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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 12 April 2012: I agree with you, but I also have to throw this in - a lot of men are also losing their skills in 'traditional' male roles.
My boyfriend has no idea how to do DIY, he knows very little about cars and probably would only mow the lawn if he reall... (read in full...)
I keep comparing myself to my BF's attractive female friend and its making me insecure about myself! Help please?
Q. I am 20 y/o and my bf is 23. We have been together for about 2 years now, and everything is generally good. I just can't seem to get past this one thing that happened a few months ago.... He has this friend. She is beautiful, they have known each ...
A. 11 April 2012: He's been with you 2 years yet has 'left over feelings'? That is a massive red flag - if you are not over someone in 2 years when you are supposed to be in love with someone else, that is a clear sign he will never get over her while he is with you. ... (read in full...)
He helped me through my divorce but I don't think this relationship is working, should I tell him straight and leave the relationship?
Q. I've divorced my controlling husband after 20 years. I've met this man and he helped me while I went through my divorce. I know from start he is not right but he persuade me to give it a go as he is 16 years older than me. Two years on Im 51 and ...
A. 11 April 2012: If you are not happy and dont see a future with this man then there is no point in continuing, it will only make it harder one day down the line when you do end up breaking up with him.
Dont stay with him because you feel guilty or because ... (read in full...)
I keep comparing myself to my BF's attractive female friend and its making me insecure about myself! Help please?
Q. I am 20 y/o and my bf is 23. We have been together for about 2 years now, and everything is generally good. I just can't seem to get past this one thing that happened a few months ago.... He has this friend. She is beautiful, they have known each ...
A. 11 April 2012: Your boyfriend was very wrong to say that he finds her more attractive than you, you are 100% right to be upset by the situation.
Did your boyfriend ever date this friend of his? Or was he the one who liked her, but she didnt feel the same?
... (read in full...)
He walked out after a fight. Don't know what to do? Wait? or not Wait?
Q. I'm feeling a bit lost right now. My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year. We've had our share of ups and downs and it has been on and off over the last 12 months. The reason why I am feeling lost right now is because of a rece...
A. 11 April 2012: Look - if a relationship is on/off frequently, then the relationship is not working and you are not right for each other. No amount of love can overcome the fundamental issue that you are not compatible, and you cannot communicate properly with each ... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19, is it inappropriate for us to be together?
Q. Hi me and my boyfriend have been going out for about a month and a half, and it's going wonderfully, I think I am falling for him. The problem is, we get a lot of judgement due to our ages, he is 19 and I am 16. So he has got a job, and I am at ...
A. 11 April 2012: I dont think so at all, when I was 16 I went out with a 21 year old!!
As long as your parents are ok with it and you are happy then that is all that matters - 3 years is a perfectly normal age gap and really isnt a problem.
I think the reason... (read in full...)
Questions about getting breast transplants
Q. I have a few questions for the ladies. I am seriously considering breast implants. I am 46 years old and about three years ago, I lost a good 40-50 pounds, got back in shape again and have become a gym rat and regularly swim and have turned most...
A. 10 April 2012: This website should help you - http://www.bupa.co.uk/individuals/health-information/directory/b/breast-augmentation
In order to address your questions one by one (but please keep in mind I am no expert, I'm not a doctor so this is just very gen... (read in full...)
I'm 25 and I like talking to girls in their late teens. Is this a bad thing?
Q. Hi I'm currently 25 and I still like talking to young girls in their late teens. My parents say that it's illegal to date girls 17 or under. I don't understand why it would be so bad. Sex is a different issue, but I'm talking about just being close ...
A. 10 April 2012: The reason why people have a problem with GROWN MEN talking to CHILDREN is because what on earth does a grown man have in common with a teenager? What do you want to talk to these teenage girls about? Why cant you talk to women over the age of 20? ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with triplets and found out through text messages that my fiance is planning on leaving me to be with my cousin. Do I confront him?
