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What's the difference between "loving" and "being in love with" someone?

Tagged as: Love stories<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 August 2005) 52 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2008)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hi,

My partner and I had a discussion on 'just loving someone' and 'being in love'. He doesn't see a difference. He believes that when two people are in a relationship and they love each other then they are 'in love together'.

This came about coz I asked him if he loved me or was in love with me. I explained to him what I thought being in love was and he then said 'well with that rationale then I love you but am not in love with you'. Of course, I naturally became upset. Maybe I didn't describe it right because I believe it's just something you feel. I said that that person is everything to you and it's wow and amazing and you are really passionate about them.

He then said that he loves me so much and wants me so much. Can see us spending the rest of our lives together and loves being with me and has lots of passion for me. But I am not his everything. He doesn't need to spend every minute with me. But he loves spending as much time with me.

Maybe I didn't describe it right or maybe there is no way to describe it. He then went on to say that he just doesn't believe in being in love like I do. He also said if I am correct and he isn't in love with me then I need to be patient as he sees our love growing more and more every day My questions are 'What is being in love opposed to just loving?' and 'Can you grow from just love to being in love?'.

He also said that I expect too much too soon. Is that true? Is it fair to expect him to think like me? I mean what more could I want? He not only tells me wonderful things but he shows me every day in little ways how much he loves me. We both want a future together and planning buying a house etc...

This has really upset me but I am wondering if I am just being stupid. At the end of the day it's how they treat you, right? Thanks

View related questions: I love you

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A female reader, MishaEcho United States +, writes (15 July 2008):

you can love your best friend with all your heart and defend them whenever and risk your life for them, but it doesnt mean youre in love with them, does it?

you can do all that for a bf/gf and not be in love with them. you wont be in love until you truly know them, sure you can say you do, but you dont. you get to know someone a lot better after livin with them, thats when you get to see their flaws. things they do that might gross you out or things they do differently and that you dont agree with. when you learn to deal with those things and learn to maybe like them [or not] then youll experience being in love.

thats why i think its better to live together before gettin married and such. its probably one of the reasons why the first year of marriage is the hardest, havin to adapt their routines and such.

real love takes time. ^_^

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

my boyfriend is "in love" with me. I am not "in love" with him however I love him. I always felt that in any relationship one loves more deeply than the other but both can be committed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008):

I have read almost more than half of everyones answers and I feel that being in love with someone is very special. Like right now I am in love with my man but it don't get to the point to where he may come before my parents or loving him more than myself because inorder for me to be in love with him I have to love myself more because that feeling comes from me and I am loving being in love with him because he makes me feel great and makes me love me even more each day. Loving someone is suppose to be forever because that's what God wants us to do. When you truely love someone I feel that you are still in love requardless, because that's what keeps a relationship going. It takes the relationship to another level each time making it grow stronger the more you love this person the more in love you will be. It may not be that premature in love any more but that mature in love and that is what we all have because that keeps your love for that person in tack. Let's be real about all this, you could never fall out of love with a person as long as you have the two working together (in love and loving) I feel that when one fades the other will follow. In love is always there just not the same as when you were in factuated or obsessed over this person which is a big difference and the way that I read one answer it sounds to me it was more obsession than in love. In love is special and gentle. When you can watch your mate come in the door and all you could do is smile just to see him and just can't wait to lay beside him and hold him and it don't have to always be sexually means a lot to me. I can't do without neither one because it feels so good to me and I love giving them both to him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

Love is knowing what you want, that some is part of your soul, you see the good and the bad and know that it is what you want. Being "in love" is being afraid. It is having no power, knowing that you can lose it all. It is a feeling of vincibility, of being scared, being mad, losing what you have and what you want. It is a scary emotion. It can come and go during a relationship. When it goes true love will hold you over until it comes back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

