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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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Should I resign from my job because I’m being bullied?
Q. I’ve worked for a company for five years and enjoy my job. however a female co worker who is at the same company as me, doesn’t like me and is doing everything she can to make feel miserable. she has also back stabbed me a few times and has even ...
A. 18 January 2019: Why? The company knows about it now. I don’t think she would of freely admitted she had been harassing you would she? That would be ridiculously stupid on her part.
Just continue your job, remain professional and try to gather evidence of her b... (read in full...)
I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years because he wouldn't commit but now I'm feeling very down
Q. I’m feeling really lonely and fed up since splitting from my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years. Basically I split from him because I know he will never commit to me and I got tired of waiting. In the end I felt like i’d fallen ...
A. 18 January 2019: Stop checking your phone! Block him. You weren’t meant to be and that’s that. You know you weren’t a match but it still hurts to break up, you’re human, don’t beat yourself up over it.
You spent a large period of your life with someone so it would... (read in full...)
I see his ex as a threat. Am I being silly or do I have reason to worry?
Q. I am probably being silly but my partner was married a few years ago and been divorced over ten years. He has told me that how he feels about me is far deeper than his ex wife, he said he was very unhappy with her and he looks back and knows it was ...
A. 17 January 2019: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-did-he-still-help-his-supposedly-awful.html
Back again?
If you REALLY want to stay with this guy then you need councilling as you clearly can’t get over this on your own. You will get the SAME advice ever... (read in full...)
Should I resign from my job because I’m being bullied?
Q. I’ve worked for a company for five years and enjoy my job. however a female co worker who is at the same company as me, doesn’t like me and is doing everything she can to make feel miserable. she has also back stabbed me a few times and has even ...
A. 17 January 2019: I wouldn’t leave a job that I enjoy because some lowlife tries to make it hard for me, no chance. It’s hard to find a job that you don’t mind going into every day so I wouldn’t be letting someone ruin it for me.
I’d be making a note of every ti... (read in full...)
I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?
Q. My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...
A. 15 January 2019: I have to agree with the other posters, this is none of your business. Unless she’s underage, she can earn money however she likes, some people make a comfortable living from this. ... (read in full...)
I feel like the definition of a failure, any words of wisdom?
Q. Hi all. I am 15 years old and have recently been challenged with some difficult feelings. I'll sum up the story: A decent while ago (about 4 months ago), after two years of having feelings for my close friend, who I've known for a long time, I fin...
A. 15 January 2019: Life goes on, I can assure you.
Everyone gets rejected at some point in life, there’s really no way around it, it will happen at some point and we need to deal with it. The world won’t stop turning because we feel sad.
You need to pick you... (read in full...)
Is she The One?
Q. Okies, I really need your help with this one. I want to make this the year I sort this out. So, I have known my female friend for 10+ years and I liked her from early on. We have lived together even shared the same bed (platonically) a...
A. 14 January 2019: Nope, definitely not.
All you’ve had in 10 years in a single kiss. I’m not sure where you’re getting the idea that she likes you as more than a friend. It sounds like you give her all the benefits of a relationship without actually being in one. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won’t stop lying to me
Q. Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months. He just turned 19 and he goes to college 5 hours away. This isn’t a problem we started dating Way before he started college and he didn’t plan on picking a school that far away but we make it ...
A. 10 January 2019: If he lies about mundane, pointless things then what kind of important stuff is he lying about?
Stop wasting your time on this guy. I’ll be very surprised if he’s not getting involved with other girls at college. You’d have no way of knowing ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?
Q. I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...
A. 10 January 2019: Nope, not at all.
A 60 year old man that doesn’t understand the meaning of the word no. You can do better. ... (read in full...)
My partner makes it out like I am thick and always wrong
Q. Hi I’m in a relationship now for 6 years but he is so annoying at times he makes out as though I am thick and I know nothing about anything im always wrong in everything I do from tidying the house up after his mess to looking after our son I work 2 ...
A. 10 January 2019: Tell him how you feel.
If you want to stay with him then give him a chance to change his behaviour and if he doesn’t then find someone who respects you. ... (read in full...)
My FWB hookup told me he had decided to date me until he found out I had sex with someone else
Q. Since December 21 I've been intimate with someone. He knew I liked someone else but me being conflicted didn't know if I'd act on it or not. After our second sexual encounter I asked him if he wanted to date me he declined saying he just wanted to ...
A. 10 January 2019: He’s lying. What a huge coincidence that he was going to ask you that very day!
Sounds like he is trying to reel you back in under his control as he knew you wanted something more serious whereas he enjoyed the no strings sex. He probably thought ... (read in full...)
Will I ever get the chance to massage her all over?
Q. Hi, on the question of massages, I have a friend who will let me massage her back, neck, etc and feet, but not butt. She has also allowed me to see her topless, but she doesn’t fancy me and we also cuddle in bed a bit when she sleeps over. She ...
