A
female
age
30-35,
*ee-Titch
writes:Am I being dumb?I have been with my partner for 15 yearsWe have 2 children together. His mum is constantly on the phone texting call and bitching about me. I have recently started a new Job, but that's more for her to bitch about me. I now don't talk to my Partner about stuff as he always goes back to her and tells her what we are talking about. She calls him and tells him not to tell me ECT.she even calls him at work. 12 weeks ago he was involved in an accident and at work and he never spoke to me never put me down as his next of kin and dosent want me at the hospital with him he only wants her. I am also not on his life insurance. It's his mum. I have been sleeping on the sofa for 12 weeks and now damaged my back and sciatic nerve as he won't allow me back to bed at all after having his leg pinned and a rod put in place. But when in Hospital he wanted an EX-girlfiend there who her and her family threatend me his mum and his kids.Which made me angry and not want to take HIS CHILDREN to see him especially if she was there. I have major anxiety problems but I am dealing with everything alone. Even with the 3 miscarages he never seemed to be affected by them. Am I being a dumb girl? Am I being stupid?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2018): If you are 29 and have been together for 15 years, you started dating at age 14. How long ago is this ex then? From age 13?!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (16 October 2018):
 You have to love these posters who slag off their partner in their original post but, when told they should dump him, lay the blame for all the problems at someone else's door (the mother's in this case).
His mother did not make him put her on his life assurance. HE chose to do that. His mother did not tell him to make you sleep on the sofa. HE did that. His mother does not force him to tell her all about your life, to the point you feel you can't share stuff with him because he will tell his mother. HE chooses to do that. His mother did not force him to nominate her as next of kin at work when he has a long term partner, who is the mother of his children. HE chose to do that.
Wake up and smell the coffee. His mother is not the problem here. He could tell her to back off at any point. He CHOOSES not to.
Amazing how even the ex is not a problem in your second post.
You should just stay with him and let him treat you as badly as he does because you obviously think that is all you are worth. Nobody can tell you any different. I just hope your poor children don't grow up thinking this is the way relationships should be and that they too should put up with this sort of behaviour.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): Perhaps a couple of our posts came-on just as you were sending your second post; but now it seems you're back-peddling.
Your first post doesn't seem anything like his mother is solely the problem. It's pretty typical that the second-response is either in total contradiction of the first; or too many suggestions to end a crappy relationship gets smoothed-over to not really being that bad.
If it takes a man 15 years to propose, after two-kids, and he's still clinging to his mother's apron strings; he's no great catch. He's got you sleeping on the sofa with back problems!!!
Your first post seems as if you're talking about a totally different man. I usually go with the first post. Unless there are some clarifying details; people are usually more honest in the beginning. They adjust their post, if they are advised to leave a bad-relationship.
You did indicate that do suffer from anxiety issues; which could make you somewhat emotionally-dependent. Maybe very afraid to face being alone; while trying to fend for yourself and two kids. So you'll cling for dear-life. After-all, you've done so for the last 15 years! Then it seems you should be pretty used to his mother's ways by now! You ought to be like a daughter to her!
If his mother backed-off; he'd probably get tangled or choked with the umbilical cord!
What grown-man puts his mother on his insurance, and not the mother of his children? Why doesn't he make his mother back-off? Why would you go as far as to ask if you're being stupid? What a sudden change of heart?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 October 2018):
 I will say yes, you are wasting your life with a deadbeat mummy’s boy.
You can do better and you know it. He doesn’t respect you at all and that shows when he invited his ex to the hospital. Get rid, look for somewhere else to live and find someone who knows how to treat a partner.
You’re not married after 15 years? That should be more than enough to tell you that this relationship isn’t going anywhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): It might seem you're together for the sake of your kids. How can you be with someone that long, and marriage never come-up? Yet you gave the rotten bastard a couple of children?