Any of you who are wondering about this issue - you must read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is scientifically proven that the "in love" feelings we have do not last forever. At the beginning of the relationship we feel like we're in the clouds, totally swept away - actually, this is the infatuation stage - and is not love at all. We are "in love." Eventually (usually by 2 years), we fall from that stage a bit and start seeing our partner's flaws,etc. We still love our partner but don't feel those "highs" as regularly as we once had. Yes, it can be disappointing, but it also allows for deeper true love to develop. Personally, I think those high feelings start to fade in part because we are getting more comfortable with our partner and are getting to know them on a deeper level, where there is more trust. Trust me, if you accept this and open yourself up to the beautiful gifts that this true love stage of a relationship offers, then those magical "in love" feelings will return, and they will be more beautiful and more magical than ever, because you will both have experienced true love from each other. Good Luck! Don't be upset when those initial "in love" feelings of infatuation fade. What comes next is really the best part!!! Would love to hear anyone else's thoughts!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

To the women who are worried about this issue: I wouldn't worry one bit. Your boyfriends are showing you how much they love you. True love does not mean that you have to be with the other person EVERY MINUTE! Don't get wrapped up in the language. The fact that he loves you, loves spending time with you, and can see a future with you both sounds like true love! Be happy! He is probably just not thinking of the phrase "in love" the same way you are. Also, I agree with the answer that love is a choice. True love is not a feeling (although it may be motivated by in love feelings). True love is a choice in how we act. Again, don't get wrapped up in the words - it is merely semantics.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

I personally believe that when you love someone truely, deep down you will always love that person. An example being; me and my ex were together 5 years and have a son we loved each other deeply and although we had ups and downs and breaks from each other we always found our way back to each other. However we just couldnt live together and split, although he found a new girlfriend he still kept coming back to me while with her and said she never makes him feel the way i do. An easier example Ross and Racheal from friends. Now being in love is when you cant get enough of that person you want to be with them everyday usally most affective in first year of any relationship. You could easily stop being IN love with someone but if u truely Love someone then that last forever no matter what. This is just my view on it, i may be wrong but its what i feel about the subject.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

What you described sounds almost exactly like the conversation I had a few days ago. He told me he's not 100% sure if what we have is "lust" or love. When I asked if he was in love with me, he stumbled upon a delayed, 'I don't know". Then, a few minutes later he said, "When I fell in love with you...". After I became upset by his not being 100% sure, he told me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. He wants to spend more time together to know for sure. My question is do I wait it out and hope he can be sure someday, or am I expecting too much? I think there is a clear difference in how women and men feel, so maybe our words/thoughts just don't match right now. He also tells me that he doesn't think he can find anyone else to match or even come close to how he feels about me and thinks I am naive about finding someone who matches what I think I feel for him. Am I settling by staying with someone I can't be sure loves me as deeply as I love him, or am I living in a fairy tale world?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008):

!If you are with a perosn who just loves you is not enough!Has to be in love to make the relationship work.

"not being in love" means the person can live without you.

(this is my point of view)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008):

This is what my boyfriend told me. "Not only do I love you, but I am completely in love with you. And there is a difference. Being in love with someone means that you love that person more than you love yourself, and I love you more than I love myself. I'm not going to lie, I have loved before, but I have not been in love with someone."

So being in love indicates that person sees you as "the one", the one that he sees spending the rest of his life with, becoming his wife, and spending eternity with. When you confess to your partner that "you are in love with them" it is a huge deal. Like a stage before engagement because he is letting you know that there is no one else on earth that could make him happier than you, and there is no one else that he would want to marry.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

Hey

I really dont know why do we let our own inventions make us suffer. We created the statement "in love" and the word "love", and now we let the difference between the two become a source of suffering, vague as it may be.

I say do not do my mistake, and make a big deal out of it, it is just a word, if the man treats you right, cares about you, respects you, makes you smile, makes love to you, when you stand next to him you are proud, and will never cheat on you.....and you are the same to him....ignore the words, kiss him and live. Life I think is about laughter, and happiness, not words.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008):

I don't think there is a difference to everyone - and I don't think that everybody is capable of putting their significant other ahead of everything that they do or think. Also, there is an inherent danger in not having free thoughts or activities yourself.

