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"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie

I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)

And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf

“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “

"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."

That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.

And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.

When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:

With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.

Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.

We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.

It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.

In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.

Never underestimate such a person.

Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.

A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.

Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.

The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:

“A leader leads by example not by force. “

And now some less well known quotes:

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”

by Daisaku Ikeda

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

by Maya Angelou

“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”

by Zainab Alsaati

Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')

'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie

I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person

'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,

kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer

'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.

Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie

"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson

“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt

'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie

what's your favourite quote?

But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.

There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.

They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.

Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.

There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?

Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.

Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.

What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?

Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:

Negativity?

Passive Aggression?

Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?

Envy

Jealousy

For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.

The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.

Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.

Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.

Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.

Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified.

Latest articles:

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4 December 2010: You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...

< Prev5253545556575859606162Next > [76 pages, 2983 answers]

10 Situations that Scream, "He's a Player!"

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My guy broke up with me because of family issues...

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A.   3 November 2011: Have you started to date someone else or are you thinking of dating someone else? And was that the person he saw you dancing with. He was certainly affected by a little jealousy when he saw you happy. If he has medical issues like heart surgery ... (read in full...)

10 Situations that Scream, "He's a Player!"

Q.   Happy New Year! I hope all of you enjoyed a very Happy New year and that you have stuck to the resolutions that you made during this period. I simply hope that your resolution for the New Year wasn't to give up on men because by condemning all men ...

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My guy broke up with me because of family issues...

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How do we develop friendships and socialise with other people in our community? No one seems to want to socialise with us

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A.   20 May 2011: Not knowing you and how you relate to others, how you appear and how you converse with those people I may have to think of things that could apply, but may not apply. Please be forgiving if I mention things that do not apply. But if you do find ... (read in full...)

Sex only once a week? Is that normal?

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My guy broke up with me because of family issues...

Q.   In January I met this guy and at first I wasn't really attracted to him. I thought hey why not I might just give it a chance. We met for lunch really nice guy. He then ask me out on a date, I accepted and I met him for dinner. I was starting to ...

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My husband dictates how I'm to dress

Q.   my husband and have ben married year. for as long as ive known him hes been concerned with the way i dress. he dictates how i dress. im not allowed to wear short dresses or hot pants or low cleavage showing tops. he expects me to dress like...

A.   18 May 2011: What you wear is no one else's business but your own concern. You are an adult and can wear what ever you like. Your husband is not your father dictating his rules. Clearly you are very proud of the fact that you have retained your figure. As you ... (read in full...)

I feel bitter because girls like me now that I'm cute

Q.   Firstly i an 20 yrs old, i am a guy i am employed. lets just say if girls were to rate me on my physical appearance i would get a 7.6 out of 10. however it wasn't always like that. in my younger days i would have probably gotten a 5 out of 10. i had ...

A.   18 May 2011: The fact that girls are attempting to connect with you tells me that you are already an attractive guy. And that you are in demand for a reason, because you possibly look hot. That is great for you. Yet you are pushing these girls away with your own... (read in full...)

He dumped me but seems emotional - does he still care about me?

Q.   Is it true that if a guy gets emotional towards you after he dumps you, it means that he still cares about you ?. My ex recently dumped me, but he said some cruel things, so it seems like he hates me, but i read that sometimes guys act like that ...

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Does it sound like my ex is accusing me? And what should I say when I respond to his text?

Q.   Right, so I went through a break up with someone called, lets call him D, I was heartbroken because I really did like him a lot, I was actually properly upset for a few weeks, like to the point where I stopped my studies and just stayed home in ...

A.   17 May 2011: Yes, it does sound like he is implying distrust towards you. Tell him to tidy up his things and he'll find his beloved camera. Just send him the tracking number without further comment. Since he already distrusts you, put him in his place by supp... (read in full...)

Decoding boy signals - friends with benefits

Q.   Hi, So I'm new here, but have been reading a lot of previous questions with great interest. I'm in a bit of tricky situation, which to be honest is probably my own making, and I'm feeling a bit lost as to where to turn. The background - I'm...

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10 Situations that Scream, "He's a Player!"

