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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?
Q. For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...
A. 27 December 2018: Pack her stuff up and send it to her or ask one of her friends to collect it.
If she doesn’t ask for anything that you purchased together back then I’d keep it. Either return the Xmas gift and get your money back or give it to someone else. If... (read in full...)
How do I move on from a girl who has a boyfriend?
Q. I met a girl in September at college and was interested in her from the first time I saw her. She was very quiet and never really spoke to anyone but she just captured my attention. Two weeks in we had to pair up for an assignment, and I asked her ...
A. 22 December 2018: Exactly, she chose her BF. She’s trying to have her cake and eat it too.
She knows you like her so now it’s stroking her ego having 2 guys wanting her, if she wanted to be with you she would be. Look at people’s actions, talk is cheap.
What... (read in full...)
How do I move on from a girl who has a boyfriend?
Q. I met a girl in September at college and was interested in her from the first time I saw her. She was very quiet and never really spoke to anyone but she just captured my attention. Two weeks in we had to pair up for an assignment, and I asked her ...
A. 17 December 2018: Sounds to me like she was going through a rough patch with her BF, possibly no intimacy, lost the spark, something along those lines. Then you came along and gave her the attention she was missing from her partner and it gave her some excitement so ... (read in full...)
I'm waiting for someone who clearly doesn't want me
Q. I met this guy a year ago and we’ve sort of been in and out of each other’s lives since. He’s struggled with his feelings and knowing what he wants, I finally thought we were in the same place but he completely backed off, saying that his heart an...
A. 17 December 2018: Okay so you’ve wasted a year on a guy who uses you for an ego stroke. Are you going to waste more?
When someone tells you that their ‘gut instinct’ tells you it’s not right, then listen to them. What a dick thing to say. He DOES NOT care about yo... (read in full...)
I met a cute guy at a job interview, when can I make a move on him?
Q. I had a interview and I was given a tour of the place and met this VERY VERY VERY CUTE GUY who told me about the area he works in etc.. which is the area i would be in if i get the job... well he came out the back area, with such confidence as he ...
A. 17 December 2018: I think it would be an extremely foolish decision to get involved romantically with someone at a potential workplace. I have lost count over the amount of questions we’ve seen like this one where people have broken up with their partner and have to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is obsessed with sex!
Q. My boyfriend is obsessed with sex! He constantly tells about sex, tries it on.even when I have been ill. I had a colopscopy procedure a few months ago and it was meant to be 6 weeks recovery time..after a few days he told me I should be having s...
A. 16 December 2018: Wow, what a creep. On the pull at a funeral?
This sounds like sexual harassment to me, just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean sex on tap. If this happened with a stranger in the street they’d be arrested for it, it doesn’t become acceptab... (read in full...)
I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person?
Q. Hi, so I’m a single mum, I’ve been on my own for about 7 years now, I haven’t dated in a few years as I just couldn’t be bothered anymore. But recently on a Facebook group I’ve met two men, I like them both, and they are both aware of each other, ...
A. 11 December 2018: They both know about the other, they can bail out at any time!
Never settle when it comes to your love life, take as long as possible to make the right choice. I’d only say it is messing them around if you’re doing it to get some kind of kick out... (read in full...)
I can't get my ex to leave me alone
Q. So, I was engaged to a guy and we broke up a year ago. So, my ex is military he moved to Germany while I live in the U.S. it was a toxic relationship. When he was in the U.S. him and I we’re together for two years. We broke up and got back together ...
A. 9 December 2018: STOP thanking him. They are not gifts if they are unwanted. He is harassing you, keep him blocked on everything, do not contact him for any reason whatsoever.
If he turns up to your house unwarranted or follows you in public, I would make a note o... (read in full...)
New boyfriend gets upset because I wont let him move in.
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now. Previously married for 5 years. Our relationship has been rocky to say the least but we have come to a crossroads suddenly. He lives with his mom and they are getting evicted. He isn’t working at ...
A. 8 December 2018: This doesn’t sound like it’s going to work. You’re already apprehensive and with good reason. You’ve highlighted that you’re arguing already and I don’t think him moving in would do anything to help that.
Sounds like you used the relation... (read in full...)
