A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time.At any rate, she said as she was breaking up with me, that we were going to part ways for the rest of each other's lives. Yet, even AFTER she breaks up with me, she seems to be dropping by my stuff more often. Like, a lot of times this week. Like, today, she's checked out a Journal Entry I wrote, and the Entry she checked out is relevant. The reason it's relevant is because, it covers which fictional character pairings I support. She could have chosen to check out other, newer, Journals, but, checked out this particular Entry.Why? I'm confused. I'm confused, because, she seems to want to split ways with me, yet, continues to check out my stuff. Is her mind made up, or is she indecisive, at the moment? And, if she's indecisive, is it a good thing, or a bad thing? Or, is it a neutral thing?Anyways, that's a lot of checking up on me for someone who wants to part ways with me forever. I've got a weird feeling about this, and, to be honest, I'm starting to feel creeped out. If I shouldn't, and there's potential to reconcile, feel free to let me know, and I'll do the best I can to relax. Thanks.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 OP, having read your other post now, about her blocking you on IM and the video sharing site? You are both relating to each other online.
So being turned off by women who are interacting on IM and video sharing on their phones ("many girls in this country are distracted by their cellphones, which is a huge turnoff for me." ) is hypocritical of you.
How are you interacting online? Via a smart phone? A laptop? A tablet?
My point is that you have dismissed finding a local love interest based on a sweeping generalization, which, if you were included in the criteria, would eliminate you as a potential dating candidate.
Hanging on to hope for reconciliation, I see now, is unrealistic.
Time to accept that this relationship is over.
Also perhaps time to unplug for a while and spend time in fresh air and with live people face to face, sharing conversation and buying someone coffee just to catch up on what you've missed in their lives.
In other words, you do need time away from this virtual world that you've wound up so deeply embedded in that you take visits to your blog as a sign of something more than just a visit to your blog.
What does your best friend say about this all? Your family? Do they know what's happened?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2015): I won't bother you anymore. I think I've given you a fairly good dose of reality. Man-up bro!
You really need to get out more. You'll soon wake-up out of your denial. Like many readers. It takes a while for the medicine to take effect. I've said my piece. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd, I didn't mean me moving to a closer place. I meant "place" as in an area where myself and her could be mutually happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1:
The reasons were:
- I kept overreacting
- I kept acting like some sort of slave/servant to her
I am trying my hardest to address these issues.
So_Very_Confused:
No, we weren't always platonic. We were romantic for nearly 2 years.
And, it's been the way it currently has been since November 16.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2015):
 OP more and more your comments convince me that you are wanting something you will never have.
When you say things like "permanently platonic" it sounds like you two are currently platonic.... does this mean you have ALWAYS been platonic?
IF not why are you currently platonic and how long has it been that way?
If she has not talked to you since you told her you wanted to move closer to her but that you wanted to be sexual not just friends and she's ended contact since then, you need to listen not only to her words but her actions. They say she is not interested in anything any more with you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2015):
What were the reasons she gave for dumping you in the first place?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_Very_Confused, just so you know, I told her, the last time I spoke with her, that while I wanted me and her to find a place where we can be mutually happy, I did NOT want to settle for permanently platonic relations with her, as it wouldn't satisfy me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do want her to be happy. I just wish she'd want to be happy because of things I do for her, not what other guys do.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2015):
OP,
many girls like star wars and sci-fi I do so do many of my friends.
I met my husband gaming (board games)
I love cars
and I don't drink.
NONE of what you have listed is specific to her and there are many who are like that.
IN addition, IF she does NOT want to be with you then no matter what you do or say it won't make her want to be.
AND if she does come back to you to please you, then her lovemaking will probably reflect her lack of desire.
You can't force someone to do something YOU want if they don't want to.
the fact that you don't want her to be happy but only want her with you says that you don't care about HER needs and wants but rather what YOU need and and you WANT.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, a big plus for her is that she is a nerdy girl. (I find that attractive.).
She and I like Star Wars Day (May 4th).
She likes gaming.
She seems to really enjoy automobiles. I do, too.
She doesn't drink. (Another big plus. I don't drink any alcohol, either.).
