Q. 7 months ago, my ex and I broke up, mutually. Our relationship was long-term. A few days after our breakup I accidentally read a conversation in his facebook account between him and a female friend. The conversation was very intimate, and almost ...
A. 9 November 2018: The whole point of a break is to be apart from each other, to have time to collect your thoughts, work on things and ultimately decide whether you want to get back together. Being on a break doesn’t involve having sex with each other and being in ... (read in full...)
I'm sick of this man being a ghost in our relationship.
Q. Early this year my girlfriend did an internship in another city. I was too busy to visit and she didn't have much time either, so she only travelled back here a couple of times. I missed her and was looking forward to her getting back. Then she ...
A. 9 November 2018: You don’t trust her and for good reason, so why stay?
She has betrayed the relationship in the most serious way, it doesn’t matter WHY she cheated, whether you didn’t have enough time for her or whatever is not important, the key point is here is ... (read in full...)
My ex girlfriend wants to be reimbursed for gifts she gave me.
Q. I have recently broke up with my girlfriend after nine months together, a couple of weeks before we separated she bought me a present but now we're not together she's asking me to give her back the money she spent on that present, I don't think ...
A. 8 November 2018: You’re under no obligations to give it back although it may be in bad taste to keep the gift if it was very close time wise to the break up. I’m not too sure why you’d want to keep the gift from someone you’re not with anymore especially if she’s ... (read in full...)
He can't say I love you to me but we keep breaking up and getting back together. I don't know what to do
Q. Okay, this is going to be long and I apologize in advance - I’ll try to summarize as much as possible. Two years ago (August 2016) I started my masters program in a big city. I was on dating apps for fun, mostly, not looking for anything serious...
A. 5 November 2018: What are you expecting to change? Seriously? How many times now have you let him back in and the same outcome has occurred? When do you ever need to force yourself to say you love someone else? If you can’t do it naturally then it’s not love.
... (read in full...)
What do I say to her to prove I’m genuinely sorry?
Q. I’m here for advice and I’m looking for advice and don’t know what to do. I came across a female on a dating app who I really liked and we share things in common. there’s were going great until I said to her you’re ignoring me and now she is giving ...
A. 5 November 2018: You’ve blown it, you came across as too needy and pushy when you barely know each other. If a girl told me I was ignoring her when I hadn’t replied for a while I’d have the exact same reaction.
Learn from this and don’t do this again in future. ... (read in full...)
My husband seems to think I am a bank, smokes weed all day and chats with other women!
Q. Hello My husband isnt working and I am providing for our family. He is unable to work do to his new arrival to my country. During hid time here, he tells me his friends back home need an apartment to rent and they need to open up their ow...
A. 3 November 2018: I’m struggling to see how you’re not his bank here.
He doesn’t work and you pay for everything. He’s a jobless bum that chats to other females in front of you and you’re accepting it, does it sound like he’s going to change anytime soon? Sounds l... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?
Q. My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...
A. 31 October 2018: I don’t think it was intentional and you sound like you really made a meal of it. Crying and telling him not to come back over it? Childish.... (read in full...)
Is he just a liar toying with me?
Q. Here's the deal. I met a guy down here in texas because he we was here for work. Long story short we hung out all the time and he added me and my best friend on fb. After he left he told her that he really likes me, not to let me lose interest and ...
A. 31 October 2018: Waste of time, block him and move on.... (read in full...)
My married lover doesn't want me to go on trips by myself. Why doesn't he trust me?
Q. My married lover travels with his wife up to 3-5 times a year. The longest he is away is a month at a time. It's very difficult for me, even though I've chosen to place myself in this role. I feel resentful and left behind. They are natural ...
A. 31 October 2018: What valid points could he have? He is an absolute scumbag. How can you love a lying cheat? Honestly, I’m intrigued. What could he be giving you that an honest single man couldn’t?
This guy is basically calling you a slut that can’t control ... (read in full...)
Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?
Q. My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...
A. 31 October 2018: I have to agree with the other posters saying that the new guy sounds like a complete dick. Using manipulative tactics to try and get into your underwear. I really doubt he has strong feelings for you, just enough to want to get you into bed, I’d be ... (read in full...)