I love him and want to stay with him, so why can't I let go of these fears that my marriage wont last?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He's 23, I'm 25. I'm the first girlfriend he's ever had, he's my fourth relationship. Everything with us is pretty much perfect. I've never had a relationship this comfortable before. It seems like ...
A. 4 December 2018: So instead of relaxing and seeing where the relationship goes you’re trying to self sabotage it? People break up, people get divorced, shit happens. No one gets married with the thought of when they will get divorced in your head, how could that ... (read in full...)
I work as a cam girl but don't want my boyfriend watching other cam girls
Q. I work as a cam girl on a website. This is actually my second job to make extra cash. My boyfriend was aware of this before we started dating. Few days back he thought that since I was working as a cam girl it made it ok for him to join one of t...
A. 3 December 2018: Yes, 100% a hypocrite.
How are you okay with other people viewing your naked body and performing sexual acts for money but your BF is cheating for watching other women? How does that make any sense? Surely carrying out sexual acts for other pe... (read in full...)
How could he treat me so badly and now act like nothing bad ever happened between us?
Q. Hi 6 years ago I met the man of my dreams I was madly in love with him and things were going well after a year of been together I fell pregnant and miscarried the baby the next day my boyfriend kicked me out of his flat no explanation as to why he ...
A. 1 December 2018: Dream man?
He’s probably realised what an absolute cock he is and wants to apologise for his actions. Personally I wouldn’t give him the time of day, what a cold hearted, pathetic excuse of a human being. Who could kick their partner out:
... (read in full...)
He's extremely possessive and mentally abusive but I still love him. Advice please!!
Q. Hi. I am new to this so very nervous. I really need some advice about my partner. I have been with him for just over a year and I feel like I can't do anything right. He mentally abuses me constantly..well this is what I'm guessing it is?! He will ...
A. 30 November 2018: Good, I’m glad to hear the update!
You will honestly find someone who treats you right and you’ll wonder what the hell you were doing staying with this guy for so long. He knows he can’t control you anymore so he has resorted to underhand name cal... (read in full...)
I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?
Q. For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...
A. 26 November 2018: Yeah I wouldn’t be taking that bus journey if I was about to get dumped. I’d rather just do it over the phone and save my time and money. Not only are you feeling down about the situation already but adding an unneeded journey and it’s expenses to ... (read in full...)
I married the man I was having an affair with and I am struggling with trust issues, and feeling anxious and worried everyday he will cheat on me.
Q. My husband left his former wife to marry me. I know that it does not usually end up this way and that we are in the minority but we fell in love. We have been together almost 5 years. He dissolved his marriage after 3 years of our being together and ...
A. 26 November 2018: This is the thing with marrying a cheat. You will always have that in the back of the mind, what’s to say you won’t cheat though? You’re just as bad as him, you contributed to the downfall of his marriage so get off your high horse acting like you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend who is broke pretends to take control of my economy and my bank.
Q. Me (22) and my boyfriend (26) went on a trip that we didn´t plan. At first it seemed like a good idea because he was about to get some money for having quit his job, and someone was about to send him money that the person owed to me. I spent al...
A. 24 November 2018: Leave.
He’s a liar and a thief. What other reason do you need?
Some people will take advantage of your generosity like seen here. I like to pay for my GF to treat her but she also is happy to put her hand in her pocket and reciprocate. In ... (read in full...)
I shaved my nether region and don't like how it feels
Q. I shaved “down there” for the first tim and when I touch it , it feels like a whole bunch of splinters and hurts evry time something touches it what do I do ?...
A. 24 November 2018: Wait for it to grow back. What else can you do?
You could possibly have ingrown hairs if you’ve cut them too short. I’d rub some kind of soothing cream around the area to hopefully reduce the level of pain. At least you’ve learnt that it’s not... (read in full...)
My husband expects me to give him money to send home to his family every month
Q. Hello and thank you My husband and I have been married for two years. He is a charming man, shows affections and can be very expressive. I do love him , I just don’t like some traits he has. He doesn’t like to be questioned, and he gets ange...
A. 24 November 2018: Hes using you to finance his family.
Why isn’t HE paying? It’s HIS family.
