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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Is getting pregnant at 15 the right thing to do?
Q. Well, im 15... And me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, now heres my issue, when we hit a year... My boyfriend wants a BABY..... Okay look, I absoulutly ADORE babies, I LOVE them. And I have no problem with pregnancy at this age.... ...
A. 22 June 2012: The quick answer - NO!!!!
'Wanting a baby' and 'having a baby' are 2 very different things, and the reality of being parents is very very difficult. If you wait to have your child you will see that maturity is a massive help, having a good job... (read in full...)
Should I just consider her gone from my life forever?
Q. My ex now broke up with me like 3 months ago and is now with someone else but still think about here every day and i'm not sure if is hould contact her because before when i emailed her she didn't reply and she delated me from facebook. and has ...
A. 22 June 2012: I'm afraid she is gone forever, she has made it very clear she doesnt want to be friends and has moved away so that is the end of it. I know break-ups are hard and you still have feelings for her, but give yourself some time and eventually those ... (read in full...)
How do I handle insulting people who think I look too young to be a Mother? I'm twenty six.
Q. Hi everyone I was just wondering how people in a similar situation deal with this I have a son who is 4 later this year. I had him when I was 22. My partner left me when I told him I was pregnant but I look very young for my age even though I am 26 ...
A. 22 June 2012: If people tutt or call you names then I wouls simply stop them in the street and say 'excuse me, have you got something to say to my face? I am 26 if you must know, and simply fortunate that I look so young for my age. I would appreciate it if you ... (read in full...)
He is not looking for a relationship - should I go out with him anyway and hope it turns into something more? Could we end up as a happy couple?
Q. hi cupids I have this dilema and would like some advice were possible. I have over the past year had a crush on my bus driver ( I know pretty out there ) lol and one day I became a bit brave after a few dutch courage drinks and wrote my phone n...
A. 21 June 2012: One thing all women should learn at a very early age - YOU CAN NEVER MAKE A WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. He either does want a relationaship, or he doesnt - you cannot change is mind no matter what you do.
So no matter how beautiful, smart, f... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to go out with a carbon copy of my ex/
Q. So I met this girl online that seem like almost a younger carbon copy of my ex. Is it healthy for me to go out with her or will it just keep the ex in my mind?...
A. 20 June 2012: Well if you are 22-25 I dread to think how much 'younger' this girl is! If she is under 20 then you should definitely not date her!
If she is over 20, then to address your original question requires me to ask you some questions - are you over you... (read in full...)
I have to go to College but we want a baby together. What should I do?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been best friends since middle school. I am 17 and about to start my senior year of high school. We want a baby but I have to go to college. What do I do?!?!?!...
A. 19 June 2012: Finish college, get married, buy a house, buy a car.....then you can have a baby.
'Wanting a baby' and 'having a baby' are 2 very different things, and the reality of being parents is very very difficult. If you wait to have your child you will... (read in full...)
How can I kick her out?
Q. I broke up with my partner about 3 weeks ago as her behaviour has been awful and disrespectful in the last few months getting worst up to the day we broke up. I then discovered she was cheating on me. I caught her once before and forgave her 2 years ...
A. 10 June 2012: If you own the home and she has no claim to the house (i.e never contributes financially to the mortgage, is not on the deeds to the home, has never paid for repairs/decorating etc) then yes you can change the locks and have her belongings sent ... (read in full...)
If it's so great there how come I can't go too?
Q. I'm 31, my wife's 30, and we're from Seminole, Florida. However, she's recently been doing a disappearing act, going off to Duluth, Minnesota, and I cannot for the life of me work out why... and even worse, she's used my favourite car for this (my...
A. 10 June 2012: Well this situation is 100% unacceptable, and in my opinion, it appears she is having an affair with someone who lives over there. That might not be the case - but to travel all that way for a pizza? And then not be contactable at all during her ... (read in full...)
I've had 3 kids and b/f says I'm tight. Is he just saying that? I don't quite believe him
Q. I have 3 kids and I'm engaged to be married. I've been with my fiance for almost a year now and one thing he says really bother me when we have sex. He always says my vagina is really tight and how he loves having sex with me. His average size down ...