Q.   Happy New Year! I hope all of you enjoyed a very Happy New year and that you have stuck to the resolutions that you made during this period. I simply hope that your resolution for the New Year wasn't to give up on men because by condemning all men ...

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Q.   If something happened between two friends of yours but you in some way had some involvement in it, but aren't sure if one of your friends are annoyed at you for it. Does these actions say that they are.... I briefly saw my friend back at college ...

A.   16 May 2011: Girls often use this as 'code' for the fact that they are annoyed but they do not want to reveal this and do not want a confrontation. They just want to back off for a short while until they can forgive you. Continue to be pleasant but don't push... (read in full...)

I'm thinking about a threesome but am worried it will ruin what we have.

Q.   My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years now and we have a 3 month old baby. We have talked about having a three some with a girl i used to party with and occasionally mess around with. I had problems trusting him in the past but after our ...

A.   16 May 2011: Very likely it will ruin your relationship in the end. When people totally adore each other they generally have no need to pursue a three way relationship. In what way could you enhance you exising relationship and make things more interest... (read in full...)

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Q.   So here's the thing, I have this friend (female) that I'm actually really into, I see her about 2 times a week (but in a group of friends, not one on one). She's coming to a house party on this week, I just want to know how to pull her aside, out of ...

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How do I stop myself getting so attached to guys?

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How long should I leave him to have his space?

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A.   15 May 2011: He seems uncomfortable coming forth with the real reason he's distancing himself from you. Either he is deliberately doing it in the hope that the relationship will wither or he's got another issue he just can't trust himself to raise with you. He's ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid I'll bring the boyfriend home to my parents' dirty, drink smelling house and he'll think the gap between us is too wide.

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I think a guy at my workplace is following me around at lunch time.

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I give him oral 24/7, but NEVER has gotten it in return, am I being selfish?

Q.   Hello, I am a 18 year old female and i am mixed. I am native american and black. I been with my boyfriend for a year in a half and i have done everything to please him. I even pay for every single damn thing. I wait for him all the damn time ...

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Should I confront her about this or should I distance myself from it?

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I'm afraid it won't last because he "gets bored with girls easily!"

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A.   15 May 2011: he may just be at that stage where he is flexing his male attractiveness towards anyone who takes his fancy. It certainly lifts a man's spirits to find he is attractive to a wide range of girls. The chase is a very big thing for such guys. So yes, ... (read in full...)

He cheats on her with me and he enjoys it. I feel so bad because I am a terrible person.

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A.   15 May 2011: This relationship is troubled on many levels. you are not a 'bad' person and you do not need to label yourself as such. But this is only a partial relationship, and she will discover the duplicity eventually. Most girls eventually suss it out. S... (read in full...)

How do you respond to someone telling you they no longer find you attractive?

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A.   15 May 2011: Take a break from him and get to the gym, because all this hurt is destroying you. And who you are, and how you feel, and your self esteem, is more important than even this building resentment and this faltering relationship. There are some ser... (read in full...)

Do sociopaths attach strongly to their victims--even if they don't feel empathy?

Q.   I was with a girl for a long time who I believe was a sociopath. I dont wanna go into the details, but she had all the characteristics: she lied constantly, said very sweet things to me--as well as a bunch of other guys, was promiscuous and viewed ...

A.   15 May 2011: You know this girl better than I but since I am not a psychiatrist. So I cannot describe your ex as you do. So I will just call her your ex. Your ex has hurt you and based on your readings you feel convinced that your ex is likely to be, as you s... (read in full...)

What is the best way to stay out of gossip at school and not look like you are trying to be too goody goody?

Q.   What is the best way to stay out of gossip at school and not look like you are trying to be too goody goody? I hate it when the girls get catty because I was on the receiving end once and the only way I got out of it was to change schools and keep a ...

A.   14 May 2011: Don't reward gossipy behavior. You are right to want to avoid it, because it can be exceedingly mean spirited and unkind at times. Boys often try to assert their 'place' and try to work out where they are in the 'pecking order' and some, sadly in... (read in full...)

How can I best show support for this girl? I love her to bits. What can I do to get her to trust me?

Q.   Hello, my friend who is 18 comes from a very broken home. She is pretty stressed out about her life. It started when she told the police what her step father did to her in 2007. Her mom does not believe that she is telling the truth and thinks that ...

