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*illy Bathgate

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Is it ok for my girlfriends male colleague to stay over at her house?

Q.   I'm in a long distance relationship where my girlfriend lives in England and I'm in Wales. I haven't seen her since the end of March due to lockdown and even though things are now easing slightly regarding lockdown, the rules/guidance a...

A.   21 June 2020: The idea that the only person she could find to hangout with play games with drink with and then spend the night with is a guy 22 years her junior is patently absurd and you know it. Otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here. Nothing may happen b... (read in full...)

Snapchat causing issues

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for around 10 months. We’ve known each other off and on since we were kids and we’re surprised when we both realised we’d liked each other for so long. Unfortunately when we met he had a girlfriend and I don’t ne...

A.   20 June 2020: He’s never given you any reason to think he would cheat on you. I mean other than that time he cheated on his ex, with you. And lying to you about his phone app. Still without trust a relationship can’t survive. You two need to sit down and have... (read in full...)

Blocked, I'm angry at how all the blame is on me, should I send a letter and a gift?

Q.   I was seeing a girl and she has a boyfriend, who she got just a few weeks after we met. Turns out she wanted to see both of us. But recently finally, the boyfriend found out her secret. She was out with me, and he got security to bget into her room ...

A.   25 May 2020: I cannot imagine what this girl saw in you. You are like the obnoxious sitcom guy who thinks he is entitled to every woman’s attention. Only where that guy is funny you’re just a creep. Leave this woman and her boyfriend alone before you find your... (read in full...)

Late nights, lack of sleep causes breakup

Q.   I have recently split up with my girlfriend and asked her why. Her excuse was to many late nights. I said what do you mean? Her reply was I can't sleep if your not in bed with me. I Replied with twice I went to the liver room to watch tv as she kept ...

A.   25 May 2020: She dumped you. Forwhatever reason she has chosen not to share those reasons with you. Maybe she found someone else or maybe she decided you weren’t the right guy for her. The reason is irrelevant. The fact is she is gone. You can sit around stew... (read in full...)

I worry I am just this woman's plaything.

Q.   Been seeing someone for about four months for only one day a week, she don't have any more time for me, it's really good that one day a week, I told her I looked her up on Facebook, she got really mad an said not to do that again and block me, am I ...

A.   22 May 2020: You have fun together and you have great sex once a week. Are you complaining because you want sex more often? If so start dating other people. I’m sure she has someone else. A husband or live in boyfriend. Seems to me you have a good thing going ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend refuses to discuss our relationship.

Q.   My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told ...

A.   22 May 2020:  She got drunk had sex with another man and now refuses to own up to it. What is there to discuss? Other than when can you get anything you may have left at her place? ... (read in full...)

I'm dating my best friend but I'm not attracted to him

Q.   DEAR CUPID, I have never had the best of luck with picking men , I have dated the narcissist,the insecure and the controlling. My best friend of 12 yrs told me about six months that he had developed feelings for me, at first I felt like he ruined ...

A.   13 May 2020: Ask him to start treating you like crap. No doubt you’ll fall for him since that is your thing. Joking (sort of) aside. You should never have agreed to go out with him now you have given him false hope. But what’s done is done. Do the right thin... (read in full...)

Is there a such thing as an obsessed partner?

Q.   Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4 years lately I feel myself being more and more unhappy because I feel that I can’t balance time between him and my kids and myself. My fiancé seems to be very needy for my attention and when I can ...

A.   28 April 2020: You have a serious problem. It seems you have attached your self to someone who is jealous, needy controlling and insecure. Everything you described borders on abuse. Any man who is jealous of your children is not worth keeping around. A man who ... (read in full...)

I give my girlfriend everything but it's not enough!

Q.   Im struggling with something. After a whole day of normal communication with my gf (we are living separate during lockdown) the smallest thing can make her go into a tantrum. For example I work 6pm-2am. Therefore when I finish at 2am I will call ...

A.   28 April 2020: You give her everything and she always wants more and you don’t see where the problem is? You say you want respect but you don’t demand it and why would she respect you when you’re a doormat. Grow a freaking spine and tell her no! If she pouts she ... (read in full...)

My partner is living with her parents to help them during this lockdown, and I’m feeling disconnected and not cared about!

Q.   Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected. I am having an issue with my partner and looking for some advice. We are currently in lockdown and my partner is an hour away. She decided to go and stay with her parents as they ...

A.   27 April 2020: She is uncommunicative, she is distant, she is beyond unsupportive she is downright hostile and dismissive of genuine concerns. It sounds like she is using the time apart to re-evaluate your relationship. Instead of calling her send her a lett... (read in full...)

I believed in him and now he is a big disappointment! What do I do?

