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*ustmen agony aunt

*ustmen

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*ustmen's profile:

New York City private practice psychologist with an interest in profiling and a zero tolerance policy for treating your partner anything less than like they are the most important person in the world. Not for the faint of heart.

Is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else?

Q.   Hi there. Okay, I've been texting this guy my friend is setting me up with, but the guy already has a girlfriend. I do really like him, and my question is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else. Their relationship is rocky ac...

A.   6 July 2012: What's up with all the hot-headed aunts that come down hard on original question posters for writing back to clarify their query? Come on folks! If you can't take the heat, stay off the site! She was just giving us more info to answer her by. Follow ... (read in full...)

There is nothing left between us but her abuse ....

Q.   I have been in a relationship for over twenty years and we have three children, the youngest is eight. My partner is financially dependent on me, yet she treats me appallingly. It is no exaggeration to say that everything she says to me is critical ...

A.   1 July 2012: If you choose to stay for the sake of the kids, sounds like they might not have you around for long given your health is already breaking down. I would say leave, but don't make that choice thinking you are choosing kids vs. no kids. Your kids ... (read in full...)

He has ignored me for 4 weeks, what shall I do?

Q.   Hello, I have been with a man for six years now and he has left me several times, not ever actually 'ending it' but just freezin me out, ignoring messages etc. I thought that we were done with all that and the last time was a year ago now, however ...

A.   29 June 2012: You're in your late thirties,correct? And he ignored you for 4 weeks at a time during the six years you've been on/off , right? Well, ignore him for the next 40 years or so! No man let's their lady wait for a month if he has any degree of decency or ... (read in full...)

He has ignored me for 4 weeks, what shall I do?

Q.   Hello, I have been with a man for six years now and he has left me several times, not ever actually 'ending it' but just freezin me out, ignoring messages etc. I thought that we were done with all that and the last time was a year ago now, however ...

A.   28 June 2012: Some people in a relationship feel that by simply ignoring their partner or talking to them about this and that is better than conflict. I don't know your situation, but it sounds to me like your partner was not only uncaring and disrespectful but ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to only want sex?

Q.   Is it ok to only want sex? I mean I see that women are often irritated because the new guy they just met only seems to be interested in sex. What's wrong with that? ...

A.   28 June 2012: I love the SVC's line that if it's just about sex you are essentially masturbating into the other person. I don't agree with eyeswideopen's assessment that a relationship where both consensual adults are openly and honestly to one another, just in ... (read in full...)

Can I trust him? He clicked like on her profile!

Q.   This is probably going to be the silliest question I've ever asked and I'm a bit embarrassed asking advice on this but the other day my boyfriend " liked " a girls picture on Facebook. He says it was his friend but since then it's made me very ...

A.   27 June 2012: The answer is in your question. You say "I don't trust him". Honor your instinct. Intuition is seldom if not never wrong. By the time someone asks "should I trust him" or begins monitoring their partner, they already know the answer. ... (read in full...)

Is a guy always serious with a girl he calls his girlfriend?

Q.   If a guy has a girlfriend, is it possible he could be with her casually and not seriously and maybe for sex and companionship but not true love? Is it possible she is NOT the one or that he will be with her long term? If he is so happy with her, ...

A.   26 June 2012: Nice comments from SVC. But any man that can't be alone should not be in a relationship. I don't believe in being with Mr./Mrs. almost right. It clouds judgment. It takes your time for finding your true partner. Age is also a determinate. Your ... (read in full...)

We had sex on first date, deal breaker?

Q.   I met a guy the other night through friends and he was fantastic. Great looking, well educated and smart. We are about the same number (attractiveness) and went to the same college. I asked him to do something towards the end of the night and he ...

A.   26 June 2012: If a guy is testing you on a first date, dump him. Whether that be on your sexuality or other. Furthermore, sex or the quality of the sex is determined by your brain and how you feel about the other person. If they treat you well and respectfully, ... (read in full...)

We had sex on first date, deal breaker?

Q.   I met a guy the other night through friends and he was fantastic. Great looking, well educated and smart. We are about the same number (attractiveness) and went to the same college. I asked him to do something towards the end of the night and he ...

A.   26 June 2012: Sex on a first date is not the determinate of anything but having sex. I know of many happily married couples that "just knew" from the first time they met, had sex and are celebrating their 50th, 60th wedding anniversaries. The sex is never the ... (read in full...)