If you are having doubts then they need to be addressed but also bear in mind that he may not use the same labels. In his head, being "in love" might be showing that you have no individual thoughts and want to devote your life to your partner. This may sound sensible to you, but he is male and therefore will think very differently. To him (as it would be to me) completely devoting your life to the pursuit of making someone else happy seems like a weakness. Yes, they should take up a large portion of your life, and you should want to do as much as possible with them but there is a line between that and spending every waking minute together.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

hey

There's a way I learned it myself

Yes i am dude i had same problem not understanding there was a difference, basically not knowin there was either.

this is the way i understood

love is a chose/decision you make

i know it sounds bad but

let me put it this way

it's more of a feelin but you choose that feeling by the way the person makes you feel

also this qouted from a website not sure which

" love verse in love

is like ocean verses being IN the ocean"

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007):

I don't know guys I'm very frustrated myself in life because I wanna figure this 1 out and I don't know if my thoughts on it are right. Ok "loving" someone is something really deep and strong and lasting. You care so much for that person and their welfare is one of the most vital things to you in the world.

[Deep breath] Now the "in love" bit: that's when every single thought you make evolves around that person. They dominate your mind without you even wanting them to. You get butterflies in your stomach and all nervous. You go completely ga ga. You can't wait to see them or speak to them. You hang by their every word. Sometimes this fire burns you up inside and you must see them or hear from them right there and then. When this happens you feel that if you don't kiss them right there and then your heart will explode. You hang out for them to say particular things and if they don't this flame within stings and makes your heart palpitate so fast you can't bear it. The list of symptoms continues. These to me are the main ones. The "in love" state is very intense and dangerous because it can make you do crazy stuff like leaving a former relationship and risking all. There is a strange magnet that draws you in and aches at your soul. And it gets that bad that you find yourself losing pride and doing things you considered ridiculous, even to the point of embarrassing yourself because you're controlled by passion and want for that person.

Love is precious but "in love" is much more exciting and makes life worth living. It is the ultimate adrenalin rush in my view. I might be wrong. And that's what annoys me!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007):

i've had three boyfriends in my 19 years of living all lasting more than 6 months.....i've never been in love but i've love them all...to be in love you have to know about a person been through ups and downs .... when you've seen a person at their worst and still look at them and say you love them then you're in love you have to see all sides of a person you can't be in love with a person when they're rich then out when they're poor...and love at first sight is bull

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

i think there is totally a difference between being in love and loving someone.. to be inlove is to feel so completed by that person.. they are in a sense your everything.. when you are around the room could disappear on command.. and its really great if that feeling is reciprocated.. loving someone means having genuine feels and appreciation for someone in your life.. i love people but not enough to be with them forrever and make a future.. i think you need to be inlove to last.. i think he loves you but the way you said things might be missleading.. if he sees a future and will stop at nothing to persue then you got a keeper!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

I ''love'' my dog, i'm not 'in love' with my dog! However i am 'in love' with my wife aswell as just loving her!

old joke:

wife asks: do you love me darling?

man replies: of course i do i'm f.....g you aren't i !!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):

From my own experience there is a huge difference between loving someone and being in love.

When I first laid eyes on my ex wife I fell in love with her instantly. It really was love at first sight. I didn't think she would be interested in me, but to my great surprise it turned out that she felt the same way about me. She was my life, my everything. We dated for 4 years and were married for 10 before she left. Although we were still in love, she felt that he life was drifting by and wanted more.

I was devastated when she left. After 6 months I'd begun to get my head straight and started dating again. I met someone, and over time love blossomed. We've been together for 9 years now. Although I love my partner, I'm not in love with her. What's worse, I still think about my ex every single day. I know that if she wanted me back I'd walk out the door tomorrow.

For me the difference is this. If I love someone I could break up with them and, although it would hurt at the time, I could get over them. If I'm in love with someone then that's it. They are so important to me, such an integral part of my existence that there's no way I would willingly leave them.

