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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...
A. 16 February 2019: I just have to say I’d feel sorry for the kid growing up in all of this, what a bizarre situation that would be to grow up into. The kid is going to be wondering who the hell this second lady is for sure.
Also your comparison to getting with a d... (read in full...)
I wish I could end all contact with my toxic mother!
Q. I feel so much hatred towards my ‘mother’ but I can’t cut her off because she threatens to kill herself. To put things into perspective, I am in my mid thirties now with a teenage boy who luckily doesn’t know the half of it. He just knows I don’t ...
A. 16 February 2019: You absolutely can cut off all contact with her.
She betrayed you, parents are supposed to protect and love their children as much as they can. Your mother physically harmed you and was an enabler in you being sexually abused, that doesn’t ... (read in full...)
I waited 2 years for him and now he has a girlfriend and is snubbing and ignoring me!
Q. hi cupid i saw a guy i felled in love with him i revealed to him that i loved him he asked me to give him time to feel the same way for me that we can still be friends i patiently waited for him for two years but only to find out now that he has a ...
A. 16 February 2019: He told you 2 years ago he wasn’t interested. Someone telling you they need ‘time’ to develop the same feelings you have is as good as saying ‘sorry, not interested’.
Move on and let this be a lesson not to waste your time on people who don’t re... (read in full...)
Were my comments racist?
Q. Hi everyone, I had an interesting and slightly upsetting conversation with a friend tonight. We got on to many inane topics that a few drinks brought to the surface and he asked me about my ‘type’. I explained that I am not someone to gener...
A. 15 February 2019: No, not even close.
I’m a child of a half caste father (Jamaican father/white British mother) and white British mother, so I have slight Afro Caribbean roots. If I heard this discussion I wouldn’t of bat an eyelid for the simple reason that fin... (read in full...)
My ex unblocked me but didn’t contact me?!
Q. My ex and i broke up 4 monthes ago , he broke up with me , i kept begging and pleading until he blocked me on everything, after that i decided to go no contact after 1 month of no contact I realized that he has unblocked me on facebook ( we have ...
A. 14 February 2019: Why do you want to get back with someone who doesn’t think you’re good enough for them? He left you, that means to him that he thinks there’s a reason that you two aren’t good together. Why waste your time giving it another go?
Accept you’re n... (read in full...)
My Nigerian husband keeps asking for money and gets upset when I question him!
Q. Hello and thanks My husband and I have been married for two years. I love in Canada and he is from Nigeria. For the most part he treats me well he is very charismatic. Tells me he loves me many times predates. I’m working on his permanent vi...
A. 14 February 2019: Oh for goodness sake.
You are being SCAMMED. I always think how stupid must people be to fall for these scam emails and things you see online, but in the back of my mind think someone out there must fall for them or they wouldn’t still be being se... (read in full...)
He decided to stop seeing me and I don’t know what to believe!
Q. I have been dating a guy for three months. Tonight he split up with me. He's 37, I'm 35. He is separated but married and wife is in a different town and they are getting divorced. I'm recently out a relationship too so I saw this as a bit of fun ...
A. 13 February 2019: It doesn’t matter what you believe, it has absolutely no importance to the situation. The fact of the matter is he doesn’t want to meet up anymore and thats that.
Three months is nothing! He’s leaving your life as quickly as he came into it. Chem... (read in full...)
Our sex life shouldn’t be this dull!
Q. Hi my partner and I have been together for 5 years our sex life has never been amazing it’s always just been boring even when I suggest something new he’s not interested we haven’t had sex now for 6 weeks so I knew he was up to something I looked at ...
A. 12 February 2019: Okay, so you have issues and he’s too childish to talk about them. How do you expect to make any progress? Why are you wasting your life with someone like this?... (read in full...)
My ex changed my Netflix avatar on his account
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend split up with me a couple of weeks ago and i have not heard from him (we had a fall out) He has a Netflix account and he has himself, my daughter and me on it with our names which have always been under a square blank...