A.   14 May 2011: you may not be able to heal her, for she has been through so much and it eats away at her from inside, the pain, her mother's denial of her pain, and the lack of justice and redress for what happened to her. She may even need long term therapy to f... (read in full...)

How do I handle this. My mom is traditional and doesn't understand my friends with benefits relationship.

Q.   My mom doesn't understand the type of life I'm living. I'm 20 and I tell my mom everything since I began wanting to be full honest with her. I decided that relationships aren't my thing right now but I do like the feeling of sex and the role I get ...

A.   14 May 2011: A Mom should be consistent with her children but is not always able to do so. There may be things from the past that make you Mom so much more sensitive about this. She knows that a good name once lost is hard to regain. She also has years of... (read in full...)

There is a rumour being spread about me and I need to know what to do to contain this rumour?

Q.   Okay, so one night i hears from some friend that have you heard about a rumour that is spreading about you, i'm like no, but then i have some weird feeling in my stomach and have an inclination to ask, what rumour, and i am right. Somone said that...

A.   14 May 2011: People with any integrity do not spread rumors. A person spreading rumors has already marked themselves as inadequate. If they had the courage they would tell you to your face what they thought. And he honest. Don't get defensive. Don't try to d... (read in full...)

I have been cool to his approaches before. Then I said yes. But now I am wondering did I move too fast?

Q.   I've known this guy for about 2 years, or known of this guy. His mom worked for my mom at a daycare and I was always up there helping out. The first time he saw me I was 14, he was 15. He told his mom I was hot and that he liked me. I never re...

A.   14 May 2011: Give him time. You have made the right approach. He may or may not have liked the music you chose. Ask him to burn you a CD of my most favorite music. Then you will know what he likes. Be patient, he may not have had time to listen to it yet.... (read in full...)

Do opposites like these ever work out?

Q.   OK, I like this girl. we get along great and everyone says we flirt. she flirts with me a little but not enough for me to be sure. I'm confident with women though so this isn't the problem. Problem is she comes form a conservative Cristian ...

A.   14 May 2011: absolutely opposites can work out very happily at times as attraction between two people can operate on many obvious levels but also on many unseen levels, and there can be pheremones that even the two parties cannot quantify, but just feel. B... (read in full...)

I still love her, is it possible we might get back together?

Q.   I need help deciding what to do about my ex-girlfriend, whom I still love and want back very badly. We dated for about 15 months and everything was great. Then she started feeling overwhelmed by the thought that we might be together forever and ...

A.   14 May 2011: Hi As a PS I also meant to recommend aunt Dorothy Dix's article on the components of good relationships. My list of answers today shows I just sent Dorothy Dix a followup today, complimenting her, as she says it all as far as what matters - and ... (read in full...)

Being Happy In a Relationship

Q.   It's great being in a relationship. It can be fun and the companship is really satisfying. However, in staying happy it's important to:- (1) Both have some time to yourselves to pursue hobbies, interests. Just once a week or twice a week...

A.   14 May 2011: hi Dorothy Dix, yes, I read the extra comment, and it is all very good sound advice. Regards, Abella... (read in full...)

I still love her, is it possible we might get back together?

Q.   I need help deciding what to do about my ex-girlfriend, whom I still love and want back very badly. We dated for about 15 months and everything was great. Then she started feeling overwhelmed by the thought that we might be together forever and ...

A.   13 May 2011: it is entirely possible that she could relent, though do not wait forever. Couples often have a temporary hiatus, though you cannot put your life on hold indefinitely. She will still be watching you, so while you are waiting for her to decide it m... (read in full...)

Is anyone else annoyed at Facebook?

Q.   I hate Facebook. There, I said it. I hate the way most people use text messaging, too. I do not participate on Facebook, but most of my friends and family do. That's fine. It's a nice way to connect with a lot of people at once and share thos...

A.   13 May 2011: The pull of facebook just does not move me. It seems a complete waste of time. I would rather meet a real friend for lunch. Or send a happy birthday card to a real friend, or visit a real friend in need and offer to help. Facebook just seems like... (read in full...)

Understanding Teenagers.