Well, you've got a job; and you can now get your own place to live, and leave that bad situation. He's a teat-sucking mama's boy; and treats you like an incubator, live-in sitter, and housekeeper. He didn't force you to.
No you're not dumb. Maybe you've become complacent, and domesticated. You've settled for life on his terms.
I think a better description is fed-up and regretful!
Yes, it's scary to consider life on your own; when you were able to be co-dependent, and lean on a relationship. You put-up with his mother; because you were trying to make a husband out of a man who wouldn't marry you. Competing with Oedipus Complex; trying to share a man who seems more attached to his mother's umbilical cord.
The ex-girlfriend is irrelevant. He's nothing to fight over.
Get your legal ducks in a row to get child-support; and get the children medical and dental-coverage on his healthcare plan. His mother can go fish! She's not his wife!
You didn't indicate if you have a full-time job with benefits of your own; but you do have socialized medicine in the UK. So you should qualify for some sort of coverage at minimal cost to you.
Sitting in a pile of crap and calling yourself stupid makes no sense. If you think that's what you'd be by continuing to do so, perhaps you're right.
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A
female
reader, Wee-Titch +, writes (16 October 2018):
Wee-Titch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey.
We get on great we got engaged but he was unhappy being engaged last to know that too his mum was first to know as normal.
He has admitted he we need time as a couple and some family nights.
As for the ex they only text each other
I know that's not the point.
His mum is more of the problem, She needs to back off and stay out of our relationship but he won't tell her as she all he got since his dad passed away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): What do you need to know that you are not wanted? To be held by the arm and thrown out? Is his mum looking after the kids when you go to work? Find someone to take care of them when you go to work. Leave him and apply for child support.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (16 October 2018):
Is this all you think you are worth? Or do you, like me, think you deserve better? What are you getting out of this relationship, apart from grief?
I am sorry to hear about your miscarriages. Did you get professional support to help you at the time? If you are still grieving, it is never too late to ask for help.
To have shared 15 years of your life, including 2 children, and for this specimen not even to have you down as his next of kin shows a total lack of regard for you AND for the children. As you are not even the beneficiary of his life assurance, what would happen to you and the children if something were to happen to him? You would be left high and dry, that is what.
You need to take back control of your life. In your place I would stand in front of a mirror, look myself in the eye and say, "You deserve so much better than this", then take a deep breath and go about sorting it.
Congratulations on your new job. No go and find out, if you and the children were free of him, what other benefits you could claim, work out a budget and find somewhere to live. If where you are living is yours, give your useless feckless living partner his marching orders and stop being his door mat. Let mummy or his ex look after him. They are welcome to him.
Come on, sweetheart. You know you are worth better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 October 2018):
 Are you being stupid?
Only you can tell. I think, you "think" you are stuck with him because you have kids with him.
I GET why he wanted the bed to himself with pins in. Sharing a bed when you are supposed to NOT move is hard. It would be hard on you too. But for you to not be "allowed" to go visit yet the mom and ex-gf can? WTF?
Honestly, OP I think he is not only taking you for granted but using you.
My guess is he has no problem you looking after him while he is in bed? Right? Cook, clean, take care of the kids?
You HAVE to sit down and figure out (by yourself) if you are BETTER off with this oaf of a "baby daddy" why doesn't see you as a priority, haven't even bothered to MARRY you after 15 years and 2 kids... OR if you are better off as a single mom WITHOUT having to deal with him, his mom and ALL that drama.
It's GOOD that you have started a new job. You will NEED to become independent of him as best you can financially, if you decide to go the single route.
And IF you do..
You need to make plans. Are you living with him or him with you?... Can you afford the place by yourself or do you need to find cheaper for you and kids? If the kids choose to live with you (that would depend on their ages mostly). and look into getting child maintenance from him if the kids come live with you.
You BF/partner sounds like a idiot and you really don't sound like you WANT to be with him, so why stay? Even if it's scary to start over... you have to decide what you think is best.
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