Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 October 2018):
 I'm glad she is with you, mad or not... it's better than the alternative.
Thanks for the update as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice! I did move out and my daughter is with me. I had already showed her the phone and pretty much just told her that staying there was not an option. She seems really angry with me but I can live with that. I dont think I could live with something happening to her if she would have stayed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2018): I would tell her what you found.Hopefully that would get her to understand just how sick he is.Where is her dna father?Could he help? She really needs to know about what you found though.I can say this ten times but will you tell her?If she does not listen and go with him be there and hug her tight when all h e l l breaks loose and it will it is just a matter of time.Your daughter knows who really loves her and has her best interests at heart.In time this will resolve itself when you are young you learn.just be there for her when she does because a mother's love is unconditional.You cannot force her to go with you that would make her cling more to him.Let her go she will be back hopefully not damaged by him but that is about all you can do.pray.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 October 2018):
 I’d say that’s pretty creepy on his behalf.
What non biological father would be trying to convince a child to leave their mother especially in the circumstances in which you’re leaving?
If definitely be telling your daughter what you found and that you think it’s incredibly creepy. However as the other posters have mentioned she’s old enough to make her decisions. If she can be bribed with material items then it’s a sad state of affairs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2018): [EDIT]:
"If he's bribing her and she goes for the bait, there's little you can do about it."
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2018): If he's bribing her and she goes for the bait, there's little you can do about. I commend you for having the courage to kick him out.
You should trust your daughter. She knows what he's up to, or you should explain your discomfort about it. She's old enough for you to tell her what you found; and why you're totally uncomfortable about him offering her gifts, or asking her to go with him.
If she is totally intent on moving-in with him, or totally resists any effort to stop her. There may have been something going on all along. I think you should trust her to make the right choice. I doubt she will let him con her into moving-in; if there's nothing going on.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (18 October 2018):
All you can do is tell her and show her what you found. But she is 18 and an adult and entitled to make her own decisions. Even a bad one.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 October 2018):
 I agree. Show her what you found, BUT, just let her see it and absorb it before adding your own editorial. Don't try to convince her or she's likely to dig in her heels.
I say this because people can be fickle, and hostile to warnings, especially when they have material incentives to dismiss them.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 October 2018):
 You can't do anything except hope that your relationship with your daughter is good enough and strong enough to keep her staying with you. Don't trash talk him or she'll likely feel closer to him.
Tell him to stop promising her things unless he'll give her them whilst she still lives with you. Chances are, his fantasy is just a random one, not one he'd like to live out. Many people watch and like porn that doesn't actually fit with what they want in reality - like straight people watching gay porn.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2018): I would have thought that letting her see what he was looking at on his spare phone and shattering her trust of him would be better than her staying there.
I think anything you've gotta do, do. As you say, she can't stay with him and whatever it takes to make her see why it's not a good idea, would be on the table if it were my daughter.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 October 2018):
Well, she IS 18. So you can't MAKE her move with you. but I probably would mention that he has NO parental rights over her.
Does she know WHY you are moving out?
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