Q. well where do I start... Hmmm I know well let's start off by saying Im 20 years old and 5 months pregnant with triplets. Thats right 3 kids all at once. Don't get me wrong I am excited for my little ones to get here but.... I'm going through ...
A. 10 April 2012: Throw him out now, and never look back. What an awful, awful man he is - actually I dont even think you can call him a man, he is not worthy of that word.
You are going to be more stressed out when the babies arrive because 3 little ones to look ... (read in full...)
I slept with my husband's friend. I don't know what to do now
Q. I have been married for six years to my husband and we have had problems in our marriage, i was starting to feel unsecure because everytime we fought he would threaten to leave. I started to get to know my husbands friend and felt he was attractive, ...
A. 10 April 2012: Why did you cheat? Well because you are unhappy in your marriage, so rather than dealing with your problems and working with your husband to sort the problems out, you cheated. It is you basically avoiding your issues by seeking comfort elsewhere ... (read in full...)
He's 16 years older than me. Is he sincere or using me?
Q. I'm 18 years old, and I work with a 34 year old man that's very forward about the way I make him feel. We've been good friends for a while, but all of the sudden he started giving me a lot of compliments out of the blue. Like how cute or amazing I ...
A. 10 April 2012: It is really hard to say - what worries me is that he never tried anything with you before, yet all of a sudden he is interested now; that is a warning sign to me, if he liked you he would have made it obvious from the start when you first met so it ... (read in full...)
Ladies: shaved or natural 'downstairs' on a guy?
Q. Ladies thoughts opinions needed: When you are about to have sex/or oral with a guy for the first time and see his thing, is hair down there a turn off? is shaved more a turn on? or trimmed? also what about hairy thighs? shaved? leave alone? I am...
A. 5 April 2012: Never shaved, but always trimmed! Big and bushy is not nice, especially if a girl is giving a guy oral sex. But shaved is equally weird, I've never seen a guy fully shaved down there and I would be very creeped out if I did!
And under no circumst... (read in full...)
Drawing boundaries with an FWB.
Q. I've got a pretty typical but still vexing problem... how do you deal with jealousy and boundaries when in a friends-with-benefits situation? I've been hanging out with the same guy, about two and a half months now. When we first started hanging ...
A. 5 April 2012: Well you are already in a great big mess - because as you said, FWB is supposed to be free of feelings, let you said earlier in your post "especially as I do like him". You like him more than a FWB, so this is already well past boundaries and ... (read in full...)
All husband talks about is cheating and the sex he had while he was married to me!
Q. My husband admits to cheating with dozens of friends and family during our first years of marriage. He also lived with two other women while in the service and I was home pregnant. He got both of them pregnant and left them that way. I am finding it ...
A. 4 April 2012: One question for you - why are you still with this pig of a man?
Dont you think he has hurt you enough with all his cheating? Yet here he is, rubbing your nose in it, telling you about his disgusting affairs. He is an awful, vile man and doesnt d... (read in full...)
Adding on facebook when you have no common friends?
Q. Hello! There is this one guy in one of my classes and we always have tension, we are always giving eye contact. And today we finally spoke and I told him I thought he was really cute and he said I am as well! I feel like a child again I used to ...
A. 4 April 2012: I dont think it would be weird, you have spoken to him so its not like you are adding a complete stranger.
But if it would make you feel better wait until you speak to him again, then add him.
Its only Facebook, its not the end of the world... (read in full...)
Is it really cheating if you really love the guy even though he has a girlfriend?
Q. so i have a bit of a stupid question, if a man or woman are married and one of them sleeps with someone else over and over its an affair. but if its just a guy and girl dating, is it still called an affair? and is it really wrong to flirt and sleep ...
A. 4 April 2012: Yes it is still an affair, regardless of whether the couple are married, living together, or just dating. Cheating is cheating, no matter what label a couple has on their relationship - at the end of the day if you are in a relationship with someone ... (read in full...)
What is a reasonable frequency for spouse to go out drinking with friends?
Q. We r married with 3 kids. My wife has recently taken to going out with different groups of girls a lot - what I would consider to be too much. They always go to bars. She always comes home at 1 am or later drunk. I most ofen provide the babysitting ...
