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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Having a baby and balancing that with establishing a career?
Q. I'm feeling really conflicted about whether to have a baby now or to wait. I'm going to be 26 this year, and my husband will be 27. I went back to school for nursing and will be done in about 4 months. One part of me wants to wait and get settled ...
A. 26 March 2012: Getting pregnant whilst you are still at school is a bad idea, even if it is just 4 months left - imagine if you got pregnant immediately, then you would end up with 3 months of morning sickness, tiredness and all the joys of early pregancy to deal ... (read in full...)
Can my ex get partial custody of my son? I don't want him around my child
Q. Im not with my babys dad and hes not on the birth certificate. I actually dont know if its my ex boyfriend of 3 years or the guy I lost my virginity to but we are getting DNA tests done. I swore it was my boyfriends of 3 years. But now hes starting ...
A. 26 March 2012: Well if the DNA test comes back and it is his child, then technically he has the rights to see the child because he is the father.
But, if it is proven that he does drugs, drinks and is in and out of jail, chances are he wont be allowed to be al... (read in full...)
We're struggling to just remain friends
Q. i fell in love with my best friend and she has feelings for me to but shes engaged and has a 2 year old.shes 21 years old and i'm 35.we hang out all day every day and we talk about everything.she told me she had feelings but the next day she said ...
A. 26 March 2012: This is going to turn into a big mess I'm afraid.
She cannot keep you as a friend who she spends all her time with, yet expect her boyfriend to just accept that and for their relationship to work out. If she has come clean to the boyfrien... (read in full...)
I think we're 3 or 4th cousins, should we just date?
Q. Okay, I've met a female that I find to be heaven sent and she has made it evident that she feels the same way about me. The problem is that we both have recently discovered that we have some kin in common. Apparently her Grandfather is my ...
A. 26 March 2012: I'm no expert in tracing family history so I cant confirm if you are 3rd/4th cousins etc. Yes you are related, but it is a very distant relation and nothing to be concerned about.
If it is more distant than 2nd cousins then I honestly dont thi... (read in full...)
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend
Q. Ok, so let me ask this to the ladies. If you've gone out with a guy a few times and you're really starting to like him quite a bit, and THEN you ask about his previous relationships and he's honest with you and tells you he's never had a girlfriend ...
A. 22 March 2012: Well I dated a guy who was 29, and he had only had one 'girlfriend', and whether you could claim it was a girlfriend or not is another debate. To me she wasnt a girlfriend - she used him when she was lonely for sex and treated him like crap, she ... (read in full...)
I want to convince my guy to go on a trip. Should I?
Q. i'm going to try to make this long story short: -fell in love with a guy, been talking for 4 months (still new) -parents don't like that he didn't go to college -just found out he has anger problems sometimes, controlling, and insecur...
A. 22 March 2012: I'm not sure I quite understand - have you actually broken up and you want your now ex boyfriend to go on a trip with you?
There is no way he should go on this trip with you, that would be far too painful for him and it will be like you are dang... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she is in love with me but is not physically attracted to me!
Q. Hello everyone I'm not sure how common is this question but can you be in love with someone and yet have no physical attraction to your partner? I ask this because that's what my girlfriend says about me. I know I'm not the greatest looking guy...
A. 22 March 2012: Sorry but no, it is not possible to have REAL love for someone but not be attracted to them.
If your girlfriend claims to love you then she doesnt know what love is, because love goes hand in hand with physical attraction, sexual desire, lust, pa... (read in full...)
How do I ask him if he'd like to live with me?
Q. How do ask my boyfriend if he wants to live with me? We have been going out for 9 months now. I have been for the past month spending 75% of my time at his place, and he is making a lot more effort for me like meeting my friends,cooking for me, ...
A. 22 March 2012: Asking him is a bad idea, but talking to him about the future and living together one-day is fine.
Say something like this:
"I have really enjoyed spending so much time with you recently, it is great that we are getting on so well and I am rou... (read in full...)
Confused by his behaviour.....