My bf cheated on me, please help, I feel sick, nauseous and ill!

Q.   Dear all, I guess I just want to share this with you and get your views. I checked my BF's of over a year and a halfs emails a couple of nights ago and he had emailed a girl saying hi babes, and then went on to say that she must remember him as he ...

A.   26 June 2012: Two emotions appear to be troubling you. Jealousy and pain from betrayal. Both are normal. You were his sexual partner. Now he is with another. So you are hurting. It's OK to feel both emotions and anything in between. Let yourself stay with ... (read in full...)

Will my ex go back to his ex wife? Can marriages work after such a long separation?

Q.   I wrote before about my boyfriend being reluctant to divorce his wife that hes been seperate from for two and a half years. He was involved with me for the last ten months and she was involved and living with a guy for the whole duration of the ...

A.   23 June 2012: Just read your question again and saw that you say your boyfriend is "confused". All the more reason to give him time to figure out what it is that he needs or wants. He said he loves you both. Now he must decide. His wife is no longer with her man. ... (read in full...)

Will my ex go back to his ex wife? Can marriages work after such a long separation?

Q.   I wrote before about my boyfriend being reluctant to divorce his wife that hes been seperate from for two and a half years. He was involved with me for the last ten months and she was involved and living with a guy for the whole duration of the ...

A.   23 June 2012: To answer your actual question : "can marriages work after such long separation/loving others"? I see the "loving others" portion of your question as a positive. Your boyfriend has loved another or experienced being loved by another than his wife. ... (read in full...)

Will my ex go back to his ex wife? Can marriages work after such a long separation?

Q.   I wrote before about my boyfriend being reluctant to divorce his wife that hes been seperate from for two and a half years. He was involved with me for the last ten months and she was involved and living with a guy for the whole duration of the ...

A.   23 June 2012: Relationships are anybody's call. If he loves you he will end his marriage and be with you. If he loves her he will remain married. It sounds like this situations just happened or is still relatively fresh. Give it time. The heart is a time machine.... (read in full...)

How can I get a bigger butt?

Q.   Hi everyone. Im the slim type but my problem is i have a small butt, how can i get a bigger butt without applying any cream? What kind of exercises are suitable to get a bigger butt? Please your advice are welcome...

A.   23 June 2012: Be yourself. You are perfect and beautiful just as you are. The right man that really cares about you will love your small butt along with the rest of you. ... (read in full...)

Why is he texting me?

Q.   Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...

A.   23 June 2012: Guys are not cryptic. They'll be very clear on what they want, what they don't. In case they are players. In which case you'll be able to know within the first few dates. In which case you should flush him. If you love him, tell him that. If he ... (read in full...)

Which woman do I choose? The dysfunctional one who I'm crazy about? Or the one I've recently met who understands me?

Q.   I have been seeing this woman for a few months and I am crazy about her but she is disfunctional to the extent that whenever we arrange a meeting she alweays manages to stuff it up. what i mean is we always end up at a different place at a different ...

A.   22 June 2012: The answer is in your question. Go with the one who understands you or if you are not crazy about either stay single till you meet the right one. You do not have to be in a relationship all the time .... (read in full...)

He liked me, but I realised my feelings for him too late and he has already given up on me!

Q.   So theres this guy, who liked me for a whole year before I ever even took notice to him. I didnt really think anything of him, I didnt think he was ugly but I didnt fall head over heels for him either. (A little bit of info on me: Ive never re...

A.   21 June 2012: This story doesn't make any sense. You say you've kept your feelings hidden yet it's him that one day walks away and stops talking to you out of frustration that he can't just be friends with you?!?!?! Huh?!?! You say that he should not forgive you ... (read in full...)

Is it really possible for him to change after everything he has done? How do I learn to trust him?

Q.   Hey, I'd love some perspectives on whether people who betray the trust of others ever regret it or change? Basically, I've been with my bf nearly 2 years and we're looking for a place to move into together, as suggested by him. At 7 months, ...

A.   21 June 2012: From the words you use "confronted him"...." Found out he was sexting" ...sounds like the only reason you figured out what was going was because you "found out"/"confronted him" ie he lied to you. And he did so more than once. Unfortunately, stats ... (read in full...)

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