A. 12 February 2019: Sounds a bit childish tbh.
You’re both adults and wondering what a change in Netflix avatar means. Either discuss things like ADULTS or move on. If you’ve broken up in the first place then why try and get back together? Things obviously aren’t w... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of my to ask for her number? Am I now the creepy old man?!
Q. Hi all, I have always personally thought that age differences in relationships don’t really matter (within obvious parameters) as each person is individual and if you love someone then you love someone. However I have always considered the id...
A. 8 February 2019: It’s possible she thinks that, who knows?
You thought she was a nice girl and you made you interest known. She politely declined, that’s the end of that. I don’t think it makes you a creep personally, you’re both legal and consenting adults. ... (read in full...)
He's not as into me as I am into him. What now?
Q. i probably know what i should do but id still like some advice. I have been 'dating' a guy for 4 month we dont always get to see each other every week due to work and other commitments. We spend time at each others places but we had a massive talk ...
A. 7 February 2019: He couldn’t of been more clear, this has NO future.
Why would you continue to try and convince him to see otherwise? You’ve been meeting for 4 months, that’s plenty of time to know whether you want something serious with someone and this guy has ... (read in full...)
Why was my boyfriend so weird about his phone? Is he trying to hide something from me?
Q. I was at my boyfriends been together two years and I went to sit down on the bed and saw his phone there so picked it up to move it as soon as I picked it up he snatched it out my hand now I am thinking is he hiding something from me? Has anyone got ...
A. 7 February 2019: Whilst I don’t think that snatching the phone alone would be enough to arouse suspicion, I think coupling it with the fact he’s always asking who you’re messaging raises questions.
I don’t like anyone touching my phone, regardless of who it is. I... (read in full...)
I’m miserable in our relationship and don’t know what to do!
Q. Hi I’ve been with my fiancé for 5 years now we split up for a couple of months last year we got back together but I told him things needed to change as soon as he gets home from work he starts getting stoned I go to work half hour after he comes ...
A. 6 February 2019: Does it really sound like he’s going to change?
You’ve wasted 5 years, how many more?... (read in full...)
Do you think that sounds like she is looking for sex?
Q. Hi I met a girl online and on the same day she suggested I could visit her, stay in a hotel and she would spend the night with me. She says she wants something more than just a hookup. I'm really not sure what is going on here. Do you think that sou...
A. 5 February 2019: This sounds really suspect.
If she wants more than sex then why would she suggest a plan that sounds like a one night stand?
Why wouldn’t she invite you to her house? A public meetup point? Why a hotel on the SAME day you met?
How cert... (read in full...)
Does it sound like my boyfriend is married or not?
Q. I found out my boyfriend had someone else a couple of years ago.this woman has phoned me a few times claiming to be his wife but what she says doesn't add up.he admits to having had a relationship with her but denies they are married.when I first ...
A. 5 February 2019: Really? You think this guy is the best person you can find?
Someone who is cheating the system to stay in the country, still married and has cheated on you?
Get a grip.... (read in full...)
How do I turn men down without actually spelling it out that I'm not interested?
Q. So I feel a little ridiculous posting this but I never thought I'd have this problem! I need to figure out how to quickly, unambiguously turn men down. I feel so uncomfortable doing it that sometimes when I am asked to get together, I just...
A. 4 February 2019: Yeah, one foolproof one.
Tell them you’re not interested. ... (read in full...)
I'm tempted to move out while he's away at the wedding
Q. I am having severe mixed feelings . My fiancé and I have been together 3 years (engaged for 9 months now) . Long story short things were extremely on and off for the first two years until he finally realized what he had and asked me to marry him . ...
A. 3 February 2019: Leave why exactly?
Why should he have needed to have said something back to her? At the end of the day this is his sister. Nobody wants a stressful life, maybe if he said something about you in a derogatory manner to back her up, then yes by all m... (read in full...)
My cheating ex dotes on his new girlfriend
Q. So I found out my partner was cheating on me November last year and I ditched him (yay) Our 2 year relationship was pretty rocky throughout and so I absolutely know in my head that I have done the right thing by leaving him. My gripe though...