If one person in a relationship is "in love" while the other just "loves" then there is clearly a risk ...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007):

um,,,,,,,,,,ok your boyfriend is a pretty honest fella and i like it. it's true. what, is he some psychopath who is totally infatuated with you that he cannot do anything by himself, with himself or his friends? he's right. and i guess when all the passion and the highs love fade, then you love. and sometimes u may grow apart after realizing u really are not on the same page after the "in looove."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007):

Being (in love): (v) to be taken over by thoughts of someone. to have your schoolwork affected because of them. to doodle their initials all over everything. to think of them every second. they are your reason for taking that next breath. they seem to be your everything. they are the only person you ever want to talk to. and you'd do anything to be with them right this second. you dont feel like you talk about him half as much as you do because he is all that you think about. the smallest things remind you of him. you take mental notes on EVERYTHING about him. you'd rather sit on the phone in silence with him than talk for hours with someone else. he is the most beautiful person alive. he has flaws and you know it...but thats okay. he draws you in farther and farther each second that you're alive. and you have this hunger, this deep-pit-of-your-stomach craving. and nothing can cure it. nothing except him.

falling (in love): (v) it is as simple as just having a few thoughts a day about him. talking to eachother atleast once everyday. having a few inside jokes. or nicknames for eachother. its caring about the person in some way, shape or form. its having that feeling of confusion. and its the little smiles that just pop up at random times because you think of him for even just a split second. thats what falling is. completely different then being.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007):

yehh. i wonder the same thing. if its possible to be in a relationshiip but not "in love" with the person that u are in love with, once yall are deep and serious with what you guys have. at times its very frustrating to the point where at times i just dont know if he really loves me or not. at times i want to ask. but oh well. other than that. yall are on the same page. yall just have different ways of viewing love. and so do we.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007):

so are you working on explaining it to him further or are you just giving up on letting him know the diff.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007):

Hey, I understand completely what your feeling. I am experiencing the same thing right now and believe me it is frustrating. I can't imagine life without my boyfriend and I love him but I don't feel that In Love thing anymore. I miss the butterflies, and you know the awwww feeling when he used to hold me. It actually scares me I'm not missing him when he is at work and I guess it's cause I am beginning to trust him.

Honestly though what your experiencing is normal. my question and I hope someone can answer this for me is if a couple has fallen out of love with each other can they fall back in Love?

Thankyou and good luck to yourself.

I guess I wish I could experience that infatuation stage forever. :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007):

I have often wondered what the difference between loving and being "in love" with someone is. I think that falling "in love" comes in the initial stages of a new relationship, when the two are getting to know eachother. There is a mutual need and attraction. At the same time all human frailties and imperfections are over shadowed by the "need" for one for the other.

Over time we become aware of the shortcomings of the other after life challenges us. It is then when love truly manifests itself. Love is a long steady train ride to a destination, falling "in love" is a rollercoaster at an amusement park.

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A female reader, mar143637 United States +, writes (28 May 2007):

When you love somebody,you feel love but to be in love is to me when if for some reason you do not end up with that person, you want the best for that person and there are no ill thoughts.

My story...In high school, I was promised to a guy to get married, well with us being so young and and getting mixed up with things we shouldn't have got mixed up in, my parents split us up and his mom sent him to go live with his dad in another town. I ended up getting married to another guy and after two years knew that I did not want to stay in the marriage but somebody told me that I made my bed, I needed to lie in it. So I did for another 20 years, and having two wonderful kids during that marriage. During this time, I thought of the man that I loved but didn't end up with.... hoping that he had a wonderful life and wanting to be with him but I would not disrupt his life. I hoped for the best for him. After 22 years of marriage, I am divorced and he is in the process of a divorce. I contacted him only after I knew he was in a divorce and knowing the circumstances that there was no way of him and his wife getting back together. We have been back together for almost a year and it was like we picked up right where we left off. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and we are planning on being married in the future. Right now we live in two seperate towns and our kids come first. So when the kids have all graduated, then we will be married and live our life together. If for some reason we would not end up together, I will never be with anybody else for the reason I will not ever fall out of love with this man and no not either one of us is perfect, we both have our down falls, but that is another way to show In love, you accept the person for who they are and you do not try to change them. You can teach each other things but you do not try to change the other person. I want to share everything with this man, I do not hide a thing. Honesty is a very big part of our realtionship. He is my Best Friend. I never knew how much I was in love with him till we got back together. We believe things happen for a reason and for us both to have been in marriages that weren't good, taught us how to respect each other and ourselves and knowing what we really want out of life. May God Bless you to find that one special person that you fall IN love with.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007):

OOOO my gosh ! yes i totally see where you are comming from ... but he will see in time that he not only loves you ... but is in love with you ... just give it time .. and things will work ... i promise ... the same exact thing happend to me ... and we are both VERY VERY happy now !

