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"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie

I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)

And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf

“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “

"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."

That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.

And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.

When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:

With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.

Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.

We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.

It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.

In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.

Never underestimate such a person.

Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.

A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.

Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.

The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:

“A leader leads by example not by force. “

And now some less well known quotes:

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”

by Daisaku Ikeda

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

by Maya Angelou

“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”

by Zainab Alsaati

Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')

'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie

I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person

'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,

kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer

'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.

Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie

"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson

“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt

'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie

what's your favourite quote?

But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.

There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.

They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.

Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.

There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?

Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.

Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.

What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?

Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:

Negativity?

Passive Aggression?

Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?

Envy

Jealousy

For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.

The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.

Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.

Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.

Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.

Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified.

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Seriously debating whether to break up or not?

Q.   Debating whether to leave your partner or not? Here’s forty questions as food for thought. There are no right or wrong answers or score cards, they’re just things to consider if you're having trouble. Please keep in mind that nobody is perfect ...

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A.   15 March 2011: No it is not you who causes this abuse. An abuser abuses because of an inadequacy within the abuser. Unfortunately the abuser often selects a person who the abuser thinks will be easy to abuse. Pretty disgusting of the abuser, hey? And the perso... (read in full...)

After everything that has happened I'm not sure I can go back to him

Q.   I need help. I don't know what to do. My ex who broke up with me in September cause he couldn't see it working now says he wants me back. Part of me says to say no while the other part says go back. I don't know what to do. I still love him and want ...

A.   15 March 2011: you are feeling hurt. You have been through all that horrible rejection stage, and I bet that felt just horrible. And yes you still love him. But what about him recognising the deep hurt you have been put through? It seems he has finally (in part... (read in full...)

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Q.   I am a 23 year old girl on the verge of commencing marital relationship with a 32 year old man. I have known him for around a year but I love him a lot. He has great family values and I love that about him. Nevertheless I am worried about the age ...

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One year later I do still miss my cheating ex

Q.   Hi, I'm 24 and I broke up with my first real boyfriend about one year ago. We dated for 5 years and I seriously thought we would get married one day. I miss him so much yet I know I can't ever get back together with him because he cheated on me. Two ...

A.   14 March 2011: you did do the right thing, ending it when he was clearly getting closer to the girl at work. The kiss in the bar was excusible. Such things can be spontaneous. Such a thing can happen quickly and by chance. But the attraction between the girl at ... (read in full...)

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Part of me wonders if he is hoping for a reconciliation?

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Q.   Ok so at the beginning of the year i met this guy and we hung out alot and we ended up kissing and spending alot of time together but we never actually dated. I found this kind of odd but i never questioned it.then about halfway through the year, ...

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I absolutely hate my mum. she has the most horrible mood swings in the world.

Q.   I absolutely hate my mum. she has the most horrible mood swings in the world. when she is in a bad mood, she makes me feel like Im not wanted, and when I talk to dad, he isnt interested or takes her side so i feel totally alone in my house, having ...

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A.   13 March 2011: it's a combination of things. On your side and on her side. Some guys even have it down to a fine art and know which girls are 'his type'. Some guys go straight for the girls they perceive will be 'easy' to get (i really cannot recommend that) ... (read in full...)

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I feel like she's treating me pretty cruelly and has no faith in me whatsoever. Am I wrong?

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He manipulates me by saying he'll kill himself!

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Should I move in with him?

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I have a boyfriend, but I am falling for a guy in one of my classes! Any thoughts or suggestions?

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This is going to ruin my relationship... How do I get past it?

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Now and then! Next move?

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How should I tell him to back off

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Friend's boyfriend is thinking of breaking up because he likes me

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I do not want to appear that I am throwing myself at him. How do I go about things?

Q.   I used to work with a man who helped me a lot with work issues that were unbearable. I eventually left but while there a two way mutual attraction developed. This started from 2009. I left in July 2010. Neither of us said anything verbally about ...

A.   7 March 2011: Sure his eyes look like he's flirting. But he does want you to be more discreet? That suggests he has some reason he is reticent and does not want others to be aware of any growing closeness between the two of you? Why? Red alarm bells should... (read in full...)

How do I prove to my husband that I haven't been pregnant?

Q.   how do i prove to my husband that i haven't been pregnant? what test to i have to undergo to prove that i haven't been pregnant?...

A.   6 March 2011: why should you have to prove that to your husband? There is a problem brewing if he will not believe you unless your husband is a medical doctor he cannot determine this as yes or no. But a medical doctor can examine a woman an know by examinati... (read in full...)

Husband so discouraging all the time!

Q.   Hi,My husband keeps discouraging me all the time. He is very happy when he does it but he doesn’t know that it hurts me so much. He keeps on comparing my works with someone in his family, at one point it brings an aversion towards that person. He ...

A.   6 March 2011: your husband is being thoughtless, unkind and disrespectful. It is not a joke. He should not be holding you up to ridicule. What he is doing is called ''passive aggression'' Ask him if he would like the same ridicule imposed on him? If he cannot ... (read in full...)