Q.   Hi all. My husband and I have been married for nearly 5 years now. Both of us work in the medical field. When we got married he promised me that he would continue to do his higher studies to achieve his dreams. 5 years later, I have managed to get ...

A.   4 April 2020: Sit down talk to him about it. If you cannot live with him not being whatever it is you want him to be. Then leave. After reading your letter I have the feeling you would be doing him a favor if you did. ... (read in full...)

Should I answer this guy after promising my boyfriend I wouldnt have any further contact with him.

Q.   I met a guy two years ago who I started to fall for, despite me being in a relationship. I confessed to my boyfriend and he was very upset. He wanted me to stop contacting the other guy, so I did. I told him that I had chosen to stick with the life ...

A.   28 March 2020: You’re clearly looking for someone to tell you that it’s okay to contact this guy. If you were serious about not having contact with him you would have blocked his number and his email. You didn’t because you wanted to leave the door unlatched. Your ... (read in full...)

I thought my Mom had enough on her plate.

Q.   So, I am a 19 year old college freshmen who has a mom who got mad at her. Did I do wrong? I am the 2nd oldest of my mom's 7 kids but the 1st one she gave birth to. She adopted my older have brother and kept him after she and dad split. My parents ...

A.   24 March 2020: You did nothing wrong. You handled the problem like a mature and sensible adult. Which is what you are, an adult. My guess is your mother is having trouble letting go. As you do more and more on your own she’ll eventually get used to it. Don’t lose ... (read in full...)

I don't want my partner back but he says he cant live without us.

Q.   I split up with my ex after discovering his infidelity. We have 3 children together who he still sees every other weekend and we have stayed amicable. 2 weeks ago he went silent for about a week. He told me yesterday he is struggling with his ment...

A.   24 March 2020: He is not thinking about killing himself. He is trying to guilt you into taking him back. Do not fall for it. The next time he tries this gambit tell him you’re sorry but he needs to seek professional help. He won’t because he doesn’t need it.... (read in full...)

I'm a married woman crushing on an old friend

Q.   Hi I am married with a child but recently added an old online friend on social media and we have been chatting .. exchhnGed numbers and all..we flirt a lil but I decided that I won’t speak with this guy after we meet.. it’s been about 10years since ...

A.   16 March 2020: It’s clear you’re looking to cheat. Why are you here, do you want someone to tell you it’s okay? You’re lying to your husband about what you’re doing and writing BS justifications on here. It’s clear you’re going to do what you want but if you’... (read in full...)

Not sure if I'm being friend zoned or pushed to make my move?

Q.   Got a friend and I can't decide whether I'm being friend zoned or pushed to make a move. I playfully asked if she would ever consider going out with someone 'like' me. This was her response... 'Not gonna lie, there has been a few times where I'...

A.   10 March 2020: Asking her if she would consider going out with someone like you makes you look weak and frightened. So stop acting like a 15 year old. Ask her out and make sure you are clear that you are asking for a date not a friend hanging out together. You ... (read in full...)

My sister is never there for me. Our relationship is so unbalanced

Q.   I've been really depressed recently. I've had bad anxiety for years and it's really starting to get me down. I used to have times when it would come and go but now it's a constant. I've made a lot of changes like eating hwalthy, not drinking, ...

A.   27 February 2020: You know who your sister is. At this stage of your life you have to know that you are not going to change her. But you can change your dynamics. It would be great if the people we love were also the people we can count on for support your sister is ... (read in full...)

I want to let go of him with understanding not hatred

Q.   I have a slightly odd question about a previous relationship that I'm still trying to figure out aspects of because I'm trying to heal and really move on. I am NOT the kind of person who just walks away from things. I know I give far more than I ...

A.   18 February 2020: My god what a waste of time and energy. The relationship is over I cannot imagine how exhausting it must be to go over every little detail trying to find a logical explanation for this guy’s behavior. Heck it was tiring reading all the ... (read in full...)

I've just discovered I am the OTHER WOMAN!

Q.   I've been in a sexual relationship with a man for over almost 4 years now. I do not have feelings for him, but had always wondered why he was so distant and indifferent towards me throughout the 4 years. Long story short I just found out throug...

A.   18 February 2020: I don’t understand the problem. If you don’t care about him and you’re bothered by his cheating end your FWB thing and move on. You apparently made it clear from the start that you wanted nothing from this guy but sex and that is what he gave you. ... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend got angry about pics on social media.

Q.   I split up with my boyfriend about a month ago, we've not been in contact much since then, but he's gotten angry with me about a photo he found on Instagram. The photo in question is me with a Snapchat filter, the one with the bear ears and no...

A.   18 February 2020: He’s your ex. Bump him and bump his opinion. You were right to block him. And the idea that there is something wrong with showing bare shoulders is kind of absurd when you think about it.... (read in full...)

How Do I Get My First Date Before I Turn 30?

