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Does this sound like a marriage of convenience?

Tagged as: Age differences, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, *lle116 writes:

Well, let's see if I can get good advice ^_^ I've known a man, he's English and living in the UK while I'm in the states, for about a year now...this September I went over and stayed with him for a month, came back to the states, and over Skype he proposed marriage. I am actually happy, but here's the issue. He wants to come to California for a week, get married at city hall, and then from here go directly to Spain to do an English course for a few months. Why doesn't this make sense to me? I know his weakness: and that is women with dark hair and women who speak Spanish...he's honest about that. He feels uncomfortable for me to go with him which I offered, but he said he wants to do it on his own? Why? If we're already hitched, why not travel together? Also, he hasn't shared any information of me on Facebook nor does he want to tell his friends about the marriage (he said to avoid questions and suggestions). Not good signs. Also, he says he fancies me but does not say the four word yet which I can understand, but if you're getting hitched, then you should be at a point where you do say it, if not, why get married? Does it sound like a marriage of convenience? By the way, he's 55, I'm going to be 26. He has the body of a 55, yet the mind of a 17 year old, and is quite charming.

Thanks ^_^

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (29 October 2015):

Ciar agony auntI have to agree with you and everyone here. This doesn't sound right at all.

There is nothing charming about what he's up to. 55 going on 17, wants to quickly and secretly get married in California then travel solo to Spain where he has an admitted weakness for dark haired, Spanish speaking women.

Does Skype include webcam? Have you actually seen this guy? Because I'll tell you living in England and becoming a British citizen does not make him English. And his behaviour is not consistent with a native Briton. It's more like someone who is using each Western country as a stepping stone to the grand prize.

I advise you to hold on to this guy's information then cut him loose and tell your friends and family what's been going on.

He's a con man and you're being duped.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2015):

Please don't take this the wrong way.....but honestly what the hell is wrong with you?!

Have you told your family/friends?

This is not right- and I have to say I am concerned from a more sinister view point too.....why would a man twice your age be behaving like this? He is using you- you sound pretty vulnerable to me- why have you agreed to marry this man? What is all this nonsense about going to Spain? Seriously,this isn't normal.....ivread this in quite the state of disbelief - get away from him and cut ties now!

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (29 October 2015):

Aunty BimBim agony auntWhen a man loves a woman enough to marry her, he usually is more than happy to let the world know what a lucky guy he is, and even more so when an older guy has a woman half his age or more.

Why does he want to keep your marriage a secret? What is the reasoning behind that? Have you asked him why, why, why?

My advise is for you to go very, very slowly with this man, don't make any quick decisions and when things seem odd, like they do now, ask him, why, why, why/

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (28 October 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntAn Englishman living in the UK wants to marry you in California, then go off to Spain to learn ENGLISH? What? Even if he was going off to learn Spanish, that wouldn't make sense. California has many Spanish speakers.

And he won't introduce you to anyone he knows and it's all super-secret.

Does any of that sound remotely logical?

Of course it's not logical.

"Get hitched" at your own future legal and emotional peril. I would advise you to cut contact with him and talk with your friends and family about what you'd been thinking of doing.... you need some help and guidance from people who do know you and want the best for you.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (28 October 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony aunt"Why doesn't this make sense to me??????

Because it isn't sensible. Being young, and pursued (by an older man) is a fantastic "drug" which will prevent you from thinking soundly.

Read all the advice that you get on here.... then, go out in to the desert for 40 days... with only a few copies of novels by the likes of Janet Evanovich, and Dan Brown, and Maeve Binchey.

When you return - to civilization - you should then re-read this submittal.... and the advice you've received.... and the answer will be crystal clear....

Good luck....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntDoes it sound like a marriage of convenience?

No, it sounds like you are about to make a HUGE mistake. OK so he is charming.... And British ( I know how many Americans have a thing for the British accent). But how WELL do you actually know him?

And why on Earth would you marry someone you have only really spend 1 month with?

As for him not wanting you to join him in Spain, I find that odd. Maybe he sees you as a distraction from his work, maybe he just sees you as getting in his way.

He is 29 years older than you. THAT is a lot of living he has had, that you haven't - lot of experiences, personal, social, educational, professional. I normally don't think age gap are a big deal. But when it comes down to two people who DOESN'T really know each other THAT well - sorry you can have Skyped, e-mailed and texted each other to oblivion but that doesn't mean you KNOW him. Do you know his financial status? Has he been married before? Does he have kids? What kind of "questions" does he not want to answer that his friends might ask?

If he doesn't KNOW you well enough to say I LOVE YOU - how on EARTH can he marry you?

Can you see yourself with this man long term? Have his kids? Move to England?

I think you are caught up in a fantasy and quite frankly, not a good on at that.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (28 October 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIt's a marriage for him to get a green card or some other benefit and you fit the bill as a naive young woman with hopes and dreams.

just say no... do NOT marry this man.

do NOT put your life on hold for him either.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2015):

Because he only wants to marry youfor your american passport, sorry but it's true, I'm english and that's my view. Perhaps he would like to live in America and needs the visa

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