Q. about a month ago, while in town with a friend of mine, we ran into one of her guys friends. He was much younger than her, and not exactly what I had expected when she talke about him, but that's sort of beside the point. I could tell right away ...
A. 21 March 2012: I dont know what you are confused about, he likes your friend and you are all well aware of that!
He sounds like a naturally flirty guy, and he has some guts because he is willing to openly flirt with your friend in front of her boyfrien... (read in full...)
Time for friends.....
Q. Hi, I'm wondering how you strike a good balance of sharing space and friends with your partner. I've been with my boyfriend about 9 months. I don't really mind inviting him out when its a group of people, and its an easy get together. I feel...
A. 20 March 2012: God you are really over-thinking this. He is giving you a perfectly good reason and you are just picking at nothing, you really need to work on your trust issues because this is bordering on obessive.
At the end of the day he was going out with... (read in full...)
Dumping a guy over pornography use?
Q. Has anyone here ever dumped anyone over pornography use? How bad was it? I want to find a man who doesn't use it so I can feel special for once....
A. 20 March 2012: I've never dumped a guy over pornography, I personally have no problem with a man using it unless it got to the point where he chose pornography over sex.
However let me just tell you this - if you think you will meet a man that NEVER uses it,... (read in full...)
At what age do you think should people think of getting married and having children?
Q. What age do you think is people should start having a family? I have a 25 year old daughter, who is very accomplished, smart, beatifull, full of life....and doesn't want even to think of getting married and have children just yet. She is still s...
A. 20 March 2012: I am 25, and have been with my boyfriend who is nearly 29, for just over 6 months now. I work full time and have no plans to start a family any time soon.
Why? Well I havent known my boyfriend long enough (just like your daughter hasnt known he... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to ask for a smear test?
Q. I have been experiencing bleeding after intercourse, black blood occasionally through the day, weight loss, pain when having sex, pain when passing urine and don't even mention my bowel habits! I have been going to the doctors for about 18 months n...
A. 20 March 2012: In the UK smear tests are only available for women aged 25+. This is because the medical council in the UK still believe that women under 25 tend to have abnormal cells anyway, so when the results of a smear test come back they would be skewed ... (read in full...)
Does he love me or is he obsessed with me?
Q. So this guy has wanted to be with me for a very long time and finally had the chance to make his move. We have many things in common. We've always got along very well. We've been seeing each other for about a month and we've said just about ...
A. 19 March 2012: I think it is a little bit of everything you have said in your post - but I genuinely dont think he is obsessed with you or posessive.
You have said he is a hopless romantic, so what you are mistaking for posessiveness/obessiveness is actually... (read in full...)
Relationship at a cross roads, should I move to another country to be with him, or just let it go?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly five years. I am 29, he is 26. We were friends before we started dating for two years. After three years of living together, my boyfriend got an offer to finish his PhD in another country. At firs...
A. 19 March 2012: I dont think you need to do either - you are not having any real problems in your relationship so there is no need to end it, and again there is nothing to 'fight' for as that would imply you are struggling to hold onto something that is going ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is too friendly with girls on Facebook!
Q. My husband gets on Facebook and Ive noticed he's being a little to friendly to the girls. And I'm getting worried should I talk to him the demand access. To his page or keep sneaking on waiting for when he might mess up ive even thought about making ...
A. 19 March 2012: I think you need to talk to him when he gets home (not while he is at work) and explain that you have seen these messages and you are unahppy with his behaviour. There is no point in playing games by setting up an account and doing the same to him, ... (read in full...)
What does all of this treatment with an ex mean?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a total of three years, in this space of time we have broken up twice because I have been unhappy. We started out pretty bad- He went out with someone else when we were on a break and then led her on for another 4 ...
A. 19 March 2012: Gosh you really do have self-esteem problems dont you? Because 99.9% of the population would NEVER in a million years take an ex back after what he did, let alone put up with the way he is treating you now.
You can fall in love more than once. Yo... (read in full...)
