A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need to have an opinion from you aunts about this married man i am seeing. Please i don't want any You shouldn't be doing this comments.i have been in this relationship with him for longer than i care to remember we are both mature age and i'm single,well he sees me when ever he can maybe one or twice a week we talk everyday and text everyday also without fail.the thing is i'm never quite sure how he really feels about me, he tells me often how much he misses me and loves my company we don't always have sex when we see each other he confides everything to me and we can sit and talk about just about anything, i have never felt more at ease with anyone like i do with him and he feels the same with me,and yes when we do have sex it's the greatest,everything seems just perfect except for the fact he is married and has been for 40yrs.i just wonder if he loves me we have been together in this affair for so long,and it's so good between us and no i would never ask him or expect him to leave his wife.i do love him very much.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Why in the world do you think so little of yourself that you would settle for a man who belongs to someone else and has cheated on that person....even if he did leave his wife for you...you do realize he would eventually cheat on you when things got too boring....don't you get it? Men cheat because of their low self esteem and the inability to work on their relationship/marriage to make it better, so instead they take the easy selfish route, go out to find satisfaction from someone they can walk away from when they are done getting what they need from you.
Seriously, what does it matter....you either live with what you have or end it, and go find someone that doesn't have to be a secret, someone you can see every day and to grow old together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): What exactly is your question?Of course u don't want him to leave his wife: if u do then u will wake up from your slumber: u then will realise that if given a choice he won't leave her for you! U are actually too scared to give him this ultimatum so therefore u don't dare suggest it: therefore u are satisfied with the pittance that he throws your way.U may think that u have the ideal life: sex and companionship and then he goes to his boring life with his wife, kids, grandkids? Oh honey, boring or not: he's not giving that up for anyone, not even for you! U are so used to being second best all these years that it has become the norm. You have accepted the second best position and u think u have won the jackpot. Perhaps it time to remove your blinkers and see this man for who he really is: are u the only mistress he has? Are u sure? Where is he on the 5 days that u don't see him? With his wife or another mistress. Hun his wife is not the clueless one: u are!!! You waste your life waiting for this married man 1or 2 days a week and then its pining away for the next few days until u see him again.Why does he come back: bec it is convenient FOR HIM. This old geyser is milking it right now . Plus he is not accountable to you. He comes and goes as he pleases. You seem lonely. Are u? Is this why u have opted to be a mistress?You say u are single: any kids or grandkids to take care of u if u have a health issue, an accident? Or will u hope that he will pop by to see you? As u say u are mature: so death is a reality: if something should happen to u, do u trust this married man to honour you? Or are u just a big secret, to be kept away from the world. So the question is this: are u happy being part of the underworld, not acknowledged at all. Are u happy being alone for 5 or 6 days a week? Are u happy investing in a man who only cares for himself? Does this man love u: hell No. He is a user! LoveGirl [Mod note to LoveGirl: you may have missed a post to you pointing out that your posts would have more likelihood of being posted if you didn't use text/chat abbreviations such as using the letter 'u' instead of the full word 'you'. This post is being put through because it has some insight and helpful advice for the poster.]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): What exactly is your question?Of course u don't want him to leave his wife: if u do then u will wake up from your slumber: u then will realise that if given a choice he won't leave her for you! U are actually too scared to give him this ultimatum so therefore u don't dare suggest it: therefore u are satisfied with the pittance that he throws your way.U may think that u have the ideal life: sex and companionship and then he goes to his boring life with his wife, kids, grandkids? Oh honey, boring or not: he's not giving that up for anyone, not even for you! U are so used to being second best all these years that it has become the norm. You have accepted the second best position and u think u have won the jackpot. Perhaps it time to remove your blinkers and see this man for who he really is: are u the only mistress he has? Are u sure? Where is he on the 5 days that u don't see him? With his wife or another mistress. Hun his wife is not the clueless one: u are!!! You waste your life waiting for this married man 1or 2 days a week and then its pining away for the next few days until u see him again.Why does he come back: bec it is convenient FOR HIM. This old geyser is milking it right now . Plus he is not accountable to you. He comes and goes as he pleases. You seem lonely. Are u? Is this why u have opted to be a mistress?You say u are single: any kids or grandkids to take care of u if u have a health issue, an accident? Or will u hope that he will pop by to see you? As u say u are mature: so death is a reality: if something should happen to u, do u trust this married man to honour you? Or are u just a big secret, to be kept away from the world. So the question is this: are u happy being part of the underworld, not acknowledged at all. Are u happy being alone for 5 or 6 days a week? Are u happy investing in a man who only cares for himself? Does this man love u: hell No. He is a user! LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 I am with Honeypie on this - why does it matter? He is not leaving his wife, you are just the woman on the side, so how he feels is irrelevant. This is not a relationship, this has never had any future, you are simply the other woman and will never be anything more than that.
