A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So... we’ve broken up for 5 years after an incident and subsequently I moved home to my home country. Contact was lost eventually as we were sick of crying over the phone. Recently, I thought I saw him whilst on vacation and sent him a text. He replied... and I just found out he’s in a bad place he’s in a wheelchair and his family’s broken up. And where am I now? Am in a 4 year relationship, no longer exciting but it’s cosy. I care for my partner but the spark was never as intense. We have talked about marriage but if that happens, it will be because since we’ve been together for x years and we ain’t getting younger. I do care an awful lot for my partner as he has been so supportive through my toughest days. The question is should I fly 4,000 miles to go see my ex? My heart shattered when I found out how he has been and all the crap he’s gone through these years. I’m not hoping for any rekindling. As someone from my past, I admit I truly care. Would it be cheating if I go see him as friends would do?
View related questions:
my ex, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (22 October 2018):
 The easiest way to think about it is: would you tell your current partner? If not, then yes I would consider it cheating and I would say that you know it's wrong. If you do tell your partner you can take their views into account and if you go against them, I would say you're not as invested in the relationship as you should be.
It is okay to still care for your ex in the way you say you do and to feel compassion for their situatuon. but what good is it going to do for yoh to go all that ALL way? I would not be okay with my partner going all that way to see an ex. I would expect them to rekindle as a result. You may think you won't but you don't know because you haven't seen them in so long and if you're already complacent in your current relationship maybe you're attracted to the drama.
If I saw my ex (haven't seen him in six years) I would carry on walking. I don't even have his number or his Facebook. Because I moved on. Not saying you can't stay friends... just that this doesn't work for everyone.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 October 2018):
 If you have to ask, then yes.
What does your partner have to say about this, by the way?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2018): INTENT to cheat IS cheating. Period, end of story.
Ask yourself how you'd like it if your man got on a plane and travelled across the globe to see his EX girlfriend behind your back?
Always, always practice EMPATHY in relationships!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (20 October 2018):
 In my opinion it would be cheating.
You wouldn't be flying out to attend a sick relative or even a dear PLATONIC friend, but an ex lover.
And whatever your intentions now, I think you're lying to yourself if you think you can guarantee nothing will happen or that old feelings won't be reignited.
In my opinion, it was poor judgment to even text him in the first place.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 October 2018):
 What’s the point?
What will it achieve? It sounds like it would be very expensive, shady on your partner and just a general waste of time. You go to see him, tells you his sob story and then what? Where do you go from there? If you don’t want to rekindle anything then I’m struggling to see a reason to go.
Either concentrate on bringing the spark back in your relationship or leave your BF, marrying someone you don’t truly love for a ‘cosy’ life is idiotic.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 October 2018):
 If you want to make the relationship you have with your current BF/partner work and make it a long term relationship, then no don't go see him.
If you feel your current relationship is somewhat DULL, then it's UP to you to work on that. Visiting an ex you still care for and feel sorry for, IS NOT going to help that.
What would be the point, really?
You can show support and care without travelling 4,000 miles to see him.
YOU both made choices in the past that ENDED your relationship, it's over and done with.
If you feel this is VERY important to you, then ask your CURRENT partner how he would feel about you doing this.
You ex isn't a friend. He is an ex that you are friendly with.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2018): No, your ex is a closed chapter in your life. If your present relationship is cozy, but not very exciting; save your energy for improving it.
Your ex's situation is most unfortunate; but what does it have to do with you? Why are you traveling that distance to see a man you broke-up with years ago?
You know, sometimes people have to use some simple common-sense; and know when to leave things alone.
If you're so bored with your current relationship, why don't you end that one also; and go find something "more exciting.?"
Send him a lovely greeting card, let by-gones be by-gones; and tend to your present relationship. It apparently needs work.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 October 2018):
 I think this is a bit of a slippery slope. Your intentions may well be good but I guess unless you are willing to discuss this with your now partner it is secretive play. Thats just not going to be a positive move on your behalf. If you could see it through the eyes of your BF if if found out it just raises all sorts of trust issues- innocent or not. Sounds like you have a few concerns to focus on in your own relationship before lending a shoulder to cry one to someone else. I agree with YCNBS, why not pick up the phone?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 October 2018):
 I have a few questions of my own.
Firstly, and most importantly, what does your "cosy" partner say about your wish to fly to see your ex? Have you even mentioned it to him yet? If you were truly happy in your current relationship, would you be wanting to fly back to your ex?
Secondly, what are you hoping to achieve by going to see your ex that you can't achieve over the phone/via other contact?
Also, you may say "I'm not hoping for any rekindling" but how do you think your ex will view your visit? Remember, you two split up for a good reason. His run of bad luck does not alter that.
I think your first priority should be to review your current relationship and decide whether you are happy with this man you have "settled" for. If not, then finish it kindly but firmly so he can find someone who loves him wholeheartedly. Then you will be free to fly to your ex without any qualms.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2018): It's quite simple ask your boyfriend and outline how you feel, see if he thinks it's okay!
...............................
|
