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My ex girlfriend wants to be reimbursed for gifts she gave me.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 November 2018) 12 Answers - (Newest, 8 November 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have recently broke up with my girlfriend after nine months together, a couple of weeks before we separated she bought me a present but now we're not together she's asking me to give her back the money she spent on that present, I don't think that's right and I certainly wouldn't ask her to give me money back for the things I bought her during our relationship, what should I do?

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, money

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (8 November 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntGive the gift back. Simple as that.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 November 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with the majority here,

GIVE her back the item. Not the money. Why would you even WANT to keep this thing?

Give it back and it will be UP TO HER to get it returned/refunded. And then you cut contact.

Let's say the present was a trip. Something that was paid for and used and CAN NOT be refunded. Then yes, I think you should give her the money back or at least parts of it.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (8 November 2018):

N91 agony auntYou’re under no obligations to give it back although it may be in bad taste to keep the gift if it was very close time wise to the break up. I’m not too sure why you’d want to keep the gift from someone you’re not with anymore especially if she’s kicking up a fuss to take it back.

I’d just return the gift, I wouldn’t give her any money.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (8 November 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt Yeah, give her back the gift ( not the money. Like, she gave you a watch, she gets the watch back ). She is being petty, and legally, or even morally, she has no ground for asking anything back. When you gift something, the object does not belong to you anymore, it belongs to the giftee , no strings attached .

But, in case you are the dumper, and in case there had already been stormy weather in the relationship by the time you broke up , I can see how she feels not only bitter but also duped , or used. She may think that you knew or imagined that the relationship was on its last legs , and dragged it on, on purpose , also for the material benefits you could get out of it.

That most probably was not what happened, at all. But the unfortunate timing, gift then two weeks later break up, may

add a tinge of mistrust and suspicion to her already upset feelings.

Of course, that would depend also from the gift's value. Like, if she gave you a new motorcycle, then yes , it was really a dick move accepting such a costly gift if you weren't totally sure that you were going to have a long, if not permanent, future, with this girl. If it was a pair of sport socks… obvuoysly she is a sore loser and she is just trying to get your goat. Don't let her ( get your goat ) - I don't think this is worthy making it a matter of principle ( as : you would not ask HER your gifts back if you were in her shoes ). After all, what you mostly want, I guess, it's to call it a day and to get rid of her for good , right ? So , giving her what she wants may be the fastest, simplest way to " get closure ".

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (8 November 2018):

YouWish agony auntThe present a couple of weeks before you broke up with her? If *YOU* did the breaking up, yeah, return the gift. Don't give her the money itself. If you have the gift, give it to her and let her deal with returning it. Items depreciate when they aren't new, and you don't have to be responsible for that.

If you don't have the gift, then what you should do depends on what the gift is. If you can follow up, what did she buy you?? Was it something that benefited both of you, like a plane ticket for a weekend away together? In a case like that, no, you owe her nothing, because she bought you something that benefited her as well.

You don't owe her money. If you have the physical gift, I'd return it. But I have the feeling that she's blowing this up as a reason to keep contacting you. Will she antagonize you with something else after this issue is resolved??

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (8 November 2018):

Anonymous 123 agony auntGive it back. Why do you even want to keep anything from her anymore?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2018):

It depends on the cost of the present. If she spent a lot and as said she feels you accepted it knowing the relationship was coming to an end I would return it.

It really all depends on the whole circumstances

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (8 November 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntGiven the proximity of the gift giving to the break-up, in your shoes I would either return the gift or agree on a sum of money to satisfy her (perhaps not the whole amount but certainly a substantial part of it).

I would do this because (a) I have morals, and (b) I have pride.

Legally you are not obliged to return/repay anything if it was an outright gift. What you choose to do depends on what your MORAL standards are.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2018):

It would have been the honourable thing for you to return the gift without her having to ask.

If it was a christmas present from a year ago that is a different story, but a week or two before your breakup-- you shouldn't be expecting to keep the gift.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (8 November 2018):

Aunty BimBim agony auntIf you accepted the gift knowing a breakup was on the cards she may feel you accepted it under false pretences. Legally you don't have to return it, or pay for it but for a clean break and to sort the issue out give her the money.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2018):

I'm sure she is hurt and feeling used. If you were planning on breaking up with her, you shouldn't of accepted the gift. I personally would just give it back or reimburse her if it something you wanted to keep, that way she has no reason to contact you again.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 November 2018):

Give her back the present, and keep the peace. Why fight about it? She's being vindictive, so return the gift. If she wants reimbursement, she will have to take it back to where she purchased it.

If you have the return receipt, give it all back! She can otherwise use her credit card receipt; and the store might have an extended return/reimbursement policy. If not, too bad!

Do you want to keep this up, or get it over with?

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