Q.   I am a overweight, not very handsome, not particularly smart or interesting, bald, geeky, awkward male virgin. I am very introverted to say the least. I've never even kissed a girl and I've never been on a date. When I get nervous, I stutter and my ...

A.   14 February 2020: Get therapy first. You are so down on yourself that no matter what external changes you make your internals will stop you meeting a woman. As you work on your mind and work on gaining confidence you can start working on your outside. Lose weig... (read in full...)

Its been 18 months since our breakup but I still think of my ex wife every day

Q.   Hi, I posted a little while ago - I need some practical assistance. Please dont say give it time ( this will make sense in a minute ). My ex wife left me 18 months ago, I posted a couple of months ago, in the post it mentioned that all my mo...

A.   12 February 2020: You are not going to get over someone you loved for 10 years in 18 months. That’s especially true if there was some sort of betrayal involved in the break up. Because it feels like there is some sort of unfinished business. Keep doing what you are ... (read in full...)

Attracted to my and wife's mutual friend

Q.   Need help. I became somewhat close friends with a woman a few years back because our kids were in same class. For the first year or two, we just exchanged occasional text about school ect and , although my wife wasn't as close, my wife knew we were ...

A.   12 February 2020: You cannot get rid of the attraction as long as you continue to see her. You’re playing with fire here and you know it. From what you have written she is able to have male friends and that what she sees you as. You on the other hand see her ... (read in full...)

I'm scared I'm just wasting my time with this man

Q.   Background: Approaching 30, been together 1.5 years, known each other for years before that. Generally great relationship, we share a lot of interest and have a similar sense of humour and have a great sex life. Issue: he has never brought up ...

A.   6 February 2020: You need to have a serious conversation with him. Don’t let him deflect and don’t let him joke his way out of having an important discussion about your future together. It sounds like he doesn’t see a future with you and is delaying. You may need... (read in full...)

I'm trying to put myself in my boyfriend's ex's shoes and wonder why she's behaving the way that she is, but I can't imagine why

Q.   My boyfriend's ex is still in the picture but on the peripherals, and I'm finding it hard to understand why. I have tried, so I'm just going to put the facts, coupled with my thoughts, and would like anyone to give me their feedback on what they ...

A.   19 January 2020: You need to let your obsession with this woman go or you are going to end up pushing you boyfriend away. She is a minor nuisance. Forget about her.... (read in full...)

I'm so embarrassed at the enormous crush that I have on my colleague!

Q.   I'm so terribly embarrassed and I just need to get this off my chest. I can't tell any of my friends so I'm really just looking to confide in someone and for advice. I've had an enormous work crush on someone for about 9 months, who I've actuall...

A.   17 January 2020: Are either or both of you married? Is there a rule in your work place against employee relationships? If not why don’t you ask him out? This unrequited thing is holding you in limbo. Going out with him will help you move forward. You’ll become a ... (read in full...)

Is my wife developing a violent streak?

Q.   My wife threw a glass at my head during a petty argument. I’ve never known her to have a violent streak in her before. Should I be worried? On Saturday I was stripping the kitchen ceiling ready for it to be redecorated in a few weeks and when m...

A.   11 January 2020: What do you mean she made you clean up the broken glass? This woman tried to seriously assault you and you cleaned up her mess? Now that she knows what she can get away with except more to come when she “has a bad day.” As you have scrambled your... (read in full...)

My family knows of my affair and my lover has distanced herself but I don't think I can return to my sexless marriage

Q.   I'm in my 40s. Been with my partner for 20 years and married for 17. We have a 15 year old daughter. My wife hasn't wanted a physical relationship with me for a long time. It's been around 10 years since we had sex. She has made comments in the ...

A.   6 January 2020: Divorce. Why go back to a marriage that leaves you unhappy. You shouldn’t have started the affair and I know having mixed your finances and your DNA with your wife makes it hard to leave but what is the point if you’re unhappy. Your wife is mad ... (read in full...)

How do I approach my partner's blatant lies when she gets home?

Q.   My partner and I have been in a relationship for a couple of years. Two weeks ago I had to have spinal surgery and I can’t get around at all (only can walk around house, not even allowed to lift washing or stand to make dinner) she has been great ...

A.   4 January 2020: When she gets home confront her about her lies. Maybe she’ll come clean. Then decide if being lied to is a deal breaker for you. If it is then put an end to the relationship. If it’s not a deal breaker put this stuff behind you and get on with your ... (read in full...)

I like my co-worker but am unsure how to proceed or whether to even try

Q.   I really like my co-worker. Him and I we’ve worked together for a few months. I’m his boss but he’s older than me by 10 years. Usually he’s not the type I go for but he’s a gentleman. I thinks what’s one of the reasons why I’m attracted to him. ...