How can I get pregnant faster?
Q. I got my first depo shot in December, it is now march, therefor I should be coming off of the depo. I want to conceive but I have read that it takes months or even years to become pregnant. So I would like to know if I have had Only one shot and I ...
A. 19 March 2012: Using contraceptives does not make you infertile, it just means it changes the hormones within your body to stop you getting pregnant. So once you stop using contraceptives, eventually those hormones will go back to normal and you will be able to ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with him when I turn 18? or wait?
Q. Hey there, I'm in need of some advice. I'll be 18 in June. Don't let that deceive you I'm a very put together kind of girl. I would say I'm very mature for my age but how many times do you hear teens say that? Anyways, I'm with this guy, shoc...
A. 19 March 2012: OK well you have only been together as a couple 6 months, regardless of how long you have known him being in a relationship is very different to just 'knowing' someone. So in that respect it is WAY too soon to be moving in, you are rushing this and ... (read in full...)
I have no idea how to attract girls! Help!
Q. I have been terrible at attracting women for my entire life. I have been on a sympathy date and have no other experience. Frankly, any woman who has shown attraction to me has rebuffed it once I open my mouth (or in some cases, fail to find anything ...
A. 16 March 2012: 1. How do you act charming without being needy? Dont act charming for a start!! Acting like anything that isnt natural is not a good idea, it just sets you up for a fall.
2. How do you approach a girl in a club or bar? Wait until she goes to buy ... (read in full...)
Is it just for sex or is there something more?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for several months and was casual dating but i have began to fall for him. I know he is still seeing other girls and i am seeing other guys but its him i want i dont know whether to talk to him or not since i know he is a ...
A. 16 March 2012: Well if he is a player then so are you! You are dating other people, he is dating other people - you are both as bad as each other!
The general rule is that if you like a guy and want him to take you seriously a girlfriend potential then NEVER ha... (read in full...)
When do you give up on wanting to be in a relationship?
Q. Hey to you all :) I have a question?? When do you give up wanting to be in a relationship? I'm almost 21 and I have NO luck with guys. Yeah I know I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me and blah blah blah lol! But when I tell you I can't fi...
A. 16 March 2012: First things first - you have said there is 'not 1 guy that wants a relationship' with you. Well thats a lie - your FWB wanted a relationship but you said no!!! So clearly men like you and want relationships with you, it is just your standard that ... (read in full...)
I really messed up my ex with our breakup. I don't know if I want him back
Q. Im a high school student and my ex boyfriend is a freshman in college. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. On October of 2011 I broke up with him because I was starting to have feelings for this other guy and I was afraid I would cheat ...
A. 16 March 2012: I dont think either of these 2 guys are right for you so the best thing you can do is break up with your current boyfriend and take some time out from relationships.
You fell for someone else while you were with your ex, so clearly when you were... (read in full...)
Without being engaged, does that mean that the long-term feelings aren't there?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, and one of my friends asked me why I wasn't planning on getting married with him anytime soon. I told her I wasn't ready to get married necessarily anytime soon, but she then asked why I wasn't ...
A. 15 March 2012: You have not been together long enough to get engaged! If you are going to spend a lifetime together you need to spend at least a couple of years really getting to know each other to ensure you are perfect for each other.
Ignore your friend, ... (read in full...)
Bf and I work together on the same floor and I'm going insane thinking that he might like his attractive PA more than he likes me
Q. don't know what's happening to me lately, I have got really jealous and insecure and it's really starting to get me down as I seem to be constantly upset over something, if its not one girl its another. I work in the same company as my boyfriend ...
A. 15 March 2012: I think you need to try counselling/therapy I'm afraid. It sounds to me like you have self-esteem issues that are causing your insecurities, only a professional can help you with that I'm afraid.
Try googling 'low self esteem and insecuri... (read in full...)
Rather than dealing with our problems, at the first sign of trouble she goes straight onto dating sites!