A. 3 February 2019: You shouldn’t be holding onto any hate for this guy. You probably think that’s a good emotion to have to aid in moving on, surely you’d get over someone you hate quicker? Not true at all. It just keeps them in your head, all the negative things ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants his Playstation
Q. Hellooo Everyone, I'm going to try and keep this simple. My boyfriend and I were meant to be going to visit his family for the weekend. On Saturday, I will be home alone for about 7 hours while everyone goes and watches a football game ...
A. 3 February 2019: It’s petty on both sides.
Yes, it is his property which means he has the right to say that you’re not using it. Just because you’re his partner doesn’t instantly mean he will do everything you say. If you want to have access to a PlayStat... (read in full...)
My b/f of 20 years threw me out in the middle of the night with nowhere to go and now wants me back
Q. my boyfriend of twenty years threw me out the house in the night in the city hundreds of miles from my family. he wouldn't let me sleep and told me to pack my bags, leave the keys or he would torture me until I left. I was very frightened as he had ...
A. 1 February 2019: Leave of course.
I’d contact a family members to let them know what’s up and ask them to accompany you to collect your belongings from his house.
Block all contact and move on, this guy is a scumbag, only the lowest of the low can hit their pa... (read in full...)
Did I just ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me with one bad decision?
Q. I feel like a complete fool. Tonight I did something stupid and opened a message on my fiance's phone. I didn't even read the message bit then lied to him when he asked me if I had read his messages. I did come clean and it has really upset him. He ...
A. 31 January 2019: As honeypie said, just because one relationship allows it, doesn’t mean another couple would be happy with it. I have absolutely nothing on my phone to hide from my GF but i would be extremely annoyed if I came across her looking through my phone. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants money and has found another love!
Q. Hello I am suffering in the depression my gf says that she no more relationship with me , because she found new guy but I rely want her and love so much , she want money but I cant give money ,what can I do , I think cant live without hersef . ...
A. 31 January 2019: It’s over man, accept it.
Why would you be considering giving your hard earned money to a woman that’s not interested in you? Giving her money won’t win her back, you’ll then be upset and broke.
She’s a user, be glad to get rid of her.... (read in full...)
Did I just ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me with one bad decision?
Q. I feel like a complete fool. Tonight I did something stupid and opened a message on my fiance's phone. I didn't even read the message bit then lied to him when he asked me if I had read his messages. I did come clean and it has really upset him. He ...
A. 30 January 2019: I agree with Wiseowl in saying it’s a huge insult to do such a thing. It’s a real invasion of privacy, if you trust him then why would you do it!? Makes no sense!
All you can do is give him space to cool off. DO NOT bombard him with messages... (read in full...)
If he wanted to see me, why doesn't he?
Q. I met this guy online about a year ago, he lives an hour away from me. He kept messaging me about how beautiful and hot I was and said he wanted something fun and non committal. I said I wasn't looking for that and wished him luck in finding it. A ...
A. 29 January 2019: I know how a male mind works. TRUST what he’s telling you that you deserve better.
He wants to sleep with you and nothing more. I think he told you he was sleeping with someone to get a reaction out of you, maybe for you to ‘step up’ and take his... (read in full...)
I just found out that he's married and having an affair with me behind his wife's back! I want to run but he makes me happier than I've ever been. What do I do?
Q. I have been dating the love of my life for 4 months. I am an extremely introverted person, but felt extremely comfortable with him from day 1. The connection that we share is indescribable. He is the sweetest, most loving man that I have ever met ...
A. 29 January 2019: How could you possibly need advice here?
Leave. It’s the most simple thing ever.
This isn’t love. Not even close. The guy is screwing you behind his wife’s back, you’re saved under a mans name in his phone, you’re a dirty little secret. O... (read in full...)
My crush at work knows I like her. She has a boyfriend. What do I do now?