A. 7 June 2012: Look at it this way - you are here complaining that your boyfriend tells you how much he enjoys having sex with you. What would you rather him say, how rubbish having sex with you is?!
He enjoys sex with you. I presume you enjoy sex with him. You... (read in full...)
Guy with girlfriend keeps trying to string me along!!! I am nobody's puppet!!
Q. HELP!!!! This guy friend has a girlfriend. BUT he keeps trying to string me along!!! I told him I have feelings for him. He told me he has a girlfriend. So that should be the end of it, right? NO!!!! He just keeps giving me hope and then he...
A. 7 June 2012: Quite simply because some men (and women) enjoy playing games, they enjoy having someone on the side to keep them entertained when things get a bit boring with the girlfriend back at home. He will never leave his girlfriend and has no intention of ... (read in full...)
My wedding was supposed to be in 2 weeks but fiance has walked out
Q. I have been engaged to a wonderful man, we made a year this past Sunday. We were having some issues-arguments-but eventually it calmed down and we've been fine. Kisses, hugs, and love making included. Even cuddling at night. He woke up a few days ...
A. 31 May 2012: You cant force him to stay - as I said, try and get the parents out of the house or go somewhere just the two of you. Talk about HIM and how he feels, dont mention the wedding at all - and see what happens.
He might decide that because you have... (read in full...)
My wedding was supposed to be in 2 weeks but fiance has walked out
Q. I have been engaged to a wonderful man, we made a year this past Sunday. We were having some issues-arguments-but eventually it calmed down and we've been fine. Kisses, hugs, and love making included. Even cuddling at night. He woke up a few days ...
A. 31 May 2012: It sounds to me like the pressure of the wedding has got to him and it is all overwhelming him. You are both incredibly young to get married, and you have not been together very long at all so you dont know each other properly yet - it is a little ... (read in full...)
How do you create a long lasting relationship with a woman? Do you have to be a 'bad boy'? Or are there some women out there who like the good guys?
Q. How do you make a woman fall in love with you? Yes i know iv heard it all before ''you cant' - ' you cant help who u fall in love with '' etc, but generally speaking, i have found that women who are hurt/abused not necessarily physically, but more ...
A. 30 May 2012: I've never had a relationship with a 'bad boy' and my only long term relationships have been with nice guys. I have no interest in being with a guy who treats me like crap, I want someone who is kind and caring.
Girls dont like overly 'soft' g... (read in full...)
I really like two women. One is available. The other isn't ready for a relationship right now. What do I do?
Q. I need some help! I am a single male. I was divorced ten years ago. I got out of a long term relationship two years ago. I have had time on my own and I am ready to date again. This is my problem. I have two lady friends. Both are attractive a...
A. 29 May 2012: It sounds to me that you like Lady #2 more than Lady #1, hence why you want to wait for Lady #2 to become available.
In that case, it is VERY WRONG to have Lady #1 as a girlfriend until Lady #2 becomes available, because you would be leading ... (read in full...)
I'm getting a little worried about my friend, she obsessed with her weight!
Q. Hello everyone, I'm getting a little worried about my friend, we are in our last year of school and are both going to different colleges this year and she has recently opened up to me about how unhappy she feels with herself. She use to get bullied ...
A. 29 May 2012: Your friend definitely has an eating disorder, and she needs to get professional help. Speak to her parents, and if there is a counsellor at your school or a health care specialist then talk to them as well.
You cant help her I'm afraid, she is v... (read in full...)
I'm engaged, he is married and there is no attraction, but I enjoy our conversations! Am I wrong?
Q. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by having an intellectual conversation with another man! I'm engaged, he is married. We are former co workers who are on Facebook together. When we used to work together he came in as the assistant manage...
A. 29 May 2012: I dont think you are wrong at all - if your fiance knows about the conversations and is not bothered by them, then you are fine.
If you were attracted to him, and keeping it secret from your partner then yes it would be a problem. But if it is ju... (read in full...)
My wife is pregnant, did she cheat on me and is having someone else's baby?
Q. My wife and I have been using the withdrawal method of birth control. If the timing works it is about 96% effective. While there were a few occasions several months ago where the timing may have been in question, this past two months, since her last ...
