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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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I can't let go of what my boyfriend did
Q. Hello, I recently posted about my boyfriend crossing the line. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-this-is-not-acceptable-and-he.html Him and I talked about it and he says he understands how I see that he crossed the line and that he will...
A. 12 March 2019: Yes. Definitely the right choice, forget about him. ... (read in full...)
3 plus affairs, Do my wife really love me?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 28 years. However, in those 28 years, my wife has had 3 affairs on me that I catch her doing. I now have the same feeling that something is going on. What I am mostly concerned about is do she really love me or is ...
A. 11 March 2019: I think you’re being foolish to put your energy into trying to fix things. A woman who’s in love doesn’t cheat multiple times. Where’s your self respect?
Get out before you go insane.... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my job with little time off and great money or go for something less stressful?
Q. This isn't a relationship question, but a work one instead. Last year I posted a question about becoming a chef and got loads of great replies. I love most of my job and the pay is good and I have had a promotion and my manager wants to promote...
A. 9 March 2019: Well you tell us.
What’s more important? Your mental health and well being or 3-4K? It sounds very obvious to me when it’s put into simple terms like that.
If you do decide to switch jobs, I wouldn’t do it without first having another solid jo... (read in full...)
I can't let go of what my boyfriend did
Q. Hello, I recently posted about my boyfriend crossing the line. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-this-is-not-acceptable-and-he.html Him and I talked about it and he says he understands how I see that he crossed the line and that he will...
A. 9 March 2019: Break up?
Quite simple really. The only way he could disrespect you anymore than what he has been doing is by sleeping with her. I don’t know any of my friends that take other girls besides their GFs out for meals and pay for them.
Do you ... (read in full...)
Do I have a valid reason to leave him?
Q. Hi. I am currently confused at the moment. Can somebody tell me what to do? So i met this guy on a dating site a month ago. Everything went well, we do video call for hours, we made plans for the future, he tells me i love you and misses me. But as ...
A. 9 March 2019: Because he doesn’t want you to forget him.
It’s really simple. He enjoys knowing he has this power over you, it strokes his ego.
There shouldn’t be any ‘trying’ involved here. YOU are the only one who will get hurt from all of this, the rest o... (read in full...)
How do I cope with the end of this on-off relationship?
Q. I am having a hard time dealing with my situation.. I have been on and off with a guy for 6 years. I believed we had a connection and that was why we always came back to each other. He was always the one to call me and come back, I would go about my...
A. 8 March 2019: The thing is you let him do this, you let him keep coming back into your life and pick you up when he needed an ego stroke and then discard you when something better came along. You need to learn to say no to people you know are using you!
You m... (read in full...)
He is all that I have ever wanted but I feel trapped. Is an open relationship the answer?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we started university. All through these years I've been looking forward to graduating, getting a flat together and settling down. Now I'm coming to the end of my degree and I'm panicking because ...
A. 7 March 2019: I have to agree with what others have said.
If he’s perfect then why are you here wondering what to do? You wouldn’t be having these doubts if you knew he was the man you’re going to marry and have kids with.
Your view isn’t wrong, just like... (read in full...)
He ended it when I thought things were going well. How do I let it go?
Q. I was talking with a guy for a little over a month and last week he invited me out on a first date. We had coffee, chatted, it was really nice. We went back to his flat share and watched 3 hours of Dave Chappelle. At one point I asked him if I could ...
A. 7 March 2019: He’s talking rubbish.
He knows exactly what he was doing and what he was after. If he wasn’t over the ex then why was he trying to fake that he was? He was over her when he was taking you on dates, kissing you, sleeping with you. Absolute... (read in full...)
He ended things suddenly but I still like him. How do I deal with this?
Q. A guy I was seeing was giving me all the signals that he wanted more and I went with the flow. Suddenly he's ended everything and said he just wants to be friends.. I asked him whats going on because I'm so confused. And he said that at this poi...
A. 7 March 2019: Block him and move forwards.
He cant be anymore clear than he has been. If somebody wants to be with you, the will MAKE it work. When people have an excuse, it’s a way of letting you down gently.... (read in full...)
Do I have a valid reason to leave him?