Who cares if he gives you the silent treatment? Let him do it for the rest of his eternity and dump his scrounging ass. Does it sound like he respects you? He talks to... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's best friend doesn't like me and is trying hard to get him away from me
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for around six months. I have a 16 month old son so things have gotten pretty serious between the pair of us. The relationship is great and he’s going to propose at Christmas. However his best friend never li...
A. 21 November 2018: He doesn’t want to lose his best mate, simple as.
He will do everything in his power to make it not happen for you it seems and there’s not a great deal you can do about it but put up with it if you think your BF is worth it. If your BF is in it... (read in full...)
She's 18, I'm 25. Am I a creep for talking to her?
Q. I've been doing some online speed dating to fire up my social life. Recently I met a girl (and fellow foodie). It was almost too easy to small talk my way to a date this Thursday. The problem is, she is 18... She just finished highschool and is ...
A. 21 November 2018: I wouldn’t say so no.
7 years difference isn’t a great deal but the thing is that it has the possibility to have you both at some point feel like you’re at completely different stages of life. I suppose you are now to be honest and you need to ... (read in full...)
Did my date make up this fake story just to get a reaction out of me?
Q. ive got a date lined up for this weekend. The guy i have been speaking to seems nice and not fake. Weve seen each others social media and have spoken on the phone. Today he texted me with a very strange message. He said last night he got a call off ...
A. 20 November 2018: Doubtful.
If he wanted a way out and he used that excuse then he wouldn’t of ended the chat the way he did. He would of told you it was too much drama and made his exit. ... (read in full...)
How do I stop thinking that my boyfriend's ex wife was the love of his life even though he says otherwise?
Q. Hi, probably seems silly but I have an amazing boyfriend who I know loves me and vice versa but many years ago when he was only 20 he met and married someone. He tells me he was young and silly, didn't love her age regrets the years he wasted ...
A. 20 November 2018: I’m struggling to see where you’re coming from here.
What aren’t you understanding about him being repeatedly cheated on and that various accounts of her not being a nice person? How are you disregarding what he’s saying and having your own biza... (read in full...)
My insecure girlfriend hacked into my social media to spy on me and I don't feel good about our relationship now
Q. My girlfriend recently opened up that she has trust issues and that she hacked into my instagram just to spy on me. She felt so because I have more female friends compared to men, but the thing is this has been the case with me since childhood. She ...
A. 20 November 2018: Say goodbye.
She needs to get help for her insecurities. She can’t take it out on you because she can’t control her feelings. You told us it’s affecting your health and work, that is a sure fire signal that this relationship has run it’s course. ... (read in full...)
He has been texting someone he met in a dating site
Q. I've been with my Other Half (OH) for 2 years and have really felt as though he is the one. I've trusted him completely and yet the other day, when I silenced an alarm on his phone, I see Facebook messages between him and another woman that he ...
A. 19 November 2018: The only thing to do is end it.
Why would you be thinking of how to get over it? You’ve caught the guy red handed disrespecting you to another woman that he met on a dating site. Why should YOU be changing how you are to suit him? If he doesn’t ... (read in full...)
I think he's going through a midlife crisis he went to Thailand and met a girl and he doesn't know that I know
Q. I have been dating a man for over a year who has just recently gone through a divorce. (Nothing to do with me). I felt he used me as a punching bag as he was very angry about the divorce although I knew he loved me. He stopped speaking to me f...
A. 19 November 2018: How does he ‘love’ you if you’re a punching bag? How have you work out that this person in Thailand is a rebound but you aren’t? What does the divorce matter? You’re the person he got with after leaving his wife so wouldn’t that make you the ... (read in full...)
Been out a few times but I got Cancelled on, was this the right response?
Q. As the title said, we've been out a few times already. Hasn't really been much of a spark but it seems like given time it could go somewhere. However this last time I asked her out I was cancelled on, not last minute but still cancelled on ...
A. 18 November 2018: If she was interested she would of rescheduled. Move on.
Why would you even want to pursue someone that you don’t have ‘sparks’ with? The whole point in having a partner is because they excite you. ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me because I lied about my drinking. I want to get her back!
Q. I got a tough deal.. So my girlfriend just broke up with me, beacause ive continuously lied to her about my drinking. Which is a problem. I don’t blame her for breaking up with me at all, but of coarse i didnt want that. okay the thing is we ...
