A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 16 and a half and junior in high school. I'm a virgin and this fact hasnt really bothered me really. Now im finding out that alot of my friends are having sex or doing other sexual things with either their girl friends or random chicks. I seem to be the only one left out :(. I don't like the idea of giving in to peer pressure and I can't recall ever doing so but this one is bugging me. Now my goal is to get laid fast so Im not so left out. I know i feel stupid when i think about it sometimes. Then I start thinking all these thoughts like why am i still a virgin? Am I not very attractive? and so on... It's gotten to the point of like obsession. I started looking up avg size of penises to see if I was 'normal'. thankfully i was satisfied when I saw the average range and that doesnt bother me anymore. anyways i dont wanna have sex JUST so i can 'fit-in' but its annoying right now. whats wrong with me? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. Hearing all this advice has changed my perspective on things. I havn't talked about this with anyone, since it's too personal, but doing it online has helped me a lot. You guys are probably right too, most guys are exaggerating or lying about their sexual experiences. I feel much better now, thanks again!
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 January 2011):
 You're not the only one. There's a selection bias. Do you think the guys *not* getting laid are bragging about that? They're either keeping quiet, or pretending they have had sex. You should take anything you hear about an "out of school girlfriend" with a grain of salt.
Honestly, though, I did the same thing you're aiming to do - I banged the first girl who would let me just to get the V-card out of the way. Only one-night-stand I've ever had, or tried to have. And really, life was better after that; I was more confident with girls once the pressure was off. Maybe I could have relieved the pressure by just refusing to care about it, but that's not what I chose, and it worked for me.
I hate to say it, since I normally advocate waiting for real relationships, but if you think that will help you, go for it. But do it because it will make you more confident, not because you want to fit in. Maybe waiting for a real relationship would be better, who knows. People only ever get to see one of the options.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 I could have written this post back in the day. Something to keep in mind -- teenage guys *talk* big but what they say may not correlate with reality. In other words, there are a whole lot more virgins around you than the parking lot bullshit would suggest.
I don't think anyone could have made me believe this when I was 16, but I'll say it anyway. Bad sex -- sex with someone you don't care about, or where you're doing it waay sooner in the relationship than you should be -- isn't as good as masturbation, and leaves you feeling a lot more guilty. Sex with the right person at the right time in the right relationship can be fabulous. Sharing your first time under those circumstances is a priceless gift to yourself and to her.
I thought of my virginity as a curse to be disposed of as soon as I could. I've regretted it.
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reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 January 2011):
 I wouldn't sweat this and I think you are probably over reacting. The deal is, not every 16 year old in your school is having sex. And if you are a virgin years from now, it shows you stand on your principles and you aren't one of the herd.
Also look at the bright side: you are avoiding pregnancy, STDs, and girlfriend drama at this point. Just spend a few minutes perusing this site and see all the really bad things that happen to young teens that engage in this behavior.
Take it slow, and wait to find the right girl. Don't cheat yourself, your honor and your principles just to say you've done something. Later in life, I think you'll look back and truly regret it.
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female
reader, Lauren94  +, writes (8 January 2011):
nothings wrong with you, you just want to be part of the crowd, you dont wont people to think your weird, im 16 and i lost my virginity at 14, with someone who i dont speak to at all now, i wasnt ready and to be honest i cant really even remember it. Anyway the point is, you need to find someone you like, just dont do it for the sake of it, because if you use the girl then you could really hurt there feelings. i really admire people who have stayed a virgin til the consent age. and im sure the person you lose it too (hopefully a girlfriend) will appriecate it too.
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reader, Lilalu +, writes (8 January 2011):
Nothing is wrong with you! But please don't do anything you don't/ aren't ready to do! Chances are your friends are lying or exaggerating to sound cool. Young men are NOTORIOUS for doing that. Trust me, plenty of guys have claimed to have slept with me when all they did was hold my hand! Stay strong and be yourself. Your first time is supposed to special, not rushed. It doesn't seem important now, but trust me..it's something you'll remember forever so it should be with someone you love, or at the very least a very positive experience.
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reader, HurtandUnsure +, writes (8 January 2011):
 You're young, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't give in to peer pressure. I don't want to sound like a teacher er anything, but your the same age as my younger brother and I would be saying the same thing to him.Do you remember taking health and learning about STDs? The reason why STD's, and every other nasty thing under the sun are sky rocketing in statistics is because of peer pressure. When you have sex with one person, you have basically had sex with everyone they have ever had sex with. Gross thought huh? Lets say the girl you want to 'just lose it to', has lost it to 5 different guys, and one of those guys slept with a lady who did drugs, say the needle she shot herself up with was dirty and she contracted something. Everyone she's slept with, and those who they've slept with now have her disease. What Im getting at kid is this, sex is a scary idea at any age. I believe you should wait a little longer before deciding to fool around. And when you do make that decision, make sure the girl has been tested and she's someone worth losing your virginity to. Some people take pride in keeping their V card, those who do, appreciate those holding out for that special someone too. As for your friends, its none of their business what you do, or don't do. They may give you a hard time for not exploiting yourself, but they'll stop. And some will respect you for being a leader rather than a follower. When you graduate, chances are you won't see those kids again. The decision will always be yours, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. p.s. Sad as this sounds, please use a condom. Every guy thinks their pro at pulling out, until their girl gets knocked up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Hey man, I didn't lose mine until junior year in college. It's no rush, and some will argue that it's better later in life. Your first time is almost always guaranteed to be awkward, so I can understand wanting to get it out of the way, but at the same time, you don't want to rush it with someone you don't care about; that person may have special feelings for you, and you'll have used them.If you're in a relationship right now, just keep working on that; sex will come with time.If you're single, don't worry about it; You have most of your life ahead of you.If you still feel that you need to go out and do it ASAP, just make sure you're doing it right. Condom and all that jazz.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): You're sexually frustrated and dissatisfied with the fact that you're "left behind" in the world of sex.It's like the classic "If everyone jumped off a bridge..." etc etc etc.Don't give in to peer pressure. There are lots of virgins your age, and they're that way because of different circumstances. Some are religious views, some just haven't met someone they want to experience that with. Some are more career oriented and want a headstart on LIFE before dating. Some are scared of knocking someone up. And let's not forget the small percentage that are terrified of unleashing their inner sex-God.Generally speaking, there's probably nothing wrong with you at all. Have you dated a lot of girls? A couple? Have you gotten past the shy-barrier to ask any out? Do you have a steady girl? Do you WANT one? Meaningless less is there for a quick thrill, but if you decide to just give it up for the sake of having it gone... what if you regret that years down the road? Do you want your future self to be proud of the decisions you made as your own person, or do you want your future self to feel regret for caving in because "everyone was doing it!"? So what if your friends are having sex? Here's some food for thought: if your friends got some bitchin' STD's, would you want to run out and grab some too? :) no. On a more serious note, maybe try not THINKING about it so much. What are your goals for the future? College plans? Job plans?
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