A.   4 January 2020: I would give this a hard pass. Why would you leave your job over a subordinate who is ten years your senior and has no interest in you? ... (read in full...)

Why did my husband go my sister-in-law's house when he knows I dislike her?

Q.   Let me give you a little background first before asking the question. My husband and i live in city A, his brother and his wife live in city B, and all our parents are based in city C. We wre all currently in city C with our our respective paren...

A.   31 December 2019: The SiL hardly speaks to you because she knows you’re a petty jealous shrew who doesn’t like her. Why would she invite you to her parents home when: you were spending the day with your parents and she knows you don’t like her. Why would your husb... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't like my new hair colour.

Q.   ive been with my partner for twenty years when I met him I was natural brunette but now im in my mid forties got a few greys and I changed my hair to blonde which everyone likes my family and friends and I get much more attention. Most importantly I ...

A.   31 December 2019: He met fell in love with married and lived with a brunette for 20 years that’s why he’s saying it. He prefers brunettes and prefers you as a brunette it’s not hard to figure out. But it’s your hair so you’re free to do what you want with it. Don’... (read in full...)

I got my step-sister pregnant. How do I tell the family?

Q.   I was with my step-sister who is only a year younger then me when she told me she had a crush. I asked her who it was and she said a guy called. Which I thought was weird as that was also my name. I said 'Can I meet him?' She said 'WE'RE NOT ...

A.   26 December 2019: Way to bury the lede kid. I don’t know how old your step sister is but if she is an adult then the two of you need to act like adults and step up and tell your parents. I hope you plan to be a man and live up to your responsibilities. I’m goin... (read in full...)

Split for a month and I slept with someone else.

Q.   Hey aunts and uncles I am in a real dilemma, I have been with my man over four years,we have had our ups and downs and he often goes away for a few days and ignored me. A few times we have agreed to split and the last time we did was for a month. I...

A.   24 December 2019: If you’ve had more than one break with this guy you should ask yourself, why? Why do you keep breaking up and why do you keep going back. Sometimes love isn’t enough. You’re not obligated to tell this guy the truth. But perhaps you should t... (read in full...)

How can I learn to live, accept and move on from her past life?

Q.   I recently overheard things about my partner's past I wish I hadnt when she was talking with friends at a party. She is 33 and we have been together for over 9 years. Her past sex life was very promiscuous during uni. I have had only 4 sexual pa...

A.   20 December 2019: You’re going to throw away 9 years over something that happened before you met? C’mon man grow up. Weigh the 9 good years you have had together against rumors about her past and you’ll see that the past is irrelevant to what you have. And if the ... (read in full...)

My ex keeps contacting me to be nasty.

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 years split up with me 2 months ago and since then he hasn't stopped texting me abuse about what a horrible person I am and generally putting me down which is really confusing me why is he still texting me all this abuse when hes ...

A.   19 December 2019: Using a cel phone or email to threaten and harass is a crime. If you cannot block him for some reason save all of his text and go to the police with them. ... (read in full...)

Wife doesn't want to move to be with me because of her friends

Q.   My wife and I have been together for 4 years. We got married after two years, lived together for a year in our home state, then lived together for another year in Illinois as I attended school for my military career. My wife and I are both quiet...

A.   19 December 2019: It actually makes sense for her to stay in Illinois. It seems clear that you want her with you to prevent you from being alone. You need to use the time apart to work on making friends and having a life outside her. ... (read in full...)

My husband accused me of stalking his ex, who he has cheated with in the past!

Q.   Hi My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. We have had some interference by his exes which I thought was finally done. What I mean by interference is he talks to them on whatsapp. They don’t share any children together and the...

A.   5 December 2019: Did you click the wrong age because this reads like it was written by an 18 year old married to an 18 year old. He’s a cheater you know that. He’s a liar you know that. He’s abusive, he calls you stupid and other nasty names. The real question is w... (read in full...)

I've been tracking my wife via her phone and she lies about where she has been.

Q.   I’ve had suspicions my wife has been cheating on me for some time. There were signs all over the place that I just couldn’t ignore. In the end I decided to track her day to day using the ‘Find my iPhone’ app whilst I was at work and the kids were at ...

A.   5 December 2019: You can confront her but what good will it do you? Even if she admits it you have the choice between staying with a cheater or ending up divorced living in a crap apartment while paying her to continue to live in the home you live in now. The sad ... (read in full...)

My estranged husband is still trying to rule my life.

Q.   My "estranged" husband is always trying to keep tabs on me and I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy. We are separated and no longer live together. We have a young child (under 10) who lives with me and will stay with him on the occasional w...

A.   4 December 2019: Let him freak out. Tell him what you do is none of his business and stick to it. If you haven’t you need to get a formal separation agreement. One that spells out custody and visitation. Again continue to tell him what you do is none of his busi... (read in full...)

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