Q. Hi. I am currently confused at the moment. Can somebody tell me what to do? So i met this guy on a dating site a month ago. Everything went well, we do video call for hours, we made plans for the future, he tells me i love you and misses me. But as ...
A. 7 March 2019: Forget about him.
You CANNOT fall in love after 1 month. It’s absolutely not possible, you are strangers. You’ve never met the guy, you don’t know anything about each other, how can he love you? The idea of it is ridiculous.
People droppi... (read in full...)
I want to settle down he wants to date for a few more years
Q. Hello, I just got out a two year long relationship because my boyfriend won’t commit to me. I’m not blaming him, I respect what he’s dealing with and I miss him A lot. But there were some flaws that I couldn’t ignore. We have been in a long dist...
A. 7 March 2019: Simple.
Block his contact and move on. You are on completely different wavelengths which would mean trying to salvage anything here would end in disaster. He wants to be single and sleep with other people whereas you don’t. How could that sit... (read in full...)
He is all that I have ever wanted but I feel trapped. Is an open relationship the answer?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we started university. All through these years I've been looking forward to graduating, getting a flat together and settling down. Now I'm coming to the end of my degree and I'm panicking because ...
A. 5 March 2019: I have to agree, what you’re asking isn’t realistic.
Your BF DOES NOT want to sleep with other people. You’re trying to usher him down a path he doesn’t want to go down just so you can satisfy your sexual needs. If this is something that you NEED... (read in full...)
I feel confused and anxious about him not speaking to me except by text Saturday evening!
Q. I have been in a relationship for 18 months with a great guy.This is an intensely passionate but in my opinion emotionally healthy relationship.We have hurdles but we have overcome them.Apart from one massive issue which is my fears of abandonment ...
A. 5 March 2019: Erratic over what?
I’m completely lost here. He didn’t respond? He sent you a picture. That’s a response in my book. Your fear of abandonment will become a reality if you continue behaving like this. I’m really struggling to see what you flipped ... (read in full...)
I want to teach my cheating ex a lesson
Q. Hi! I'm 29 and got married last year. I'm happy with my husband, but my ex bf still calls me despite he being married. He says that he can't forget me, and still wants me. I cleared the air that I'm happy with my husband and won't ever leave him for ...
A. 5 March 2019: You aren’t over your ex clearly.
If you were, you would block him and ignore his contact. The simple fact that you want to hurt him shows that he’s still occupying your thoughts.
He cheated, you re-married, let it go, block and move on. ... (read in full...)
Friend wants more with a guy but hes holding back
Q. My friend has been seeing a man she met online a few month ago. She knows hes still on the dating site and he knows she came off as soon as she met him. They have both been very open and honest with each other. He knows she wants a relationship but ...
A. 3 March 2019: Absolutely she should cut ties.
He can’t be more clear than saying he sees her as a friend. That’s the universal phrase for ‘I don’t want anything serious’.
The whole point of a relationship is to take a chance with someone and put the trust in... (read in full...)
I feel broken. Why couldn't my girlfriend have been there for me when I needed someone to listen.
Q. I dont even know what to do anymore or how to feel. I feel so alone. I have many people around me, my parents, my gf, my best friend, my close friends, my colleagues. But no one actually knows the reality. I lost my new job I got due to not b...
A. 3 March 2019: Why don’t YOU tell her that?
Instead of telling us, tell her exactly what you’ve said here. Maybe she can’t even see what she’s doing. I will be honest, my GF has told me that I’m not a very sensitive person, I’ve always struggled to vocalise... (read in full...)
3 plus affairs, Do my wife really love me?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 28 years. However, in those 28 years, my wife has had 3 affairs on me that I catch her doing. I now have the same feeling that something is going on. What I am mostly concerned about is do she really love me or is ...
A. 3 March 2019: Come on man. Seriously?
Are you a doormat or a human being? She wouldn’t of cheated once if she loved you. ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he want to come home with me?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now. He said he likes me and wasn't seeing anyone else. On our last date, we had a passionate make out and he said that I was beautiful and sexy and really turned him on. In fact, he had to stop himself a ...