A. 8 January 2019: No. YOU clearly told us that she will NOT let you massage her behind. You’re in the 51-59 age bracket, so it’s quite alarming that you don’t understand that no MEANS no.... (read in full...)
I found evidence that my wife has been cheating. She denies it. Is she lying?
Q. I recently found out my wife of 12 years has been seeing a guy from work for the past 3 months. I found a messenger conversation between her and her friend. In it it says they are like love sick teenagers. She talks about getting caught with him in ...
A. 8 January 2019: Yes, absolutely.
Nobody on the planet has jokes about that kind of thing, she knows she’s been rumbled and that was the best excuse she could come up with on the spot.
I hope you took pictures of what you saw, that would come in very handy if... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my coworker's crazy girlfriend?
Q. First off, I know I probably can't do much if anything about this, but I thought I would ask for advice anyway. Background: Recently I organized a secret gift swap for the holidays at my new job. I got my assistant manager, who is around the sa...
A. 8 January 2019: Block her and forget about it.
You took part in a workplace Christmas activity, if she wants to cry about it then let her. Remain nothing but professional and put this behind you.... (read in full...)
Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.
Q. I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...
A. 7 January 2019: This is nothing but drama.
I read the whole thing thinking that it sounded like teenagers. 47 years old and he’s still stringing women along. How is it NOT SIMPLE to break up with someone he: Doesn’t love, isn’t attracted to and constant... (read in full...)
Is he actually seeing someone? Am I just entering a situation I shouldn’t? What are his motives?
Q. I’ve been talking to a guy (via messenger) for around 10 months now, we originally met on a dating site. It’s very casual and flirty but we’ve not met due to us both agreeing the distance was a bit too far, however after months of us both dating o...
A. 6 January 2019: If you don’t want anything serious then why do you care? This post is very contradictory.
If you live too far away why are you entertaining it in the first place? Sounds to me like you do in fact want a serious relationship you’re just not will... (read in full...)
He told me to set a date to marry and now he's ignoring it
Q. My boyfriend told me in October to " set a date" and he'd "show up". I'm afraid to do this. 20 years ago we were engaged and broke up and have reunited years later. I just don't trust. We are 45 and live in different states. He does have M.S., ...
A. 3 January 2019: ‘Set a date and I’ll show up’? And they say romance is dead.
Is this honestly how you want to get married? This doesn’t sound like much of a relationship. Why would you marry someone you don’t trust?... (read in full...)
Should I take note of our horoscopes? The Chinese one says we are incompatible!
Q. This probably seems silly but I have been reading Chinese horoscopes and compatability with my boyfriend and they say we are not suited. It says his soul mate Chinese animal was a horse and his ex wife was one, yet my animal is the least compatible ...
A. 31 December 2018: Absolute garbage.
The same people who believe in horoscopes are the people who reply to emails from Nigerian princes with their bank details in hopes of being sent billions of dollars. ... (read in full...)
How do I stop crushing on jerks?
Q. I always crush on a guy who is kind of a jerk, but the type of guy parents love because he totally sucks up to them and looks really good on paper — smart, ambitious, handsome — but deep down, he is not the nicest person. He usually has a ...
A. 30 December 2018: You don’t know what someone is like before you start talking to them so it’s not always easy to see who is a bad match early doors.
As soon as you notice these behaviours then you break things off, it’s that simple. The whole point of dating i... (read in full...)
Is his reaction to these comments a red flag?
Q. Hey guys! Hope everyone is well :) I recently entered into a new relationship. We've been "dating" for the last 2 months, and official for the last month. We have also already entered the "I Love You" phase. Everything moved very quickly, bu...
A. 30 December 2018: I’ll start by saying you’re not in love with each other. If im reading it correctly you’ve been a couple for a month and you think you’re in love? You barely know each other. You’re right in saying that it’s a huge red flag when people say they’re ... (read in full...)
Accused of being antisocial for turning down a guy?
Q. My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. ...
A. 30 December 2018: Tell them exactly how you feel.
You’re an adult, you are perfectly capable of making your own choices and they need to respect that. Why would they expect you to go to an event you don’t want to attend with someone you have no interest in befriend... (read in full...)
My new job demands much more of my time! Any advice?
Q. Three weeks ago I started a job in my career path that I’ve been praying for for a long time now. Great location for me, benefits, union, pay is good, the whole nine yards. I feel so overwhelming blessed for me and my family. The only downside to ...
A. 30 December 2018: I spent a few years in the army, now that’s a job that your life revolves around. You can say goodbye to your social life when there’s the chance that you can be called into work at any time, expected to deploy at any point for months/years. For 3 ... (read in full...)
Is ‘bird’ just slang for ‘woman’ or ‘girl’?