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry about the wrong impression, Tisha-1. I was a bit vague. It is also due to her being truly wonderful as a lover. Like, she was the first girl who made me feel truly special, and, now that that's gone, there's a big hole in my life. I want to reconcile with her, because, she sure has it from within to show real romantic love to me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2015):
I do not think there is anything you can write or say or do that will "get her back"
IF it was not LDR I might hold out hope... but not with this LDR...
she is really just checking on stuff to help her transition to being without you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2015):
So not because she's amazing and wonderful, but just because by process of elimination, she's the only candidate at this time?
You'll never win her back with that attitude. Women want to feel desired, not settled for.
As she's reading your journal you could try writing a heart-felt message explaining why she's so amazing.
Perhaps though, this is a good time to re-evaluate your girlfriend selection criteria.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBecause, I have tried meeting girls just like here on this side of the planet, only to not succeed. And, many girls in this country are distracted by their cellphones, which is a huge turnoff for me.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2015):
Why would you want her back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, Tisha-1, it is a long-distance relationship. Can you help in the reconciliation process? She cannot physically see how I act/react when I see the evidence of her dropping by.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2015):
So, was this a long distance relationship? I'm asking because this sounds a lot like an online relationship's natural demise.
"I've been recently dumped, like, this week, by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She gave some crappy reasons, and I think it's more on the factors of my overreacting to her hobby time." So, what is her hobby time and why did you overreact?
If she's reading your journal entries it seems simple enough to write something that addresses her concerns and your sincere desire to reconcile. "I miss my boo, come back!" would be the super simplistic cry. Or just ask her to meet you at your favorite coffee shop to talk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't posted much about my emotional pain. The Journal Entry she read was posted way before she dumped me.
If I were to post a Journal Entry with confessions to my faults, what would that show to her, if she were to read it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): Here's the psychology behind her "stalking."
She doesn't want you to get-over her, before she finds your replacement.
We all have egos. To see the person "you" dumped prosper and rebound from the "dumping" first; is a hard thing for some folks to digest. She knows your finding her around just about every corner, keeps you emotionally-paralyzed with wishful-thinking and false hope. She knows you're suffering, and it's her narcissistic game-playing that keeps you where she wants you. So she leaves evidence around hoping you'll find it, and she knows your reaction to it.
You're a good game-piece for a narcissist; because you'd offer them a lot of narcissistic supply. They'd feed off your energy for a long time. You can't let people set you up like that, my friend.
You're here waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear. The fact and reality is, she doesn't want you back.
She just doesn't want you to find someone before she does; which would make her feel like "sh*t!" Not for dumping you, but because you may recover; and she didn't leave you devastated and pining for her. While she's feeling happy-go-lucky with another guy. There's this thing some women don't like about how men seem to find another woman very quickly, and move-on so much faster.
You're going to be stuck in one place for a long time. If your posts are any indication. I really hope you find the strength within yourself to move on, and eventually find someone. Later with that, I must suggest. Seriously!!!
You need healing time, and you need to mature some. Your boyish immaturity and vulnerability is quite evident. She sees it too!
You've got to initiate your post-breakup detachment process. Sooner rather than later. Most certainly!
I truly feel for you. I've been in your shoes.
I fear you'll linger and suffer for awhile. I hope not.
I got dumped. I had to struggle through it. I wrote some articles and helped others. It was good therapy. Maybe you should try writing your feelings someplace "private" and stop feeding her narcissistic-supply to show her you're stuck. She's feeding on that energy in a bad way. You are publicizing your pain in the journals. That's the best kind of narcissistic supply ever! Summon-up some joy, be good to yourself, celebrate your freedom, and love yourself. Concentrate on self-improvement and enlightenment. Help others. That will change your whole perspective on things.
Good luck, young man!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really want to get her to come back.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 December 2015):
 I'd give her up.
Her "stalking" you online is holding you back and it's a waste of time (for you). It's not her reaching out.
I'd just block her on the media you CAN block her on, and then let it go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, she occasionally checks my videos on my favorite Video Sharing site.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, is there a way to get her back, before I lose my chance, forever?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 December 2015):
I think if ALL she does is check out your page she is doing it deliberate. If she was thinking of reconciliation, she would be calling or texting to send out feelers.