A. 29 May 2012: This really does surprise me that a man in his late 20's can sound so immature and honestly believe that the withdrawal method is effective.
Have you ever heard of pre-ejaculate (pre-cum)? Do you know that pre-ejaculate contains sperm? And that... (read in full...)
My best friend is my ex, and to make matters more complicated I'm madly in love with her brother, who also has a girlfriend!
Q. I'm in a really complicated situation. I'm a 22 year old female who is madly in love with my best friend/ex-girlfriend's brother. Confused already? Me too.. I'm not a lesbian; I'm far from it. But when I was in high school, my best friend told...
A. 29 May 2012: Imagine you have a brother or a sister. How would you feel if your ex/best friend got with him/her? Unhappy I bet!
If your friend is the most important person in the world to you then you CANNOT be with her brother. End of story. She would no... (read in full...)
My fiance says my penis is too small! Is she saying this for attention? Or is she just trying to make me mad?
Q. Hello everyone I am at my wits end and I know most of you will tell me to move on but I am not looking for reasons to leave my fiancé I am seeking help and advice for my problems My fiancé thinks my penis is too small and thin to give her any ...
A. 28 May 2012: Have you ever asked her why she says such hurtful things about the man she supposedly wants to marry?
I dont know why she would say such things - you have a perfectly normal sized penis, in fact it probably is a bit bigger than average so to most ... (read in full...)
I've kissed over 50 guys on nights out and feel disgusted with myself!
Q. Ever since being in university I feel like i've lost my self respected, dignity and it makes me feel sick. I'm disappointed in myself for it... Basically, I keep kissing guys I meet on nights out! I've probably kissed just over 50 guys since being...
A. 28 May 2012: I've lost count of the number of men I've kissed, you really are just a normal girl who isnt doing anything different to thousands of other girls who enjoy having a night out and a cheeky kiss with a guy.
If you were having sex with all of these... (read in full...)
Our landlord is trying to take all of our deposit and then claim for extra money for repairs! How do we dispute this?
Q. Our landlord came to check on the property since we are moving out in 4 days, though plans to come back on moving day to do another one. Its as if she is purposely looking to trip us up to get more money as she herself is in a heap of debt - why not ...
A. 28 May 2012: The landlord has every right to take money out of the deposit to cover the costs of repairs that are above and beyond reasonable wear and tear. However they have NO rights to ask for extra money for repairs UNLESS the damage is beyond the sum you ... (read in full...)
Should I still date him even though he is going to have a kid and a lot of drama?
Q. Alright so here is my story. About a month ago I met a guy who wasn't my type, and is 9 years older than me. He is 28 and i'm 19 almost 20. Despite me not thinking anything would happen between us we had good conversation. A coffee date turned into ...
A. 16 May 2012: I think because you are still recovering from severe depression, and because he is not long out of a 9 year relationship then neither of you are ready to be in a relationship, with anyone never mind each other!
If this child turns out to be his, ... (read in full...)
Fiance has posted pics of himself with his ex and children on Facebook, is this wrong?
Q. My Fiancé and I have been together for nearly 2 years, and were recently engaged. We have both been in previous marriages and have children from those relationships. Because my ex and I have had great animosity towards each other and my feelings ...
A. 16 May 2012: Well if you and your fiance have a rule of talking to each other when something is bothering you, then you need to talk to him now about this. Show him what you have written here, or talk him through word by word your follow up and explain why it ... (read in full...)
What general qualities do women look for in a potential boyfriend?
Q. Hello all, I want to know that general qualities that women look for in men. I have never seen myself as "boyfriend" material as a lot of other guys. I consider myself massively confident partially due to the anxiety of saying the wrong thin...
A. 15 May 2012: I personally like to talk about current affairs, I do have an interest in science so I wouldnt mind talking about that too. But you will struggle to find many girls that like these kinds of things - so you might be safer asking questions about the ... (read in full...)
Do you reckon this man loves or respects me?
Q. We have been married for over 10 years and have 2 kids. My husband has always been very cut off from social circles and likes to keep to himself and my lifestyle has changed to match his. We both work full time and I earn more than him which he stat...