Q. Hello. I have a coworker I happened to like her. I met her at work and became a friend but I have started having a feeling for her just 2 months now since last December. So I just told her yesterday how I feel and she was surprised but it went well. ...
A. 28 January 2019: You want to leave her as an option?
Dude, she isn’t interested. She has a BF and very clearly told you no when you asked her the question. Leave her alone.... (read in full...)
I feel like he likes me but isn’t sure about taking the next step?
Q. So I’m in a bizarre situation at the moment. I’m 20 years old but I only just had my first kiss with this guy I really like. We met at a party and started messaging every day. I was going overseas so I invited him to a friends party - he didn’t ...
A. 28 January 2019: He isn’t being rude. He knows you want more than friends, he doesn’t. Therefore he’s trying to let the conversation die out. If anything it’s sparing YOUR feelings so you can move on. Trying to stay ‘friends’ with him won’t help anything as you will ... (read in full...)
New friendship w/ someone I met from a reality show
Q. Ok... I'm so confused. I am currently engaged. Not the best relationship by any means, but I am engaged and hoping for it to get better after a big move happens to get away from his insane and cruel family who hurt us pretty bad. Oddly en...
A. 27 January 2019: What are you asking here? This sounds like a bizarre situation.
What you’re describing doesn’t sound like a friendship. My female friends don’t send me nude pictures. It sounds like you’ve got a guy who’s trying to get you into bed, why would he... (read in full...)
I feel like he likes me but isn’t sure about taking the next step?
Q. So I’m in a bizarre situation at the moment. I’m 20 years old but I only just had my first kiss with this guy I really like. We met at a party and started messaging every day. I was going overseas so I invited him to a friends party - he didn’t ...
A. 27 January 2019: Anon_123 is spot on.
I was someone who used to have a ‘fear of commitment’ and that really does just mean that you’re not the one for him. When the right person comes along you get over your ‘fear’. Thats what happened for me anyways.
He’s cl... (read in full...)
He's coming on too strong, talks about sex a lot, has a child with an ex. Should I ignore these red flags?
Q. So about 6 months ago I met this attractive guy.. we met in a cute way as I got him lost accidentally by trying to help with directions, and he later gave me his number and name, which I hadn't asked for. I added him on Facebook and he messaged me, ...
A. 24 January 2019: Absolute creep.
If people instantly bring up sex then it’s very obvious that’s all they’re after. Nervous people don’t run their hand up people’s legs, that’s totally inappropriate if you’ve not been giving him any kind of indication that you... (read in full...)
Is he playing games with me online?
Q. I went on a couple dates several months ago with this guy. Our dates were really fun and physical but we never did anything sexual, just kissed. We made plans for our third date but when I checked in to confirm, he never replied, deleted me from the ...
A. 24 January 2019: Who cares what he wants?
He deleted and blocked you for a month for no reason, does that sound like someone you want to get romantically involved with? Sounds like very immature behaviour.
Block and move on... (read in full...)
I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!
Q. If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...
A. 22 January 2019: I don’t think it’s any of the things you listed, it’s a greeting, nothing more.
The same as:
‘Hey mate/pal’
‘Hey love/darling’
Wouldn’t read anything into it ... (read in full...)
Is he completely dense? Should we just give up trying to tell him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life?
Q. Hi guys so firstly this us a follow on from a post at Christmas- thank you all for your excellent advice The situation was a mutual good friend had got himself involved with a girl we all knew was bad news- disrespected him, took money and gene...
A. 21 January 2019: The more you tell him how wrong he is the more he will insist he isn’t.
Let the man make his mistake, he needs to realise on his own. You’ve tried to warn him and he hasn’t listeners so what else can you do? Leave the guy to it. ... (read in full...)
Should I be over his cheating?
Q. I’ve been with my guy for over 6 yrs now. We got into a discussion yesterday about his twin boys momma. Saying you know we will have to be around her more. And I said “as long as nothing else happens again” due to him going behind my back a couple ...
