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I have an online friend that I confide in rather than my boyfriend. Is this wrong?

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 December 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 May 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone ..

Please help me think....

Ok...I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We love each other. We like doing things together and spend 24 hours a day together coz we have the same Job and work at the same place and same office. The first year,second year...I told him everything that going on with me...like I can tell him everything ..then the third year came I found myself need some space and keep thing to myself...I am sure and can say that I still love him still but I just found out that I don't want to tell EVERY little,share with him that much anymore ..but we still going anywhere together and that doesn't bother me at all..I still feel the same as the first and second year...

I started spending time on the internet and got into this site a social site for making friends and musics..I love going there and listen to musics while I'm working and I told him about that too that I like that site coz they have all of my favorite songs and also making some new friends from everywhere it's so cool.

I made many online friends through that site and got a few that we always chit chat when we meet online...I met 2 guys who really get along and we always chat when we have time but I told them I don't want any relationship I made it clear and one of them wasn't looking for just friendship so he left and one still talking to me till today...

I can't believe myself that I told the guy on the internet about the stuff that I don't tell my boyfriend...is it wrong? and sometime I feel miss the guy online is it wrong? I don't know..I don't know how it start? I like him ..But I only want to be his friend! But I miss him and want to read his email everyday..is it wrong? I tried many time to stop going there But I couldn't do! I hate myself for doing that to my boy friend but I can't stop thinking about the other guy..why? am I a bad person? I gave my number to the guy from online but I never call him and NEVER answer his call...he was mad and stop calling but we still contacting by email and I guess he now just keep me as an online friends..but why can't I get over him?

Please give me some good advice what to do?

Thanks,

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A female reader, Ravenbeauty United States +, writes (10 May 2011):

Ok, yea, it is cheating. My now husband did the same thing to me when we first lived together. It was spillover online girlfriends from when he lived with his baby mama up north before he met me. Apparently the baby mama was physically cheating, and this was his comfort. Fine while he was in that messed up situation, not so much when he is with me. I put my foot down, and the online stuff stopped.

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (26 December 2010):

person12345 agony auntIf you and your boyfriend agreed to a monogamous relationship, this is an emotional affair as you are becoming more emotionally dependent on another man than your boyfriend. I'm sure your boyfriend would be devastated to find out, you should end it with your online boyfriend.

I agree with the below advice, you should figure out why you want to confide in another man. Are you happy in your current relationship? Do you trust your partner?

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A female reader, Tbosse South Africa +, writes (26 December 2010):

Tbosse agony auntDoes yo bf know that there's some1 you 'trust' more than him,that you can tell all what your bf doesnt have to know? Do you show your bf your back and forth emails for 'this online friend? Emotional affair: CHEATING.just stop it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010):

You are emotionally cheating on your boyfriend. Not cool...

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (26 December 2010):

birdynumnums agony aunt40-51? And you use the word coz? Me thinks this is not your age group...

Yeah - I pretty much agree - this is what you would call an emotional affair and it is cheating.

If the situation were reversed and YOU found out that your live-in boyfriend had been telling all his secrets to some on-line hottie and even gave her his phone number - Would YOU think he was a bad person?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 December 2010):

Honeypie agony auntI DO think it's wrong. It is what I would think falls under emotional cheating. You are sharing feeling and thoughts with a "stranger" that you REALLY should share with your BF. And you are becoming emotionally attached to the online guy..

I think you need to figure out WHY you don't talk to your BF about any and all issues. I get that certain topics are "easier" to talk over with a female friend, rather then a boyfriend, but...... when you start "craving" someone else attention and conversations you are stepping over a line. And you know this, otherwise you wouldn't ask your question.

Also I think you may need to step back from the online "friend" a bit.

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A male reader, eddie85 United States +, writes (26 December 2010):

eddie85 agony auntI am going to call this one the way I see it: yes you crossed the line so to speak when you gave this guy your phone number. At that point it became personal.

You sort of sent him the message that you were available.

Your best bet is to find a girlfriend to share your issues with (or dear Cupid)

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