A. 3 March 2019: You told him 24 hours before that moment that you were waiting for sex so it’s extremely contradictory to flip out over this.
What’s wrong with him wanting to go home? 10pm is late, he said he was tired. Why should he HAVE to go up to yours an... (read in full...)
He's doing weed yet again despite all my ultimatums
Q. Hi So me and boyfriend will have been together for 3 years (March 11th) and are in the process of looking to buy our first home. However, throughout the relationship he has struggled with an addiction to weed. He has repeatedly told me he's q...
A. 3 March 2019: Just to echo the others, an ultimatum is the last straw.
He’s broke it and you are asking strangers on the internet whether to leave. You told him ‘me or the weed’ He’s choosing weed. Not to mention, I’m assuming he attacked you? From the mention ... (read in full...)
He is all that I have ever wanted but I feel trapped. Is an open relationship the answer?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we started university. All through these years I've been looking forward to graduating, getting a flat together and settling down. Now I'm coming to the end of my degree and I'm panicking because ...
A. 3 March 2019: I’ve seen a few posts on this site regarding open relationships and never once it being in a positive light. One partner always suggests it and the other is extremely apprehensive, not on board, or trying to convince their self that they’re okay ... (read in full...)
Is all fair in love and war?
Q. I had an affair 7 years ago. He broke it off after 2.5 years. We boyh stayed married to our spouses. I really loved him and was heart broken. 2 months ago he reached out to me. He claims he still loves me, is in love with me and on and on. I ...
A. 2 March 2019: He’s a lying, cheating slime ball. He showed his true intentions when his wife found out and he dropped you like a bad habit!
You were nothing but sex to him and he fed you bull crap you keep you hooked which worked a charm!
There’s no lo... (read in full...)
Is she shy or just not into me?
Q. Hi There is a girl I really like, I see her every day. I know I should just ask her out but i am very shy and as much as people tell me to do it i find it hard, but i think I will have the confidence if i see some signs that she is interested. ...
A. 1 March 2019: How good is her English? I think she may be struggling to find something to say as she doesn’t fully know how to, so rather than mess up what she’s thinking, doesn’t say it at all.
I think the simple fact that she’s started to come out of her s... (read in full...)
Why did he block me on Facebook?
Q. A guy and I liked each other in high school. After we'd graduated high school (and both moved to different towns), we finally properly began talking online after he reached out and admitted that he had a crush on me but was too shy to talk to me. I ...
A. 1 March 2019: You hadnt spoke in a year, the last time you had spoke he had a crush on you. You now have a BF so what other reason would he have to keep you?
Forget about it. ... (read in full...)
My new friend critizes my hair and clothes! How do I get her to back off?
Q. I am 53 years. and 6 months ago I was in a shop and met a lady who is 43 years old, she asked for my number after chatting to go out for coffee. She then asked for us to go out in the evenings, I have serious medical conditions and not in posit...
A. 28 February 2019: Why would you want to have a friendship with someone like this? Is this what you think a friend does? I can hand on heart say that none of my friends criticise me to a point where I am being upset by it.
She sounds like a complete bitch. She is c... (read in full...)
My bf just got tattoos for his deceased ex wife!
Q. I'd like to have some opinions about my situation. My bf just got huge tattoo representing his dead ex wife. We became couple after he was separated from his ex but shortly after she passed away and he was the one found her dead on the floor at...
A. 28 February 2019: Come on, really?
The guy has issues he needs to work on. Right now the guy isn’t interested in you at all. He calls you a ‘friend’? Does that sound like someone who loves you?
You’re wasting your time here that could be spent with someone who... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and work part time. My husband wants me to get another job to pay his parents debts.
Q. My husband's parents owe a large amount of money to a family member which they can't pay. They have asked my husband to pay the money on their behalf, we are talking £500 per month for the next 10ish years. My husband works 9 to 5 and I work part ...
A. 27 February 2019: Absolutely not!
Is he out of his mind? Why the hell should YOU be grinding your ass off to pay back their financial mistakes? Who the hell do they think they are to make you feel shitty over the situation? This is for his parents to deal with, no... (read in full...)
Could these have been semen stains ... is he cheating on me?