Q.   We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...

A.   13 May 2011: this article very ably demonstrates why articles should be easier to locate for new users. Because, unless one knows where to find gems like this article, newer users may not or cannot find such articles without sifting through many posts. I Reco... (read in full...)

Being Happy In a Relationship

Q.   It's great being in a relationship. It can be fun and the companship is really satisfying. However, in staying happy it's important to:- (1) Both have some time to yourselves to pursue hobbies, interests. Just once a week or twice a week...

A.   13 May 2011: this is such a great article that I am going to put it in the list of articles to recommend to others. Very well thought out thanks Abella... (read in full...)

Why wont he tell his family about me?

Q.   Can someone please tell me why my boyfriend of 7 month would not tell his family that he is going with me. He hasnt nothing to be ashamed of about me. I just dont understand him. My friends and family know about him and have met him. We even live in ...

A.   13 May 2011: A couple of days a week is NOT how a man in love, commited to developing the relationship to becoming something more, behaves. You will not get what you need and want by sitting passively, waiting for him to recognise your innermost need for more... (read in full...)

He deliberately embarrasses me. What can I do to stop him being Mr Wize Guy?

Q.   My guy thinks it is funny sometimes to call out silly things in front of strangers, to embarrass me. It is not funny. The things he calls out are not true, but he bursts out laughing once he has done it. I have told him I find it embarrassing. that ...

A.   13 May 2011: What do you see in this guy and why do you put up with him? Truly he sounds like such a loser. Is it that you earn more than him and it makes him insecure. Tell him to stop. If his friends will put up with it, then so be it. But you and your chil... (read in full...)

How do I stop myself getting so attached to guys?

Q.   Hi there, agony aunts. Just wondering if anyone has any tips on avoiding getting attached to guys. I am recently out of a long term relationship and very much playing the single card, but every time I get with somebody, for example, making ou...

A.   13 May 2011: It would seem your self esteem is currently sitting in a bucket in the corner gathering dust. Time to get it back and start rebuilding into something stronger. Let the guys come to you and then you choose which one is for you. And it you have sta... (read in full...)

A good friend screwed you over.....what would you do?

Q.   Let just say a supposed good friend lied and screwed you over and you weren't happy with them about it. Would you... Give them the benefit of the doubt? Let them know you are annoyed at them? Not say anything about it and just move on? ...

A.   13 May 2011: If this happened to me I would 1. Know I would never trust them again because their actions demonstrate no respectfor me. 2. Continue to be non-committal and polite but they would never be invited into my home again. If they were in business... (read in full...)

Can I have some ideas on how to stand up to him please? he bosses me around all the time. Everything is his way.

Q.   Is it normal when you are in a relationship for the guy to make all the decisions? If we want to choose a video it ends up not being we. It becomes him. I wanted to watch film that his sister said was really cool about a fashion designer called coco ...

A.   13 May 2011: This guy needs to grow up. Who assigned him the role of decision maker? He is being a mini dictator. Work on your own self esteem and say good bye to him and mean it. He will not improve with age, he will get worse. He bosses you around because ... (read in full...)

Why wont he tell his family about me?

Q.   Can someone please tell me why my boyfriend of 7 month would not tell his family that he is going with me. He hasnt nothing to be ashamed of about me. I just dont understand him. My friends and family know about him and have met him. We even live in ...

A.   13 May 2011: Six years is a bit of a difference at your age. Is there another partner hidden away from you? How often do you visit or stay at his home? Can you phone him at any time? Does he take you out somewhere on a Sunday night? Why do i say Sunday night? ... (read in full...)

We haven't been talking! Are we at the boring stage?

Q.   My boyfriend and I haven't really been talking to each other at school, on the phone or anywhere actually. Should I be worried that our relationship is at it's boring stage?...

A.   6 February 2011: a lack of independant useful interesting activities to talk about can lead to this problem. To have things to talk about you have to do interesting things, interact with people (with parental approval and guidance to do so) and develop acti... (read in full...)

Understanding Teenagers.

Q.   We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...

A.   25 December 2010: i think some things deserve more than 5 stars. Elegant succinct and pertinent in everyway article. You said it very well. ... (read in full...)

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