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 years now. It appears that every time there is a problem or I am not up to scratch, that instead of telling me what I have done or not done, she goes on date sites and talks to men. For the last year I have been ...
A. 15 March 2012: I think she is on there whenever you have problems because she is looking for her Plan B. Basically she is thinking "well this isnt working so I best start looking for my next man".
It is a horrible thing to do, she has no ability to communic... (read in full...)
Life's been rough to me but that's no excuse for what I do!
Q. I'm such a horrible person Don't know where to start, I just want to stop feeling guilty and be normal. Please help me be a nice, decent person. I steal money from my mum to buy cigarettes and go out partying and I stole money from my friend the...
A. 14 March 2012: There are lots of things you can do, but all of them are really tough and are going to take a lot of determination. Are you ready to change your life? Are you ready to get help? Unless you are 100% ready and willing to make these changes then there ... (read in full...)
Why did he delete me as a friend on Facebook when I got engaged? I want my friend back!
Q. Hi. I have been great friends (with a guy) for 13 year. We almost got together once when I was eighteen, but I decided against it because I didnt want to lose a friend if anything went wrong. He's in the navy but whenever he's back we would get ...
A. 14 March 2012: Of course you can have friends other than your fiance, and it is no problem that they are male.
However when a male friend (who you have had a rather close history with) who has feelings for you ends the friendship, then you shouldnt fight to... (read in full...)
His actions are confusing me, am I a booty call, or something more?
Q. Hey guys, I'm 18, currently a new uni student. A couple of weeks ago (at uni orientation week), I met this guy on a bus (with another friend of mine) back from town, who also lived on campus. We all talked quite a bit on the trip back and decided ...
A. 14 March 2012: As the other answers have said; he is confused and doesnt know what he wants. He likes you, but part of him wants to be single so that will be why he treats you like a FWB at times.
You are new at college so it is going to be hard for anyone t... (read in full...)
Why was I everything to him one minute, and forgotten the next?
Q. my boyfriend told me he was in love with me. After three weeks he sent roses to my house, met my family, made a big fuss over me. A month later told me he didn't think we were on the same page. we broke up, but still talked and saw each other un...
A. 14 March 2012: Worldywise is right - he was probably trying to make his ex jealous, or you were a rebound in his attempt to get over his ex, but when the ex was interested again he jumped at the chance to be with her.
I'm sorry for what happened to you, tha... (read in full...)
He asked to be my FWB, I turned him down because I want a relationship, then he claims to have feelings for his ex wife but got upset when he saw me kiss another man! What is going on?
Q. Hi everyone this is the situation, I met a man a year ago today, he had split from him wife nearly two year before we met. we agreed to take things slow then he asked me if we could be fwbs to which I told him no I want a proper relationship with ...
A. 14 March 2012: Ever heard of the phrase 'have your cake and eat it'? Well that's exactly what this man wants! He wants you for a FWB i.e. no strings sex, however doesnt want a relationship - yet he doesnt want any other man to have you either. He wants to have his ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and confused about my sexual orientation
Q. Hello, I'm 13 and I am really not sure about my sexuality. I have had many dreams about having sex with women, eventually one ending in a wet dream. But I keep on thinking about kissing the boy I'm sitting next too, but then I shudder. I try to look ...
A. 14 March 2012: Well if you are not at all attracted to men, then I would say the signs are pointing to you being straight!
I'm 99.9% certain you are not gay, there is a chance you might be bi-sexual but that will become clearer in time as you grow older and matu... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and confused about my sexual orientation
Q. Hello, I'm 13 and I am really not sure about my sexuality. I have had many dreams about having sex with women, eventually one ending in a wet dream. But I keep on thinking about kissing the boy I'm sitting next too, but then I shudder. I try to look ...
A. 13 March 2012: I think you are bi-sexual, however you are too young to define your sexuality just yet so dont worry too much.
A lot of young teenagers like yourself have feelings for both men and women, and can easily be turned on by both. This may mean tha... (read in full...)
Why did he delete me as a friend on Facebook when I got engaged? I want my friend back!