A. 4 April 2012: I would say it would be reasonable to go out drinking (and staying out late) maybe once a week or once a fortnight. Seeing friends more than once a week is fine, but drinking until 1am, coming home drunk....all that when you have 3 kids is not ... (read in full...)
Sacrifices to move in with girlfriend - am I being petty?
Q. My girlfriend is a few years older than myself and has a 5 year old daughter. We've been dating for about a year and a half and have been increasingly talking about moving in together. What I want to know is "does it sound like our relationship has ...
A. 4 April 2012: No you are not being petty - you are having to make all the sacrifices and she gets to keep everything just the way she wants it.
Moving in together is a compromise, for both partners - you cannot expect one partner to give everything up and the ... (read in full...)
How could he just end things like that to go with a girl young enough to be his daughter?
Q. Ok so I was with a Guy for a year..its been to rocky but recently I started thinking he was talking to other girls through texts an Facebook so I ended it after a few lies N things I found an he was keeping his phone on him an getting texted late ...
A. 4 April 2012: Some people can simply bounce from one relationship to the next without a care in the world, yes it is difficult to deal with but he clearly doesnt allow himself to get too emotionally attached in a relationship so he can move on very quickly.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has way too many pics of his ex and its making me really insecure
Q. I have been with my bf for 2 years and he is lovely, always complimenting me, tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I love him with all my heart and want to be with him always. My stupid insecurities are starting to ...
A. 4 April 2012: I dont think you are the probklem here, he is being a bit unreasonable by keeping so many pictures of his exes.
You need to sit down and talk to him, tell him how you feel. Having a few pictures of your ex is fine if he wants to keep them, bu... (read in full...)
He's 21 years older than me, I'm 7 years older than his son. Can it work?
Q. Im straight out of college and 22. I have started working a law firm as a secretary, there are two partners. I am a secretary for only one. A few months ago a partner asked me to dinner I turned him down and he asked a few more times but I kept ...
A. 3 April 2012: I dont think the age gap is the main problem - your biggest problem is going to be the future. Think about it this way, when you are 30 he is going to be 53. When you are 40, he is going to be over 60 and probably retired. You will end up being a ... (read in full...)
Ended up having sex with another man while at my bachelorette party at Vegas!
Q. ***Before I begin, please don't judge me for what I did, I already know it was wrong, and I feel horrible*** I am enganged at an amazing man who I love very much, our wedding is about a week away. This past weekend my girlfriends and I went to Ve...
A. 3 April 2012: There have been a lot of great answers here, but I just wanted to add something else in:
I can 100% promise you now that if you dont tell him, then you will definitely cheat again. This is coming from someone who has cheated in the past, not told... (read in full...)
We have been having this affair for so long, but I'm not sure how he feels about me....
Q. Hi, I need to have an opinion from you aunts about this married man i am seeing. Please i don't want any You shouldn't be doing this comments.i have been in this relationship with him for longer than i care to remember we are both mature age and i'm ...
A. 3 April 2012: I am with Honeypie on this - why does it matter? He is not leaving his wife, you are just the woman on the side, so how he feels is irrelevant. This is not a relationship, this has never had any future, you are simply the other woman and will never ... (read in full...)
Stuck in a quandary between my wife and my married mistress
Q. I know that I am going to be judged for posting this, but that's okay. I need guidance. I am almost 39. My wife is going to be 42 this year and is already in menopause. We have no children, mostly because my wife is just not a sexual being....
A. 3 April 2012: If a friend told you he was staying in his marriage because he felt guilty, you would tell him he is being ridiculous and needs to leave wouldnt you?! Guilt is not a reason to stay in a marriage.
Perhaps if it is easier for you come clean to... (read in full...)
How should I propose?
Q. So I'm sure i found the love of my life. We've been friends since May of last year, and been dating since December. I know it's only been a short time but I know he's the one. I'm not one who ever wanted to get married but for some reason I want to ...