A. 18 November 2018: Not only did you lie but you’re an alcoholic.
She made the right decision to leave you. People get to a point where they realise that another person doesn’t add anything to their life anymore and they decide to cut them off. She got to that poi... (read in full...)
He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back?
Q. I recently posted a question a few weeks ago about my situtation of after a long break apart, my ex boyfriend is claiming and insisting he is a changed man. We have met up occasionally as "dates" which often led to dicussing our relationship and set ...
A. 16 November 2018: You broke up for a reason. The relationship doesn’t work and you’re not a good match.
Having another go won’t be any different, he’s likely to slip back into his old ways and remind you why you broke up in the first place. You already are doubting... (read in full...)
Should I go back, I just miss him!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year nearby and I've been apart from him for a year in a long distance relationship since I've been away from him I can't think straight I just miss him and think of him everyday I've never really felt like this and ...
A. 14 November 2018: Why did you move in the first place?
If it’s possible to move closer then yes it would be a wise decision. LDR rarely work as they’re very stressful and draining. The closer, more physical relationship you’re able to have the better. ... (read in full...)
She lied, is this a red flag or is it too early in the relationship for me too care.
Q. I went on a date with a girl, it was great and we've been chatting a lot since. She asked to meet me again in a few days. The first date was friday. The second date will be the following tuesday. However, i have found out she has lied to me about...
A. 14 November 2018: How do you know?
If she didn’t tell you then how trustworthy is her source? As janniepeg mentioned if it was another guy then it was more than likely a date and to travel that far for it suggests she’s very keen on whoever it is. I also agree wi... (read in full...)
I need to tell my family that I was duped!
Q. Hi All. Please bear with as this is quite complicated. So I’m 30 years old, had a few relationships before my current one. This time i thought it was never going to end. We have been living together for 4 years. He is of a different race religi...
A. 14 November 2018: I think you’re making a bigger deal over this than you need to.
So you’ve broke up, yes it’s a stressful time and I’m sorry to hear you’re going through it. It happens and life goes on. Deal with the breakup however you need to, go through ... (read in full...)
He's extremely possessive and mentally abusive but I still love him. Advice please!!
Q. Hi. I am new to this so very nervous. I really need some advice about my partner. I have been with him for just over a year and I feel like I can't do anything right. He mentally abuses me constantly..well this is what I'm guessing it is?! He will ...
A. 14 November 2018: People in abusive relationships always think they can ‘change’ their partner if they continue to ‘love’ them. That will never happen. They will break you down until you’re their puppet and you do everything they say.
OP, I don’t THINK he doesn’t ... (read in full...)
I'm married and in (unrequited) love with someone else for years. How can I get over her?
Q. Hello aunts. I am almost 35 and married, but deeply in love with someone else who does not feel the same way about me. For the long story, please read below. Year 1: A few years ago, halfway through a master’s degree, I had to quit school and ...
A. 13 November 2018: It’s quite simple. Block her contact.
You aren’t getting over her because you don’t want to, you’re hoping that she will contact you. You would cheat on your wife with her, she would tell you to jump and you’d ask how high. You are an ego boost fo... (read in full...)
He's extremely possessive and mentally abusive but I still love him. Advice please!!
Q. Hi. I am new to this so very nervous. I really need some advice about my partner. I have been with him for just over a year and I feel like I can't do anything right. He mentally abuses me constantly..well this is what I'm guessing it is?! He will ...
A. 13 November 2018: Do you think marriage would change this? Having a child together? You need to accept that this will be your life as long as you stay with this guy. He’s an abuser, you’re right. Using manipulation tactics to control you, how long before it becomes ... (read in full...)
My husband has had numerous affairs and somehow it's all my fault! Will he ever accept me and make me feel good about myself?
Q. I am the most pathetic person I have been married for 28 years. When we met we lived a long way from each other and eventually I moved 250 miles to where he lived. At the time this was because his job was better paid than mine but I now realise ...
A. 13 November 2018: Why now? Why would he accept you now if he hasn’t for 28+ years? What switch would be flicked in his head for him to change his ways? Let’s be real here it’s never going to happen. If he loved you or respected you even an ounce, none of this would ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spends all day on a dating app.