She isn't calling/texting because she doesn't want to give you any ideas, and she may not have thought that "stalking" your blog will show up for you.
I know it's hard if you WANT to get back together and her being on your blog as a constant reminder, that is why I'd take a break from the page. Or for a while make another one she doesn't know about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see. So, are there any gestures I can do for her to consider to reconcile?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2015):
nothing is going on other than IMO she's transitioning from being your gf to not.
she may know it's over but sometimes it's hard to totally let go.
I know that when my now ex and I broke up it was friendly enough and I checked his page often. Now I barely look but when we run into each other it's pleasant enough.
This is how she is coping. DO not take it as a sign you are getting back together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's an update on the situation.
She's been dropping by my stuff again, and, well, she seems to have gotten rid of something she KNOWS I hate.
I think she was in contact with a gentleman for the sake of replacing me as her "buddy", as she stopped contacting him, recently. I know, it's odd. But, that's what happened. Also, this entire weekend, she looked me up, literally every day, save for Sunday. That's quite unusual, as she never used to do that. And, yesterday, she dropped by again. I don't know... is there something going on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRoger that, Honeypie.
So far, so good. She hasn't dropped by my stuff at all, today.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 November 2015):
Then I would ignore it. Maybe even take a little break from the journaling online.
Annoying as it may be you can't prevent her "stalking" your online journal, unfortunately.. But if you stop "feeding" the journal a week or two, she might bugger off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately, one cannot block her from seeing my Journals, nor my profile. It would be a nice feature on the site I use, however.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 November 2015):
I agree with Wise.
Can you block her from online journal? If so, do it. She is trying to keep taps on you. Doesn't mean she wants you back, she just wants to see what you are doing. and she KNOWS you can see her checking up on you.. that IS creepy and very passive-aggressively of her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's just very bizarre that she's contradicting herself. I know it's her that's looking me up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): Don't be so naive. She's only spying on you to see how quickly you get on with your life after being dumped. If you've got a secret woman on the side, or someone else in mind. People who dump you, still need some time to deal with their decision.
My advice to you, don't get played!
She will passive-aggressively do things to manipulate your feelings and emotions. This is meant to paralyze you with wishful-thinking, and to confuse you. Why do you allow her access to your feed? You can block her from reading things you enter into your journal. It's nothing more than spying.
When you've been dumped, you can't allow people to keep you in suspended-animation, or stuck. Game-playing; by being off and on, hot and cold. You can only detach, if you go full no contact. Don't sit around hoping against hope. Take her seriously. You can't allow people to put you on hold while they date someone else; then if it doesn't work out, decide to use you to keep them company until they find your replacement. It will become a pattern of breakups and makeups, and you'll become a neurotic mess. Useless to yourself and anyone else. No other woman should be subjected to your baggage, or what's left of you; if you allow exes to put you through the grinder. I get sick of hearing the excuse..." I have trust-issues after ending a bad relationship!" Who's fault is it if you didn't get over it? All you had to do was move on. That's my advice to you!
It's best to man-up and allow her decision to stand, and to guard your feelings. Respect her decision.
How bad did you overreact to her hobby? I don't think one overreaction warrants a breakup. I think it's a culmination of things. Over time, she just had enough.
Don't be in denial, look back in retrospect. Be honest with yourself.
How have you been getting along overall? How often do you fight or disagree? Is she touchy and short-tempered all the time? That's a sign most people want to end the relationship. You may have ignored all the red-flags.
When people dump you; emotionally, they've had a head-start on getting over you. Even though it may hurt to do so, they have thought it all out before they take such a drastic step. However; women will often punish you by breaking-up to watch you suffer. Then they'll watch every move you make to have something to throw in your face the minute they find a slip; so they can hit you with an aha!!! Don't be manipulated, or let anyone toy with your emotions. Even if you're at fault for the break-up. They deserve to move on.
You need time to reconstruct yourself, mature more, and go on a long break from being in a relationship for the purpose of self-improvement, independence, and personal-growth. Don't date until you're feeling strong enough not to fall on rebounds, or get weepy when you see her.
Be a man about it, and move on. Don't wuss around looking for her to soften-up. You'll only prolong getting over the breakup, dicking around with childish games.
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