A. 2 April 2012: You wanted to get married to your ex, the only reason you didnt by the sounds of things is becase your ex didnt want to talk about it and disregarded it when you brought it up.
So why is the new gu you've seen 4 times any different?! You believe ... (read in full...)
At 36, what do I need to motivate myself to get out there and date?
Q. Where did I go wrong? I'm a 36 year old man that still lives with his parents who has never had any type of relationship with a woman ever, I have a job that I detest but I'ts the best pay I've ever had so I'm too scared to leave it. I tried to live ...
A. 30 March 2012: Well if you left work and became a full time student you can get a student loan - they are very different to normal bank loans as the interest is much lower, it is not done through a bank (it is through the student loans company) and you dont have ... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in a faux relationship! She broke up with me but still expects me to fund her!
Q. Hello people I wonder if you can help me I am in a big big dilemna in my life at the moment, 8 months ago while I was travelling around in north america, I hooked up with my 'girlfriend' who i stayed with for 3 1/2 months to cut a long story ...
A. 30 March 2012: To me she would 'win' if you stay and keep paying for her! At the moment she has you right where she wants you - she has both you and her ex, I bet her ex is there romantically for her and you are there financially. She doesnt want you, but doesnt ... (read in full...)
At 36, what do I need to motivate myself to get out there and date?
Q. Where did I go wrong? I'm a 36 year old man that still lives with his parents who has never had any type of relationship with a woman ever, I have a job that I detest but I'ts the best pay I've ever had so I'm too scared to leave it. I tried to live ...
A. 30 March 2012: It is indeed before tax, if only it was £25k after tax, I would be a very happy girl!
I know doing any further education would be difficult whilst you are working, but it is not impossible. You have until 3pm daily to do other things, yes you ... (read in full...)
At 36, what do I need to motivate myself to get out there and date?
Q. Where did I go wrong? I'm a 36 year old man that still lives with his parents who has never had any type of relationship with a woman ever, I have a job that I detest but I'ts the best pay I've ever had so I'm too scared to leave it. I tried to live ...
A. 30 March 2012: Its not over 2 grand a month (I wish!!), it works out about £1500 per month. But even though I am on a good wage, I still struggle financially, especially with the cost to run a car these days, over £400 per month is spent just running my car! So ... (read in full...)
How should I propose?
Q. So I'm sure i found the love of my life. We've been friends since May of last year, and been dating since December. I know it's only been a short time but I know he's the one. I'm not one who ever wanted to get married but for some reason I want to ...
A. 30 March 2012: Ok there are lots of reasons why this is a bad idea.
1. Men dont like women proposing to them (well most men anyway). Proposing is traditionally what the man does, he gets down on one knee with the ring and pops the question. So if you take tha... (read in full...)
At 36, what do I need to motivate myself to get out there and date?
Q. Where did I go wrong? I'm a 36 year old man that still lives with his parents who has never had any type of relationship with a woman ever, I have a job that I detest but I'ts the best pay I've ever had so I'm too scared to leave it. I tried to live ...
A. 30 March 2012: I'm sorry for making you feel worse, that was never my intention.
Have you ever thought about going back to college or an adult education centre to get some qualifications so you can improve your job prospects? I know it isnt a great prospect... (read in full...)
At 36, what do I need to motivate myself to get out there and date?
Q. Where did I go wrong? I'm a 36 year old man that still lives with his parents who has never had any type of relationship with a woman ever, I have a job that I detest but I'ts the best pay I've ever had so I'm too scared to leave it. I tried to live ...
A. 29 March 2012: Make a plan and figure out how you are going to achieve to it.
1. What job do you want to do? If you hate your current job, at least you know what you dont enjoy - what did you want to do when you were younger? What qualifications do you have tha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will be in prison anywhere from 15 years to life. How do I handle it?
Q. My boyfriend is doing 15 to life he has no specific time for release I love himi just don't know how to handle it can u help? ...