Quite simply if he truly loved you, and you were the only person in his life that he felt that strongly about - he would have left his wife a long time ago.
However he is still married, so clearly his feelings for his wife are stronger than his feelings for you, otherwise he wouldnt be with her. Simple as that.
I'm not going to comment on how wrong this is, you already know that. But what I am going to say is this - are you happy to settle for being the other woman? Are you really sure you want to give your love to a man who loves someone else more than he loves you? Are you 100% happy sharing your man with another woman?
All I wonder is why you have so little self respect that you allow yourself to be the woman on the side. He is using you for whatever he doesnt get from his wife, why are you ok with that? Dont you want more? Dont you want a man that really loves you and wants to only be with you?
I know I personally could never allow myself to be someone's bit on the side, because I want a man that wants me, only me. I would hate the idea that the man I love is going home to another woman, having sex with her, playing happy families with her....that would disgust me knowing I had sex with a man who is having sex with another woman too.
What would be worse for me would be the knowledge that I am happily partaking in the destruction of a marriage. I believe marriage is sacred, and when you take those vows that is it for life. I would never be comfortable knowing how much I am hurting another human being (after all, his wife of 40 years would be devastated if she knew about this) - I simply am not selfish and cold-hearted enough to hurt someone else like that.
It is your choice, and if you want to be used and are happy to hurt other people then fine, go ahead. But dont ever expect anything of this man, because he is just using you and you will never be more than the bit on the side.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Sweetie, I have been in your situation before, (a few times actually) and I will NEVER again be involved with a married man. He will tell you that he loves you ONLY to keep you around. He is craving the exciting sex with you as opposed to the boring that he has with his wife. He wants his cake and eats it too. Aka: The best of both worlds. He will never leave his wife for you... Hopefully you will learn your lesson one day as I eventually did. Life is a lot nicer now having my OWN boyfriend that wants to marry me. ;)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 April 2012):
 Wow, all I can say is... does it really matter?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2012):
 IF he loved you he would have left his wife for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Sorry added before I was finished.
My point is it's very easy for us guys to be affectionate with girls we're having sex with without any feelings for them, we're just being nice.
For some reason women like you prefer to sit and wonder, put all these little signs together and assume love, when all you have to do is ask and we'll tell you how we feel. Feelings are very easy to gauge when asked, anything other than "I love you" means he doesn't. "I really care for you" "I love being with you" "I adore you" they mean I like you but I'm not in love with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Why don't you just ask him? Nobody except him can tell you how he feels OP.
Don't expect to mean much more to him than just being his easy bit on the side though, if he loved you then he'd be with you now and not still married.
OP women very often get confused by how we act with them. I've had a few sex buddies, I didn't love them at all but I confided in them, I complimented them, slept with them, spent the whole day watching movies and cuddling with them, texting every day, going out for drinks and having dates but at the end of the day that was just me being nice, feeling free to be cozy with the woman I'm boning and also keeping her sweet. I respected and got on very well with these women and I even had a lot of affection for them but was no way in love with them, otherwise I wouldn't have settled for only being their fuck buddy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): It sounds like you know deep down that he doesn't. If you truly love, you truly respect and truly admire. Does it sound like he has respect and admiration for you when he is obviously sneaking around and being deceitful? Not just to you but to a woman with whom he took vows and promised to be faithful. My father was a serial cheater and because of the hurt and pain I saw it cause I would never engage in cheating of any kind. If he has been that unhappy, or not getting what he has needed at home, why has he put himself through it for forty odd years! He needs to grow a pair of balls and make up his mind who he really loves because he's playing you and his wife for fools.
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