He’s a selfish date, do I get rid or give him one last chance?
Q. Why am i such an idiot. i arranged a date with a friend of mine we decided to give it a go. He messaged me to say he was home and that i can go round so i got a taxi to his and knocked on his door a few times and he didnt answer. It was late dark ...
A. 31 October 2018: What kind of guy asks a woman on a date only to ignore her when she gets to his house and offer no sort of apology or explanation?
Would avoid this guy like the plague, at least he’s shown you how unreliable he is before you got attached, be glad ... (read in full...)
I'm unable to move on after being rejected by the girl I love
Q. In my current state I feel lonely, depressed and unable to get over recent rejection with the *only* person I've had feelings for so far. To give more insight, I'm 15 years old and far from being attractive. In fact, I've not been favoured once by...
A. 31 October 2018: We’ve all been there believe me, I’m almost certain that everyone will feel this heart ache at least once in their life where your ‘love’ for someone else in unreciprocated.
I’ve been there twice and it hurts, but it’s honestly not the end of t... (read in full...)
He doesn't believe that I am over my ex
Q. So I met this guy via a dating app 9 months ago, we messaged for about 2 months but he was wary to meet up as he was still not entirely over his last relationship. I wanted to meet him but in the end he freaked out, back tracked and asked me not to ...
A. 30 October 2018: So he’s backed away 3 times now, that should be plenty of indication to show he’s a complete waste of time. I’d of took his advice after the first time though when he told you not to message again.
Block and move on. ... (read in full...)
We met online I'm 18 he's 34. Is it wrong that I want to be with him?
Q. I just want opinions. I have known a man for over 3 months now. We met online, we Skype regularly, he's amazing. We talk everyday. He lives 2 hours away from me.The only thing is he is 34 and I am 18. I want to be with him so bad. Is this wro...
A. 29 October 2018: Any man that is trying to get a girl half his age into bed is a creep in my eyes. I’d say there’s a reason why he’s not pursuing females his own age. Avoid like the plague, you are barely starting adulthood and he’s old enough to be your father.... (read in full...)
How can I make her my girlfriend?
Q. There is this girl I work with and I really, really like her. Her and I both started working together at the same time and she has been in 2 relationships that hadn't ended well. She knows I like her and care a lot about her, but she keeps saying ...
A. 29 October 2018: If anything you will be making her extremely UNcomfortable.
She said no, accept it and leave her alone, she’s not interested.... (read in full...)
I need your thoughts on how to sort this situation.
Q. Recently with the past 2 months, my boyfriend of nine years and I ended our relationship. Our relationship had it’s good points, but overall was very toxic and tumultuous. He has a pre-teen daughter and myself an 11-year-old son. He’s been my ...
A. 29 October 2018: I understand that your ex and your son bonded a lot over the course of your relationship, but it’s over now. It’s a shame and must of been upsetting for your son to lose that father figure in his life, but I also think it would be very confusing for ... (read in full...)
I'm in a messed up situation with a guy from another country
Q. Hey dear agony aunts I met this guy one month ago (B) who got my number from a friend of mine. We started talking casually. B doesn’t live in our country and he told me he while we were just talking that he had a girlfriend in a different country ...
A. 29 October 2018: Okay let me get this straight.
This guy has a girlfriend, that didn’t put you off, so you’re now cheating with this guy. You got feelings for him, then he saw you messaging other guys, he got mad at you, whilst he’s cheating on his girlfrie... (read in full...)
A friend is interested in a poly-amorous relationship but how do I tell my wife?
Q. I and my wife have been married for 40 years and our love for each other is as solid now as it ever has been. Our sex life up until 8 years ago was very satisfying. Eight years ago my wife sustained an injury which has left her house bound. She ...
A. 29 October 2018: I don’t really think there is a way you can beat around the bush with this one, I can understand your side of things and we that it must be very hard for you knowing that you have a desire for sex but you’re now unable to have it with your wife,
... (read in full...)
I can't give either of them up but I know I need to in the long term.
Q. I'm in a relationship with a great man. We have our ups and downs as do any couple but he is undoubtably who I want to be with and we are on the whole very happy. However. I have been having a fling/relationship - call or what you will, with someo...