Q. I don't know what to do as my b I yfriend is on a dating app day and night there's no photo of him and details just it shows his location home and work. I don't know what to do I just don't get if he's looking for me on there OE someone else. I see ...
A. 13 November 2018: I’m sorry but you sound pretty naive if you’re buying that excuse.
If he doesn’t trust you when you haven’t given him a reason not to then it’s not looking too good for the future. ... (read in full...)
Worst mistake of my life!! Don’t know what to do
Q. I’m in the worst situation I could ever be in in my life I’ve made the biggest mistake ever and now I don’t know what to do I am suffering badly! I am 14 weeks pregnant but ended up cheating the night before I found out I was pregnant I know how bad ...
A. 12 November 2018: I’ve seen it a few times on this site now people being advised to sweep cheating under the carpet and I find it astounding. You are being eaten up by guilt now before the baby is born, will it go after the birth? When you get married? Absolutely ... (read in full...)
He wants to be friends only!
Q. I have been seeing a guy on and off for around 10 months, we’ve never gotten past the casual first stage due to him not being ready and so there have been gaps where we haven’t seen each other and dated other people, however always seem to come ...
A. 12 November 2018: Why are you wasting your time on someone who can’t make his mind up? What are you getting out of this?
How can you not be ready to date someone after ten months? What you’re doing is pointless. Block him and move on. ... (read in full...)
Are LDR's real relationships, even if you haven't met them yet?
Q. Hello, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a man. He is from the US, and is 21 years old, and I am from the UK, and am 18 years old. We met online, and have been together for a couple of months now. We are still going strong...
A. 12 November 2018: Not really.
It’s easy to speak online to someone, you can give off whatever persona you like, until you’ve met someone in person and spent time getting to know them physically then you have no idea what they’re about.
Keep working at the p... (read in full...)
The girls I want to date end up dating other guys!
Q. Hi everyone! This isn't such a serious situation, just looking for some advice and guidance. I met a girl a few weeks ago, we exchanged numbers and she went back to her city 2 hours away. We chatted every day, she flirted a lot and we had a g...
A. 12 November 2018: It happens, we can’t be a good match for everyone we meet.
She wasn’t feeling it so phased out contact. Definitely DO NOT message her asking why. That will come off as creepy, just accept she wasn’t interested and move past it.
I’d say if yo... (read in full...)
Should I be strong and not burden people with my problems?
Q. I'm really upset but wondering if I have every right to be or if my boyfriend was spot on and I need to get a grip. I have two children with my ex, we were together 8 years but then he cheated with his now wife. They got married within months of...
A. 11 November 2018: Sounds like your ex has 3 children to deal with.
I really wouldn’t want my children anywhere near a violent woman like that. I hope she’s bought them a new laptop also? Criminal damage in front of children, she sounds classy.
As previously... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is perfect, but I want an open relationship.
Q. Hi people. I met my current girlfriend a little over two years ago and I was not the social type back then. I never really went out a lot and hanging out with friends was pretty much 'indoor'. After I met her I became very outgoing. We went t...
A. 11 November 2018: She isn’t ‘the one’, if she was you wouldn’t have the urge to go out fucking other people. Please enlighten us how going around having meaningless sex will fill this ‘emptiness’. I’ve been there, done that. Slept with enough girls and then never ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my best friend now I want to be his girlfriend!
Q. So I have been best friends with an American man for about 12.5 years now, we met online and started as penpals , we have emailed nearly every day for 12 years and always ring each other and there for each other if we were going through a tough ...
A. 11 November 2018: What other way could there be than just saying it to him? You don’t want to play games? Well that’s exactly what you are doing. He told you how he felt then you lied to his face. Why would you tell him you only see him as a friend if you don’t?
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spends all day on a dating app.
Q. I don't know what to do as my b I yfriend is on a dating app day and night there's no photo of him and details just it shows his location home and work. I don't know what to do I just don't get if he's looking for me on there OE someone else. I see ...
A. 11 November 2018: Why would you want to fix things with someone who’s trying to find your replacement? What planet are you living on?
HE doesn’t trust you?? How certain are you that these profiles are his without a picture? If you know it’s him yet you’re sticking... (read in full...)
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