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007):

Hi

We can LOVE many people but can only be IN LOVE with one person. Being in love is connecting deeper than you every thought possible by entrusting your heart, body and soul to each other. Only then are you soulmakes and truly IN LOVE.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007):

His reply to your question doesn't make any sense. I think he's in love with you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007):

being in love is longing for this person. needing their touch. wanting their kiss. loving someone is different. i love my mom, she is apart if me. but i am in love with a boy. he meets my every need and i feel important to him. although i understand with the hormones of the teenage body. you may THINK you are IN LOVE. but really you are just wasting your time on another boy who will end up breaking your heart anyway. you need to dig down deep into your relationship with the oppisite sex, see eye to eye with them. if we dont do that. our feeling could end up being fake. not real.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007):

hey well i think that it does all come down to how they treat you but i also think that there is a differece between loving and being in love-being in love is yes what you said "passionate" but its also loving someone so deep that it hurts...when they hurt so do you...when they're sad so are you...when they feel sad you do too...being in love means that you are loving that person just as much as you love yourself...you love them more than breathing itself...wanting to spend the rest of your life with them is just an understatement...you want to spend eternity with them...thats what being in love is...not being selfish...jealous...disrespectful...hurtful...all those things and more...and yes its hard to tell the difference between the two but when you fall in love both of you will know....lcj

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A female reader, magda United States +, writes (16 January 2007):

Loving or being in love does not matter if he can not comit and ask you to marry you. Bottom line, if he loves you for real he will ask if not he wont. Give him space and let him think for a while. Some take a year, but do not wait. move on.

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A female reader, kanda06 +, writes (8 November 2006):

I personaly think what you guys are describing "passionate, exciting, want to spend time with the person, it's the feeling of DISCOVERING something new.." isn't anything close to be being in love. What is being described here to me is infatuation and/or lust even.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006):

I agree with most of the answers here about what being IN LOVE is...passionate, exciting, want to spend time with the person, it's the feeling of DISCOVERING something new...and that can last up to 1 month, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years (If you're lucky and possible).

TRUE love on the other hand...it's knowing you are both on the same side. That you will support and respect eachother no matter what. That's why that feeling is so much like the love you feel for family (not the dysfunctional type family where everyone backstabs eachother) and true friends (again not the backstabing kind). TRUE LOVE is when you are BOTH on the same team.

SO you can be in love and be all gitty about it, it doesn't mean that the you both are on the same side. The other person can disrespect you and not think anything of it. But chances are he won't disrespect you because he or she are still on they're best behavior. If you do disrespect eachother, you are probably not in love (nor have real love). By disrespect I mean: Backstab, make the other person uncomfortable so the other person can get their kicks, be happy when you are miserable, etc.

If you have REAL LOVE you both respect eachother because it's just common sense. It comes naturally to both of you to stand shoulder-to-shoulder, side-by-side, to have the same direction. You may not agree on everything, but you fight for the same cause. But it doesn't mean that you are necesarily in love with eachother, if the passion is not there.

So if you have both, LOVE and are IN LOVE...then I wouldn't let it go.

And in the words of Denis Miller...That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006):

You are so lucky. I met someone who once told me he loved me, called me darling and other exciting endearments...but when I was unable to have sex with him because it was that time of the year he stopped became cold and distance. Infront of me he would use these endearments on shop assistants for instance... I am still wondering whether there is a deeper reason...you are so lucky...cherish him...and love him...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

I also believe that being inlove and loving are two different things. Being inlove comes in at the early stages of the realtionship. Its when one is so crazy about their new partner and they'd call him/her at least three times a day and if things were their way, they'd love to spend every moment of their time together. Loving somebody comes in when you love the person even when they've hurt you. there is that deep feeling that tears into your heart when you think about them (if e.g. they've hurt you. If you happen to break up with the person, you become unable to move on with your life and everything just reminds you of him. While if you were inlove with him, it would quickly blow over and you would be able to move on with your life. Being inlove is more like being infatuated with somebody, while love develops and takes its time and once developed its so secured and relaxed, does not demand any explanations and does not require that one be perfect or look smart or has material posessions. It just loves somebody for who they are and it is the most beautiful feeling ever!!