A. 29 October 2018: I hate cheaters with a passion, it’s honestly the lowest of the low. It makes me think about how much my girlfriend loves me, all the little things she does to show how much she cares about me and the thought of shoving that back in her face by ... (read in full...)
Lover wants to stay with his children for now
Q. My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...
A. 29 October 2018: That translates to:
‘I’m not going to leave my family for you but I will stick around for the no strings attached sex’.
Why would he need years to sort himself outfits he truly wanted to be with you? Surely he wouldn’t be able to wait to leave... (read in full...)
I’m excited at the concept of an open relationship but I’m not really happy with the current situation.
Q. My girlfriend of 6 years is studying abroad for a year (since mid-September). We’re fairly committed to each other so we are trying to do long distance. We are also fairly sexual people but have only ever really been with each other. We are also ...
A. 29 October 2018: This isn’t exciting you is it? You’re not being truthful here at all, every feeling you’ve described as been negative. You can’t forget what you’ve been told and it’s playimg on your mind, does that sound like someone who’s ‘excited’ by what’s ... (read in full...)
She said no. Should I keep trying?
Q. So, I've liked somebody for a long time (2-3 years) and recently, a couple of weeks ago I decided to tell them how I felt. I've been friends with her since we first met and everybody I know was certain she was into me as well. Unfortunately I was ...
A. 29 October 2018: No, I’m sure your parents have taught you the meaning of that word so respect it. Everyone has boundaries and lines that you DO NOT cross under any circumstances. This girl doesn’t feel the same way that you feel about her, accept and respect it.
... (read in full...)
I'm hurt, confused, angry and betrayed.
Q. So Last night I texted my gf and asked her how it started and she said that they met at a mutual friends house and he went up to her and they started talking about regulsr shit at first. Eventually they started chatting over what...
A. 29 October 2018: She cheated on you. How are you even thinking about staying? She slept with you then left to sleep with another guy on the same night. Are you on the same planet as us here??
Breaking up is the only option here, who cares whether it meant so... (read in full...)
He didn't disclose his real age. Am I overreacting?
Q. I met a guy several months ago, when we were taking an evening class together. I was too shy to talk to anyone for a while, but then one day he and I found we took the same route home after class. We got talking. I mentioned I'd just had my 25th ...
A. 25 October 2018: I have to agree that it would be a big deal for me also, why would he lie in the first place about it? Some people wouldn’t want to date or sleep with a guy in their 30s when they’re mid 20s, it’s definitely not being ageist, it’s your personal ... (read in full...)
Five years on and he is still accusing me of cheating!
Q. How can I get my partner to trust me? We've been together 5 years, I've NEVER done anything that's remotely disloyal or unfaithful. When we met I had a few male friends, I'm now not allowed to speak to any of them despite the fact that all I've ev...
A. 24 October 2018: Edit: ‘The thought of relationships like this make my skin crawl’... (read in full...)
Five years on and he is still accusing me of cheating!
Q. How can I get my partner to trust me? We've been together 5 years, I've NEVER done anything that's remotely disloyal or unfaithful. When we met I had a few male friends, I'm now not allowed to speak to any of them despite the fact that all I've ev...
A. 24 October 2018: Come on. Get real here.
Tell me one reason why you’re staying? You’re not married, don’t have kids and surely can’t love this man so the only thing tying you do him is the house. You said you moved to his town so I’m assuming the house is his? If ... (read in full...)
Online dating but he's much shorter than me and we've never met. I don't know where this is going
Q. Okay so basically I met this guy on a dating app. We really hit it off and I don’ usually hit it off with guys. I usually get bored or they annoy me. I honestly don’t know how to explain it any other way. Anyways. I met this guy. He’s 29 and I’m ...
A. 21 October 2018: Well do you want to meet him or not?
If yes, do so, if not then stop wasting each other’s time. You like his personality but you’re worried what other people will think of the guys height. You have to decide whether or not it’s a deal breaker ... (read in full...)
When discussing sexual history, do handjobs count as sex?
Q. When discussing sexual history should people you didn't have sex with but gave handjobs to count? I know to count oral and vaginal ( I never had anal.) but do handjobs you've given typically go into that count?...
