A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, people! I've got this common yet plaguing issue. I am currently in a long-term relationship with a guy with not-so-good past (well, I too have a horrible past). Some 2 months back, our relationship hit a low phase and for the first time ever, I committed the mistake of cheating on him with someone else (who later turned out to be one of his arch rivals in the past). I feel genuinely guilty and apologized to him. We're fine now and I love him truly. But the other guy...he drives me insane. Even after splitting ways (he decided to part ways, which I was okay with cause I too wanted it to end), he keeps in touch trying to preserve the friendship with him. He even called my boyfriend two weeks ago and said nasty stuffs about me...mostly untrue! When I charged him, he denied. Anyway, I feel irritated by this guy for disturbing my peace of mind . I haven't revealed my true emotions regarding him that I hate him. So, we're still on good terms. Could you help me giving him a dose of his own medicine? Not very extreme, but good enough to play that player.Thanks!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 October 2015):
 if you hate him you still have feelings for him... negative feelings are still feelings...
you can't play a player... you need to let it go.
you need to IGNORE This guy that's bugging you...
you need to block him from contacting you via phone, email or social media.
you need to understand that he knows he is "winning" anytime you react at all to him. folks who are like him don't care whether the attention they receive is positive or negative. By having any contact with him you feel his ego. IGNORE him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, a lot for the insight. You are right, severing all ties with that frenemy for me and my boyfriend seems mandatory at this moment. 'Cause revenge seems waste of time. And besides, my boyfriend is sometimes too sweet to some undeserving people (like his "friend").
Thanks again!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2015): you are the player here.You went back to hubby after cheating with his rival and you forgave yourself and he forgave you but now you want to blackball the rival and he is doing the same to you.
It wont all go away with some tit for tat action.
The rival is clearly trying to break you and your man up.Presumably they are best friends as well as arch rivals.
This is not a particularly good situation for you but you initiated it.
There are a couple of ways to deal with it.
One way is to take no notice.This will be difficult to do as they communicate behind your back and arch rival will always be there to slag you off to your man.
Eventually he is going to get under his skin with his bad jokes and intimate comments.
You could ask your guy to cut off arch rival entirely but i doubt if thats going to happen as they are still in communication.
And finally the most successful thing you could is to accept the inevitable and break up with your man entirely, finally, once and for all and leave them both to slag you off as much as they like until they get bored and move onto someone new.
You would have to get on with your life in the hope of meeting someone new who was totally unconnected to either of them.
You could stagger this situation by going about it slowly but you will have to have a thick skin as long as you remain associated with them.
Its never pleasant to be caught in a manipulative situation and that is exactly where you are.
You should take full responsibilty in order to take control of your life again if you want to preserve your future dignity and emotional well being.
Dont blame either of the men but explain that you have been thinking that everything has gone drastically wrong and you are moving on emotionally.
If you really want revenge you must tell them you are going on a retreat and giving up sex entirely and thinking of joining the church as a nun.
"You!" they will cry.."but youre no saint! Your not nun material.. You'll be shagging the bishop behind the pews!"
You must keep a straight face and not laugh!
"I need to reassess my entire life ..and i must understand how i could possibly run from you to him!if i was on the correct pathway i would never have felt the need to do it so now i must consider alternative routes!"
This will give you some time to rethink your sexual persona and slightly blur the image of you jigging and dancing with them...plus they wont believe their ears.
But the real hard knock on effect is that you withdraw your sexual favours to either of them and in so doing you step out of their area of influence and safeguard yourself from any future male damage to your reputation or your well being .
Whatever you do ,just dont lose your self respect and agree to a gang bang or prostitution not matter how much they set it up.
Protect yourself little sister and find a situation where no one can manipulate you or undermine you and where you can be loved as the worthy person you are,or as the worthy person you intend to be.
You have made a rookie mistake,but you can regain control of your life if you work at it.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (29 October 2015):
No I can’t help you because there’s no point in trying to find some kind of revenge for this guy. It was a fling, judging by what you say, and you and your boyfriend have apparently dealt with the matter and got your relationship back on track. The right thing to do is for you and your boyfriend to cut ties with this man: a man you say has a friendship with your boyfriend but was a rival in the past. He’s no friend of your boyfriends: he insults his girlfriend, with whom he’s had a fling with. The important question here is why your boyfriend doesn’t see that this guy is bad news and cut all contact with him? You shouldn’t be trying to seek revenge on the man you slept with: yes, he’s behaving badly now, but so did you, willingly, when you cheated on your boyfriend. Instead, you should discuss with your boyfriend the trouble this man is still causing and encourage him to shut this man out. He should ignore him and both of you should ignore any attempts he makes to keep in contact. I don’t understand why your boyfriend’s happy that you and the man you cheated on him with are still on good terms: he’s either an amazing, shining example of forgiveness or there’s more going on than we think. Talk to your boyfriend.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2015): Just stop talking to him!
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