Should I trust my guy if he's staying out late?

Q.   I am in a long distance relationship. He's in France, I'm here. We're both dudes. Last night (saturday) he went out to a gay club with some buds, said he'd be home at 3 am so we could skype (which we do everyday), and didn't get home until 6 am. ...

A.   6 March 2011: my nearest knowledge of gay relationships is my hairdresser. He always tells me how things are going. His last exclusive relationship broke up because his guy became too controlling. But that was more 'control' about what colors to paint walls, ... (read in full...)

My relationship with my family is unhealthy for me

Q.   lately ive been realizing my relationship with my family isnt okay, or healthy for me. im being mentally hurt and i find myself crying sometimes yet i dont know why.. my mom and i arent that close, and im the baby of 5, to make it even more worse ...

A.   6 March 2011: you are a very smart girl to recognise that aspects of your family life are not healthy for you. If you read my profile you might recognise some similarities. You still love your family, that is admirable on your part that you can still feel tha... (read in full...)

Should I never listen to anyone just to be with the one I love?

Q.   Dear Aunts, I've been dating my boyfriend for 15 months. We met online and everything was great at first. We're so into each other. He lives a world apart so we don't meet on a regular basis. At first he thought about coming to visit me. I was ...

A.   6 March 2011: you absolutely should be listening to some other views. I sense that you are only hearing what you want to hear. And that you may only want to hear answers that validate what you want to do. I cant give you an assurance that what you want to do is... (read in full...)

Recently, I've reunited with a boyfriend after 3 yrs apart. I struggle with the fact that I just can't trust him. What should I do?

Q.   Recently, I got back with my partner after a 3 year split. I love him with all my heart, but I don’t trust him. He’s been ringing his ex girlfriend and I don’t know if he’s meeting up with her behind my back. It’s driving me insane. I’m ...

A.   6 March 2011: he is not over her if he is still in contact with her. Why on earth did he get back with you? He may trust you 100 per cent, even though he may be irritated by your lack of trust in him. But you certainly have your suspicions and you currentl... (read in full...)

How do I show him it doesn't matter to me that he's poor? I want to date him.

Q.   This man i like said he wanted to date me and he has my phone number. I bumped into him in town yesterday and we hung out together. we also bumped into one of his friends. his friend asked who i was, and when i told him, he said the man i like h...

A.   6 March 2011: i does sound as if he likes you. So it may be up to you to suggest outings and events to attend, visit that do not cost big dollars. Examples visit public gardens and walk through beauty spots. If you live where there is public transport th... (read in full...)

How do I increase my sense of security in my relationship??

Q.   I am extremely jealous of my boyfriend's ex. We have been going out for a year now and have lived together for 6 months. It all started before we were living together she came to his house at 4 in the morning and made a huge scene cops were called ...

A.   5 March 2011: several parts to this problem 1. Why did his ex feel a sense of entitlement to him? What did he say to her, when he cheated on you? Or was it just poor judgement in the first place that he got involved with his volatile ex? And briefly saw her, afte... (read in full...)

I need some good comebacks for this sleazebag!

Q.   Hi! A bit of help needed. I live in a shared house with four guys and two girls. Most of the time it is really great only something happened today and I want your opinions. It concerns one of the guys. When I first moved in he was overly friendly ...

A.   5 March 2011: i do not see what he is doing as funny, even though i tried writing some (comedy writer are all safe!) I do think you should enlist the support of the other guys, because i think they will assist you to bring him into line. Like you, as a studen... (read in full...)

He's a senior colleague of mine. But does he really like me? I'm not sure

Q.   I work in a professional firm in the city in I was born outside USA and have top academic and professional credentials and am closeted gay. There is a senior colleague in our firm who is gay. I have told him I am gay and we spend a lot of time toge...

A.   5 March 2011: post script; I am not suggesting the you, nor he, ever intend to do the wrong thing. But all employees should be aware of the boundaries. These boundaries are there for a reason. The reason he is so worried about sexual harassment charges and the ... (read in full...)

He's a senior colleague of mine. But does he really like me? I'm not sure

Q.   I work in a professional firm in the city in I was born outside USA and have top academic and professional credentials and am closeted gay. There is a senior colleague in our firm who is gay. I have told him I am gay and we spend a lot of time toge...

A.   5 March 2011: You are well qualified and it is good to receive professional mentoring and encouragement to further your career at work in a professional sense. And i have no issue with you entering into a public or private same sex relationship with this man ... (read in full...)

I need some good comebacks for this sleazebag!

Q.   Hi! A bit of help needed. I live in a shared house with four guys and two girls. Most of the time it is really great only something happened today and I want your opinions. It concerns one of the guys. When I first moved in he was overly friendly ...

A.   4 March 2011: he went on the aggressive tack to try to mask that YES it was deliberate. He was testing how far he can go. Be alert for him also categorising one of his distasteful remarks (when challenged about it) as just him 'joking'. Perhaps gently shame him ... (read in full...)

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