A. 15 May 2012: Regardless of how he feels, the fact is you dont love him anymore, so what is the point in staying with him?
There are many many problems in this relationship, and it is hard to say if he loves you or not. He cheated, so that indicates he does not... (read in full...)
What general qualities do women look for in a potential boyfriend?
Q. Hello all, I want to know that general qualities that women look for in men. I have never seen myself as "boyfriend" material as a lot of other guys. I consider myself massively confident partially due to the anxiety of saying the wrong thin...
A. 15 May 2012: Ok well here is what I look for in a guy:
- Good manners
- Gentleman
- Physically attractive
- Makes me laugh
- Affectionate
- Intelligent
- Generally a 'happy' person
- Shares things in common with me
- Interesting (keeps a conversation go... (read in full...)
Teacher dating an ex pupil - is this possible?
Q. Hey. I don't have a clue what to do. I'm in love with my ex-teacher. He is gorgeous (in my opinion, other girls didn't find him attractive) with lovely brown eyes, is kind and always makes me smile. He taught me in my first year of A-Levels, and it ...
A. 15 May 2012: Technically as long as you are over the age of 18 then there are no laws to say a teacher cannot date a former student. However there may be some school policies for your teacher friend that state he would be disciplined for doing so - but that will ... (read in full...)
He liked a status on facebook saying "I love having no commitments to anyone". Does this mean my boyfriend isnt serious about our relationship?
Q. Just a quick question- I have a boyfriend, we have been going out for about 4 months and for the most part, everything is great. We're always spending time together, spending the night together and spending time with each others families, seeing ...
A. 14 May 2012: Well I would read this differently - if this friend that he liked the status of is recently single, then he/she may have posted the comment "I love having no commitments to anyone" because they are much happier now they are single. So your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
I get excited by dumping women and crushing them emotionally... what can I do to fix it?
Q. I'm married and I have a baby. I'm also very happy in my marriage and my wife is good looking etc. Yes, I've gone to prostitutes for a few years now, but only to get a physical release to substitute porn. Though, in recent years I've for some ...
A. 14 May 2012: Look you are doing more than simply leading women on and dumping them, you are also cheating on your wife and destroying your family. Imagine if your kids grow up oneday and find out that dad has pretend girlfriends on the side who he spends all his ... (read in full...)
Fiance has posted pics of himself with his ex and children on Facebook, is this wrong?
Q. My Fiancé and I have been together for nearly 2 years, and were recently engaged. We have both been in previous marriages and have children from those relationships. Because my ex and I have had great animosity towards each other and my feelings ...
A. 14 May 2012: I dont think it is wrong at all to be honest. He is obviously proud of his daughter and wanted to share that with the world, and it will have made his daughter happy to have the whole family in the pictures not just mum and dad on separate pics.
... (read in full...)
Is it normal I feel the need to have all this now?
Q. I have most definitely found the one. I know good for me. But why am I feeling the way I do and getting so sad? I'm 22 my bf is going to be 27 in a couple of months. He has his own flat and I moved in with him in february. The one thing he wan...
A. 11 May 2012: You are 100% being unrealistic. The world simply does not work this way! You cant have everything you want in life right away, people have to work hard, save money and wait paitently until they can afford the things they want.
I do understa... (read in full...)
When married and inlaws live with us should I be paying half of the rent?
Q. Should I be paying 50% of the rent if my husbands daughter and son and his brother witch are all grown except the baby living here? I recently told him he is to pay the entire rent himself and not look for nothing from me since they do not ...
A. 11 May 2012: As the other answers have said, if they are all adults (who have jobs) then they should pay their share too. However you should still contribute - it doesnt mean you can sit back and pay nothing.
However it would depend on the situation - say if t... (read in full...)
Anyone out there in a FWB relationship that works?
Q. Dear aunts, I have started a fbw relationship with my ex. We meet up every three weeks or so and spend two days together. We have gone on two hotel mini breaks and are planning another. Things have been really good. The pressure of being in a rel...
A. 10 May 2012: 99% of the time FWB's do not work. This is because one person in the FWB has stronger feelings than the other person, and deep down they want more than just sex and friendship.