A. 29 March 2012: Well you have to make a choice - do you want to stand by and wait for him, if he ever gets out? Or do you not want to spend the rest of your life waiting, therefore you have to leave him?
If you stand by him then of course it will be hard, th... (read in full...)
Dumped for a rich guy: was girl being shallow or practical?
Q. Yeah so a couple weeks ago this girl I was seeing for a few months. Really pretty girl, my friends even said he was hot. I'm an average guy, maybe a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. I make a decent living but def not rich. Anyway, to make a long story short ...
A. 27 March 2012: In my opinion she is very shallow. Chances are she is not attracted to this man (not many 20 odd year old girls are going to fancy the pants off a 50 year old), and the only reason she is with him is because of his money - that is shallow.
If sh... (read in full...)
He got nasty when I got ill and couldnt have sex!
Q. Hi,I had terrible problems with my stomach including constant pain for a whole year and spent that time in and out of the medical centre. Then my condition worsened. For a while it looked like I was going to have an operation and I was absolutely ...
A. 27 March 2012: I doubt many people would ever dream of acting like this. He clearly cares more about his penis than you, is this really the sort of man you want to be in a relationship with?
He was completely out of order to do this, you were not refusing... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable to ask your girlfriend to dress a certain way for sex?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been going out with my new girlfriend for a few months now and we've had sex a few times. While it's been great, I find it incredibly arousing when a woman 'dresses for sex' (i.e. lingerie, especially thigh-high stockings). She'...
A. 27 March 2012: Not at all, as long as you are not asking for something too extreme, and you can still get turned on by her normally without particular clothing, then there is no problem with this at all.
I dont think 'asking' is the right way to go about it... (read in full...)
I love him to bits but he is hurting me all the time! Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years, but lately we are having a lot of arguments. He has started to become friends with these other guys, at first I kept telling him to go out with them because I didn't want him to feel lef...
A. 27 March 2012: Its not worth trying to get it back, it will only cause loads of hassle and drama. And Honeypie is right, if you take the PS3 back it would mean you have to give him all the gifts he bought you back.
So just make a clean break, leave the PS3 and ... (read in full...)
Met an aspiring actress, got on so well with her but found out she plans to sleep her way to the top!
Q. Right so last week met this girl a stunner at a local pub. we got on right away and i started seeing her. everything was going just fine until we started off talking about careers and she revealed that her plan is to sleep her way into roles! I was ...
A. 26 March 2012: I very much doubt that this is true. If that was the case, then how do male actors ever get anywhere in their careers? Is she saying all male actors are gay/bi-sexual and they have to do the same? I doubt it very much!
I'm sure there is an eleme... (read in full...)
I love him to bits but he is hurting me all the time! Should I stay or should I go?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years, but lately we are having a lot of arguments. He has started to become friends with these other guys, at first I kept telling him to go out with them because I didn't want him to feel lef...
A. 26 March 2012: Why on earth would you want to stay with someone who hurts you all the time? And dont say it is because you 'love' him, love is nowhere near enough to make a relationship work.
You already know the answer, you have to break up with him and stop... (read in full...)
Should I hang out with my new guy friend or is it just not a good idea since I'm attracted to him?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for a year now. Anyways, there is a guy I work with, I am attracted to. I get along with him great, we have almost everything in common. I know, you probably know where this might be going. I am not planning or leaving ...
A. 26 March 2012: No it is not safe to hang out with this guy - you are attracted to him, so there is always going to be more than friendship and you will always be tempted.
A lot of people never 'plan' to cheat on their partners, but when they put themselv... (read in full...)
Having a baby and balancing that with establishing a career?
Q. I'm feeling really conflicted about whether to have a baby now or to wait. I'm going to be 26 this year, and my husband will be 27. I went back to school for nursing and will be done in about 4 months. One part of me wants to wait and get settled ...
A. 26 March 2012: Getting pregnant whilst you are still at school is a bad idea, even if it is just 4 months left - imagine if you got pregnant immediately, then you would end up with 3 months of morning sickness, tiredness and all the joys of early pregancy to deal ... (read in full...)
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