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Lovesick for an old flame! Please help!

Tagged as: Cheating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 January 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, *irstlovesick writes:

I need advice on what will help as I've tried everything I can think of.

When I was 15, I fell in love with someone my age and we stayed/lived together for 5 years, even got engaged. He loved me alot, we did everything possible in bed and were inseperable.I am a beautiful girl and wondered if I was making big decisions too early in life.I broke up with him after much thought and moved out of the state deliberatley so I could get over him. My problem is that 10 years later I am still not over him. I married and the guy I married ended up divorcing me because he figured out I was still in love with my first boyfriend. I contacted my first boyfriend last summer and he is lovesick, too, over me, but he has a wife now. I will gladly be his mistress and lover I need advice quick thanks.

View related questions: broke up, engaged, fell in love, mistress, moved out

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (23 January 2008):

dearkelja agony auntI would caution you that sometimes we remember our past with blinders. There was a reason things didn't work out and maybe things would be different now but I truly believe we need to live in the present. It's too bad your marriage didn't work out because of the past.

I had my ex-boyfriend call me up 5 days before I was to get married. I wanted to call off the wedding and elope with him but I didn't. The whole marriage (which was to be a safe haven for my heart because it couldn't love again after what my ex did to me) was riddled with doubt about what if I had... The ex then contacted me after 10 years of marriage to see if I would leave my husband. No. After 15 years would I leave my husband for him. Thought longer, still no. After 20 years, I left my husband not for my ex, for me. The ex is now married and I wouldn't dream of ending his marriage. I'm just glad he was able to move on because I still love him after all these years. If you love your ex, you will leave him alone until he isn't married anymore.

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A female reader, honkifuluvnicole United States +, writes (22 January 2008):

honkifuluvnicole agony auntDont lower yourself to be his mistress.

That gives him complete control of your relationship.

Tell him that if he really wants something with you, then he needs to divorce his wife...its only fair.

Talk to him, figure out his situation.

Best of luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008):

tell him to leave his wfe. dont become his mistress, as then he'll have the best of both worlds and will never leave her, and you'll never be able to have a proper relationship. tell him u want to be with him properly and then its up to him to either leave his wife for you, or stay with her and loose you.

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