A
female
age
41-50,
*nknown baby
writes:Dear Cupid, Me and my husband recently had a child and it has gotten to the point where he does not let me take the baby out, his mother is constantly telling the baby that she is her mother which is very annoying, just a few days ago while he was gone i got my things and left to my mothers house to live he tells me now he wats me back, and i am accepting to move back with hm but the only problem is his family wants an explanation of to why i left him and i am not sure i am making the right decision on going back to live with him because he hardly lets me see my family, what should i do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (24 December 2010):
 You dont owe his family any answer!!! And what is going on with his mom telling your baby that! Honestly talk to your husband and explain to him that you will not put up with him controling your life. You will visit your family whenever you chose to and you will take your baby out when you want to. And let him know you want his family(mom) to back off and stop being noisy. If he cant accept all of this and promise to abide by it then move on with your life. If he promising to make things better and doesnt, then you can always leave again.
A
male
reader, billrocket +, writes (24 December 2010):
i have a family member in your situation-except beatings where involed.her husband never changed-the third time she left-she was murdered by her husband.the controlimg person has to agree to stop controling all together.you have the right to share your baby with your family-if your husband dont agree ,he is not normal.will he agree to change.if he does-then give it a try-if he dont change his ways and his mom-good riddance.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (23 December 2010):
 I agree, you don't owe anyone any answers to why you left & came back and your husband should stand up in this regard. What goes on in your marriage is your business and nobody else's. As soon as you invite your families into the problems of your marriage, the more drama it creates.
Secondly, cut your mother in law a little bit of slack. Everyone knows that the baby isn't hers. Just let it go. She sort of sounds like a ditz that likes to egg you on, so don't buy into it. I've never heard of a kid who thought their grandmother was their mother (unless the kid was abandoned).
It does sound like your husband is mildly controlling. I am not sure what you mean by not allowing you take to your child out. Perhaps he is overly protective.
Raising a newborn is a tough job and it'll take some compromise. That's what marriage is all about. Also, when you walk out and go to your mother's house, you are in a sense walking out on your marriage. This isn't very healthy at all. If need be, sleep in other rooms, but when you walk out, you cease communication and you cease to work together as a team.
With the newborn, I suspect there is a lot of stress and adjustments going on in your household. I suggest huddling with your husband, and working things out as a team, rather than fighting / bickering. Either way, maintain your cool. Eventually things will work themselves out.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, swtyhr +, writes (23 December 2010):
You should talk this out before you move back, and if he is not willing to change then do not go back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): My life was the same exact way but I changed it by not going back right away if u do then he knows its not for real. U need to let his family also know that its none of there buisness why u left tell them its between u and your husband if they don't like it to bad that's 1 of your new rules he's not gonna change right away so anytime he makes a mistake u have to prove it to him your not ok w/it he's gonna do it little by little and test u be ready for it don't take any crap even if u don't feel like arguing w/him over something small let him know u r seriuos and u won't put up w/his bull shit or his moms before u go back u tell him everything that bothers u including what his mom does if he doesn't like it do not go back right away trust me!! U have to do this for your life my friend gave me this advice trust me it works. Now I'm head of my house hold I respect my hb now and he respects me waaaayyy more now he's not controlling anymore. It took sometime but u need to speak up and be tough your that babys mom not her stand up for your self. I lost the first 4 yrs of my 1st born child because he was soo attached to my mother inlaw he is 7 now I got his love back but those 4 yrs he used to want to be by her all the time and I was some stranger. Don't let this happen to u!! If u don't you will regret it in the future trust me. Good luck I realy hope everything works out for u.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 can your husband give you a reason as to WHY he wont let you take the baby out and can your husbands mother tell you WHY she is calling herself the baby's mother? i think you need to know these key pieces of information before you can decide whether to leave him or not. you need your husband to be on YOUR team rather than his mothrs too so if this is not the case then this is something else you need to consider.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): You don't owe anyone an explanation or answer as to why you decided to leave. You are a grown women and can't be reformed by another person all over again so you made the right choice to leave him. Control leads to violence and that wouldn't be cool for the baby. Ignore his mommy and others, she seems ignorant anyway!
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