Q. When a guy calls you a bird is it just slang for woman/girl. I text a guy friend to rearrange meeting up as he wasn't feeling well and joked that it was nurses orders for him to get better and that I couldn't find a nurse in uniform emoji t...
A. 30 December 2018: Bird means female/girl or girlfriend.
He’s calling you a quick girl. Not sure what’s surprising here. ... (read in full...)
He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it!
Q. Hi so I started seeing a guy about a month ago, he is lovely but lives like 400 miles away! I really fell for him, and him me, but he seems borderline obsessed with me, he got me presents for Xmas very sweet I thought, but he is very insecure and ...
A. 28 December 2018: End it.
He’s insecure and this behaviour won’t stop. Getting in deeper won’t help. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend lied about moving overseas to keep sleeping with me
Q. My Boyfriend and I broke up I'm very depressed this Christmas we had been together for a year with a 2 month breakup in between because he refused to tell anyone about me... He claims to be private I took him back because I don't believe he was ...
A. 27 December 2018: Why have you wasted so much time on this guy?
He is using you for sex, it’s so obvious. If a guy won’t tell anyone about you then there’s a reason for it. I am a private person. I don’t want my relationship plastered all over social media but all ... (read in full...)
Male friend wants to discuss sexual fantasies ....he has a girlfriend!
Q. No, I am not looking to make him my boyfriend Just want to know if its normal for men with girlfriends to want to talk to their female friends about their sexual fantasies? he even asked if i had a boyfriend and when i asked why he said because...
A. 27 December 2018: Of course it’s not normal.
He’s in a relationship. He shouldn’t be discussing anything of a sexual nature with another person as it’s highly inappropriate and disrespectful to his partner.
Nip this in the bud immediately and remind him of hi... (read in full...)
I can't forget the guy I cheated with.
Q. About 6 months ago, I cheated on my boyfriend with a male friend. I won't go into details, but my boyfriend and I worked through it and I cut contact with the other guy. Today he sent me an email to wish me happy Christmas and said he misses me. I ...
A. 27 December 2018: It sounds like you’re settling here to be honest. You know you have a steady lifestyle with your BF but it’s clearly not everything you need if you’re having these thoughts. It’s okay to be with no one, don’t feel like you HAVE to be in a ... (read in full...)
I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?
Q. For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...
A. 27 December 2018: Pack her stuff up and send it to her or ask one of her friends to collect it.
If she doesn’t ask for anything that you purchased together back then I’d keep it. Either return the Xmas gift and get your money back or give it to someone else. If... (read in full...)
Should I even try to remain friends with her after the way she acted?
Q. The other day I went to dinner with my friend who I actually considered one of my best friend so we were having dinner and it w and We ordered our food and both of ours took a long time to come but hers came before mine and she ate hers and she ...
A. 26 December 2018: She’s complaining because the manager offered you a free meal because the restaurant messed up? I don’t get her logic here. If she wants to act like a baby then let her, I don’t understand her side of this at all.... (read in full...)
I'm really sad and discouraged with my life
Q. Anyone have any advice for someone in late 20’s. I have studied to high level, but don’t have job anymore. It’s been half a year, and I simply cannot afford anything. Friends kindly ask why I don’t have work yet,l. I guess that’s their way of ...
A. 26 December 2018: You never answered my question about why you haven’t been applying for jobs. The main point you took away from my answer was that I misread how long you had been without work? Who cares what jealous people thought about you?... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love 2 women the same way at the same time?
Q. When i was 13 i dated this girl, who we will call girl "A". After half a year she broke up with me. 3 years later i started dating one of her close cousin, which we will call girl "B". we ended up talking online and eventually getting together. Yes ...
A. 24 December 2018: How can you love someone that you barely interact with? That makes no sense at all. You have 1.5 years of memories as a child, you don’t love someone romantically at that age, you’re not mentally developed in that area at such a young age.
You a... (read in full...)
I'm really sad and discouraged with my life
Q. Anyone have any advice for someone in late 20’s. I have studied to high level, but don’t have job anymore. It’s been half a year, and I simply cannot afford anything. Friends kindly ask why I don’t have work yet,l. I guess that’s their way of ...
A. 24 December 2018: The question is though, WHY do you not have a job yet? Surely in a year and a half you could of found suitable employment? I really don’t believe there isn’t a job that you could be working in right now, you say you want one but do you really? I’ve ... (read in full...)
I love him but since his massive weight gain don't find him attractive enough for sex
Q. Hi, okay so I really hope I don’t come across as been an absolute bitch here but I could really use some help!! So. My partner has put on a lot of weight. A good 4/5 stone! He was around 12 stone when we met. He’s 6ft3 so was really slim, I’ve alw...
A. 23 December 2018: Of course it’s normal.
I doubt you find many overweight people attractive, just because it’s your partner doesn’t mean that you should be attracted to him at whatever weight he is. I think a lot of people would be lying if they said they wouldn’t... (read in full...)
