A
female
age
51-59,
*ovi_oli
writes:My boyfriend is doing 15 to life he has no specific time for release I love himi just don't know how to handle it can u help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, flutterflys84 +, writes (13 June 2012):
I'm 28 and my boyfriend is 30 we meet when I was 20 and we were off and on for 8 years he recently is going to prison for 15 years its been a year this June 4 2012. We're now down to 14 woopee doo! I miss him everyday and by the time he gets out ill be 42 years old.I love him so much and he does me we are both concern about are age and how time will affect us.i think iam on the same boat ride as you.then I think people get divorced everyday people fall in love people find there soul mates at different times of there lives just the other I read an article about this 92 year old women getting married for the first time.If you feel he is your soulmate and your willing to wait then wait.If you feel like you can't then simply move on.I know it gets hard waiting.there are times I cry and have a messed up day and I need him by my side.then I start to think that not only do I feel lonely so does he he misses and loves me just as much and it makes me feel a Lil better.I'm still figuring out what to do so good luck to you and hope you have strong faith in God because you will need it.thank you have a good day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Move on very fast because even after 15 years if he's release he could end right back in prison. Don't be like the teacher, stay away from the prison sites, you do not want to get involved with a murdered
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): I can speak personally about this. 4 years ago, I was very lonely and in need of a new friendship, so I went on a prison pen-pal website. (No, I'm not crazy and no, I don't send him money). Also, I am a teacher, and was considering pursuing a career in the prison education system, so I thought writing back and forth and getting to know someone like the who I would be dealing with would be an interesting and beneficial experience for me.
I wrote to a man who lives halfway across the country from me.(I'm in the Midwest, he's on the East Coast). We got along great from the get-go, became friends through our letters, then began speaking on the phone a couple times per month, and before I knew it, I was head over heels in love with this man. (Still am). After a year and a half of corresponding and getting to know each other over the phone, I actually flew to Boston (where I had never been before) and visited him in prison. He is sentenced to 15 to life for a gang-related murder he committed when he was 18 years old (he has been in prison since 1994- he's 35 now). Seeing him just confirmed that all of my feelings were true, and not just some fantasy. So, our relationship continued for 3.5 years- I traveled to see him 4 more times, met (and stayed) with his family, we toyed with the idea of marriage, I almost moved there, etc.
But.... he does not have the privilege of a sentence with parole- so unless something miraculous occurs, he will be in there forever. I love him with all of my heart, and if he were to be released, I would marry him in a heartbeat. I will love him for the rest of my life.
But.... I have recently come to the conclusion that I can no longer forfeit my hopes and dreams, regardless of how much I love this man. I'm at the age when it's really time to start thinking about settling down, having kids, etc.
So, my advice to you is to do what is best for YOU. Don't give up all the things you want in life for this man (or anyone else, for that matter). I recently began a relationship here with a man I can have a realistic future with (if all goes well).
I know how you feel, so I don't think this is easy as black and white. Stand by your man (for awhile at least). After all, you do love him, right? Maybe you two can work out something where you can date on the outside, but still maintain some sort of relationship. It's a tough decision you have to make...you just have to do some soul-searching and do what's right for you. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): He must have done something very serious to be sentenced to 15 years to life ...First question, why are you wasting your life with a criminal?Second question, why would you even consider continuing to waste your life on a criminal?You will be AT LEAST 56 years old before he gets out of prison - you cannot put your life on hold waiting for someone who has (and let's be completely honest here) very little chance of building a life when (or if) he is released.Do you think for a moment a criminal considers the people around him, those who care about him, before he (or she) commits a crime?The only sensible thing you can do - if you want to have a meaningful, worthwhile life - is to cut all ties with this man and move on. In fact, moving on, to somewhere completely new is probably a very good idea.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): Whatever he has done must be awful for him to be jailed for that length of time. Do you really want to waste your life waiting for him? He committed a crime so his life is down the pan but don't let yours go that way either.
15 years is the minimum time, so for 15 years you'll be sat alone every night waiting for him. Then when he leaves prison what will happen then? He won't be the same man he went in as (which can't be that great if he's facing life in prison) because he would have spent 15 years behind bars and many convicts cannot adjust to normal life once again, he could come out and do you head in and be unbearable to live with and you would have lost chances to live your own fulfilling life.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but you must think of yourself, you deserve better than a criminal xx
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female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (29 March 2012):
Putting aside emotions, ask yourself this: Do you want to spend a good chunk of your life (if not all) being alone? Think of every holiday, event, crisis that will occur and you will have to deal with it alone...when you are sad and need a hug, he won't be there. When you go to sleep at night, he won't be there. You will get limited visits, phone calls, and letters. Unless you are a very very strong person, you will feel very lonely and detatched. Can you handle it? Most people can't. I'm in a long distance relationship and I know how very tough that is, but I know it won't be 15+ years and I have far more access than you will have to him. Is he worth it? Ask yourself if you really want to always be alone. No offense, but you aren't a teenager and life can be so very short. Is he worth putting yourself on the shelf for possibly the rest of your life? For me, the answer would be no. I am sorry for your pain. I hope you do come up with the answer that can make you happy.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 March 2012):
If he got that heavy a sentence he must have done something quite bad. Since he has shown no regard for the consequences of his actions (if he had he wouldn't have done what he did and you would not be facing this) it would be in your best interest to leave him. You gain absolutely nothing by waiting for him. If he had cherished what you two had he wouldn't be in this predicament.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 Well you have to make a choice - do you want to stand by and wait for him, if he ever gets out? Or do you not want to spend the rest of your life waiting, therefore you have to leave him?
If you stand by him then of course it will be hard, there is the possiblity if he gets life then he will never get out of prison and you will be alone on the outside for the rest of your life. You may get to visit him, but you will have to accept that you will only see him infrequently and that your relationship will not be able to continue in the way you had hoped. But if you love him and cant be without him, then this is your only option I guess. You will have to learn to appreciate the small amount of time you get with him, and communicate through letters.
The other option is to end the relationship, and yes I know that would be hard too but do you really want to spend the rest of your life waiting? I personally look at it this way - your boyfriend obviously comitted a serious crime, and when he did this he wasnt thinking about you, he couldnt care less about you otherwise he wouldnt have done the crime. To me, if he loved you and cared about you he would have never jeapoardized the relationship by doing something as stupid as comitting a serious crime. At the end of the day, if you do the crime you do the time, and that is the way the law works. If he cared about anyone other than himself he wouldnt be a criminal. Simple as that.
If I were you I woudlnt wait around for him, because a) he has shown how he really feels about you (he doesnt care) and b) I wouldnt want to be in a relationship with a criminal.
But it is your choice - if waiting is the only thing you are willing to do then you are going to have to learn to deal with the separation and get used to writing letters and seeing him maybe once a week if you are lucky. You will get used to it in time, I'm sure right now you are in shock and you cannot think straight but eventually that will wear off and you will learn to cope.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (29 March 2012):
 This one is easy. MOVE ON. There's nothing you can expect from a guy locked up for the rest of his life. . .or even most of it. You would most likely be in your sixties if he was to get out in fifteen years. Do you really want to waste such precious time waiting for a guy?
You have to look out for yourself. You're boyfriend wasn't thinking of the consequences or even being without you if/when he got caught. I don't know the the details of his crime but one thing remains clear. Move on with your life. There's nothing else you can do.
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