Q. Hi guys. I just need some advise. I’m driving myself mad and keep toying between am I just being super paranoid or is my gut instinct trying to tell me something... basically I want to know show I be weary of my partner! We have been together ab...
A. 27 February 2019: You can’t cherry pick which advice you’re going to receive I’m afraid, you’ve come to a website where people offer their insight on a question and it’s there to be read whether you like it or not.
I think you have pretty much 0 evidence to belie... (read in full...)
I am so confused..looking for insight about this relationship..
Q. I met someone 6 weeks ago. Im in my mid-40s and spent too long in a loveless, abusive marriage. Ive been alone for 3 yrs and was resigned to being done w men for good. I have trust and abandonment issues and have settled for weak, passive ...
A. 26 February 2019: Disaster written all over it.
He’s an alcoholic for starters. Unless HE wants to change his ways you might as well be banging your head against a brick wall. He is clearly not ready to kick the drinking so that alone should be enough of a reason t... (read in full...)
I don't know what this man wants from me
Q. I am a lady in my 60s and have been in an on/off relationship with a guy of similar age for 5 years. We usually fall out because I get hurt that he has not included me in his family get togethers or not bothered to get me anything for my birthday. ...
A. 26 February 2019: It seems it’s pretty clear to an outsider that he’s not really interested. It doesn’t sound like he puts in any effort at all, YOU do all the chasing and checking up and he replies when he needs to.
You class yourself as a GF yet state you went... (read in full...)
I broke up with my violent boyfriend, he wants the ring back but I paid for it!
Q. I have just broken up with my boyfriend of twenty years due to his violent behaviour. the thing is he says he wants the ring he bought me back which is expensive but I feel like in all fairness I have paid for the ring as I gave the cost of the ring ...
A. 24 February 2019: I have to agree with ciar and Andie.
Why hold onto the ring? It was a gift from an abuser surely it only has negative thoughts attached to it? Get rid and he is gone from your life for good! He WILL keep trying to get that ring back. Your saf... (read in full...)
How can I help this relationship survive?
Q. I am 40 F,3 years ago I met a 21F College student that was on a internship.(Asia)- I Never dated woman before. At the time I was in a leadership role within the college. She made passes and I resisted, because I was nervous, scared and becau...
A. 24 February 2019: What should you do?
Move on, what else can you do? She couldn’t be more clear, she’s not interested! If you noticed that you’re fighting to be in her life then you are smart enough to understand that you SHOULD NOT need to do that if someone ... (read in full...)
Somebody keeps hacking my boyfriend or is he cheating?
Q. I keep finding my boyfriend on multiple dating/cheating sites and find his search history is filled with things like: Women near me to have with tonight? I have asked him about it and he says he didn't do it. Tat someone is hacking him. Is that ...
A. 24 February 2019: Come on, be serious here.
Most obvious lie ever. You’ve found him multiple times, who would waste their time making up a fake dating profile in someone else’s name?
... (read in full...)
Am I fighting a losing battle? She is still speaking to her abusive husband!
Q. So... there's a woman I've been talking to for a little over a month. And when we're together, things are good for the most part. The problem is... this woman is married to a man that she has been involved with for a few years. He has threatened h...
A. 21 February 2019: Forget about this one.
If he’s still in the picture and you are seeing with your own eyes that she’s still entertaining him then you’re really wasting your time. If she was truly done with him, his number would be blocked! She would be avoiding... (read in full...)
I’m in an exclusive long distance relationship, despite my desire for it to be open, and I started cheating. What do I do?
Q. I’m a freshman In college and am doing long distance with a boy I started dating about a year ago (during my senior year of high school). I truly believe that I’m in love with him, as I dated a boy before him and learned the difference between ...
A. 21 February 2019: How are you in love with someone you’re cheating on? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You sound incredibly selfish, childish and really not ready for a relationship.
If you love someone you could not physically be with another person, ... (read in full...)
He couldn't get it up! Any ideas why?
Q. Hie Cupid, I fell in love with a very amazing guy, about two months ago. He's in love with me too. So, after hanging out for six times only (writing this because it might be the answer to my doubt), on Valentine's day, we both decided to lose ...