How do I move on from a girl who has a boyfriend?
Q. I met a girl in September at college and was interested in her from the first time I saw her. She was very quiet and never really spoke to anyone but she just captured my attention. Two weeks in we had to pair up for an assignment, and I asked her ...
A. 22 December 2018: Exactly, she chose her BF. She’s trying to have her cake and eat it too.
She knows you like her so now it’s stroking her ego having 2 guys wanting her, if she wanted to be with you she would be. Look at people’s actions, talk is cheap.
What... (read in full...)
My ex took out credit cards in my name without my knowledge is there anything I can do?
Q. Hi. I broke up with my ex about 2 years ago and it was not an amicable break up. It was tough. And very difficult. During the break up he told me he had taken out 3 credit cards in my name totalling about £4/5k of debt. He also told me that he had ...
A. 21 December 2018: I am absolutely gobsmacked that you’ve not even tried to contest these credit cards. You’ve willingly taken on over 10k worth of debt from an absolute scumbag. The first port of call should of been the credit card issuers fraud department. The guy ... (read in full...)
Why did he still help his supposedly awful ex despite whatever she did to him? Is he lying to me about his feelings for her?
Q. Hi, i hope i can get some advice here to move on in my life. I have been with my boyfriend coming up two years, we get on well and i feel we are compatible. but there is a problem. My boyfriend went to America when he was 19 years old, stayed with...
A. 21 December 2018: Okay so you know his patience is wearing thin with this yet you still do it. If you REALLY want this to work then I’d suggest councilling so you can speak to someone impartial face to face and get to the bottom of why you can’t move past the ... (read in full...)
Why did he still help his supposedly awful ex despite whatever she did to him? Is he lying to me about his feelings for her?
Q. Hi, i hope i can get some advice here to move on in my life. I have been with my boyfriend coming up two years, we get on well and i feel we are compatible. but there is a problem. My boyfriend went to America when he was 19 years old, stayed with...
A. 20 December 2018: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-stop-thinking-that-my-boyfriends.html
This is you right? Didn’t you like the last advice you received?
If you think he’s lying and you doubt how genuine his claims are then why are you staying with him... (read in full...)
I sent the online guy my nude photos and initiated phone sex. Will he lose respect for me?
Q. I have been talking to a guy I met on the internet for about 3 months. We have always had great conversation, we like each other alot. We skype, phone call, text, IM, etc every day. Last week, I made the decision to finally start talking about sex. ...
A. 17 December 2018: Strict code yet you’ve sent nudes and had phone sex? Doesn’t sound that strict to me.
Yes I’m 99.9% certain that he thinks you’ll be having sex the first time you meet. If I was the guy in the situation that’s exactly how I’d view it. Sending ... (read in full...)
I've met a lovely man but my ex wants to pick up where we left off.
Q. right now im feeling meh . everything but my love life is going great. I got into online dating and have met a fantastic man we get on so well apart from odd times he acts like a 5 year old espesh around his 8 yr old nephew. He really acts like a ...
A. 17 December 2018: Neither.
Why would you go back to an ex that you blocked out of your life? You obviously thought to yourself ‘This guy isn’t worth my time and needs removing from my life’ and now he’s decided to become a creep and find your contact info to get b... (read in full...)
When he is sober he's nice, when he is drunk its a big downfall.
Q. Hi, I'm kinda dating one man few months, but I'm quite worried about him, because many times we go out, he drinks. While I'm having one beer or glass of wine, he has few and often some hard liquors too..he gets pretty drunk often to the level th...
A. 17 December 2018: Break up 100%.
You’ve told him that he drinks too much, for me if someone said that, I would take it as it being a dealbreaker for them. That is their way of saying ‘Look, you need to dial back on the drinking or else’ and his response was ‘Sto... (read in full...)
How do I move on from a girl who has a boyfriend?
Q. I met a girl in September at college and was interested in her from the first time I saw her. She was very quiet and never really spoke to anyone but she just captured my attention. Two weeks in we had to pair up for an assignment, and I asked her ...
A. 17 December 2018: Sounds to me like she was going through a rough patch with her BF, possibly no intimacy, lost the spark, something along those lines. Then you came along and gave her the attention she was missing from her partner and it gave her some excitement so ... (read in full...)
I'm flying 1/2 way across the world to see me girlfriend who is probably going to break up with me?
Q. For the past few months, I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. The long distance is supposed to last another 5 months. I'm planning to visit her next week for a few days on my way to a conference, and then again ...
A. 26 November 2018: Yeah I wouldn’t be taking that bus journey if I was about to get dumped. I’d rather just do it over the phone and save my time and money. Not only are you feeling down about the situation already but adding an unneeded journey and it’s expenses to ... (read in full...)
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