Q. Hi. I have been great friends (with a guy) for 13 year. We almost got together once when I was eighteen, but I decided against it because I didnt want to lose a friend if anything went wrong. He's in the navy but whenever he's back we would get ...
A. 13 March 2012: Because obviously he has feelings for you and is upset that you are engaged.
Perhaps he thought one day you would be together, so now you have got engaged it has finally dawned on him how he really felt about you and it hurts him that you love... (read in full...)
Abrupt communication cut off with the married woman I love, should I use someone to talk to her seen as she is ignoring me?
Q. I'm a lesbian who had a mutual understanding relationship with a married woman - nothing intimate, we just go out and have dinner. We'd keep in touch through a famous social network, usually through private messages. I usually joke a lot and in our ...
A. 13 March 2012: Look, she is married and you should have known from the start there is no future in this. Yes it hurts when the person you love doesnt want you in their life anymore, but you have opened yourself up to this scenario as you got involved with a ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with him when I turn 18? or wait?
Q. Hey there, I'm in need of some advice. I'll be 18 in June. Don't let that deceive you I'm a very put together kind of girl. I would say I'm very mature for my age but how many times do you hear teens say that? Anyways, I'm with this guy, shoc...
A. 12 March 2012: I think more information is needed here.
1. How long have you been together? Quite sometime isnt really helpful
2. Have you discussed the future i.e. marriage, kids etc?
3. Are you still at school/going to college etc? Or do you work?
4. Does y... (read in full...)
My current boyfriend wants me to delete FB pictures of my ex and I! Should I do this or not?
Q. My boyfriend feels uncomfortable seeing videos and just a handful of pics on my Facebook page of my ex boyfriend, it's vids and pictures of him and a few if my friends hanging out and normal pictures of me and him.. He's asked me previous times to ...
A. 12 March 2012: No he is not controlling, he is being perfectly reasonable. When you move on from an ex you shouldnt have pictures of you two on Facebook for the world to see, that is rubbing it in your boyfriend's face and will make him feel like you are holiding ... (read in full...)
In a breakup why do people take the cheaters side?
Q. I was watching George Clooney's The Descendants the other day. The movie is about a character that doesn't know his wife was cheating on him. Everyone knew and didn't tell him. He never treated the wife bad or cheated on her. She screwed him over ...
A. 12 March 2012: Sorry if you thought I had insulted you, I have re-read my post and cant see where I could have insulted you but if I have I apologize.
And as my post said, because you are an anonymous poster we cannot find your other posts, unless we have hou... (read in full...)
In a breakup why do people take the cheaters side?
Q. I was watching George Clooney's The Descendants the other day. The movie is about a character that doesn't know his wife was cheating on him. Everyone knew and didn't tell him. He never treated the wife bad or cheated on her. She screwed him over ...
A. 12 March 2012: I've NEVER heard of a real life situation where a single person has taken the cheaters side. As Mystiquek said, when you search this site for 'cheating' or something similar you will find a whole host of rather harsh responses to the person who is ... (read in full...)
What is too much when it comes to checking up on your man?
Q. Ladies: do you check up on your man? If so, how much and to what extent? I'm asking because I'm wondering what is "normal" when you are in an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship like I am. Do you check his cell phone every once in awhile? ...
A. 12 March 2012: I have NEVER checked up on my boyfriend. Ever. In fact I have never checked up on any of my ex's either. I would be very worried if I felt like I had to check up on him, because clearly the trust has gone - and without trust your relationship is ... (read in full...)
Is it bad if he doesn't get jealous?
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months never gets jealous, and I don't understand why. I ask him this everynow and then but I try not to get into it because i would rather him be un-jealous like then super crazy jealous. We have a very close relationship so I ...
A. 12 March 2012: No it is not bad at all, as you said it is better that he doesnt get jealous compared to a crazy jealous controlling boyfriend!
This is just part of his personality, he is not a jealous person and that is fine - you should love him for who he i... (read in full...)
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