A. 18 February 2019: You’re not in love after meeting 6 times, let’s get real here.
You need to relax here, you sound like you’re both coming on way too strong. If he’s losing his virginity then it’s perfectly normal to be nervous and I’d say that’s the case here, bu... (read in full...)
I really like her and want to continue communication with her, but she’s on holiday! I don’t want to put a foot wrong, so I need advice!
Q. Hey everyone, This feels really pathetic but any advice will help. Basically I’m messaging a girl who I met a few weeks back. She lives just over an hour away and i met her on a night out. Since then I went back the following weekend to see...
A. 18 February 2019: She’s on holiday, let her enjoy it.
Worry about picking things back up when she gets home. If she is interested, she will contact you. Stop chasing so hard!
If you can make the realisation that you’re putting all the effort in, then surely you ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's possible to build a relationship over feelings for a different person?
Q. I've recently started flatting with five other people. One in particular, I'll call him S, I didn't know very well, so I assumed everything would be fine and we all signed on for a years tenancy contract. That was maybe 8 months ago, and during t...
A. 18 February 2019: Nope.
Not fair on the new dude at all, bringing him into a messy situation. If you really liked the new guy you would forget about S naturally.
You have 2 options:
Tell S and deal with the outcome whatever it may be
Keep quiet and try t... (read in full...)
Do you think he’s basically telling me to leave?
Q. So last night my S/O and I got into an argument. We were at walmart leaving and our daughter stopped to whine about getting some gumballs so I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and accidentally bumped into the entrance doors of the ...
A. 18 February 2019: I think he would of fought more if he had deep feelings. Sounds like this relationship may have run it’s course. Not just from his side but the fact you describe the situation as ‘stable’. Do you actually love the guy? Settling for somebody because ... (read in full...)
I’m bi, my friend is straight, but she said it was okay to flirt with her! What does her behaviour mean?
Q. I am bisexual, turning 18 in March. I have a friend, who I think I am in love with... I told her I liked her but she told me that she is straight. But she also said before all this shit, that it's okay to flirt with her. One time, she and my ot...
A. 18 February 2019: She is straight, you are not, this will not work.
She’s messing you about because she knows you like her, she gets a kick out of knowing you want her but she will never give in. What she’s doing is cruel.
Either find a new friend, or accep... (read in full...)
How do I show this man that I'm worth having a relationship with?
Q. How does a woman show a man shes worth having a relationship with, ive been on quite a few dates with a guy but he said he wants to sort himself out a job , own place then maybe a relationship with someone. The words he used were someone he didnt ...
A. 17 February 2019: What do you mean YOU would like to give him a chance?
I don’t think it sounds like he is interested in you at all tbh. You’ve been on a few dates and he’s already giving you a load of crap saying he’s a complicated guy blah blah. That’s definite... (read in full...)
My lazy partner seems to think my car is also his!
Q. Me and my significant other been together for 12 years When it comes to working, he’s a little lazy and wants easy jobs like uber, Postmates, etc. me on the other hand, I’m a worker, went to school completed my bachelors degree while being with...
A. 17 February 2019: I have to agree.
He’s lazy because you’re allowing him to be. Tell him to get off his ass, grow up, get a stable job and pay for his own car or you’re out. He’s coasting by because you accept it and clean up after him, sounds like a pretty s... (read in full...)
He doesn’t want to see me but won’t let me go!
Q. I’ve been texting this guy off and on for the past 5-6 months. We’ve met and hooked up a few times. He will text me every morning, “Good morning beautiful, sexy etc” and we have conversations through out the day up into the evenings. But we go ...
A. 17 February 2019: What do you mean ‘trying’ to cut ties?
Block him. Ties cut. Simple.
If you’ve only seen each other a few times how are you even getting attached? He flakes out constantly yet you still like him. How exactly? He’s a waste of time and space a... (read in full...)
In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...
A. 16 February 2019: I just have to say I’d feel sorry for the kid growing up in all of this, what a bizarre situation that would be to grow up into. The kid is going to be wondering who the hell this second lady is for sure.
Also your comparison to getting with a d... (read in full...)
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