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A male reader, Wild Thaing Canada +, writes (14 June 2006):

Wild Thaing agony auntAs Bev said - Relaaaaax.

It seems a bit strange to me that you would get upset over the semantics of the word love. Actions are what count in a relationship. Does he make you feel like crap? Not special? Unworthy of his affection? If you answered "yes" to any of these, then you have cause for worry. But based on what you have told us of him, he doesn't seem to be mistreating you.

Your behaviour indicates some insecurity - that is YOUR issue. Don't drag your man into this vortex except to ask him for help in dealing with your insecurity. In fact, you are projecting your insecurity onto him with this curious need to know what it is to love or be in love with someone.

Countless people would kill to be in your situation. If you continue with this behaviour, you could destroy this relationship. I hope you identify the root of your insecurity before it consumes you. Good luck and take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006):

I think that he is in love with you if he is showing his love in such a compassionate way. i think you are very worried about this and you shouldnt be. you have to just let the chips fall where they may. and i agree with you love and being in love are two totally different things. if you get deep into a relationship and get married (not exacly talking about YOU but for an example) then that means the other both loves you and is in love with you. and if later down the relationship he is not in love with you anymrore that is when the relationship starts to get sour. if he is not in love with you that means that the fire has burnt out and you dont have that connection that you used to. i sometimes think of this to help me differ the two:

i love my dad.

but i am not in love with my dad.

love is a warm feeling for your friends and family and your boyfriend too but if you say i am in love with one of my family members or i am in love with one of my friends that would be wrong... if you where IN LOVE with your dad then you should go on the jerry springer show. but its perfectly normal to be in love with your man. and for him to be in love with you. that means that it is compassionate love. and just love is family love. and it takes a long time too to just get to the level of love like with your friends you dont just love them the first day you meet them you have to wait to know you can trust them and to know if they are the type of person you want to be around. and if you get to that level i say you are off to a great start. just wait for him it will happen soon. don't worry.

i hope i have helped,

33 me

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A female reader, lani +, writes (1 May 2006):

hi put your mind at ease ur man is very much in lv with u iv been in 3 failed relationships so i should know every thing uv said there tells me so bein in lv+ loving ur partner is not much different at the begining of a relationship we feel excited want 2 b with that person all the time then as it progresses in2 a full blown relationship we get comfy we know the person we dont have 2 try as hard so we settle in2 a lv zone thats all thats happened here ur man lvs u i think ur just scared deep down that things will change dont b he lvs u so put any dout u have 2 the back of ur head just cause u want 2 scream ur love we are not all the same some r quiet about it go lv ur man .

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A male reader, Dazzerg United Kingdom + , writes (1 May 2006):

Dazzerg agony auntA good question. I think the point has been well made here; the difference is almost organisational in the sense that the 'in' bit of love 'in love' means being in a relationship with your lover.

I think you are in danger of elevating form over content here, you say he treats you in a loving way but are upset over this. Actions are far more important than words, i have experience of people saying the right words but not walking the walk at all and the core truth lies more in peoples actions than words. Words are tricky because they are subject to individual interpreation and definition but actions can never lie. Hope that helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006):

Hi,

Well personally I feel that being in love with a person and just loving them are two different things. Your in love with someone when you really have strong and true feelings behind it and really in love that special someone. But anybody can say they love someone, that's how random an act of love can be.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2006):

Love is simply an intense feeling of deep affection. To be in love requires an intense enthusiasm for a romantic or sexual relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2005):

Being in love is the honeymoon in the relationship. It is a time when one individual feels a deep desire to be with the other. To share everything and nothing. It is a time when one does not recognize any of the negative aspects of the other individual. No responsibility is required, just going with the feelings and hoping something comes of it. Loving someone is an extension of those original feelings and then some. It means accepting everything about the other, and loving them in spite of it. It is now time to put yourself into the relationship, to work on nurturing that relationship, and take responsibility for the part you must play in making it work.