A
male
age
22-25,
*keys2000
writes:SoLast night I texted my gf and asked her how it started and she said that they met at a mutual friends house and he went up to her and they started talking about regulsr shit at first.Eventually they started chatting over whats app and FB .They became friends and they started meeting ,She hid all this from me. She got invited by him to his friends birthday party at his friends house ,then after a while she repeatedly visited him (my moms friends son) at HIS house often to hang out ( no sex ) after separating from me. Then around May-June one day she came to meet me at my house while my mom was oyt with her friend and we had sex and it was great we enjoyed it . After a couple of hours she left my place and went over to his house to hang out. She said that he took the first step and she didn't stop him and they had sex. After that every other day for months they had this fling and had sex regularly. She says she didn't love him they just had sex because he "pumped harder "and it was addicting.I worked up the nerve to ask her who knew and she texted that she admitted it to me that only a handful of close people knew. She said his mom caught them a couple of times early in the beggining of it and her mom found out. I asked her did my mom know. She didnt reply back immediately but said "I dont think so". She said that my mom knew that we were just friends but not about the sex part. She said that his mom walked in on them a few times when his mom would have drunk get togethers at their place with some of her other girlfriends including my mom. She said she dosent know if his mom told my mom. It was a relief but Im still not 100% satisfied.She said she wanted to breakup with me as she has cheated on me . I don't know how to take it - of course I'm hurt angry, confused and betrayed, but on the other hand things have been so good with us for so long, does this really matter? I had absolute 100% confidence in our relationship but when I think about it and picture them in the bed I also slept with her, it makes me crazy and turn into the Hulk and I see them in my dreams . I still love her but feel like its completely destroyed our relationship.Im at a rut now can anyone relate ???
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cheated on me, confidence, drunk, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (3 November 2018):
 If you want to get something USEFUL from this whole sad experience, perhaps you should address your "anger issues", whatever they may be. For your mum be worried to tell you something because of how you will react is a huge red flag that you need to acknowledge and work on.
It sounds like your mum acted in the way she thought was best for all concerned. She was trying to protect you but did tell your cheating girlfriend that she should tell you herself.
None of this is your mother's fault. Direct the blame where it belongs - at your (ex) girlfriend's door - and learn to control your anger. That way you can move forward with your life and have benefited in some way from this episode.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2018): It’s got to be your decision.
I think you should weigh it all up....
- she cheated
- some people knew (pride?)
+ she wasn’t going to leave you for him
+ she didn’t love him (just sex)
+ you love her
So you have got to decide what is the worst for you?
The cheating thing or the fact others know?
If it’s mostly the pride thing, stuff what others think!
Your decision x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2018):
 She (your mom) probably thought in a roundabout way that she was protecting everyone by not telling and trying to stay OUT of your business.
She DID do the right thing in telling your GF to fess up.
Being mad at your mom for your ex-gf's actions is not fair on your mom. You mom didn't CHEAT on you, your GF did. And would you have listened to your mom if she told you? Maybe, maybe not.
I think you need to let the anger towards your mom go. She doesn't deserve it. While I GET that perhaps it wouldn't have gone on for so long had you known sooner... that is still ALL ON your ex-gf!
Just dump that girl and cut all contact.
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A
male
reader, Bkeys2000 +, writes (2 November 2018):
Bkeys2000 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your opinions on the subject. My mom came forward and said she was sorry for not telling me and was aware of it the whole time but didnt know how to present it without upsetting me because of my anger issues that I have sometimes and didnt want me to do something regretful.I asked her what she knew and she said thatthey started liking each other after meeting at the party and slept together later that nite , he admitted it to his mother ( MY MOMS FRIEND ) then she told my mom.She said that she talked told my gf that she should tell me. She said her friend would go to social gatherings at night together sometimes and once or twice when they returned late (like 1 or 2am drunk) to the house when she and my mom would walk in and they heard " noises " coming from upstairs.She then confessed that out of drunkenness she and her friend actually crept to the door and listened for a few seconds but they never did come out of the rooms those two nights.I was pissed to know that she was aware of all that
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2018): Sweetie, she doesn't love you. How on earth can she love and respect you when she's out banging other guys? She only cares about herself. She threw you away the second she started texted him. Who gives a shit if he pumps harder? If she LOVED YOU, she wouldn't even give this guy a chance to come into the picture. She had one foot out the door long ago. She was waiting til this fling felt comfortable enough to call it quits with you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 October 2018):
 She cheated on you. How are you even thinking about staying? She slept with you then left to sleep with another guy on the same night. Are you on the same planet as us here??
Breaking up is the only option here, who cares whether it meant something or not, she has performed the biggest disrespect in a relationship and you’re asking ‘Does it matter?’. If it didn’t then why not just let her sleep with whoever she feels like so that she doesn’t want to break up with you. It shouldn’t matter right? As long as it doesn’t mean anything?
Are you a human being or a doormat? Forget about this one and find someone who respects you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 October 2018):
Break up, OP
You can't trust her to NOT cheat again. What you had together is now "tainted" by her cheating. That is why you keep having these dreams of her cheating. That is your subconscious telling you that you are MAD over it.
And I agree, it doesn't matter if your mom knew. She might not have wanted to butt in.
It feels like it totally destroyed the relationship, because IT DID.
THAT is what happens when people CHEAT.
One of the hardest things to rebuild in a relationship is trust and respect.
Her cheating on YOU showed that she DIDN'T respect you or the relationship.
Her cheating on you made you stop trusting her and it will down the line make you lose respect for her as well.
Let her go and cut the contact. Spend some time being single.
You deserve better.
And... you can love and care for someone who isn't good for you. SHE isn't good for you.
Chin up.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (28 October 2018):
She cheated on you. She broke trust between you. The anger and dreams aside, can you ever trust her 100% again? Every time she is away from you, you will be wondering where she is and, more importantly, who with.
You are too young to spend the rest of your life like this. Let her go, give yourself time to heal, then move on and find someone you can trust.
Whether your mum knew or not is not relevant. This is between you and your (ex) girlfriend. Don't drag others into it. It won't make any difference to your feelings.
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