A. 21 January 2019: I agree with Honeypie.
You CHOSE to stay with him. That means you have accepted his cheating and decided to put it behind you to stay together. Therefore you can’t decide to keep bringing it up. If you don’t like it you should of broke up 5 years ... (read in full...)
I’m going to see my ex, is this a good idea?
Q. My ex and I broke up a year ago due to him moving, and me being in uni still for the next year. Fast forward a year later, and we reconnected and are still in love with each other. I got a great job here in my city after I graduate in a few months ...
A. 21 January 2019: Nope, bad idea written all over it.
You broke up because you were apart, you are STILL apart. You are both satisfied where you currently live, neither want to move, how has the distance aspect been solved?
Complete waste of time. ... (read in full...)
I lied to my boyfriend about the time frame last time I had sex before him. He STILL doesn't know the actual truth. What should I do?
Q. Hey all! I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26 years old and in very transitional phases of our lives. We also recently (within the last year) ended long term (3-6year) relationships. Both relationships we...
A. 21 January 2019: Yeah, a good suggestion would be to NEVER discuss this kind of thing. Who the hell wants to know when their partner last fucked someone before them? What a stupid topic for discussion. The amount of times I’ve seen questions like this and just have ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my married lover for baby?
Q. So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...
A. 20 January 2019: Are you actually being serious?
Wow is all I can say. You are willing to bring a poor baby into a situation where you’re being used for Sex? I’m sorry but this really rubbed me up the wrong way. This is stupid, I can’t believe you’re even consider... (read in full...)
My boss is not letting me move on from our affair
Q. I posted about a month/two back about having had an affair with boss and having ended it. He wanted to stay super secret best friends. But I’ve done a great job of only being professional with him and not interacting unless absolutely neces...
A. 19 January 2019: Yep, new job needed ASAP.
He’s worried you think he’s a pig? Well why wouldn’t you think that? He is a huge one, an absolute twat in fact. What guy cheats with a married woman? ‘Super secret friends’? Is he 12 years old? That sounds like somethin... (read in full...)
If a girl is interested in a guy, he jumps at the chance to go out with her, why won't this guy?
Q. There's a boy in my class who's really cute, smart, nice, everything I like in a guy but he ignores me. I try talking to him and he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone. I've passed him notes in class and left notes in his locker ...
A. 19 January 2019: Isn’t it obvious to you? He doesn’t like you.
How would YOU feel if a guy you didn’t like was constantly trying to get your attention and passing you notes that you didn’t want to read? People were calling you a lesbian because you weren’t ... (read in full...)
My partner's behaviour towards me has been very questionable ever since he lost his job. What's going on here?
Q. This is a little uncomfortable to write, I'm not sure if I'm the problem or not. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and up until about 8 months ago it was really care free, relaxed, and just a joy really. Now, however, it's... I don't ...
A. 19 January 2019: Oh yeah he’s changed for sure and it’s not in a good way. It does sound like he may have slipped into some kind of depression since losing his job and he’s scared that you’ll walk away. Constantly having to reassure someone is tiring. Not a job that ... (read in full...)
Should I resign from my job because I’m being bullied?
Q. I’ve worked for a company for five years and enjoy my job. however a female co worker who is at the same company as me, doesn’t like me and is doing everything she can to make feel miserable. she has also back stabbed me a few times and has even ...
A. 18 January 2019: Why? The company knows about it now. I don’t think she would of freely admitted she had been harassing you would she? That would be ridiculously stupid on her part.
Just continue your job, remain professional and try to gather evidence of her b... (read in full...)
Should I resign from my job because I’m being bullied?
Q. I’ve worked for a company for five years and enjoy my job. however a female co worker who is at the same company as me, doesn’t like me and is doing everything she can to make feel miserable. she has also back stabbed me a few times and has even ...
A. 17 January 2019: I wouldn’t leave a job that I enjoy because some lowlife tries to make it hard for me, no chance. It’s hard to find a job that you don’t mind going into every day so I wouldn’t be letting someone ruin it for me.
I’d be making a note of every ti... (read in full...)
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