A. 21 October 2018: Unless you have a medical condition that you have to legally disclose to future partners, then why are you discussing sexual history? It has nothing to do with anyone besides yourself and to be quite honest is the worst conversation that could be ... (read in full...)
I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?
Q. My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...
A. 20 October 2018: Telling him what happened wouldn’t solve anything. I understand that you feel guilty, but you DID NOT cheat. You are single whilst on a break so you can do whatever you like and it’s no one else’s business.
You need to work on your insecuri... (read in full...)
Should I fly 4,000 miles to go see my ex? Would it be cheating?
Q. So... we’ve broken up for 5 years after an incident and subsequently I moved home to my home country. Contact was lost eventually as we were sick of crying over the phone. Recently, I thought I saw him whilst on vacation and sent him a text. He...
A. 20 October 2018: What’s the point?
What will it achieve? It sounds like it would be very expensive, shady on your partner and just a general waste of time. You go to see him, tells you his sob story and then what? Where do you go from there? If you don’t want to ... (read in full...)
I believe my husband has sick fantasies about my daughter. She trusts him. What should I do?
Q. I found a spare phone in my husband's truck and saved to his favorites was "Stepdaughter fucks step dad".. I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter that lives with us . I'm leaving him because to me, that is unacceptable and I will never look at him ...
A. 18 October 2018: I’d say that’s pretty creepy on his behalf.
What non biological father would be trying to convince a child to leave their mother especially in the circumstances in which you’re leaving?
If definitely be telling your daughter what you found a... (read in full...)
Should I give my ex money back for a trip that he won't be taking with my family?
Q. Hey guys. Since my last post I've taken your advice and no longer visit my exs social media accounts. I am actually in the process of moving on and have even met someone else :) I'm just writing because it's coming to the time where I sign ...
A. 18 October 2018: I can see your viewpoint, I think it was pretty cheap of your mum to make him pay for the flights still considering it was your decision to break up, I don’t see why your BF should have to lose out financially as well. He didn’t have to pay for ... (read in full...)
How can I keep away from my awful co-worker when I am forced to work with him?
Q. I just started a new job a few weeks ago. Everyone has been nice to me so far... except one person. You see, when I met him I thought he was cool. He teased me a little and tried to make me laugh (it worked). But then it was like a switch flipped. ...
A. 18 October 2018: Work places always have at least one dick.
Remember why you’re at work. To do a job, get paid and make a living right? So why are you letting yourself get into unprofessional situations? Yes, he’s an ass and he’s going out of his way to upset yo... (read in full...)
I feel like our relationship has been killed by moving in together.
Q. HI I have been dating a guy for 6 months, he had to find new accommodation quickly and I stepped in and said that he could move in with me, (1 and half months ago) However I am now beginning to feel really frustrated, miserable and angry ...
A. 18 October 2018: Possibly because you moved in being complete strangers.
Living together after 4.5 months? That’s crazy. Him saying he loves you after the same amount of time? HUGE red flag.
This relationship just sounds like a train wreck in all honesty. Mov... (read in full...)
I said yes when he proposed but I worry it wasnt the right answer.
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years and live with him. I've had some problems with my boyfriend for a while, maybe a year. He stopped being romantic and didn't go on dates or ever go out to spend time at the weekend with me. He woul...
A. 18 October 2018: The very fact that you’re asking this question shows you don’t want to marry him. Look, there’s problems in your relationship and until they’ve been rectified then marriage would be a total disaster.
Things don’t magically fix their self because ... (read in full...)
I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?
Q. My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...
A. 18 October 2018: I don’t beat around the bush when it comes to cheaters, they are the lowest of the low and I am always very blunt with them when they come to this site.
I wouldn’t class what you did as cheating as when you’re on a break you’re technica... (read in full...)
I've been with him for 15 years. Am I stupid?
Q. Am I being dumb? I have been with my partner for 15 years We have 2 children together. His mum is constantly on the phone texting call and bitching about me. I have recently started a new Job, but that's more for her to bitch about me. I n...
A. 16 October 2018: I will say yes, you are wasting your life with a deadbeat mummy’s boy.
You can do better and you know it. He doesn’t respect you at all and that shows when he invited his ex to the hospital. Get rid, look for somewhere else to live and find som... (read in full...)
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