Search for FWB on this site and you will see, there are so many peo... (read in full...)
Met an amazing girl but she thinks I'm younger!
Q. Ok, i have been dating a lovely girl for a few weeks. We met through a friend and hit it off right away. She's 21 and i am 29. We have been on loads of dates and the other night, we were talking about birthday plans and she said to me " oh, your 24, ...
A. 10 May 2012: You have to tell her, as soon as you can. The longer this goes on the worse it will get.
Your friend really has dropped you in it - it now looks like the pair of you are trying to pull the wool over your girlfriend's eyes and she will think bo... (read in full...)
Could friends with benefits work better than a long-distance relationship?
Q. so for nearly a year i've know this guy. we have similar interests, and we message each other and talk constantly. we try and meet up every week (if not more often) to just chat, and he has become one of my closest friends. to this point our ...
A. 10 May 2012: So Very Confused is right, the whole point of a FWB is to 'scratch an itch' i.e. when you are horny, you want to have sex with someone but dont want a one night stand with a stranger so you call on your FWB. It doesnt make sense to have a long ... (read in full...)
I don't want my mom to wear a bikini on holiday, its so embarassing!
Q. Having some trouble with my mom. What should I do? My mom, my younger brother and I will be going to Hawaii soon. I'm 15 years old. I'm all excited about going to Hawaii but I'm not happy with my mom buying a two piece bikini. She's in her early 40...
A. 9 May 2012: Look, your mom is a grown adult and she can wear what she likes. You cant have a say in what she wears I'm afraid!
All swimsuits, whether it is a full swimming costume, a tankini or a bikini show off a woman's breasts. A tankini would cover up... (read in full...)
What should I think about this comment by my wife?
Q. So, during a conversation with my wife, she said to me that she has times when she doesn't want to love me, she wants to hate me, and does. That actually hurt me a little, but then she became really uptight when i told her i was hurt by her comment,...
A. 4 May 2012: I am a moderator, I didnt approve your question but I did see your original title - it wasnt very clear what the question was about. If a user proposes a title like you did, we sometimes change the title to ensure it is clear what the question is ... (read in full...)
Does it seem like I have too much baggage to begin dating again?
Q. Hi all. I am considering dating a man who is about 15 years older than me. But I have a few reservations. 1.)The age gap of course. 2.)I am still in the process of a LONG divorce, which should be finalized this month. 3.) I have a strong EM...
A. 4 May 2012: Replacing one man (your FWB) with another is not going to make you move on from your FWB. It just means you will drag all your left over baggage and emotions from one relationship to the next, meaning that you will never have a sucessful ... (read in full...)
Would you learn a different language to be with someone?
Q. Here's the story. There's this girl that works with me. Before last week I never talked to her before. I would catch her looking at me from time to time. Always staring at me when she thought I wasn't looking. Most of the times I didn't know what to ...
A. 3 May 2012: I think it is sweet that you would consider doing this for her - I think you should go for it, she would be very impressed!
I personally have never come across this situation (apart from seeing it in the film Love Actually!) so I dont know whe... (read in full...)
We don't like C. Should we invite everyone and just let C's bf tag along?
Q. My three best friends (A, B, and C), and I are planning a graduation Europe trip. We are considering inviting our boyfriends as well as we are all very close and it would be very fun! However, none of us including the guys, can stand C's boyfrien...
A. 3 May 2012: I think girls only sounds like the best idea - that way you and your 3 friends will all be happy and have a great time with no issues.
If you let him (C's boyfriend) tag along then it is not fair on him to be ignored for a week or more, regardle... (read in full...)
I prefer slightly older men, so should I wait for this high school boy?
Q. At this point of my life, I'm dealing with a problem I could've never thought I would be dealing with. I was always, but ALWAYS attracted to older men. Not significantly older, we're talking about up to 5 years older. And that worked. But as of...
A. 3 May 2012: You are completely contradicting yourself here - you say he makes you feel special, but because he is not attracted to you, you feel sad! Which one is it? Sad or special? You cant feel both!
I need more information here - how does he feel abo... (read in full...)
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